Personal Traynor
by The Sorrows of Arlathan
Summary: Flirty, friendly and eager to please, Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor is slowly getting to know her co-workers, while entertaining herself as she works and trying to find her feet aboard the Normandy. Little does she know that she will find something more in none other than Commander Shepard herself. FEMSLASH (Eventual Shep romance)
1. Chapter 1

_Retrofits...Retrofits... _That seemed to be the only word in Samantha Traynor's vocabulary these days. Quite ironic too, seeing as the first word on everyone else's mind would most likely have been Reapers. Alas, holding the position of Comm Specialist rather than Soldier in this war, she didn't really see the point in preoccupying her mind with the actions of million year old machines when there were much more pressing concerns right here on the Normandy, much closer at hand than the monstrosities that were currently ravaging the universe. It wouldn't help anyone if she burst down in tears right here in the middle of the CIC, would it? Besides, it wasn't like Samantha would be shooting at the Reapers herself anytime soon. _I think I'll just leave that to Commander Shepard. That woman loves a challenge. What a shame she's only into men... _

On the other hand, at least working on the Normandy was far more interesting that working in the lab. Despite the fact that there was less room to breathe on frontline duty, Specialist Traynor found that she rather enjoyed it here on the first gen frigate. The Normandy was impressive. It was way more exciting than she ever could have imagined and a great experience working up close and personal with aliens and synthetics. If it hadn't of been for the whole 'end of the world Reaper invasion' thing, Samantha would have felt right at home here. Well, that was if she could somehow get a decent bloody toothbrush from somewhere, but there were more important things to concern herself with at the minute. _Like, for example, that sexy voice of the ship's VI, _she thought to herself with a wicked grin.

Smiling to herself and feeling rather mischievous all of a sudden, Samantha finished the work she was doing at her station and pressed a nearby button to bring up EDI's holographic interface beside the Galaxy Map. A faint blue glow lit up the semi-darkness of the CIC as the VI came to life.

"Specialist Traynor, how may I be of service?" came EDI's smooth, sensual voice. Samantha grinned widely. _Oh Lord, I can feel myself getting all hot and bothered already._

"Hello, EDI," she greeted her, trying to control the growing smirk on her face, "I was...j-just wondering how the ships new repairs are coming along. We took quite a few hits leaving Earth's atmosphere. How are your retrofits-I mean, the ship's retrofits holding up?"

_That's right Samantha, play it cool. You're available, she's...well, a VI._

"The Normandy's retrofits are working as expected, Comm Specialist Traynor. As a result of the numerous, high risk manoeuvres Flight-Lieutenant Mauraux had to take in order to avoid collision, the Normandy managed to avoid serious damage. The Mass Effect core is working at optimal speed in this moment."

_My Mass Effect core is working at optimal speed in this moment._

"That's great news, EDI," Samantha said, reeling in the VI's ambience and feeling that special tingle she got every time she heard the smooth, sensual cadences of the female VI's voice. Despite the lack of emotion, it was without doubt the sexiest voice she had heard in her life, and that included that of the Spanish 'se_ñ_orita' she used to date back in college. _Hmm, let's not think about her right now. _"Thank you for the update," she finished. "And, may I say again just how...mm...attractive your voice is."

"Last transmission not recognised. Please adjust your request," came the dulcet tone of the supposed VI, "If you would like assistance, my drop down menu is available on command."

"Oh EDI...How about you _drop down_ on my menu instead?" Traynor joked, giggling to herself.

"Last transmission not recognised. Please adjust your request. If you'd like, I can assist you with your choice."

"That sounds like fun. What did you have in mind?"

"I recommend pressing one of the buttons along my interface."

"EDI! You say such things," Samantha sniggered to herself, fanning her face a little in mock flattery, "I'd definitely like to press your buttons...But only if you press mine in return."

Traynor reached over and did as EDI suggested, making a blind choice simply so as she could hear the VI's voice once more. The blue interface did a little flicker of approval.

"Access granted. I am at your disposal. Are there any commands from this position, Specialist Traynor?"

Samantha giggled. "Oh, many come to mind, EDI...Many, _many _commands...and positions."

"Please voice your preferences."

A cheeky twinkle appeared in Traynor's eye. She glanced around the CIC, checking to see if there was no one around then began to get a little naughty. "Well, I'd like to start by...pressing your voice up against this Galaxy Map and run my tongue along you're neck..."

A moment of silence passed... Then:

"Please repeat transmission."

Samantha fell into a fit of silent giggles, feeling herself become slightly aroused now. It had been a while since she'd had sex actually. "Oh, you like that do you? You want some more? Well...then I'd like to tug gently on your hair while slowly beginning to nibble my way down your-"

"Traynor!"

Samantha jumped in surprise as Commander Shepard's voice sounded over her Omni-tool which was linked up to the ships comm system.

"Y-Yes Commander?" she stammered nervously, feeling herself become flustered. She quickly flicked off EDI's interface and pulled herself together, straightening out her uniform and trying to act professional once more. She could hear a faint hint of a smile on the Commander's tone.

"Who were you talking to?" Shepard voice asked interestedly.

"Oh, uhm...N-no one, Commander," Samantha stuttered, feeling her face getting warm. _Did she hear me? Oh crap! _

A moment of silence passed between them that felt like a lifetime for Samantha. Then Shepard finally spoke, her voice sounding very close to laughter now.

"Your Omni-tool called me at the time we scheduled earlier. Though I think you got the wrong idea when I gave you my frequency," the Commander teased, "I'm flattered Traynor."

Samantha's jaw dropped and she cringed silently. _Oh crap, I forgot I had pre-programmed it to speak with the Commander! _She placed her head in her hand, and closed her eyes, silently berating herself for not remembering.

"God! I am _so_ sorry, Commander. I-I didn't mean for you to hear that, I promise."

Shepard's laughter came over the Omni-tool then, further increasing Samantha's embarrassment. She wished the ground would open up and swallow her.

"Don't worry, Specialist. I'm sure EDI appreciated it... Isn't that right, EDI?"

"I found Comm Specialist Traynor's words to be very flattering, Shepard," EDI replied, making Samantha jump in shock. EDI's voice sounded more...lifelike! _How can that be!?_

"What the—Since when does a VI have feelings?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"EDI's an AI," Shepard informed her, "Fully self aware."

For the second time in only a minute, Traynor's jaw dropped again. "Oh, I knew it! I _knew_ Joker was lying!"

Shepard's laughter echoed over the Omni-tool once more. "Welcome to the Normandy, Traynor. Never trust a word out of Joker's mouth."

"I'm going to kill him."

"I apologise, my intention was not to deceive you, Samantha," EDI said smoothly. "Joker simply suggested pretending I was a simple VI to protect myself."

"Oh...That's alright, EDI," Traynor replied, cringing, "And may I apologise for all those times I said just how attractive your voice sounded?"

There was an awkward pause that followed.

"Okayyy, back to reality, before this gets too weird even for me," Shepard began, saving EDI the need to reply. "I wanted you to call me for a reason, Traynor."

"Yes, Commander," Traynor replied, pulling herself together then and getting her business head on, "Sorry. What do you need?"

"An old friend of mine is coming aboard to discuss something when we reach the Citadel. She goes by the name Miranda Lawson."

"Would you like me to clear out a bunk for her, Commander?" Samantha asked, eager to end this conversation quickly so she could start to berate herself over and over for her stupidity. Thank God Shepard hadn't been talking to her face to face. She was simply too mortified to look the woman in the eye now.

"No, Specialist, that won't be necessary," Shepard replied, "Miranda won't be staying. I'd just like you to be extra vigilant to what's going on over the Comm links and notify me if anything is amiss in reference to Cerberus. There's a good chance that she's being followed by them."

"Yes, Commander. Anything else?"

"I'm...Liara's _making_ me take a nap, so I may be asleep when we arrive at the Citadel. Please notify me when we have docked and tell Miss Lawson to come on up to my cabin."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am. Sweet dreams."

"I..." The Commander breathed a little uncomfortable laugh, "Thank you... Shepard, out."

Samantha pressed the button on her Omni-tool to end transmission and continued with her work, setting up extra hack links into communications specifically involving Cerberus and their activity. As she worked, her mind began to wander, focusing on what the Commander had mentioned just before she signed off. _Liara's making her take a nap? _Suddenly the slightly deprived part of Samantha's mind (that EDI had recently felt the brunt of) went into overdrive. _Is the legendary Commander Shepard sleeping with the Asari? _Traynor smiled to herself then. Maybe she wasn't to only one who had been a bit embarrassed on that call. She knew Shepard and the blue woman were close, but more than friends? That seemed unlikely. Perhaps the emotion she had heard on the Commander's voice was one of annoyance, at being told to go and take a rest. Still, finding the idea of Shepard in bed with an Asari as a nice distraction from her work, Samantha decided to let her thoughts run wild for the next few hours before they reached the Citadel since flirting with EDI was now no longer an option.

* * *

"Miss Lawson, I presume?"

"Keep your voice down!" the extremely attractive woman scolded, glancing around her nervously, making sure no one in the Docking Bay overheard them. Her Australian accent was cold and harsh, much like the woman herself seemed to be. "Jesus Christ, is Shepard sending me rookies now? You could get me killed."

_What. !_

"Actually, Ma'am, I'm Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor. The Commander told me to meet you here in Docking Bay D23 and to welcome you aboard the Normandy."

"Great, so you're the new Kelly Chambers basically," Miranda stated bluntly, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently.

"Beg your pardon, Ma'am?" Traynor replied, her brows narrowing. Judging by the way Lawson mentioned this Chambers woman, her position aboard the Normandy under Cerberus mustn't have been very respectable.

"Nothing," Miranda replied, sighing, "Look I haven't got all day, Specialist...Trainer was it? My father is out there somewhere. I have to find my sister. I need to speak skip these pleasantries and talk to Shepard immediately."

_Pleasantries? Christ, if this is her idea of pleasant..._

"Yes, Ma'am," Traynor replied firmly, "Right away. Commander Shepard is waiting for you in her cabin. Follow me."

Samantha turned on her heel and led the way back to the Normandy with Miranda following after her. _Well, that went well, _Traynor couldn't help but think to herself, _Now I realise why the Commander didn't want to greet her personally._ Fuming at the woman's attitude and condescension towards her, Samantha punched the airlock with her Omni-tool and both she and Miranda stood side by side awkwardly, waiting for decontamination to take place before they could enter the ship.

"How long have you worked for the Alliance? Three weeks?" Miranda asked, as both women stared at the door, anticipating it opening.

Traynor bit her lip. _Professionalism Samantha, you can do this._

"From I left Oxford University, Ma'am, in my teens, where I was on full scholarship from the Alliance after they saw my aptitude scores," she replied matter-of-factly. "A few years ago now. I doubt I'm as old as you yet. You must have quite a few years on me."

"Impressive," Miranda replied, a little sceptically, ignoring the jibe about her age, "Didn't they ever teach you about discretion in the military?"

"Yes, Ma'am. Thankfully I also learned some manners there as well, something which you should be cherishing this moment in time," Traynor replied lightly, keeping her cool even though she could feel a muscle in her jaw twitch.

The door to the ship slid open then, before Miranda could reply in kind. She followed Specialist Traynor inside the Normandy and travelled past the cockpit and down into the CIC, getting numerous appraising looks from a few servicemen nearby. Samantha scoffed inwardly. _The looks her father gifted her are surely good at attracting attention. Still though, I prefer my breasts natural rather than genetically modified thank you!_

"I see you've done some redecorating," Lawson said, glancing at her surroundings with distaste, noticing the military regs now imposed on what was once an extremely beautiful ship. Flying Alliance colours again seemed to make it lose some of the flashiness that Cerberus had imposed when building her.

"You didn't expect us to still be flying the Cerberus flag, did you?" Samantha replied.

"No...No, I didn't," Miranda replied, a little solemnly.

"We go through here to get to Vid Comm," Traynor informed her, holding out her arm and gesturing to the manned checkpoint between the CIC and the War Room. Miranda instantly turned away from the elevator behind Samantha's post and approached the checkpoint.

"Name, please," one of the two servicewomen said, rather bored. Guarding a door 24/7 couldn't exactly be fun.

"Lawson," Miranda replied, "I'm a friend of Commander Shepard's."

"I have no Lawson here," the woman said, checking her list of visitors.

"The Commander is expecting me," Miranda replied, growing more and more impatient by the second. Time was wasting. "My name should be there."

"Well, it isn't," the woman replied bluntly, "And the Commander's in her quarters this moment in time. You'll have to rearrange for—"

"Oh! Wait! That's my fault, Sarah. I was supposed to notify you earlier that Miss Lawson would be passing through but I got caught up optimizing the drive core with EDI," Traynor said, remembering how flustered she had been. _Hadn't the Commander mentioned something about Miranda being permitted to use the ship's resources during her visit? _"Sorry..."

"Oh, bloody brilliant. I'll be sure to tell Shepard she's got a Yeoman almost as good as the last one," Miranda said spitefully, standing with folded arms and tapping her foot impatiently.

"Comm Specialist, _actually_," Samantha replied, finding she was liking this Lawson woman less and less the more time she spent with her. _What the hell is her problem?_

"Whatever," Miranda replied, "I could have found my father and killed him already with the length of time we've spent by this scanner. Can I go through now?"

"Please, step up to the scanner, Ma'am," Private Sarah said, rolling her eyes. "Specialist Traynor will give you a tour of the Normandy's retrofits."

Samantha watched Miranda's hour-glass figure sway as she walk up to the blue rays and stood in them to be scanned for security reasons. It was then she realised what a nice ass Miss Lawson seemed to have. _Hmm... wow!_ she thought to herself, unashamedly staring at it, her head tilted to one side to appreciate it more, _Very nice! I bet she's about as straight as a poker though. Oh, and not to mention a complete bitch. Call me crazy, but I like my asses with a bit more personality behind them. We're not that deprived, Samantha._

Miranda was finally able to walk through the scanner then. Without waiting further for Traynor she walked on through the ship.

"Hey! Wait!" Samantha called after her, "Oh balls, does she even know where she's going?"

Eagerly counting down the seconds, Traynor finally escaped from the security scanner and sprinted around the corner she had watched Miranda's ass disappear. She turned just in time to see a flash of the woman's skin tight white suit disappear and lose itself in a crowd of busy servicemen and women. Cursing under her breath and rounding the holographic interface showing the crucible plans, Traynor exited through Sarah's checkpoint again and returned to the CIC, worried at how easy Miranda had shook her off and hoping the Commander had chosen her friends wisely. You could never fully trust Cerberus ops. _Though considering she was one, Shepard would know that better than I would, _Traynor told herself. Suddenly, just as she was about to give up hope of finding Miranda again, Samantha heard the elevator doors begin to close behind her and caught a glimpse of white clothing. As quick as she could, she rushed towards them and slid her arm in, taking advantage of the motion sensors on either side.

"Oh great, I've still got a tail," Miranda said dryly, rolling her eyes as she watched Samantha slip in to the elevator beside her. "Don't you have some emails to be forwarding or something? I'm perfectly capable of finding Shepard on my own."

"I'm sure," Traynor replied coldly, stepping inside the elevator nonetheless and allowing the doors to close behind her, "But orders are orders. No visitor is allowed to walk around this ship unattended, especially not ones with Cerberus tendencies...Oops, did that just slip out?"

"Oh-ho, you've been doing your homework," Miranda mocked, as the elevator began to ascend, "But just because you can hack your way through a bunch of encrypted files, don't make the mistake of thinking you can roll with the big dogs. The speed I lost you there was shocking."

"Yet here I am, beside you. What does that say about your evasion skills? You have no idea what I'm capable of, Ma'am," Samantha replied, hating this woman more and more, despite the fact that on looks alone she probably would have bedded her in a heartbeat.

"I'll bet," Miranda replied, running a hand through her long dark hair, "Just stay out of my way, _Yeoman_...and out of my business. Shepard's the only one I trust implicitly here."

"Comm Specialist," Traynor reminded her again, her jaw clenched in anger. "Would you like me to write it down for you? For all your genetic tailoring you seem to have a memory problem."

Miranda didn't reply but merely smirked as she faced the door, waiting for it to open. After a few seconds the elevator pinged. The double doors slid apart, and two women's voices could be heard having a disagreement.

"...I'll sleep when I'm dead, Liara."

"Not funny, Shepard! You are exhausted. If we lose you we will have no one capable of leading this war."

"I...Look I can't sleep, alright? I tried but it's impossible."

"I know, Shepard, but you at least have to try harder, you can't—"

"Oh! Pardon me, Commander, I... thought you were alone," Traynor said, saluting the woman and breaking up the argument between her and the Asari. "I have Miranda Lawson with me, like you requested."

"Hello, Shepard," Miranda said, stepping out of the elevator, a small smile on her face, "Liara." She tilted her head in the Asari's direction, receiving a nod in return.

"I'll leave you to it," Liara said then, walking to the lift, "Just think about what I said, Shepard."

Commander Shepard rolled her eyes behind the Asari's back. She smiled at Miranda and turned to Traynor then.

"Thank you, Specialist Traynor. I hope she wasn't too much trouble," the Commander joked, giving Miranda a wink, knowing how she could be when first meeting people. Her coldness did her no credit whatsoever.

"Oh, no she was an absolute delight, Commander," Samantha replied, a heavy hint of sarcasm on her voice, "It was such a _pleasure_ to meet the infamous Miss Lawson. I believe she's already had a tour of the ship though."

"And it was nice to meet the new Kelly Chambers, Shepard," Miranda said rather hurtfully. Shepard gave her a look.

"Come on, Miranda, Traynor's worth ten of her," she said defensively. "And Kelly was being used by The Illusive Man. You can't blame her for the position she was given."

_Wow, the Commander's standing up for me?_

Miranda held up her hands and shrugged, "Alright, if you say so," she said lightly, as though disregarding her comment as fact, "Anyone can clean a fish tank though...Of course, that wasn't all she was used for was it, Commander?" Shepard blushed a little and ruffled her shoulder-length red hair coyly. "Hopefully this one can keep her clothes on while doing it."

Samantha cleared her voice loudly, reminding them that she was still here. _Woo, I'm sensing a story here!_

"Right!" she said loudly, pretending not to have heard Miranda's words, "Ok, I think I'll leave you to it then. There's work to be done...If there's nothing else, Commander?"

"No, Specialist, that will be all," Shepard replied, rather apologetically, "Thank you for doing that for me. Dismissed."

Samantha saluted the Commander then turned on her heel, catching Miranda Lawson's cold blue eyes glaring at her in return before the elevator doors closed, breaking their view. As soon as the elevator began to descend, Samantha breathed a sigh of relief. _Glad that's over with! What an ass...literally! Shepard owes me after that. _She began to think back over all the condescending little comments that the ice queen had thrown at her. _Talk about giving a bad first impression. _Samantha got the feeling that Miranda didn't care though. She was a typical Cerberus bitch, not giving a damn whoever she stepped on as long as she got her way. _At least I stayed professional though, even if I did lose her for a spilt second, not to mention wanting to give that ass a good spanking. God, that _was_ a nice ass! _

Shaking the image from her head and reminding herself that Miranda Lawson was a stone cold ignoramus, Traynor exited the elevator and made her way back to towards the CIC once more, thinking to herself that this Kelly Chambers needed to be reviewed. _I've never heard of her before, but I'm guessing being compared to her isn't exactly a good thing. _Feeling at ease once more, now that she was back at her station beside the Galaxy Map, Traynor searched through her extensive database for Kelly Chambers, dreading what she was going to find. When she began to read made her jaw drop, and she became deeply offended by the fore mentioned remarks from the Australian visitor. _Oh, she is _such _an asshole..._She scanned through the video footage that was at her disposal. _On second thought, maybe I should give this Miss Chambers a call...She sure can dance!_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: I did a wee bit of tinkering with chapter one as it was so rightly pointed out to me by fishbone76 that I had gotten the elevator's position mixed up (thank you for that). Hopefully it makes more sense now. Here is the latest installment. Sorry for the wait. I haven't wrote any Mass Effect for a while but I do keep coming back to this story and I've a few plans for it now. Hope you enjoy! :)**_

* * *

"Specialist Traynor?"

"Yes, Ma'am?"

Samantha jumped and looked up from her station at the Galaxy Map to see Commander Shepard in her military regs, ready to disembark for another visit to Huerta Memorial to see Kaidan after his injuries on Mars. _Wow, she sure can fill out that uniform. _There was a smile on her scarred face, as she realised Traynor trying desperately to disappear into thin air as the others filed out of the ship around her.

"Aren't you going to take advantage of some much needed shore leave?" Shepard asked. "Who knows when we'll get another chance?"

Everyone else couldn't wait to get off the Normandy after the stress of the last few missions. Even EDI had snatched herself a body in the form of Dr Eva. Not even the ship wanted to be in the ship any longer. Granted Cortez did take a bit of persuasion, but he, it appeared wouldn't be the only one.

"Erm...I was going to try to optimise the drive core with EDI actually," Samantha replied evasively, trying not to look directly into Shepard's green eyes in case she noticed the lie. "What's left of her, I mean." The idea of touring the Citadel didn't exactly interest her. She's much rather be working in a lab somewhere.

Shepard chuckled. "Well, even EDI would like some downtime today it would seem. She's taking that new body of hers for a test run with Joker. Why don't you join them?"

Traynor chuckled and followed Shepard's gaze, seeing the synthetic figure exiting the airlock with an amused looking Joker in tow. _Lucky bastard, _she thought with a grin, _I bet he's just loving this...Not that I blame him._

"It _is_ a remarkable piece of machinery," Samantha said approvingly, a wicked glint in her eye. Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"That's one way to put it," she replied with a chuckle. "So how about it?"

"Um, I think this one's all on Joker," Traynor replied with a grin. "I'd feel like a bit of a third wheel."

"I meant about leaving the Normandy," Shepard said with a grin. "Joker's got his hands full it's true, but there are plenty more of the crew who would enjoy your company. I hear Vega's hitting Purgatory. The company of an attractive woman such as yourself wouldn't be refused, I'm sure."

Samantha's eyes widened. _She thinks I'm attractive? _The Comm Specialist pondered the idea of some shore leave then, trying to ignore that sinking feeling that Shepard thought she was straight. She didn't particularly fancy being Vega's arm candy for the night, but then again he was quite fun to be around. It wouldn't be so bad, once she made it clear that he was never going to get into her rather basic military briefs. _But not many men take the hint when I tell them I'm only into women. For some it's only an invitation to try harder. Vega's ego probably couldn't handle it. _On that note, Sam had seemingly made up her mind. She didn't much like the idea of rubbing her comrade up the wrong way...so to speak.

"I... think I'll just stay aboard the Normandy today, Commander. I have a lot of work to catch up on. Besides, I've never really enjoyed the many 'splendours' that the Citadel has to offer."

Shepard wasn't placated by her answer. She gave her a knowing smile. "Samantha..." Hearing the woman mention her first name so soothingly, Samantha felt a warm sensation overcome her. _What? Am I attracted to my Commanding Officer now? Oh, no...I am, aren't I? _"I'll order you dockside if I have to. I don't want you to burn yourself out. There's still a lot of this war left to fight yet."

"I..." Traynor tried desperately to think of a reason to escape, then sighed in defeat. It didn't help that Commander Shepard's concerned green eyes were making her quiver under their gaze.

"Well, are you coming?"

_In one way, sure. _

"Err, alright then," Traynor relented, "I suppose the Citadel bar doesn't sound so bad. An apple martini or two wouldn't go amiss."

Shepard chuckled and patted her on the shoulder approvingly, feeling how tense she was. "Nice choice. I might see you there later if you're still around. I do like to get to know my crew a little better, and I'm aware I've been neglecting you somewhat compared to the rest."

"Well, I'm not exactly risking my life on the front line," Samantha replied understandingly, walking alongside Shepard towards the airlock. "But I wouldn't mind getting to know you better either. I've only heard the legends, Ma'am. I imagine the woman herself is quite different."

_Christ, Samantha stop flirting with her!_

Shepard laughed. "She is," she admitted, a little ruefully. They walked through security together, sidestepped many refugees and military personnel and entered the Citadel Elevator. "I'm afraid I don't play much by the rules, personally _or_ professionally. I've made quite a few people unhappy in the last few years. Mainly myself with the some of the decisions I've made. One drink in and I'm sure you'll be wishing you'd never joined my crew at all, Traynor."

Surprised at the woman's brutal honesty, Samantha chuckled. "Well, it just so happens I'm a sucker for punishment so...in that case, I'll have a strong drink waiting with your name on it."

Shepard threw her a wicked smile.

You'll be the death of me I think," she joked. Traynor laughed.

"Haven't you already died?" she teased.

"Good point," Shepard replied, "Maybe I should enjoy this body even more than my previous one. I doubt I'm going to be wakened from the dead twice in a lifetime."

They both chuckled. Shepard bid Traynor goodbye as the elevator came to a stand-still at Huerta Memorial. Samantha watched her go with a smile on her face, glad to have finally survived a conversation with the infamous, highly-attractive woman that didn't see her coming off as a blubbering idiot. _You go, girl! Now down to Purgatory to coax Vega into buying me a drink. _As the elevator doors closed again, she pressed the correct button from the selection and waited patiently. It wasn't long before pulsing bass was vibrating through her feet, and the elevator opened up to reveal Purgatory, one of the Citadel's many unregistered nightclubs. Taking a deep breath and steeling herself, Samantha stepped out, not knowing just how legendary this night was going to be.

* * *

"_¡Ay, Dios mío!_ That's some good shit!"

Samantha grimaced as she swallowed her fifth shot of tequila with the massive wall of muscle that was James Vega. The Lieutenant howled in approval and slammed his glass back down on the counter, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You can certainly put it away, Vega," Samantha laughed. The last few hours with him had been more entertainment than she could handle.

"I could say the same for you, girl. You could give Esteban a run for his money," the Marine replied, patting her on the shoulder. "I take it you and me ain't going any further than friends though."

"Oh? And...What makes you say that?" Traynor asked interestedly.

"_Por favor, chica._ I've seen you check out more ladies in here than I have in the past hour or so," Vega said, barking with laughter. "You can't fool me. I got a sixth sense about these sort of things."

Traynor laughed and they both clinked their shot glasses together. "Well-spotted, Lieutenant. So...anyone in here catch your eye? I mean besides me of course."

"Ha! A couple here and there," he admitted, "Don't know if I wanna go down that road again though, you know? In this line of work I only end up hurting people. Plus, I've got too much to focus on at the moment. Can't let any of these _mujeres_ get inside my head."

"What about inside your bed?" Traynor shouted over the loud music. Vega laughed, throwing back his head.

"You're a bit of a bad girl, I'm sensing!" he teased, grinning. "I'm beginning to see through this lab-worker persona you're rocking. I bet you did your fair share of travelling in your Oxford days. Bed-jumping and the like, no?"

Traynor chuckled. "I may have visited the likes of Spain and Italy and bedded a few stunners in my time."

Vega laughed and knocked back another shot. "Nice! I'm still waiting on the details though," he joked. Traynor rolled her eyes. _Typical man! _"Ey, I'm kidding, Traynor," Vega continued, putting his arm around her shoulder and giving her a squeeze. "You can tell me some other time." She punched him in the ribs, hearing him laugh. "Let's dance a little , huh? I'm in the mood to let the guns loose."

"Oh Lord, on that note I think I'll pass," Samantha laughed. "I'm not nearly drunk enough yet." Vega groaned.

"Argh, suit yourself, Specialist. I happen to be an excellent dancer. _Mi abuelita_ taught me some moves you know!"

Samantha giggled, and downed another shot, shaking her head at the Lieutenant's confidence as he strolled away and found himself a space on the dance floor. _Well, one friendship made so far. Now I just have to be a bit bolder with the others, Liara in particular. _Working in the lab for so long had made it rather difficult for Traynor to meet new people. She was sensing her luck was about to change being on board the Normandy, but it was still taking some getting used to.

"Hey, is this seat taken?"

Samantha jumped and turned to find Commander Shepard standing behind her. The full effect of the woman's green eyes hit her once more and she took a second to compose herself.

"No, not at all, Ma'am!" she exclaimed, moving her legs, allowing Shepard to balance herself on the stool beside her.

"We're off duty, Traynor. There's no need to call me Ma'am," the Commander laughed.

"Very well. Are we on a first name basis or surname?" Traynor teased.

"Whatever tickles your fancy," Shepard replied. Samantha smiled.

"I thought you weren't coming."

"Kaidan's doing a little better," Shepard informed her, "He's bored out of his skull though so I stayed a while longer than expected. Sorry, I'm late. He and I had quite a bit to talk about if I'm honest. It was as good time as any to get some of it out of the way."

"So...were you and he...?" Samantha's voice trailed off, embarrassed. The tequila seemed to have given her a bit of balls. It was a bold question however and she immediately regretted asking it. _She's my Commander! _ _What was I thinking? _"Sorry..."

Luckily, Shepard took it on the chin.

"It's alright. I'm sure you'll find out my stories sooner or later. You don't have much privacy when you've been lying naked on a slab for two years."

_Stop picturing it, Samantha! Stop picturing it!_

"I guess you're right," Traynor replied, pushing the image from her mind. Surely the real thing wasn't as sexual as her deprived brain had made out.

"Better they come from me I suppose," Shepard sighed. Traynor waited expectantly then. It wasa few seconds before the Commander opened up. "Kaidan and I... slept together a few times before the fight against Saren," Shepard admitted finally, helping herself to Vega's tequila, "Nothing serious, just burning off some stress...At least that's what it was for me. He always carried a bit of a torch for me though. I ended up hurting him in the end...unintentionally of course."

"What happened?" Samantha asked interestedly, sipping her tequila.

"I...fell in love with someone else," Shepard admitted. "Someone we both knew."

"I'm sorry," Traynor said again quickly, "It was rude of me to ask."

Shepard chuckled. "Well this drink _was_ about getting to know each other better," she joked, "I didn't think we were jumping in right at the deep end though, but I'll bite. So how about it, Traynor? Is there a Mr Comm Specialist rooting for you back home?"

"On the contrary, I've never really been a fan of the _comm_ men specialize in when rooting for you."

"Wow-ho, nice word play!" Shepard laughed, throwing another shot of tequila back. "I'm late to this party it seems!" She poured another two shots and handed one to Traynor. "I'll have to remember that one... So I take it you're more accustomed with the female form then?"

"Quite," Traynor replied, a mischievous glint in her eyes. _She's finally caught on. _"Then again I seem to have hit a bit of a dry spell in recent years."

"Is that so?" Shepard asked, interested, "Any particular reason?"

"Oh, just a long term relationship that didn't end well," Traynor replied with a sigh, "We met in University during a research trip in Spain. I didn't feel much like dating after that went tits up."

Shepard whistled. "I'm sensing a story here," she teased. Traynor laughed.

"It'll take a lot more than just a few shots of tequila to get me talking about that one," she said, draining the last of her drink.

Shepard grinned. "Well, in that case, I'll have that apple martini you promised me earlier."

Surprised at the Commander's smoothness, Samantha chuckled and grabbed the bartender's attention, ordering two apple martinis. _Ok, keep cool, girl. This seems to be going alright. God, Shepard's easier to get on with the expected! She's actually...There's really no other word for it: Cool._

She and the Commander both raised their cocktail glasses then.

"To getting to know each other," Shepard said, her green eyes peering into Samantha's brown ones. They clinked glasses and took a sip.

"Not bad!" Traynor approved, smacking her lips together. "I used to make a mean one of these back on Earth."

"Maybe we should have cocktail night abroad the Normandy sometime then," Shepard said, "God knows, we could all do with a break here and there. Shore leaves are just too few and far between... It's starting to wear on me a little."

It was only than that Samantha noticed just how many scars the Commander was sporting on her face. Some even showed an orange hint of the synthetic implants under her skin in the pulsating lights of Purgatory. _Mmm, synthetics..._Traynor shook her head. _Focus, Samantha! _

She reached out and placed a hand on Shepard's arm then.

"Are you alright, Commander?"

Shepard immediately pulled herself together. "Of course. I have to be," she said with a smile, "I don't get a choice in that matter."

"It's ok to need a bit of downtime on occasion though," Samantha offered kindly. _Having the entire galaxy relying on her must take its toll sometimes. I never really thought about it much before now. But looking at her up close she does look rather... exhausted._

"When I take downtime, all hell usually breaks loose," Shepard joked, "I'm half expecting Reapers to drop in for a drink any second now."

They both shuddered and looked around the nightclub, knowing that was a very severe possibility. Shepard cleared her throat awkwardly then and ran a hand through her hair distractedly. Her usual chipper mood seemed to have soured after her most recent encounter with Kaidan. It mustn't have went well. Samantha observed her closely, gathering that Shepard was the heart-breaker there, rather than the opposite. _I wonder what happened between them. I wonder who she fell in love with?_

"Sorry," Shepard said, staring down into the depths of her glass, swirling the green liquid around, "I came here to try and cheer us both up, not bring you down with me."

Traynor gave her a sympathetic smile and placed a hand on her forearm. "Don't worry," she soothed, "Vega kept me going for the past few hours. He's a nice guy under all those muscles. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to return to the Normandy soon though."

"Argh, no, forget that!" Shepard said, wearing a half-hearted smile then and straightening up, "You wouldn't leave me to drink alone would you? Last time I did that I woke up on Aria's sofa with no clue how I got there."

Traynor laughed. "Have a thing for Asari do you?"

Shepard cringed. "God, don't talk to me about Asari, please. Liara and I aren't exactly on the best of terms these days either."

"I'm sensing a story here," Samantha replied, using Shepard's earlier words. The Commander chuckled.

"That's not one I particularly want to go into," she said wryly, "Especially since it's semi-related to Kaidan's. The last few years have been a bit of a mess, Traynor, if I'm honest. Being dead really messes up your personal life."

Traynor laughed. "I'm sure. Two more martinis over here, please!"

The bartender shook up their cocktails and placed them on the counter. Shepard took hers and almost downed it in one. Traynor sipped at her own, lost in thoughts about the Commander's love life then. _If I'm not mistaken, _she thought, _Liara and Shepard must be closer than I first thought. _Judging by the look on Shepard's face in that moment, there was definitely something going on between her and the Asari that not everyone was privy to. _Maybe she's not so straight after all. Or maybe it's wishful thinking on my part... Oh Lord, Samantha, we really do need to get ourselves laid, don't we?_

"I must say, Traynor," Shepard began, turning to look at her, a hint of a joke in her tone. "I rather enjoy your company, though I've been trying to avoid you a little after that awkward Omni-tool conversation a few weeks ago."

Samantha instantly blushed. "Oh...sorry about that," she said, cringing, "I use EDI to entertain myself sometimes when the days drag in."

"Is that so?" Shepard teased, grinning wickedly.

Samantha's mouth fell open. "I didn't mean like...Not like THAT!" she blurted out, humiliated. Shepard laughed loudly as Traynor brought a hand to her head and closed her eyes. "I...Oh, balls...Kill me now."

_So close, Samantha... Damn, it seems it's only a matter of time before I embarrass myself in front of Shepard. Why does she have such an effect on me?_

"I'm kidding, Traynor," Shepard said, patting her shoulder as the woman doused in her embarrassment. "If anything your conversation amused me. You surely know how to sweet-talk a VI. What would you have said to EDI if you'd known she was an _AI_?"

"Not a word!" Samantha exclaimed, "Oh God, I should never be allowed to talk to people."

Shepard chuckled. "On the contrary I rather enjoy talking to you. You make a very nice distraction from military jargon. It was like something out of one of Joker's vids."

"Oh, please, stop, Commander!" Samantha moaned, feeling her face burn once more. "I'm mortified!"

Shepard chuckled once more and patted Sam's head, seeing her lean over the counter to hide her face. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. You're cute when you're embarrassed. Here, let me buy you a shot of Krogan to make up for it."

"Ugh, I think that's me done," Traynor joked, straightening up. Shepard made a face. "Well, OK, one more."

As the Commander caught the attention of the bartender once more, Samantha's eyes caught a glimpse of something over the top of her shoulder.

"Here you are," Shepard said, sliding the steaming shot over. Traynor glanced down at it and back up at a familiar face across the bar. She immediately got a sinking feeling.

"Oh crap...Er, actually, I'll take a rain check. Cheers, Shep. This was fun. Should do it again sometime. See you on the ship!"

Before Shepard could respond, Samantha sprinted towards the exit as fast as she could, peeking over her shoulder worriedly as she weaved in and out of Purgatory's punters. Shepard was left looked rather confused and hung out to dry. Traynor cringed. She knew she would have to explain her abrupt exit to her later, but there was good reason for blowing her off. For if Samantha wasn't mistaken, there standing at the end of the bar, staring at her intently, had been none other than the aforementioned ex-girlfriend she had met all those years ago in Spain. Rather than risk a scene, she fled. Shepard would understand, wouldn't she? _This blasted war sure has a sense of humour alright. You have no future, but here's a bit of your past! _ Samantha thought angrily. _Blast it! After this, I really can't wait to get back on the Normandy...Those retrofits are actually looking pretty damn appealing right about now._

She reached the elevator, jabbed the button to Bay D24 more than necessary, then sank to the floor as the doors closed tight, blocking out the thumping music of the club and putting another wall between her and an unforgettable piece of her past.


	3. Chapter 3

**Madrid, Spain: Alliance Headquarters, 2173C**

"_Hola_, again," a smooth, heavily accented voice said, making Samantha jump in surprise. "We've got to stop meeting like this."

Traynor retracted her gaze from the magnificent night-time view of Spain's capital and turned to find an extremely attractive, olive-skinned woman behind her, holding two glasses of champagne and offering her one with a smile. They had met several times earlier that week in the blistering sun during walks through the city, and somehow Traynor knew that she would see her again. She was a high-ranking servicewoman for the Spanish Alliance and although they had spoken quite a bit, she had never actually gotten her name.

A smile crossed Samantha's lips before she could play it cool, and she accepted the thin glass of bubbly.

"Hi!" she replied cheerfully, having had maybe a little too much to drink already. _Or maybe it's just the effect this woman has on me. She's bloody gorgeous! They certainly don't make them like this back home. _Traynor had been thinking about her a lot since their first meeting. She just couldn't get her out of her head! Alliance cocktail parties were done differently in Spain it seemed. _I rather like this outdoorsy life if I'm honest, _she thought to herself, thinking she could get used to fancy get-togethers and dressing up to the nines as though she owned a limitless credit chit. She tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and turned back to the scenery. "I was just admiring your city, Ma'am. It's simply breath-taking!"

The woman laughed musically and flicked back her own long, dark brown hair, sliding in beside Traynor and leaning her arms on the balcony ledge too, peering over the side. Feeling her soft skin brush against hers, Samantha shivered, knowing it had nothing to do with the weather.

"_Sí_, I agree," the Spaniard replied, her warm brown eyes scanning the view, as mesmerized as Samantha. Even at this time of night it was warm. Neither of them felt chilly in their formal wear, despite the light breeze that was circling the tall building they were on top of. "I almost wish it _was_ my city, like you say, Señorita."

"You're not from here?" Samantha asked, interestedly.

"I'm from _España_, of course, but not Madrid," she answered in her soft cadence, rolling her 'r's delicately, "I was raised in Murcia in the Southeast and relocated by our branch of the Alliance when they realised my potential as a Biotic. That was a few years ago now. I tend to spend most of my shore leave her in the capital, however."

"Biotics, huh? Sorry, I guess I just assumed," Traynor replied, embarrassed. "My knowledge of Spain is next to nothing, I'm afraid."

The woman chuckled. "Ay, don't worry, guapa," she said with a smile, "I assumed you were from England before your friend told me that you grew up on Horizon, remember? I guess we can both be forgiven for our ignorance, no?"

Samantha grinned, thinking back to her geeky university colleague, Ed, the one who had travelled with her to Madrid for extra credit. _He still acting like he knows me best, the idiot. _Ed had never taken her rejection of him well, back in their first year at Oxford together. Too many shots of vodka had given him the courage plant a slobbery one on her one night, only for her to tell him that his lack of lady parts meant he wasn't exactly her 'type'. Samantha was sure he took this trip to try and gain her affections. _The poor bugger, _she lamented, _He's fighting a losing battle there._

Both women stared out at Madrid's splendours for several seconds before speaking again. It was so peaceful here, listening to the classical music from the party drift out the open balcony doors.

"My name is Dr. Elena Torres Sanz," the woman offered then, with another dazzling smile, taking Samantha's breath away. Traynor grinned.

"Samantha Traynor," she replied confidently, shaking her hand.

"_Encantada, _Samantha_,_" Elena said smoothly. The woman leaned in and placed a light kiss on either of Traynor's cheeks, taking her by surprise. She froze, feeling herself blush. _Oh, God! She smells amazing!_

"Eh..." she breathed awkwardly. Elena chuckled, pulling away, her hand still resting in Samantha's. Clearly Traynor's reaction was one that she was used to after such an introduction.

"I'm sorry," the woman apologised, "It is normal here to greet a person this way. Foreigners tend to find it a little too personal though. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."

"Oh, I don't mind!" Samantha replied quickly, waving her hand, feeling rather flustered. "I... rather liked it actually."

_What!? Oh Lord, no more champagne for you Samantha. What are you thinking?_

Elena laughed, blushing a little as she took another sip of her drink. Traynor silently berated herself for coming on too strong. She tended to do that quite a lot in these situations. Christ, she wasn't even sure if this woman swung the same way she did! _Maybe she's just being friendly, _she thought. Samantha felt her head becoming rather cloudy from the alcohol then. Sometimes words slipped out of her mouth even when she as sober though, before her brain was able to process them. She severely hoped as she got a bit older that subtlety wouldn't still be such a lost art to her.

"So, you are on a scholarship from the Alliance, no?" Elena asked then, her soft brown eyes dancing in the colourful lights of the bustling city below.

"Yes, I'm enlisting this year, providing my University results prove definitive. I'll be working in a lab though, nothing fancy like you. Ed told me you serve in the military branch."

Elena nodded thoughtfully. "As a medic onboard a frigate," she revealed, "I'm much like you in this case. I wasn't enlisted for my fighting techniques, though standard military training is included in the initiation process. You never know when you might find yourself in a situation to need them, especially in space."

"Wow, you must have seen a lot in your travels then," Samantha said, impressed. _Now I know how she got that fine figure of hers._

"Ah, _un poquito_," Elena laughed, "Normally I don't leave the ship, though there was this one time when..."

Samantha listened intently as the Spaniard's accent stole her over, entrancing her with a story about an incredible adventure on a foreign planet. As she watched her hands fly animatedly, Traynor lost herself in the woman's swimming brown eyes, seeing the passion burn deep within them, hypnotising her beyond belief. Her mouth began to water then as she glanced down at Elena's full, red lips, longing to cover them with her own. _God, how I'd love to run my tongue along her body. _Feeling rather bold (not to mention slightly drunk) she leaned in instinctively, closing the small distance between them to lay a delicate kiss on her mid-sentence.

Elena gasped in surprise, eyes wide. She broke from the kiss and stared into Samantha's eyes. Traynor cringed.

"Oh-I-sorry," she began, shocked at herself more than anything, "God, I'm such an tit! I-I've had a bit too much to drink and—I thought-oh!"

Before she could stammer any more of an apology, Elena's lips crashed down upon her like a wave, kissing her back passionately, taking her breath away, and making fireworks explode in her mind. _Or maybe that's the champagne..._Samantha trembled excitedly, feeling he woman's warm hands slide around her waist, caressing the tight, navy dress she was wearing, pulling her closer. She stroked Elena's cheek gently, massaging the woman's tongue with her own, wondering when that last time was she had been kissed this way, or if she ever had at all. _Christ..._

It was several seconds before Elena recomposed herself. Her face hovered inches from Traynor's and both of them stood in each other's embrace, trying to comprehend such a random, spur-of-the-moment incident. Samantha ran her hand along the woman's face, brushing away a strand of hair that had come loose and tucking it behind her ear. Elena smiled, her eyes twinkling.

"_Dios mío_..." she breathed, "I've been wondering when you were going to do that."

Samantha chuckled. "So sorry to have kept you waiting," she whispered jokingly, staring deep into the depths of Elena's eyes. "You could have just asked me, you know."

Elena giggled shyly. "I didn't think you were _lesbiana_," she admitted, "I thought maybe you and Ed were..."

"Together?" At this, Samantha laughed. "Ed's just a friend," she informed her, "Although he thinks he's more than that. I'm afraid I've ran out of ways to tell him that it's never going to happen."

They both laughed. "Well," Elena breathed, her warm breath tickling Samantha's face, "Maybe I can give you another one."

She pressed her lips against Traynor's gently, then blindly slid a hand down her arm, entwining her fingers in hers and pulling her back towards the party. Traynor heard her giggle and felt her heart leap with excitement, allowing the woman steer her through the crowds of people and into the elevator on the other side of the giant ballroom. As soon as the doors pinged shut, and they began the long descent to the bottom, Elena pressed Sam against the wall and began to kiss her once more, pinning her hands above her head and getting a soft, moan of approval from her.

"Stay with me tonight," Samantha breathed, feeling the woman's adventurous tongue travel along her collarbone. _My, she's good at that!_

Elena looked up into her eyes again and smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."

When the lift reached the ground floor, Traynor took her by the hand and dashed across the busy street to the adjacent building where the Alliance had provided a temporary apartment for her. They barely made it inside before they were upon each other once more, tearing each other's clothes off carelessly, blindly exploring the contours of the other's body in the dim lighting of the living room. As Samantha fulfilled her earlier wish and made her way down along the woman's writhing, naked body, leaving a wet trail of kisses in her wake, she knew this night would definitely be one to remember.

* * *

**Present Day**

It was off duty hours for most of the Normandy crew, a chance for them to get some much needed rest after the hectic battles of late. Reapers were quickly bringing the systems under their control and the chaos of Earth was now unleashed on every race, opening theatres of war on all fronts. Unable to sleep, bogged down by memories of her past, Samantha gradually grew hungry and decided to give up on a much needed rest. She walked through the Crew's Quarters, going for a pee in the bathroom, washing her hands then throwing water over her face before making her way to the Normandy's kitchen. The ship was unusually quiet, with nothing but a skeleton crew keeping an eye on things, making sure they weren't caught unawares in case any Armageddon machines decided to pop in for a chat. What remained on duty were all up in the CIC though, leaving this floor devoid of any race, human or otherwise, something which Samantha greatly appreciated this moment in time.

_Hmm, reminds me of working in the lab, _she lamented, feeling rather contented despite lack of a decent sleep. _Sometimes I miss the quiet my work brought back on Earth._

Then she remembered it hadn't all been fun and games. _Elena, _she thought sadly, _How could she do that to me? In my own lab of all places! _Remembering her ex-girlfriend's face once more, she sighed, thinking back to the day things had taken a turn for the worse in their relationship. Suddenly, as she began buttering the bread for her sandwich, Traynor began to hear voices nearby. _Is that...Liara? Yelling...?_ Curious, Specialist Traynor leaned closed the wall facing her, listening for sounds on the other side of the wall where Liara's quarters were based. Two voices were suddenly getting louder. It was then Traynor realised the second. _Shepard?_

"...can't do this anymore, Liara," Shepard was saying, her voice sounding rather strained. Samantha had never heard her sound so emotional before. Normally her voice was full of mischief and light-hearted tones. There was a certain edge to her now.

"Shepard, please!" Liara begged, sound equally as tense, "It doesn't have to mean anything. I know the Meld is the only thing that helps you sleep. You need res—"

"No!" Shepard interrupted harshly. Her voice softened then. She exhaled loudly. "I...can't...Every time we try, Liara...I...All I can feel is the pain I've caused you. That and my own."

"Hayley, please..." Liara sighed, using her first name.

"No!" Shepard replied firmly, her voice sounding further away as though she had retreated from the Asari. There was a loud bang, as though the woman had just slammed her fist against a desk. "For fuck's sake, Liara, why couldn't things have been different between us? I didn't ever think they'd turn out this way."

It was a while before Liara answered. "I am sorry," the Asari replied finally, sounding close to tears. "You were _gone_, Shepard. For two years! Goddess, I thought you were dead! What was I supposed to do? I couldn't go back to the way we were before."

"I don't blame you for moving on," Shepard replied, her voice coming back into focus for Samantha, who was listening intently, too curious to fear being caught eavesdropping on something this personal. "You thought I was dead, I know...But I came back, Liara! For you! And you were so cold when we met again on Illium. Do you have any idea how that felt when you brushed me off like that? You had two years to get over me, two years...! But I'd woken up as though no time at all had passed to find my closest friends had all forgotten me. No one gave a seconds thought to how bizarre it must have been for me. You were all too wrapped up in your own shit to even care."

A brief silence fell between the two women then. Samantha realised her mouth was agape. _Wow, Shep really laid it all out for you there, Dr T'Soni._ She quickly closed her mouth and tried to process all she had learned. _So, let me get this straight...Shep left Kaidan for Liara and Liara...what? Doesn't love her anymore? Slept with someone else? What? _Samantha raised her eyebrows then, already confused. _Christ...and I thought my love life was messy._ Eager to hear the rest, she strained her ears, hoping to catch more of the conversation.

"...hardest two years of my life, Shepard," Liara was saying softly, "I still love you...Goddess, is it so wrong of me to want something more between us once again? I have missed you."

"Yeah, well, unlike you, _I_ can't turn my feelings on and off when it suits," Shepard replied bitterly, "You made me run pointless errands for you on Illium, manipulated me into fighting the Shadow Broker, then left me to face the damn Collectors on my own. You did everything but tell me we were finished! I'm still trying to get over you."

"That's not fair, Shepard. I was _not_ the only one who didn't return to your side!" Liara protested.

"No...But you were the only one that really mattered," Shepard sighed. "I could deal with Kaidan turning his back on me and branding me a traitor to the Alliance, but you broke my heart, Liara...Jesus Christ...Calling me down here hoping for a reunion like this wasn't fair, not after everything that's happened between us. You can't just pick me up and leave me when you feel like it."

"Yet you can do so with Kaidan?" Liara countered.

"That was different!" Shepard retorted angrily, "Kaidan knew we were just casual. Is it my fault if he fell in love with me? I didn't mean to hurt him, Liara. We were good friends, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let him take his pain out on me. I just don't think he liked the idea of losing me to another woman. I don't know, male ego or something... I guess the joke was on me all along though, right? I mean look at us now."

"Shepard, I—"

"There's nothing you can say, Liara," Shepard interrupted sadly. She sighed then. Traynor heard footsteps on the other side of the wall, then Commander Shepard's voice once more, softer this time. "I don't want to fight anymore."

"Me either. Can't we at least be friends?" Liara asked, sounding as though she wanted nothing more. A tense silence passed between them.

"Of course," Shepard answered finally, "But I just... need some time..."

Unfortunately time was something they were running short on.

"I will be here for as long as you need me," Liara said softly, "Hopefully fighting the Reapers by your side will make up for not helping out with the Collectors."

"It will," Shepard reassured her, "I'm glad you're here, Liara, really...Just promise me you won't kiss me like that again. It hurts too much to think about what might have been. I can't go down that road again with you."

"Of course... I apologise."

Shepard sighed. "I should...go," she said then, her voice sounding further away again. "Get some sleep, Dr T'Soni. It won't be long before we're at Grissom Academy, and I have a feeling we're not going to like what I find there."

"Yes, Commander. Goodnight."

There was a swishing sound as the room to Liara's quarters swung open. Samantha jumped and quickly busied herself with her sandwich as Commander Shepard rounded the corner. She recoiled in surprise, having not expected anyone else to be there.

"Oh! Well, well, well, look who it is. Should I pour you a drink or are you going to leave me hanging again like back on the Citadel?" the woman teased with a grin, seeing Specialist Traynor in the Normandy's kitchen, looking as tired as she felt. Her tone had changed instantly from the angry, hurt woman she had been moments before.

_She's gotten pretty good at hiding her emotions by now, I'm sure._

Traynor cringed. "Sorry about that," she said sincerely, avoiding the Commander's stare so as she didn't find out she was listening in on her and Liara's extremely private conversation. "I guess I owe you a drink, don't I?"

"If I accept," Shepard joked, "I may refuse after being jilted the first time."

Traynor chuckled. "In that case I'll just have to insist, Ma'am," she replied with a grin. Shepard laughed.

"Looking forward to it," she said, sliding past Samantha and going to the fridge. Feeling the woman brush up against her momentarily, Traynor quivered. She seemed to be more sensitive to the Commander's touch than anyone else's these days. _Oh come on, girl. Control yourself. Aren't there rules about this sort of thing?_

"If you're looking for the Krogan spirits, I saw Vega finish the last of them earlier during a rather entertaining competition with Garrus," she informed the Commander. Shepard groaned.

"Ah, damn. I really could have used something strong...Hey, how about one of those apple martini's you boasted about on the Citadel, Traynor?"

Samantha turned to look at her, seeing Shepard's green eyes glint mischievously. _God, she's such a chancer! _she thought, laughing inwardly. A part of her admired the Commander's cockiness though. Clearly she didn't get rejected much. _Well, by anyone but Liara it seems._

"Oh, alright," Samantha relented, unable to resist the woman's alluring stare, "I guess I _do _owe you. Pass me the ingredients. Watch and learn, Commander. This is how we mixed them back at Oxford!"

Shepard chuckled, squeezed her shoulder in thanks and quickly got what she needed.

"So," the Commander began, watching Specialist Traynor slide her unmade sandwich to the side to make room for the drinks. "Are you going to tell me what actually happened back in Purgatory? One minute we were getting along fine, and I seem to remember having fun...weirdly enough. Then BOOM! You ran off like a shot... and I ended up drunk on Aria's sofa again."

"I..." Traynor hesitated, sniggering a little at the idea of Aria having to deal with a drunk Shepard repeat. _God, how do I tell her? Should I explain? _Lying to your Commanding Officer was never a good way to install confidence, especially not in the middle of a universe-shattering war. She figured a little of the truth couldn't hurt then. "Do you...remember the ex-girlfriend I told you about that night?" Shepard nodded. "Well...I sort of... thought I saw her standing at the bar across from us."

Shepard gave a low whistled, seating herself on one of the nearby stools and leaning back against the kitchen counter, watching Traynor attempt to make some apple martinis from a mixture of foreign galaxy goods.

"And your first instinct was to...run?" she teased. Samantha felt a little humiliated.

"Well...yes!" she replied, defensively, "It was either that or stay there and watch her slide in between us, spreading her poison and sowing seeds of destruction."

Shepard laughed. "Well, we couldn't have that now, could we?" she mocked. "Though you _were_ sitting with the first human Spectre, Specialist. All you had to do was say the word and I'd kick her ass for you. There _are_ benefits to being part of the Normandy's crew, you know."

Traynor laughed. "I didn't realise that was an option," she replied with a grin. "Actually, remind me of that next time I see her."

"Next time?" Shepard repeated, "You think you'll bump into her again?"

"I'm sure of it," Samantha groaned, "She's with the Spanish Alliance. Works as medic, and this war surely needs as many as it can get. I guarantee I'll run into her on the Citadel again before long."

"Shit," Shepard sympathised, "What happened between you two, if you don't mind me asking?"

At this Traynor instantly clammed up. "I...would prefer not to talk about it, Ma'am," she replied carefully, picturing the events which led to her break up, "Maybe some other time."

"Of course...Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I'll save that conversation for when you're drunk."

"It's fine," Traynor replied with a giggle, pulling herself together. She turned to Shepard with the martinis and held out a glass to her, holding up her own. "Well, here goes nothing!"

Shepard grinned, taking the glass from her and getting to her feet, joining in the toast. "Bottoms up, soldier!"

The two women clinked glasses and proceeded to try the cocktail. As the cold green liquid assault the back of her throat, Samantha gagged, feeling her stomach heave. She made a face, seeing Shepard make the same one and cover her mouth.

"Ugh! God, that's foul!"

The Commander sniggered "Shit, are you trying to poison me, Traynor? You could have told me you spiked it with Turian supplements. "

Traynor blanched. "What?" she gasped, "But I—" She turned around to check the ingredients, frantically searching for her mistake. It was then she noticed. "Oh, balls! I mixed up the bloody bottles. We should really label these vials! The liquids are all the same colour."

Commander Shepard laughed loudly, seeing Samantha go red in the face. "Aw, don't worry, Specialist, no harm done. Oxford needs to work on its cocktail classes. I know I'm in dire need of a stiff drink but...that wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"I'll make another batch if you like?" Traynor asked, eager to make up for her mistake. _Christ, she must think I'm an invalid! Why do I always seem so clumsy around her?_

Shepard smiled and patted her arm. "Its fine, Traynor, really. I think I'll just try and get some sleep instead. You should do the same. We have a big day tomorrow. Grissom Academy's going to be packed with Cerberus troops. Great spot by the way. I'm glad I have you here. Good to know that you're on top of things."

_I'd like to be on top of you._

"I...Thank you, Commander," Samantha replied, feeling warmth build inside her as a result of the woman's compliments and quickly pushing her rather more risqué thoughts to the back of her mind. "I think I'll have a sandwich before I return to my quarters. I'm a bit peckish."

"Fine by me," Shepard grinned, "Just watch what you're putting in it. Garrus will be pissed if he wakes up to find more of his food is gone."

Traynor giggled. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Goodnight, Specialist."

"Goodnight, Ma'am. Sweet dreams."

Much like the first time she had said it, Shepard laughed a little, before returning Samantha's salute and making her way around to the elevator. Traynor watched her go, her eyes falling to Shepard's backside before she could stop them. _Oh Lord, what I wouldn't give to be joining her in her quarters. _Something about the woman had her hooked. Was it Shepard's bright green eyes? The punkish red hair? The part-synthetic hour-glass figure?

_Balls...it's all of it I think._

Samantha sighed, turning her attentions back to her sandwich then, knowing it was never going to happen. She decided to bury her attraction. Surely someone as intimidating as the infamous Commander Shepard would never be interested in an Oxford-educated girl like her...Right?


	4. Chapter 4

"Is she alright?"

Jack reached over and checked Commander Shepard's pulse.

"Yeah, she's just out-cold. It was a fu-reaking flesh wound, Joker, chill out!"

"'F-freak... Freaking...!? Bahahaha!"

Joker's amusement was apparent to all over the Normandy's comm system, raising eyebrows and few giggles from the crew here and there. Samantha didn't have a clue what was so funny though. Her mind was frantic. Shepard was hurt! Why were they laughing? She had closely followed the ongoing conversation aboard the shuttle, as it made its way back to the Normandy from Grissom Academy, waiting to hear word of Shepard's injuries. Yet all she could hear now was Joker's hysterical laughter, echoing all over the CIC as though he could care less. _Aren't they concerned? Balls, it's all my fault if she's hurt. I was the one who suggested the bloody rescue in the first place! _

Samantha watched a half-bald, heavily tattooed woman scowl on the monitor in front of her, showing the shuttle's vid comm. Had she said something funny? Out of the ordinary? She didn't look happy with Joker's continued hysterics. _Christ, Shepard, where do you find these people? I'm having such a hard job keeping track. Me! Of all people...and I know the damn periodic table like the back of my hand._

"Jack's trying to watch her language around the kids," the Alliance woman Kaley Sanders informed Joker, when he had finally recomposed himself.

"What has she got, a swear jar or something? Shit, I bet you could build a new Normandy with that thing."

Jack's students all looked to her, to see how she would respond. She smiled.

"Cover your ears kids...Hey, Joker..."

Samantha's eyes widened as a burst of profanity blasted over the comms then. Despite her fretting over the Commander, she managed a little giggle herself this time. _Wow, kitty's got claws alright! _Glad to hear someone give Joker a taste of his own medicine for once, Samantha listened closer for any more word on Shepard's condition when the Jack woman was finished with her insults, but no one mentioned it. _Damn it, why aren't they more worried? I'm going out of my mind here! _As she watched outlines of the shuttle's passengers disembark in the Normandy's bay and take the elevator up to the Crew Deck, she contemplated rushing down to Dr Chakwas' office right away to lend a hand. _No, I can't do that. I'll look like a complete idiot, won't I? _Wondering what the protocol was when your Commanding Officer was injured aboard a frigate, Traynor grabbed either end of her workstation tightly, her brow furrowed. _Don't we get to crowd around her sick-bed? Fuss over her like she'd do with anyone of us? Like she did for Kaidan?_

Hearing the elevator open behind her after a few minutes of indecision, Samantha spun around, seeing Sanders, Jack, Garrus and Vega emerge, laughing quietly still.

"...Hell, you'd think she'd be used to taking in the ass by now," Jack was saying. Sanders rolled her eyes as the others chuckled. Garrus gave Traynor a friendly pat on shoulder as he passed, leading the other two woman up towards the cockpit. Before Vega could follow, Sam grabbed his arm and dragged him to the side.

"Hey, what happened down there? Is Commander Shepard alright?"

To her surprise, the Lieutenant sniggered. "She's fine, Traynor. Don't worry about it. It's nothing serious."

"What happened?" Samantha asked, her eyes wide with concern. "Do you think Dr Chakwas needs any help? Maybe I should go down and see her. Oh, balls this is all my fault, Vega. It was my Intel she was using."

"Hey, hey, relax," James soothed, rubbing her arms, "This is war, Specialist. People get injured. There's nothing you can do. You did your job perfectly. We had a head-start on Cerberus for the most part thanks to you, and the mission was a success. That's the most important thing."

"Crap, I know I'm just...not used to all this," Samantha admitted, "I used to work in a lab, remember? And here I've been, worrying about a bloody toothbrush all day."

Vega smiled. "I know. You're a nerd, I get it."

Traynor punched the Marine in the ribs, chuckling then. She sucked her knuckles, knowing it hurt her more than him.

"Bastard, I bet _you_ were one of the cool kids."

Vega laughed loudly. "What do you mean 'were'? I've still got it, chica. Check..Me..Out!"

Samantha rolled her eyes as he flexed his impressive muscles in her face. "Yes, yes, you've still got it," she mocked, wrinkling her nose at the smell of his pits. "Your bloody stinking though. You need a shower. So Shep's alright? You're sure?"

"Positive," Vega smiled, sniffing his own pits and seeing her point. "It's not that we're not concerned, it's just...the location of the injury warranted some laughs. She was even joking about it herself before she passed out."

Traynor frowned. "What do you mean?"

Vega chuckled a little once more. "Go see for yourself if you really want. Liara's down in the Med-bay with her now, but the Commander doesn't seem too happy about it."

"Oh..." Traynor replied, taken aback a little. _Liara?_ _I thought Shepard and Dr T'Soni were keeping their distance from one another after last night. _"I...I'll maybe go a bit later then, leave them to it."

Vega gave her a look, clearly oblivious to any goings on between the Asari and their Commander. "Alright, have it your way. Catch you later, man."

Samantha smiled as he winked at her and walked off to join the others at the front of the ship. Soothed a little by his reassurance, Traynor turned back to her work and tried to busy herself again, keeping thoughts of Shepard to the back of her mind. _Vega's right. This is war. People get hurt. Oh Lord, I didn't think it would be this difficult to sit on the ship as everyone else runs off into danger though, upon my Intel of all things. _Her thought's then fell on Liara, wondering why the Asari had chosen to stay with Shepard, despite her protests. _Hadn't she asked her for some time apart only last night?_ A slithering feeling of jealousy erupted inside Samantha then, one that she had never felt before. She had never been the jealous type. Her geekiness tended to take over, and anytime she felt anything of the sort, she would bury herself in a book. _Besides, I have no right to be jealous. Liara and Shepard clearly have a history together. Painful or not, it's none of my business._ Pulling herself together, Samantha opened a file on Quantum Mechanics and began to read, hoping it would distract her as much as it had done in the past.

* * *

Nervous, though wondering why exactly, Specialist Traynor knocked on the door to Dr Chakwas' Med-bay a few hours later. Hearing no reponse, she then walked inside uninvited. Commander Shepard was lying on a bed in the corner, sound asleep by the looks of things. Samantha smiled. She had never seen the woman look so peaceful. Shepard looked ten years younger, as though the events of last night were just a horrible dream. _Maybe she really did just need a good night's kip, _Traynor thought to herself, remembering Shepard's face after her and Liara's argument the night before. Taking a deep breath, Samantha walked over to the Commander's bed and placed a vial of water down on the table beside it, along with some food from the Normandy's kitchen. Trying not to wake her, she then turned and began to make her way towards the door.

"Traynor?"

Sam spun around. She smiled before she could stop herself. "Commander," she said, saluting her. "You're awake?"

Shepard smiled back, still looking rather drowsy. "I am now," she joked.

Traynor cringed. "Oh...Sorry, I...I just thought you might need some company." Shepard laughed quietly and tried to straighten up to greet her properly. "Oh, don't! Please, let me!" Samantha said worriedly, speeding back to her and coming to her aid. The Commander grimaced and allowed Traynor to ease her back against the medical bed's holdings, watching as she settled into a sitting position. She exhaled with ragged breath, holding the right side of her ribcage and then finally opened her eyes as the pain evened itself out. Samantha's face was lined with concern. "Are you alright, Ma'am?"

Shepard smiled her familiar mischievous smile once more. "I'm great," she joked, "Didn't you hear I took one in the butt?"

"I...What!?" Traynor blurted out. Shepard chuckled as best she could against the strain in her chest.

"You mean no one told you?" she asked in disbelief, "I got shot in the ass, Traynor...I also got one in the side but for some reason everyone chose to focus on my ass."

Samantha laughed. "Can't say I blame them," she replied, before she could stop herself.

_Oh my God, did I really just say that!?_

To her immense relief, Commander Shepard smiled. _"_Specialist Traynor..." she said seductively, eyeing her thoughtfully, "...Are you flirting with me?"

Samantha was mortified. "I...No! A-absolutely not, no! I..."

Hearing her stumble over her words, Commander Shepard started laughing. Sam sighed, bring a hand to her face. _Christ Almighty, am I ever going to realise when she's winding me up? _"Sorry," she mumbled, feeling her face burn. "That was a joke."

"Don't worry about it. Take a seat," Shepard replied kindly. "What's up?"

"I guess I just thought I'd check up on you," Traynor replied, turning busnesslike all of a sudden, "It was my Intel you based this mission on after all. I just...God, I just feel so guilty seeing you like this."

"Hey," Shepard soothed, her tone changing instantly. She patted Samantha on the arm, staring deep into her eyes. Samantha's head dropped. "You did great, Traynor. Don't start second guessing yourself now. We need you at your best. You're our first line of offence. Trust your skills and initial instincts, and then the only thing you can blame is bad luck."

"I...suppose you're right," Traynor replied, pulling herself together, "I suppose it was bad luck that got you shot in the behind then?"

Shepard chuckled, glad to see she was making jokes.

"Uh, not really. That was my fault. I was getting a bit too cocky. Did a forward roll and a bullet skimmed my ass cheek. You should see the wound though, it's great! Looks like a Goddamn smiley face," she said excitedly, her eyes lighting up. Sam had to laugh. _Christ, she's like a kid on Christmas!_ _Only someone as insane as Commander Shepard would be excited about adding to her scar collection._

"Well, I'll leave you be to recover. Shouldn't you be resting, Ma'am?" Traynor asked, "I don't want to intrude."

Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Shit, you sound like Chakwas," she groaned, "She pestered me with sleeping pills but they still have no effect on my system. I eventually gave into Liara and allowed her to..."

Shepard's voice trailed off immediately as though she realised she didn't want to talk about that particular subject with anyone. Samantha sat down on the stool beside her bed finally, knowing what the Commander had been about to say. _So Liara Melded with her again to help her sleep. _For some reason this bothered Samantha a little more than it should have. Even if she hadn't heard the argument between the Asari and Shepard last night, the look on the Commander's face proved that Melding with her ex was a very painful thing to do. Samantha couldn't help but feel a little sympathy for her. _I don't think I would like to expose every pick of my being to Elena after everything we've been through together, just to fall asleep alone._

"Would you...like me to leave?" Traynor asked then, feeling rather awkward all of a sudden. Shepard's face changed instantly, much like it had last night when she noticed Traynor in the kitchen.

"No, please don't," she replied, almost sounding like she was begging, "I'm bored shitless in here. Do you think you could rustle me up a drink instead? Minus the Turian poison?"

Samantha laughed. "Sorry," she replied, getting to her feet and checking the bleeping monitor that was attached to the Commander's chest. "I don't think alcohol would be a good shout when you're already high on a cocktail of dihydrocodeine, tranexamic acid and Medi-gel."

"Dihydrocodeine?" Shepard repeated, raising an eyebrow, "Fuck me, what happened to good old-fashioned codeine?"

"Well, my guess is Dr Chakwas chose it as it's part-synthetic, just like you are," Traynor informed her, wearing her concentration face as she began checking the Doctor's notes in another tab on the monitor, "It's perfect for your...uh...condition. The codeine however will thin your blood too much, relieving you of great amounts of pain, but not allowing your bullet wounds to clot, even with Medi-gel. My guess is that's why she's administered the tranexamic acid to counteract it. That's what I'd do." Feeling the Commander's eyes on her then, Samantha looked up. Shepard was watching her closely, a slight smirk on her face. "What?" Traynor asked gently, feeling rather self-conscious. Her cheeks burned under Shepard's gaze.

_I'm blushing? God, I'm actually blushing._

"Nothing..." Shepard replied, shaking her head, "You're... such a geek."

"Hey!" Traynor replied, slightly-offended. Shepard chuckled then.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, shaking her head once more, "I... meant that in a good way. It's cute...Ugh, I think all this medication is making me babble."

Samantha's expression relaxed then. She was rather flattered. _Cute? _"Uhm...thanks, I suppose."

Shepard grinned. "Anytime," she said, winking, "So, Doctor Traynor, any chance you can examine my wounds?"

Traynor laughed. "I'm not a Doctor really. I just know quite a bit about chemicals...but I can play Doctor if you wish?"

The Commander laughed, seemingly enjoying the playful responses she was getting. "I'm actually being serious," she grunted then, grimacing slightly. "I'm burning up."

Her face turned paler than usual and all of a sudden the monitors on the screen started to protest, bleeping loudly.

"OH, bollocks!" Traynor replied, feeling embarrassed at having joked. _I thought she was bloody kidding! _Commander Shepard slumped forwards in the bed, her eyes fluttering. "Oh come on, Shep. Stay with me...What do I do?"

Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the monitor before her and began to scan Dr Chakwas' notes, seeing what would be the best course of action. Shepard's synthetic heart-rate was climbing. Suddenly Dr Chakwas came bustling into the infirmary.

"What happened?" she demanded.

"I...I don't rightly know! She just fell unconscious!" Traynor replied, frantically. She watched the old woman lean over Shepard and slip her hands under her N7 shirt, feeling around for the wound.

"Specialist, can you get me some more Medi-gel from the cabinet above you?" Dr Chakwas asked, her tone calm and businesslike.

"Yes, Ma'am. Right away."

Traynor rushed back with it, holding the Medi-gel out with shaking hands. She held back Shepard's shirt as the Doctor ordered, allowing her to administer it to the raging burn-like mark on the Commander's left-side.

"There," Dr Chakwas breathed, relaxing then as Shepard's monitors began to return to normal after a few lengthy seconds. "Both bullets only grazed her. The one on her buttocks is healing fine, though I should have doubled the dosage earlier for this one. She wouldn't let me when Dr T'Soni was there, stubborn as she is."

"Is she going to be alright?" Samantha asked, her face lined with worry. Dr Chakwas chuckled.

"You're definitely showing your newness to the Normandy team, Traynor" she said, smiling kindly, "Shepard spends most of her time here in the med-bay after particularly stressing missions. Her body just doesn't heal naturally as much as it used to. She _was_ dead after all. It's amazing she's even here with us...But the Lazarus Project came at a price."

Traynor sighed then. "Right..."

_So that's why no one's making a big deal over her injuries. They must have seen this a thousand times over by now...Great, now I feel like a complete and utter idiot. Vega's never going to let me live this down. _Dr Chakwas reached out and placed a hand on Samantha's shoulder.

"Don't worry, dear. I'm sure she appreciates the concern. If it were anyone else they wouldn't even be in my care now. It's just that Shepard's implants need constant attention. Her body is rejecting them you see, as a result of her actions."

"Rejecting them?" Traynor asked, her inner geek taking over then. She looked to where Dr Chakwas was pointing around the Commander's abdominal wound and saw the tiny cracks of glowing orange spreading from it, revealing the synthetic skeleton underneath. "Wow," she breathed, having never seen anything like it before. "Do you think it's painful?"

Dr Chakwas tittered quietly. "You can ask her when she comes around, but I doubt she'll give you a straight answer. Hayley's a tough girl. She's had a hard life."

"Hayley?" Samantha scoffed, unable to stop herself, "Quite a girly name for one so hard."

Dr Chakwas smiled. "Tell her that when she comes round again. I bet she'd rip off my monitors and walk out that door with her implants hanging out just to prove a point."

They both laughed.

"You're damn right I will."

Shepard had finally re-opened her eyes. The hazy, emerald orbs stared up at both Chakwas and Traynor, then that same cheeky grin spread across her face. Both women came to either side of her immediately and helped her up into a more comfortable position.

"Commander..." Samantha exhaled, glad to see she was alright.

"Sorry for giving you a heart-attack, Traynor," Shepard joked, "I'm fine now. Are you sticking around?"

"I..." Traynor looked to Dr Chakwas for permission.

"Stay if you want," she replied kindly, "Just don't let her talk you into cracking opening my Serrice Ice Brandy. She can be very charming when she wants to be."

Samantha giggled. "Yes, Ma'am. You have my word."

Dr Chakwas bid them goodnight and exited the Med-bay, the door swishing closed behind her. Traynor turned back to Shepard then, taking a seat beside her once more.

"So," she began awkwardly, grasping for a topic.

_God, Samantha, think of something! You're normally better at this._

Shepard snorted. "Your bedtime manner is a little rusty, Traynor. Did you even bring me gift?"

Sam chuckled. "I brought you some water," she replied lamely.

"Wait, real water? Like, from a bottle? Oh, Specialist you shouldn't have!" Shepard joked, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"God, you're so witty, Commander."

Shepard winked at her. "I try."

"There's food as well if you're hungry," Traynor replied, rolling her eyes. Shepard grinned and reached over, opening the glass vial and tipping its contents into her mouth. Seeing a thin drip of water stream down her chin and along her throat, Samantha swallowed hard. _Oh, wow...Something about that is incredibly sexy. _It was a while before she realised Shepard was staring at her.

"Is there...something wrong?" the Commander asked lightly, eyebrows raised as she followed Samantha's gaze to her own neckline.

"N-no," Samantha stammered, composing herself. _Stop staring at her breasts! _"I was just..." She cleared her throat. "You spilled a little... down your shirt."

Shepard looked down again, a hint of cleavage peeking out over the v-necked shirt she was wearing. It was shining with moisture. She wiped it away without another thought, not knowing Samantha was trying very hard to wrestling down her growing feelings towards her. The Commander then began to check the food Traynor had brought.

"Want some?" she asked, offering out a curried dish to her. Traynor cringed and backed away.

"No thanks, I'm allergic."

"To curry?" Shepard asked surprised. "I love curry."

"To a lot of things actually. Curry, dust...cats."

"Hey, relax, I wasn't asking you to eat pussy," Shepard blurted out.

Seeing the Commander cringe at herself then, Samantha burst out laughing. "Well, I'm glad to see it's not just me who can't keep my foot out of my mouth," she teased. Shepard chuckled.

"Apparently not. I'm worse, believe me...Anyway, what brings you down here to see me?" she asked interestedly, looking back up at Traynor again, trying to shift topics quickly, "Everyone else usually just takes bets on how long I'll last before I try to escape with the monitors still attached."

Samantha chuckled. "Hmm, I'd pay to see that," she teased, "I don't know, I guess I just wanted to see what a real bullet wound looked like. I hear you have a lot of them, trouble-magnet that you are."

Shepard laughed. "You've got a lot of balls, back-cheeking your Commanding Officer, Specialist."

Samantha backtracked at once. "Oh...I'm...Excuse me, Ma'am I—" Shepard's laughter interrupted her once more and she giggled a little herself then. _God, she is so annoying._ "You know, one of these days I'm going to get your sense of humour."

Shepard reached out and placed a heavily scarred hand over hers then. Traynor froze, surprised at the softness of her skin, despite its apparent roughness. _What's happening here? _she wondered, her breath catching in her throat.

"Sorry," the Commander said, stroking her hand comfortingly. Her eyes were warm, inviting almost. Samantha felt herself quiver. "I just can't resist teasing you. You're too easy."

_I'm a different kind of easy right now I think._

She glanced down at Shepard's full, red lips, feeling her mouth water. Knowing she had to get out of there before she did something stupid, Samantha leapt to her feet like she'd been shocked, letting the Commander's hand fall. "I...I have to go. I forgot I was supposed to update the Drive Core with EDI," she lied, improvising a reason to escape. Shepard looked confused, and a little hurt too.

_Balls, I'm walking out on her again, aren't I?_

"Oh," the woman replied, taken aback by the abruptness of this announcement. "Er...will you come by later? I could sure use some company and it's only you and Liara off duty."

"I...Maybe," Samantha replied, feeling some kind of tension between them. _Is it sexual tension? _She slowly backed away from Shepard's bed then, accidentally knocking over a platter of medical tools behind her. "Crap!" she squeaked, hearing them clatter to the floor noisily. As quickly as she could she bent over to pick them up, then turned back to Shepard, her face burning again. The Commander was smiling once more, looking amused as she so often did by the awkwardness of Samantha's demeanour around her. She seemed to enjoy seeing her flustered.

"I'll hopefully see you later then, Specialist."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am...I'll...See you..."

Hoping to get out of the room before she made any more blunders, Samantha fought the urge to run, feeling Shepard's eyes on her. When the door to the infirmary closed, she lay back against it and exhaled, feeling her heart thump wildly in her chest. _Oh God..._All of a sudden her Omni-tool reactivated the door and it reopened. Traynor let out a little yelp as fell backwards into the Med-bay, landing on the ground rather ungraciously. Commander Shepard burst out laughing at once, as Samantha sprung to her feet, fixing her disheveled clothes.

"Ma'am!" she breathed, her eyes wide with surprise at what had just happened.

"Are you alright?" Shepard asked sympathetically, trying to hold back her laughter.

"Fine!" Samantha replied in a high-pitched voice, "Faulty door...Mechanism's gone...See you, Shep."

She rushed out as fast as she could, hearing Shepard's continued laughter follow her all the way to the elevator. When she had rounded the corner and was sure she was out of the Commander's view, Traynor sunk on to the wall and covered her face in her hands. She punched the elevator button with her hands and waited for it to arrive, silently berating herself over and over for yet again, making a fool out of herself in front of someone she had a crush on. _Falling on my ass? Check! Flirting with a VI? Check! Standing her up? Check! Almost poisoning her?...Good Lord, I...am...hopeless._

As the elevator _binged_ beside her, Samantha crawled inside, pressing the button to the Shuttle Bay and figuring she might as well pay James a visit. He was very good with distractions, and after that last embarrassing scene with Commander Shepard, a distraction was exactly just what she needed to regain a bit of her dignity.


	5. Chapter 5

"Get the fuck off me, you Batarian bastard!"

"Shepard, no!"

Lieutenant Vega jumped up from his chair and shoved Samantha aside. Before she could ask what the hell he was doing, James had flung himself across the makeshift poker table in Dock D24, sending the chips flying in the air as he rushed to the corner of the hall through a small crowd of refugees to break up a scuffle between Commander Shepard and a wanted Batarian fugitive. Seeing the action, Traynor followed suit. _Oh God, is that Shepard? He's going to kill her!_

"Die, human scum!"

"You first, you fucking wank-stain!" Shepard growled back, struggling against the man's fingers around her throat. He had her pressed to the ground. "I had... no choice but to blow up your system. The Reapers would have gotten here sooner!"

"ARRRGGHGH!"

"Get off her!" Vega yelled, reaching down and grabbing the crazed Batarian in a bear hug, lifting him completely off his feet as he kicked and screamed in protest. Even amidst the chaos, Traynor had to take a second to admire his strength. _Good Lord, he's a beast! _Commander Shepard got up off the ground then, breathing heavily, and dusted herself off. She snorted with laughter, reached down and grabbed the Batarian's gun, which seconds before had been pointed directly at her face. Before Vega could do much more than shout in protest, Shepard aimed it at the alien in his clutches and pulled the trigger, showering her Lieutenant in its guts, along with a few innocent bystanders. Samantha recoiled, stunned, feeling her face splash with blood. _Did she...Holy crap! _A few of the crowd began to scream and backed away. Just then, a C-Sec agent who Shepard had been taking directions from burst through.

"Commander, are you alright?" she asked worriedly, coming to the Alliance hero's aid.

"I am now," Shepard replied coldly, a satisfied grin on her face as she stared down at the lump bodily remains. "One less Batarian cunt to worry about. He was the one responsible for all the weird shit going on. That crashed shuttle full of Alliance personnel was his doing too."

"What?" James blurted out, looking down at the dead Batarian furiously, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Apologies for putting you in danger like that," the C-Sec agent said. "Thank you for your assistance in this matter. I'll radio for help and get this mess cleaned up." She turned to the crowd of refugees, all of whom looked like they'd seen enough fighting to last a lifetime. "Clear out people. Nothing to see here!"

Samantha unfroze, as members of each race pushed past her to escape. She realised she had been staring at Commander Shepard the whole time, her mouth agape, wondering to herself if she knew the woman at all. _I...Did she really just...Kill him? _She knew the Commander was a born killer, some said mercilessly so, but a part of her had always thought Shepard only killed when she had to, when there was something or someone to be saved. _But James had the Batarian under control, right? He was restrained! She didn't need to kill him at all, he was clearly just distressed at the loss of his people. _Lieutenant Vega seemed to be thinking along the same lines. He was arguing with Shepard, holding out his arms, drenched in what was left of the Batarian renegade. When her ears had finally stopped ringing after the surprising gunshot, Traynor caught wind of what he was saying.

"...had him under control, Commander," James yelled angrily, "You didn't have to fucking execute him!"

"Do you always question your Commanding Officers, Vega?" Shepard replied coldly. James exhaled.

"No, Ma'am... I guess I'd just like a bit of warning next time before a bullet comes flying past my head," he replied smartly.

"I had it," Shepard replied, ironing out a creak in her neck, a painful expression on her face. "You didn't have to intervene."

"Actually I did," Vega replied firmly, "I got your back, Shepard. That's what I'm here for."

Shepard stared at him. A moment passed between the two, full of unspoken mutual respect.

"Good," Shepard replied finally, giving him a curt nod. "I appreciate it, James. I guess... Batarians still get to me after all these years. I may have over reacted a little."

Vega nodded, understanding. "I know, Commander. I'd have pulled the trigger myself, had you asked."

"Well I didn't!" Shepard replied, her voice turning cold once more. She brought a hand to her head then, massaging her temples and closing her eyes for a few moments. Traynor had never seen her this way before. She seemed so unstable. It was unsettling to say the least. "What difference does it make which one of us killed him? He's dead, right? I just wish I'd got him sooner before all those humans were murdered!"

"I hear you," Vega said softly. "Shit... I'd... better go get cleaned up." He held out his hand. Shepard grasped it tightly, staring him dead in the eye.

"Good work, Lieutenant. I owe you a beer."

"Ma'am."

Vega's blood-soaked face still looked stony as he walked past Traynor, patting her on the shoulder, leaving just her and Commander Shepard standing beside a big pile of Batarian goo. Samantha desperately wanted to flee, seeing Shepard was agitated, but a part of her was too terrified to move. She didn't even know if she could. Thankfully, the Commander acknowledged her first.

"Are you alright, Traynor?" she asked concerned, her voice sounding a little more like normal. Her expression became a little softer as she saw the fear in Samantha's wide, brown eyes. Sam exhaled. _Am I...? No, I'm not bloody alright. You just killed that Batarian in cold blood! _Seeing the answer etched all over her face, Shepard seemed to guess what she was thinking. She took a few steps towards the Comm Specialist, slowly, cautiously, as though trying not to startle her. "Hey...It's over...Let's go for a walk."

Still unable to speak, Samantha simply nodded, allowing the Commander to take her by the hand and lead her away from staring eyes. _Where are we going? s_he wondered, looking at the back of Shepard's head. _I... think I'm in some kind of... shock. _The Commander didn't say a word until they were alone in the Citadel elevator, heading to the Presidium Commons. She released Sam's hand then and took a deep breath, leaning back against the wall for support.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Shepard said gently, both of them staring at the door as the lift ascended, determinedly not looking at each other. It was a few seconds before Sam found her voice.

"Why... Why did you kill him, Ma'am?" she asked warily, unable to get the image out of her mind. _My God, his head just...exploded! It was like a bloody lab experiment gone wrong!_

Shepard exhaled loudly. "It's what I do," she said simply.

Traynor turned to look at her then. She didn't look at all like the woman a few days previous, who had joked and laughed on her hospital bed, winding Samantha up despite having two bullet wounds and a heart monitor strapped to her chest.

The elevator doors swung open, revealing the beautiful, peaceful view of the Presidium. Shepard threw Samantha a fleeting, painful look, feeling herself being silently scrutinized, and both of them began to walk, strolling down the numerous marble steps together until they could go no further. Commander Shepard leaned on the railings overlooking the elegant gardens and stared up at the exquisite scenery. Traynor mirrored her. _Christ, it is gorgeous here, _she thought, feeling herself suddenly calmer, _I can't believe I've never seen this part of the Citadel before. _An image of the Batarian's head exploding flashed across her mind again. She flinched, closing her eyes, before finally finding the courage to speak once more.

"You could have let him go..."

Traynor felt Shepard's eyes on her as she craned her neck to watch the numerous, multi-coloured sky-cars fly by overhead. The Commander turned away then, sensing that Samantha was trying not to make eye contact with her for fear of what she would find. Her head dropped, and she took a few seconds to reply.

"Actually...I couldn't," she said through gritted teeth.

Traynor glanced over at her, surprised at her answer. "Why?" she whimpered.

She heard Shepard's heavy breaths, as though the woman was struggling with some inner demons. Although she couldn't see Shepard's face, Samantha wasn't sure she wanted to in that moment. _God, she's...in pieces. _Finally the Commander straightened up. She turned to Samantha, who saw a quick, flicker of orange behind the bloodshot, emerald eyes before her. It was a startling sight. Shepard's irises flashed dangerously.

"Because I promised myself the day those _fucking_ slavers slaughtered my family and friends that I'd kill every last one of them that got in my way," she replied harshly, a fire burning in the depths of her very soul.

Samantha swallowed hard, finally understanding where all this unexpected rage had come from. _Oh no._ "You're from Mindoir..." she whispered, the realisation hitting her her at last.

Shepard nodded.

Samantha closed her eyes for few seconds, wincing. _God...And I thought what happened back on Horizon was bad._

In that moment, a muscle tensed in Commander Shepard's jaw and a deep gash appeared along the side of her face as though sliced by an invisible blade.

"ARGHH!" she exclaimed, covering it with her hand.

"Ma'am!?"

Samantha reached out and placed a hand on her back, seeing Shepard double over the railing in pain. After a minute or so, the Commander retracted the hand from her face, looking down and seeing blood smudged along her fingers.

"Shit," she gasped, beginning to tremble.

_Good Lord, she's shaking!_

It was then that Samantha noticed a bright orange glow under the slice on Shepard's cheek, where blood had spilled only moments before. It wasn't so different from the colour shining behind her pupils. _So this is what Dr Chakwas was talking about, _she thought worriedly, _Shepard's body is rejecting the implants every time she's put under strain...The strain seems to be a mental issue though, as though the stress levels in the brainwaves are sending messages to the rest of the synthetic frame, pushing it out...through her skin!_

"Are you alright, Ma'am?" Traynor said softly, feeling rather stupid for even asking the question. _Her face just split in open! Of course she's not alright, idiot! _

Shepard gave her a half-hearted smile.

"Sure, I'm just a little early for Halloween," she teased, sounding almost like her normal self, "Didn't I tell you? I'm going as my alter ego."

Traynor smiled then, against her will, rubbing the Commander's back. _God, that sense of humour will be the death of her some day. _"Do you fancy a drink?" she asked softly, her brown eyes staring into Shepard's green ones. A moment passed between them, where neither spoke. Then the Commander nodded.

"Like you wouldn't believe."

She allowed Samantha to help her over to the nearest table and gestured to the waitress. A grim looking Asari approached their table.

"What'll it be, kids?"

"I'll have a whiskey," Shepard said, without reading the menu. "The Irish kind if you've got it."

"We don't," the waitress replied in a rather bored voice. "We have the...Scottish kind, whatever that is."

"I'll take it."

"And for you?" the Asari asked, turning to Traynor. Samantha hesitated.

"Um...Same."

"Coming right up."

The waitress snatched the menus from them and strolled back to the counter. Samantha waited until she was sure they were out of earshot before speaking.

"So..." she began awkwardly, staring across the table at her Commander, eager to delve a little deeper than Shepard had let her so far. "Mindoir, huh?"

Shepard sighed, that dark look appearing in her eyes once more. "Yeah..."

Samantha watched her rub her hands together, seemingly looking for something to do that didn't involve staring directly at her. _It's as though she's afraid of letting me see past this mask she wears everyday...Not that I blame her. The Galaxy hasn't exactly been kind to her over the years, and the press even worse!  
_

"Sorry," Samantha said softly, having never seen Shepard look so uncomfortable. "If I'd have known I'd..."

"What? _Not_ been afraid of me?" Shepard said, glancing up at her with a wry smile. "You're not a soldier, Traynor. It's alright for you to be scared by what you saw. I'm sorry to say that's all in a day's work for me though."

"I just..." Samantha sighed, shaking her head. She didn't know what she was trying to say and began fidgeting with her own hands. "Forgive me, Ma'am, but...Do you really think killing every Batarian you see is going to bring back those who you lost back home?"

Shepard's laugh sounded almost hollow, as though she was forcing it. "Hell, it's worth a shot," she joked.

Hearing the bitter sarcasm on her voice, Samantha was glad when the waitress finally delivered their drinks. Shepard's barely touched the table before it was being tipped down her throat. Traynor watched her closely, noticing the numerous scars criss-crossing along the pale skin that stretched along Shepard's neck. _I never saw those before. _She wasn't sure she particularly liked seeing this side of her. It was as though seeing her kill that Batarian had cracked the illusion she'd cooked up in her head about the woman she was gradually falling for, or rather had that image cooked up by Alliance propaganda, portraying Shepard as some kind of hero when she was clearly something else entirely. Samantha could never have imagined the woman to be so...heartless.

"I know what you're thinking," Shepard said then, all trace of humour gone now. She placed her half-empty glass back down on the small, round white table, though keeping her hand wrapped around it as though it was a lifeline. Samantha looked up, reluctantly meeting her gaze.

"You do?" she asked, hoping to God that she didn't. _Balls, i__t's too damn cruel to even say out loud. _

The Commander nodded, running a hand over the glowing cut on her cheek once more.

"Believe me, I tell myself that exact same thing every time I look in the mirror."

She glanced down, seeing more blood on her fingers and rubbed it on her N7 jacket. Traynor felt a little guilty then. _She thinks I'm judging her...And I totally am but...Do I have any right to? None of us would be here right now if it wasn't for her.  
_

"Is it unfair of me to think you heartless?" she asked timidly, hoping not to offend.

Shepard's green eyes cut through her then. "You think _I'm _heartless?" she asked coldly, her temper flaring a little, "Let me tell you a little story, Specialist...and then you can decide for yourself."

Samantha gulped. _Crap, I think I touched a nerve!_

Shepard took another sip of her whiskey then exhaled, before delving deep into some rather unpleasant memories that she clearly would prefer to leave well alone. "I was sixteen when the Batarian's arrived on Mindoir," she began hoarsely, staring down into the depths of her glass, swirling its contents. "My father was hanging clean clothes in the garden, laughing as he watched me imitate the neighbours. My mother was long gone by that stage. Bitch... She didn't stick around much after giving birth to me...Broke my father's heart and headed back to Earth. I heard she started to run with a few pirate clans a few years after. I have no idea what happened to her. I couldn't give a flying fuck anymore...But my father and I?" Shepard smiled fondly, reminiscing, "We were the _best_ of friends. I used to curl up beside him on the chair to watch Biotiball when I was really young. This day in particular was supposed to be no different, just me and him as usual...But then they came...The wretched slaver-ships...and my entire world was set ablaze in the blink of an eye. I woke up on my back, having been knocked out cold, my eyes stinging, lungs clogged up with soot. I couldn't breathe. I remember looking around me. The first, and believe it or not, only thing I can recall from the fires that day was my father..._burning_ to death in front of me, _screaming_ for me to help him! And I tried, Samantha...I tried with all my fucking might but I just..."

Shepard slammed her fist down on the table hard, making Sam jump. For the first time, Traynor noticed a few burn marks on the side of Shepard's left hand, spiraling up her wrist like a flame.

"Commander..." She breathed, feeling extremely guilty now for what she'd said. Her brown eyes had filled with tears without her realising.

"No," Shepard said angrily, shaking her head, "You see? If I_'m_ the one without a heart, then it's only because those bastard Batarian's ripped it out of me!"

Traynor immediately regretted her earlier words, seeing the harshness of them now. _Oh Lord, why did I even say it? I should have kept my mouth shut! _

"What did you do after?" she asked in a whisper, curious despite not wanting to upset Shepard further. This was clearly a distressing topic for her.

"An Alliance patrol picked me up not long after," Shepard revealed, her voice returning to its previous hoarseness once more. "They brought me back to Earth but before I could enlist in the military I ran away...Lived on the streets for a bit before running into Admiral Anderson again." She smiled then. "That man saved my life countless times over after that...But it still didn't make up for the father I'd lost."

Samantha quickly hid a tear that had escaped out of the corner of her eye before Shepard could see. Without knowing what else to do, she picked up her full glass of whiskey and held it high. "To your father," she said softly, giving Shepard a small smile. "I do apologise for what I said, Ma'am. I don't know a thing about your life. It was wrong for me to even think for a moment that I did."

Shepard's distraught expression lessened at her words, and she managed to mirror Traynor's smile. She raised her glass, clinking it against Samantha's and downing the dregs in the bottom. Samantha breathed a sigh of relief. She tossed her own whiskey back too then, forgetting that it was raw. Feeling the warm liquid hit the back of her throat, she began to choke.

"Oh..._Christ!"_

Despite her sombre mood, Shepard couldn't help but snigger. She reached over and smacked Traynor's back a few times, helping her get it all up as whiskey began to pour from both her nostrils.

"Not much of a whiskey drinker, are you?" the Commander teased, laughing. Eyes watering, Samantha shook her head.

"You got me," she croaked, sliding her glass across the table towards Shepard and clearing her throat once more. Shepard was still chuckling when she had finally composed herself. Traynor brought both hands to her cheeks, knowing she was blushing.

_Absolutely. Mortified._

"I gotta say, Samantha," Shepard began, eyeing the woman fondly, "It's been really great having you aboard the Normandy...Today especially."

"Oh...Thanks," Sam replied, feeling her heart flutter at the compliment, "I mean, who else would you see falling backwards through a closed door and land on their ass?"

At her words, both of them fell into giggles. The tension of the last few minutes seemed to drown in their laughter. It was almost as though none of it had happened. They were just two women, sitting together at a cafe on the Presidium, enjoying a much needed drink.

"Good point," Shepard teased, "How _is _your backside after that?... Or your dignity, should I say?"

"Both bruised," Traynor replied, ducking her face coyly, "How's your own backside, if I may be so bold?"

"You may," Shepard said with a cheeky wink, "It's pretty peachy, actually. I don't do much sitting around, but sometimes my armor rubs against it like a mother-fuc...Sorry."

Traynor chuckled. "What? Don't like to curse in front of your subordinates?" she teased. "Could have fooled me."

"Ah, it's not that, I just... think I've scarred you enough for one day," Shepard joked. There was a certain truth to her words, despite the humour she hid behind. She took a sip of Samantha's whiskey then, watching it swirl around the glass. "I _am_ sorry about earlier, Traynor. God, you looked so terrified...You were staring at me like I was a monster."

"I...was a bit, wasn't I?" Samantha cringed, her tone apologetic. She felt terrible for how she had reacted. "I've just never really seen you in action before, Ma'am. The legends, they speak of countless battles, painting you as this..._God, _or something...I just never thought you'd be so..."

Her voice trailed off, embarrassed to say it, trying not to be as judgemental as she had been a few minutes before.

"Ruthless?" Shepard offered, grimacing.

Samantha swallowed hard, then nodded reluctantly. "Sorry..."

Shepard took a deep breath then, and knocked back another mouthful of whiskey to sedate her. She looked away, staring out the Presidium once more. _There's that pain etched across her face again, _Samantha thought sadly, wishing there was something she could do.

"I wasn't always like this, Traynor..."

After a second of hesitation, Samantha finally bit the bullet and reached across the table before she could stop herself, covering the Commander's scarred hand with her own, caressing it gently. Shepard's eyes met hers then, surprised, but warm. Samantha's breath caught. In that moment, as she stared into the swimming green orbs before her, she saw that as intimidating and fearsome as Commander Shepard was, she was also just human like the rest of them. She glanced down at the Commander's lips just like she had done days ago in the Med-bay, anticipating their touch, their taste. _Oh Lord, I'd so love to kiss her..._

"Shepard..."

Shepard's eyes danced between either of Sam's, taking them in fully for the first time, soaking up whatever seemed to be spilling out of them despite the Comm Specialist's best attempts to keep her feelings in check.

"Liara..."

_Wait...What?_

"Eh...It's Samantha actually," she corrected.

"No. _Liara!_" Shepard said pointedly, breaking from their gaze, pulling her hand out from under Samantha's and springing to her feet. Suddenly the Asari in question appeared over Traynor's right shoulder. Samantha looked up in surprise and saw Dr T'Soni staring down at her with a smile.

"Specialist Traynor," she greeted her kindly, "Nice to see you off the Normandy."

"N-nice to see you out of your room too," Traynor replied, trying to compose herself. "I... guess neither of us gets much downtime, these days." She gave a nervous giggle and got to her feet too, then slid out from behind the chair.

"Lieutenant Vega told me about the Batarian," Liara said worriedly, turning to the Commander, "Shepard, what were you thinking? Goddess, look at you face! Let me see!"

Samantha lingered awkwardly, watching as the Asari reached out and took Shepard's face in her hands, examining the deep, glowing cut. Traynor shifted her weight from one foot to the other then cleared her throat.

"I'll...just be going then. You seem to be in good hands, Commander."

"Samantha, wait, I—"

"See you on the ship, Shep!"

Before Shepard could say another word, Samantha rushed off, feeling a warm blush rise in her cheeks. _Good Lord! _The elevator opened its doors to reveal the Normandy's docking bay and before Samantha knew it she was aboard the ship itself, wondering how she got there so quickly, even though she had practically almost ran the entire distance. She quickly rushed down to the Crew's Quarters and entered the girl's bathroom, turning on the crappy facets and tossing cold water over her face. _God, that was...intense. What was I thinking? _She looked up into the mirror overhead, watching droplets of water stream from the ends of her dark brown hair. Thinking back to the smouldering green depths of Commander Shepard's eyes, she felt herself go weak in the knees. _Stop this! _she begged herself silently, closing her own eyes and trying to block out the feelings of attraction that were spreading from every inch of her body. _Oh Lord, I can't do this any longer. I'm going to have to do a better job of controlling my emotions around her. _Thinking of what might have happened had Liara not interrupted, Samantha grasped the edges of the sink, her heart threatening to burst out of her chest. She closed her eyes, pushing the notion to the back of her mind. _This is ridiculous. We're here to do a job, Samantha, that's all. You go down this route, girl, and it'll only end in tears...Just like what happened with Elena._

Seeing Commander Shepard's face be replaced with her ex-girlfriends then, Traynor was finally able to pull herself together. She took a deep breath, drying her face off on the end of a clean towel and exiting the bathroom, making her way back up the CIC in the Normandy's elevator. As the doors swung open, she walked over to her terminal and began to busy herself, checking her emails and beginning to forwards any correspondence on that demanded Shepard's attention. As she neared the bottom of the list of incoming communications, a familiar name caught her eye. She froze.

_**Sender:** Dr. Elena Torres Sanz, Spanish Alliance_

_**Recipient: **Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor, Alliance Normandy SR2_

Samantha's jaw dropped. _What...__You've got to be bloody kidding me! _Her hand hovered over the delete button momentarily, wondering if she should even read it or not. _The nerve! What would she be writing to me for? I think I made it clear where I stood last time we talked. _To Samantha's dismay, her gluttonous curiosity and obvious desire for punishing herself got the better of her. Cursing her lack of self-control, and cursing Elena even more, she reluctantly touched the terminal to open the email and began to read.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Feliz Navidad a todos/as ;) With all my presents wrapped I decided to throw myself into another chapter for you all. This will be a mix of drama and fuzziness (you'll see xD) Hope you all enjoy. I've also made a Deviant Art page under the same pen name (minus the spaces) if any one's interested. Might start drawing again soon...Anyhoo, Now **__**I'm off for a beer...or six :P**_

* * *

"Checkmate! Pay up, Stevie boy!"

Samantha got to her feet and did a little victory jig as Cortez and Vega both leaned over, wrecking their brains, staring intently at the holographic chess board balancing on a crate in front of the Normandy's shuttle pilot, wondering how the hell he had lost.

_And the crowd goes wild! _

Vega laughed loudly, patting Steve on the shoulder in consolation.

"Hard luck, Esteban. She played you like a fiddle!"

Cortez sighed, shaking his head at the board then looking up at Samantha with a grin. He reluctantly reached into his pocket and handed her one hundred credits.

"Well played, Ma'am. I still have no idea what just happened there," he lamented, glancing down at the game's finished product.

"You got outplayed. Simple as that!" Samantha said smugly, wearing a playful smirk. "I'm something of a chess master, you know."

"Yeah, only when you're playing against us," James said grumpily, folding his arms and staring down at her. "We _suck!_ Have Commander Shepard a game sometime. She'll put you down HARD!"

Traynor paused. _Hard?_ A smile crossed her lips._ Shepard plays chess? Interesting... _The two of them hadn't spoken of much more than business in the last few weeks, despite the deep conversation they had shared back on the Presidium. A part of Samantha still couldn't help but think about what might have happened had it not been for the untimely interruption from Liara. Occasionally as she stood at her terminal in the CIC, she would chance a quick glance in Shepard's direction, as the Commander examined the Galaxy Map, her face contorted in concentration. She looked a little less stressful as of late, having finally gotten the Turians and Krogan to bury the hatchet for the sake of the Reapers, bartering an uneasy alliance between them. Yet there was more work to be done, and as usual it was all up to her to do it.

"Anyway," Samantha continued, "Thanks for the creds, Cortez. I'll be putting these to good use."

"On your date?" James teased.

Samantha blushed. "It's not a date!" she protested, "I'm just...meeting up with my ex... to talk. Nothing more."

"Ah, stop ruining my fantasies, Specialist," Vega joked, "It's bad for my morale. Please tell me you're going to do a bit more than talk?"

Traynor sniggered and shoved him playfully. "It is _not _a date," she insisted.

"That's not what Joker said," Cortez informed her.

"Christ, how does Joker know?" Traynor gushed. "Who else bloody knows about this? I haven't told a soul."

Vega exchanged a shifty look with Steve. "Uh, let's see..." He began to count them up in his head. "Joker, Liara, Garrus, Chakwas, Allers, Jack, Kaidan, Sarah, Wrex, Tali...that Turian Primarch...Heck, I bet even Shepard knows!" he said, laughing.

Traynor's sighed, shaking her head. "EDI..." she rued.

_Shepard knows? Ugh...For an AI, EDI sure can gossip. I must remember to update the encryption key on my private emails again._

"So, what are you going to wear?" Cortez asked.

"I was wondering that myself actually."

The three of them spun around. Shepard was standing beside them, leaning on one of the crates that was shielding them from view of the rest of the shuttle bay. She had a teasing grin on her face, with eyes for no one but Samantha. Traynor's heart swelled with desire as the green eyes of her Commanding Officer delved deep into hers.

Samantha's mouth fell open. C_rap, what _am _I going to wear?_

"Oh, bollocks...I don't know. I-I hadn't given it much thought. All my clothes are back on Earth...Oh, why didn't anyone say anything!? I'm meeting her in two bloody hours!"

Shepard laughed musically, as Traynor began to freak out a little. She straightened up and eased past Vega and Cortez, who were trying not to snigger. "Alright, Specialist, you're coming with me."

Before Sam could ask where, the Commander had grabbed her hand and pulled her out from behind the shuttle where they were playing chess, leading her towards the elevator.

"See ya, Nerd! I want details when you get back!" Vega called after her, he and Cortez laughing to themselves. Samantha blushed. She was so worked up that she was out of breath by the time they reached the elevator. She took her inhaler out of pocket and squirted it into her mouth, breathing in sharply.

"So," Shepard began playfully, as the lift closed its doors and began to bring them up to her private quarters. "Nervous?"

"It's NOT a date!" Traynor said, for what seemed like the millionth time today. _Ugh..._She ran her hands through her dark brown hair, feeling rather stressed all of a sudden.

"Hey, I didn't say it was," Shepard chuckled, holding her hands up in surrender, "My question still stands though. You look like you need a shot of bourbon...or six."

Traynor exhaled. "Sorry," she apologised, "I suppose I am a little nervous. I have no idea what to expect."

"Well, there's only one thing _to _expect when an ex invites you out to dinner," Shepard informed her, throwing her a cheeky wink. Samantha looked at her strangely.

"There is?" she asked.

_No one told me this._

The Commander rolled her eyes. "Shit, you really are a geek," she teased, laughing to herself, "Come on. Shep to the rescue...as usual."

As the elevator doors opened, Shepard took her by the hand again and led her into her quarters, then let her go, leaving her standing in the middle of the giant room as she rummaged in the silver wardrobe beside her bed. Samantha had only been here once before with Shepard present, on the very day she met her when she gave her a virtual tour of the Normandy's new features. Apart from that and since helping out with the retrofits back on Earth, she had only seen the outside hall. The Commander had certainly put her personal touch on the whole place though. It had her character.

"You room is gorgeous!" Sam exclaimed, taking a sweeping look around before becoming entranced by the massive fish tank built into the wall. A few tropical fish lay dead, floating atop the water. Shepard grinned.

"I'm glad you think so," she said, chuckling, tossing a few dresses onto her double bed. She saw Samantha's expression at the dead fish and walked over beside her. "Oh...My old Yeomen Kelly used to feed them for me...I guess I forgot...again."

Samantha giggled. "Again? Christ, how many fish have you bought?"

Shepard made a face, looking shifty. "Uh...some?"

Samantha couldn't help but laugh at the innocent expression the Commander wore. _She's so...cute...Who would have thought?_

"Here, come down and see if you like any of these," Shepard said then, turning her back on the mountain of dead fish and skipping back to her bed. Curious, Samantha walked down the couple of steps that led to a small, elegant sitting area and approached the collection of dresses the Commander had hocked out for her. Shepard began to pull out more, flinging them over her shoulder without looking, as though having little care for them herself. Samantha pulled one off her head and placed it on the bed next to the others.

"My, where on Earth did you get all these?" she asked interestedly, holding a few up, seeing the tags on them and knowing they were expensive. _God, I couldn't even afford one of these on a year's wages from the Alliance._

Shepard closed the door to her silver cupboard and spun around. "Uh...I don't know," she admitted, examining a few herself as though she'd never seen them before in her life, "Some are from space. Designers just give me things, hoping I'll wear them to fancy ceremonies to boost their sales. Advertising their brand or something...I don't think they realise that half of my job includes climbing around ventilation ducts, being shot at, while the other half is me stopping diplomats from spitting their dummies out of the pram every time something goes wrong in the Galaxy."

Traynor giggled. "Oh, I'd just love to see you try crawling around ducts in this," she teased, holding up a thin black, silk dress that looked very short indeed. Shepard couldn't help but laugh. She snatched it from her as Samantha chuckled, her face turning the same colour as her hair. _Is Commander Shepard actually blushing? _She took another dress the woman handed to her, feeling the softness of Shepard's skin graze against hers momentarily as their hands touched. Sparks travelled the length of Samantha's arm, making her quiver. _Oh, God, not again! Why can't I be over her already?...Or under her?_

"I think I've only worn this the once," Shepard said, staring down at the black dress before tossing it back on her bed. "It'd look better on you I imagine."

Sam smiled at the hint of a compliment as she leaned over, hiding her face from the Commander and pretending to check out the rest of the dresses. In reality, she just couldn't get the mental image of Commander Shepard in a tight silk dress out of her head. _I think I'll disagree with you on that one, Shep. You'd win, hands down. _Oblivious to the sexy show Samantha had going on in her mind, Shepard flopped down on the bed in front of her, leaning her head on her hand and looking up into her eyes.

"So," she began, a cheeky grin spreading from ear to ear, "Elena, huh?"

The smile fell from Traynor's face. "Yip...Though I don't know why I'm even bothering, if I'm honest."

"So don't go," Shepard said bluntly, shrugging her shoulder.

Sam looked down at her and exhaled. "I...It's not that simple," she replied, busying herself with the outfits once more.

"Isn't it?" Shepard asked, shrugging again, "If you don't want to see her, then don't. No one's forcing you to. I could think of better things we could do on the Citadel. I mean, can you imagine someone making me do something I didn't want to?"

Despite her nerves, Samantha found herself laughing. Shepard seemed to have that effect on her, even when she wasn't feeling much like herself.

"No, I couldn't," she giggled, "But I'm not you, Commander. Unfortunately I'm not as good with a gun."

Shepard lay back on her bed and laughed loudly. "Shit! What the hell did Elena do to make you consider bringing a gun on a date?" she asked, amused.

Sam grinned cheekily. "Excuse me but, you brought a gun on your first date with Kaidan, did you not?" she accused, "He told me when I went to Huerta Memorial to bring him his things from the Normandy."

"Hey, number one: That was _not_ a date, and number two: This is _me_ we're talking about," Shepard chuckled, "Hell, I have to bring a gun to the bathroom with me! Everywhere I go trouble follows... I notice Kaidan conveniently forgot that two seconds into our supposed 'first date' some Blue Sun Mercs tried to kill me though."

Samantha sniggered. "Hmm, he didn't mention that part actually."

"Well, he wouldn't, would he?" she scoffed, her voice turning a little bitter then, "He knew I wasn't into him that way but insisted I would feel different after a date... His selective memory always makes me out to be a cold-blooded bitch."

"Cold-blooded?" Samantha repeated, giving her an inquisitive look. Shepard nodded, giving her a wry smile and flung herself back down on the bed once more, one arm resting over her head. She was staring up through the skylight into space above her, looking as though she thought the whole, entire Galaxy had misread her. Traynor took a deep breath, plucking up the courage to say what she was thinking. "With all do respect, Ma'am, I think you're anything but."

Shepard looked up at her, pleasantly surprised. "You do?" she asked, "Even after out last visit to the Citadel?"

Traynor smiled, remembering. "In fact, that's what made me realise it," she admitted, "When we shared that drink on the Presidium together..."

A calm silence followed her words. After staring at her for a few seconds, Commander Shepard smiled, a quiet laugh escaping her lips. She stared down at her hands, fiddling with them just like she had that day, as though if she stared at Samantha any longer her deepest secrets would escape. _God, she can be such a girl sometimes, _Traynor realised, feeling suddenly very fuzzy and warm inside. _Far from being cold-blooded, I think she's rather misunderstood more than anything._

Shepard slid off the bed then and got to her feet, meeting Sam's warm brown eyes once more with a stunning emerald gaze of her own.

"Thanks," she whispered sincerely, as though hearing that from someone else had made her day.

Traynor returned the smile and gave her a little nod. "You're welcome, Ma'am."

Shepard chuckled once more, giving her a warm smile then squeezing her arm affectionately as she passed.

"Take whatever dress you want," she called over her shoulder, jumping up the little staircase in front of the fish tank. "I have to get back to work unfortunately. Make-up's on the desk. Shoes are in the bottom drawer. You're a six, right?"

"I am," Samantha replied, staring longingly after the Commander as she strutted her way to the door. _God, that figure..._"Thanks for this, Ma'am. I really appreciate it."

Shepard turned back when she reached the door. "Good luck, Traynor. Try to have fun, won't you? The Reapers will catch up to us soon, but remember, you don't have to live forever... you just have to live."

Throwing her a wink and one last smile , Shepard then took her leave, the door sliding shut behind her. Samantha took a deep breath, biting her bottom lip as she grinned, thinking of how the Commander continued to surprise her. _She's actually pretty sweet, _she realised, _I can see why Liara's still hung up on her...and Kaidan. And half the Galaxy. _Pushing Shepard's love-life to the back of her mind, and concentrating on her own, Samantha then turned back to the numerous elegant dresses spread out across the Commander's bed. _Ok...Which of these bad boys screams out 'I'm better off without you'?_

* * *

_It's 10:35, why isn't she here yet? Oh, I don't know about this...That's it! Ten more minutes and I am out of here._

Sitting alone in one of the Citadel's finest restaurants, in a knee-length black dress and killer heels, Samantha drank the remains of her first glass of wine, checking her watch every few minutes, a bead of sweat dropping from her temple out of sheer anxiety and stress. Elena was late as usual, keeping people hanging on a string as she so often loved to do. Even though they had been together for years, and apart for a few more, Traynor couldn't help but feel slightly sick at the thought of meeting her again, especially considering how things had ended between them.

"_Buenas_, Sam, how are you?"

Hearing a familiar, smooth Spanish accent in her ear, Sam jumped and spun around in her chair. There was Dr Elena Torres, standing in a long red dress that clung perfectly to every inch of her incredible figure. Why did she have to look so hot? _Wow...No, not wow! We hate her remember? _Traynor closed her mouth, feeling it agape slightly with awe and got to her feet. She cleared her throat and straightened out her dress, wiping her sweaty palms on the expensive silk.

"Elena," she greeted her, reluctantly accepting a kiss on either cheek that the woman placed there. Her nose tickled at the Doctor's perfume and she swallowed hard, as a rush of old memories and emotions came flooding back.

"You look wonderful," Elena said, scanning her outfit and caressing Sam's forearm with her hand before taking a seat at the opposite end of the small, round table. Traynor felt herself blush against her will.

"Thank you," she replied stiffly, "Is there a reason for this visit? Your email said it was important. What's going on, Elena?"

"Straight to business?" Elena asked, taken aback, "Oh Sam...This is not like you."

"Perhaps you didn't know me at all then," Traynor replied, being as cold as she possibly could. Even after everything Elena had done to her, she wasn't used to these kinds of games. Commander Shepard hadn't even told her why most ex's wanted to meet up. A part her had a small inkling though, and it didn't sit right with her at all. Dr Torres sighed and began to help herself to the red wine Samantha had ordered half an hour ago. Traynor watched Elena pour them both a glass and waited for her to speak.

"I wanted to see you," the woman said finally, her brown eyes staring across the candlelit table into Samantha's.

"Not that much, or you'd have been on time," Samantha replied coolly. Elena hesitated.

"Sorry about that. One of my patients needed me," she replied. Traynor fought hard not to roll her eyes at the excuse she'd heard a million times over. _She hasn't changed a bit. _

"So what did you want to talk about?" Sam asked, taking a sip of wine and pressing menu interface in front of her, ordering her food without really putting much thought into it. Suddenly Elena's hand shot across the table and took hers. Traynor looked up, stunned. Elena gave her a small smile, her eyes swimming with passion.

"I want you back, Sam," she whispered, "I need you..."

Samantha felt a lump form in her throat. She swallowed with great difficulty, glancing down at the hand atop hers then back up into Elena's beautiful face. She breathed a laugh then. "You've got some nerve, lady..."

Elena squeezed her tightly, "I love you, Sam. _Dios,_ I made a big mistake. I know that now," she pressed.

"A mistake?" Traynor asked in disbelief. _Is she serious? _She laughed bitterly once more and shook her head, taking a glance around the restaurant, anywhere to prevent her from having to stare into Elena's pleading face. She felt her eyes build with tears then. This was so unfair. _No! I'm not going to give her the satisfaction._

"Samantha, _por favor_, _guapa..._you know I didn't mean for it to happen," Dr Torres continued. "_Mi amor_..." She reached out with her free hand and tried to place it on Samantha's cheek. Traynor recoiled and leapt to her feet, shaking with anger and injustice.

"Didn't mean for it to happen? Did you really think this would work?" she asked in disbelief, staring down at her former love disgustedly, "Did you really think that I'd be that easy? That you could say a few words and everything would go back to the way it was?"

"Of course not!" Elena said, getting to her feet as well then. People were starting to stare. "That's why I wanted us to have dinner...Sam, _cariño_...I've missed you. Please...let's sit back down and have something to eat."

Samantha smiled in disbelief and shook her head. "You know what? I'm not hungry anymore."

She took one more sip of her wine then slammed the glass down on the table and turned on her heel, storming out of the restaurant, feeling the eyes of other diners on her. _Good Lord, this is so embarrassing. That bloody bitch can go and rot for all I care... Oh, why did I bother? Shepard was right. I could have just said no._

"Samantha, wait!"

As she reached the door of the restaurant and stepped outside, Elena grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"Don't," Traynor replied harshly, retracting her arm and stepping back away from her. Elena wore a pained expression on her face, as she tried to get close to her once more. "You have no bloody right."

"I'm so sorry!" Elena persisted, taking Sam's hands in hers again and trying to move in closer. She brushed away a lock of hair from Samantha's face, glancing from one eye to the other, as though searching for some kind of spark to ignite. "Can't you forgive me? What with the Reapers coming and...and everything, I thought you'd—"

"Thought I'd what?" Samantha asked angrily, "Want you back? You broke my heart, Elena...And even if I still loved you it wouldn't change a damn thing...There's no _trust _between us anymore."

Elena exhaled. "How long are you going to hold that over my head for?"

Samantha leaned in, until she was inches away from her face.

"Until it stops hurting," she replied harshly, fighting back her tears. With that, she pulled away from Elena and turned her back on her, walking off, hoping to God it would be the last time she ever set eyes on her.

"Samantha!"

"For God's sake, Elena! Can't you just—"

Her words failed her as she turned around and saw who it was who had called her. It wasn't Elena at all. Commander Shepard was strolling towards her, a grin on her face, looking as though she'd had the best day of her life. Elena was still outside the restaurant, staring at them both, a curious look on her face.

"Can't I just what?" Shepard asked, amused. "Do a backflip? I can by the way. Wanna bet?" Seeing the Traynor was in no mood to play, she frowned. "Samantha, are you alright? How did the date go?"

Sam looked over her shoulder, seeing Elena give her one last, tearful look, then walk away in defeat. Shepard turned around and followed her gaze.

"Shit! Is that her?" she asked, chuckling, "Damn, she's amazing!"

"No...she isn't," Traynor replied sadly, "She's the biggest wanker I've ever came across."

Hearing her tone, Shepard tore her gaze from Elena's ass and turned back to Sam. "I take it the date didn't go well then," she said sympathetically, caressing Traynor's shoulder. At her touch, Samantha sighed.

"No," she replied, "I should never have come! Ugh, even at the end of the world she can still manage to piss me off more than the Reapers."

"What happened?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," Traynor groaned.

Shepard smiled, understanding. "Come on," she said kindly, putting her arm around Samantha's bare shoulders, "I'm taking you for a drink. You can tell me all about it."

"Oh, I don't really feel like drinking," Sam replied, trying to shimmy out from under her, acting coy. Shepard wasn't fazed, as she began to walk away.

"Oh no you don't...You look way to good in that dress for it to go to waste. I told you it'd look better on you than on me. You're coming to get pissed. That's an order, Specialist."

She put her arm around her once more and steered her in the opposite direction. Samantha sighed and reluctantly tagged along, feeling slightly at ease already despite having had one hell of a night so far.

* * *

"So you never did tell me exactly what happened between you and Elena," Shepard ventured, taking a sip of her fifth drink.

They were sitting at a private table in Purgatory, one in the corner, away from the hustle and bustle of the Galaxy's partiers. Samantha pulled the little umbrella from her fourth cocktail and dropped it onto the table, before taking a drink and feeling the Asari Berry Sunrise slip down her throat. The rest of the Normandy crew were talking loudly around them, some getting up for a dance, making the most of the last few hours on the Citadel, having only been permitted less than a day of shore leave.

"You're right, I didn't," Samantha replied loudly, throwing Shepard a tiny smile. The Commander's chuckle was drowned out by the loud music. She leaned in, speaking in Samantha's ear once more.

"Come on," she encouraged, "I'll let you ask me a personal question...I know you've been dying to."

"I have not!" Samantha lied, getting defensive. Shepard chuckled and knocked back a shot of bourbon that Vega had slid across the table for her.

"I know you heard Liara and I argue," she revealed, "that night when I found you in the kitchen."

Samantha immediately flushed with embarrassment. _Oh balls, of course she did..._

"Sorry..." she said in a small voice. "I couldn't help it."

Shepard waved her away. "Don't worry about it. We weren't exactly whispering, were we?"

Traynor watched her face fall and she straightened up, taking another sip of her drink and staring over at Garrus and Vega, who were pounding shots at the bar. Suddenly she realised that she owed Shepard this much, having overheard something very private of hers and not given anything in return. Taking a deep breath, she finally found the words to explain.

"She cheated on me..."

Shepard turned around, her eyes wide. She placed her empty shot glass back down on the table and reached out, squeezing Samantha's arm.

"I'm sorry," she said with great sympathy. Traynor sighed, and stared down into the depths of her glass, becoming entranced by the blue liquid. She could feel Shepard's eyes on her, waiting to hear more.

"I...walked in on her...shagging my friend Ed in the lab where I used to work...Right on top of my desk."

Shepard's eyebrows raised even higher. "Fuck me!" she blurted out.

Traynor gave a dry laugh. "Funnily enough, that's what she was saying," she joked, "...Or shouting rather."

She gave a shiver as the memory overcame her once more. Shepard gave a little giggle, despite herself. "Sorry, Traynor. That sucks...I can't say I know what it feels like, because I don't. If anything I was on the other side...according to Kaidan anyway."

"Oh, don't worry," Sam replied lightly, "I'm over it now."

Shepard clearly knew she was lying. _Well, there's nothing wrong with trying to put on a brave face...especially not in front of the most intimidating woman in the Galaxy, right?_

"Well, don't look now," the Commander said, glancing over the booth and seeing a flash of red, "But I think she just walked in."

Traynor blanched. Shepard nodded her head in the direction of the bar and she followed with her eyes, catching a glimpse of none other the Dr Elena Torres Sanz leaning over and asking for a drink.

"On, no!" Traynor groaned, bringing a hand to her head and closing her eyes. _How can this be? Damn it, I shouldn't have let Shepard drag me here!_

"Hey." Shepard slid closer to her and tucked her fingers under Samantha's chin, tilting her head up towards hers. Sam opened her eyes and found the Commander only inches away. "Forget about her. I'll kick her ass later... Come on, let's go dance!"

_Dance? Now? Is she bloody serious?_

"I..I think I might just go back to the Normandy actually," Samantha yelled back over the thumping music. Shepard rolled her eyes and grabbed her hand, dragging her to her feet.

"Don't make me pull rank on you again, Specialist," she joked, "Look, they might have skipped this class at Oxford, but the easiest way to get back at your ex is by dancing with another woman...Apparently...Vega's words, not mine. But he's right!"

Samantha chuckled, despite her heavy heart. "You want me to try and make her jealous?" she asked, feeling a little uncomfortable with this.

"No," Shepard replied cheekily, "I just wanna fucking dance!"

Seeing the playfulness in her eyes, Samantha burst out laughing. _God, she's amazing._ Before she knew it she was being dragged up the many stairs in Purgatory, towards the crowd of grinding, sweating people of every race in the middle of the dance floor, all trying to get one last night of madness in before the Reapers wiped them out.

"Wooo!" Vega cheered, slapping Sam on the back appreciatively a few times, seeing her shake it as she passed. "So it _does_ dance! Go Chess-Chick, it's your birthday!"

"Don't forget to check out Shepard's moves!" Cortez shouted after them. "Trust me!"

As the Commander finally settled in a spot on the dance floor, purposefully in seeing-distance of Dr Torres, she spun Samantha around and the two of them began to dance together. Almost immediately, Traynor realised what Cortez was talking about. She looked over at the rest of the Normandy crew, who were all pissing themselves laughing in the corner, some imitating the Commander's moves. _Ha! __Even Garrus has managed to crack a smile. _

As Traynor swayed her own hips from side to side, she began to get a little self conscious.

"Eh, Commander?" she asked uncertainly, leaning in to talk in her ear as Shepard's body writhed ridiculously to the music.

"Yeah!"

"Aren't we supposed to be making Elena jealous?" Traynor asked, sniggering.

"What your point, Specialist?" Shepard yelled back.

"I think she's just laughing at us instead," Sam replied. Shepard glanced over, following her gaze. Sure enough, Dr Torres was shaking her head, giving Traynor a look that clearly said 'Are you serious? Her?' She sat down her glass and then began to make her way over.

"Am I embarrassing you, Traynor?" Shepard teased, continuing to bop it out on the floor, not giving a single fuck. Samantha giggled.

"Am I allowed to answer that honestly?" she joked, "The rest of crew have already went back to their seats. I don't think they want to be seen in public with you."

Shepard laughed. "And what about you?" she asked cheekily, her green eyes flashing wickedly. Traynor hesitated.

"I..."

Shepard's eyes rendered her speechless. Samantha felt like she'd fallen under a spell of some sort.

"Is Elena still watching?" Shepard asked, as the two of them grooved to the music. Samantha glanced over the Commander's shoulder. Elena was a few feet from them now, about to reach out and take her away.

"Yes!"

"Good..."

Before Samantha could ask why, or even ponder the question, Commander Shepard closed the distance between them in one swift, experienced move and leaned down, pressing her lips gently against hers. In that moment, everything seemed to stand still. Purgatory's music was all but drawn out by the sound of Samantha's heart-beat, thumping wildly in her ears. She felt Shepard's soft fingers caress along her cheek as their lips moved together, slowly, passionately, taking her breath away mercilessly. _Oh my... God..._Every movement, every flick of Shepard's tongue, every taste of her lips was driving Sam crazy with desire. She slipped her hands around Shepard's waist, pulling her closer, feeling the tense muscles under the woman's t-shirt, her full, round breasts as they pressed against hers. She had never realised how tall Shepard was before then. There was at least an inch or two between them. But she was soft, tender, oh so very different from the hardened character the rest of the Galaxy were accustomed to. A small moan of longing escaped Sam's lips, drowned out by the pulsing dance music of the nightclub. Shepard's kiss was deep, passionate, as though she'd been holding back all this time, just like Samantha had. Something about the woman made Sam feel safe, despite the fact that Shepard was probably the most dangerous person in the universe. _It doesn't make any sense...None of it..._All Samantha knew in that moment, as Commander Shepard held her in her arms, kissing her for the first time, was that she was inexplicably, irrevocably, in love with her.


	7. Chapter 7

_God...Oh, God, What am I doing? It's Shepard! What are _**we** _doing!_

It was a few seconds (_or maybe hours)_ after Commander Shepard's unexpected kiss, that Samantha was finally able to open her eyes, completely overwhelmed by the full effect of the woman's soft lips on hers for the very first time. Hoping to see Shepard's beautiful features standing before her, wearing that mischievous smile she was so infamous for, Samantha was severely disappointed however. Instead, she found herself alone in the middle of Purgatory's raging dance floor...Well, almost alone. She looked down at her feet, feeling something brush against her leg all of a sudden. _It's a person! _There was Dr Elena, lying flat on her back, nursing a bleeding nose, a deep scowl etched across her pretty face. Commander Shepard was nowhere to be found.

"What...happened?" Traynor asked her, trying not to laugh. Elena grabbed the ends of Samantha's dress, dragging herself to her feet rather ungraciously, swaying unsteadily as she finally straightened up.

"Was that your plan all along?" she spat furiously, holding her bloodied nose, her temper fiery, "Lure me out here so you can just... _assault_ me!? _Madre de Dios._"

"What? What are you _talking_ about?" Sam asked, frowning in confusion. _Assault her? I was kissing someone, how could I have...? _Traynor sighed then, the realisation coming to her at last. She closed her eyes. _Shepard._

"How _could_ you, Samantha?" Elena snarled, holding back her head to stop the bleeding as she continued to shout at her, "After everything we've been through?"

At her words, Traynor riled up at once. "After everything _we've_ been through?" she repeated, "Tell me, how_ is_ Ed these days? You know, my best friend, the one who you lured into my lab and had your way with?"

"I... don't know," Elena said through gritted teeth, her voice faltering, "I'm not with him anymore. He left me."

"What. A. Shocker! Because from where I saw it, you had your legs wrapped firmly around him," Samantha mocked. "Or did you forget that tiny detail?"

"I made a mistake!" Elena growled.

"And so did I," Traynor replied, smiling with satisfaction, "But I'm not about to make another one. Go find yourself another mug, Elena. You look ridiculous...And I'd get that looked at if I were you. I believe your nose is broken. See you!"

Wearing a huge smile on her face and feeling extremely light-hearted, Samantha held her head high and walked away from her former girlfriend, working it like she never had before. _Ah, that felt good! You go girl! _When she finally managed to squeeze her way through the crowd of drunken people, her eyes began to scan the nightclub, looking for any sign of Commander Shepard. _Where did she go?_ she wondered, thoroughly confused._ She didn't even say goodbye... _After realising she could see nothing much from this vantage point, Traynor made her way back over to their table, spotting Jack sitting in the corner with Garrus.

"Have either of you seen Commander Shepard?" she asked sliding in beside them, "I can't find her anywhere."

"Shit, Nerd, wasn't she with you?" Jack asked, looking at her strangely.

"Yes but...I...I must have lost her in the crowd," Sam lied, avoiding her eyes.

"Fuck it, she probably just got lucky or something," the tattooed woman joked, "Here, have a drink! They're wasted on Garrus and his fucked-up Turian immune system."

Samantha grabbed the shot of bourbon that Jack slid across the table towards her and looked down at it sadly. _Why would Shepard just leave like that? _she wondered, before knocking back the shot and playing with the glass, swivelling it around on the table. She sighed to herself and leaned back against the comfortable chair, staring up at the numerous multi-coloured lights pulsing overhead. _Uff, __I think I'm a little tipsy. _She closed her eyes, her mind flashed back to the kiss she and Shepard had shared only moments ago. _God, that was amazing...I really wasn't expecting it. _Feeling her body swell with desire even amidst the butterflies in her stomach, Samantha smiled then straightened up at once. She had to talk to Shepard.

"Do you think she left?" She shouted over the music at Garrus. "Shepard, I mean!"

The Turian shook his head. "Perhaps Vega knows. He was getting her another drink. He and Cortez went outside a second ago."

Feeling a little let down now, and confused more than anything, Samantha edged out from behind the table and walked away, looking for any sign of James and the Normandy's shuttle pilot. Just as she had begun her search in the lobby where the elevator was, a message came through on her Omni-tool. Sam pressed the interface and screwed up her eyes, trying to make out the words through her haziness due to the amount of alcohol she had consumed:

_**URGENT:**__ All Normandy personnel return to the ship and prepare to leave ASAP. _

_Commander Shepard_

Having just gotten to the end, Samantha felt a huge whack on her back and looked up, seeing Vega and Cortez on either side of her.

"Come on, Specialist," Vega groaned, both of them grabbing either of her arms, "Let's go kill some fucking Reapers! Yeah!"

Samantha chuckled, allowing them to lead her over to the elevator. "I think you need to sober up a bit first, Lieutenant," she teased, smelling the drink of his breath and wrinkling her nose. Vega laughed.

"Ah, screw it, it'll take us a few hours to get to where ever we're going. I'll be fine," he said confidently. "You don't think Shepard's always completely sober when she fights do you? Heck, how do you think she got shot in the ass in the first place?"

He and Cortez pissed themselves laughing as they held open the elevator doors, allowing the rest of the Normandy crew to jump in, rejecting a few random partiers who looked like they'd had enough for one night. "Sorry, people. Normandy Crew only. Alliance business..._Mierda_, I think I'm gonna throw up."

Samantha allowed herself a little giggle as she stood in the corner, staring down at her feet. _I suppose they're right. I really don't know how Shepard does it, continuously fighting battles, one after the other. She must be exhausted. _Thinking of the Commander once more, Samantha's smile faded slightly. She had no idea why the woman would run off after kissing her like that. Shepard was no coward. Hell, she was the one who had initiated it in the first place. What would make her up and leave like that without a word? _At least Elena got her dues though. _Remembering the Spanish woman's face as she lay stunned on the floor, Traynor gave a satisfied grin. _Shepard was right, _she thought to herself then, staring around at the rest of her companions. _There really were benefits to being part of the Normandy crew._

* * *

"Lieutenant Vega, sober up and gear up, to be ready in half an hour. We're almost at the Horsehead Nebula."

"Yes, Sir! Got any aspirins?"

Shepard reached into her pocket and tossed a tiny white bottle at him. He caught it in one hand and began to dish them out to himself and the rest of the crew.

"Lieutenant Cortez, make sure the Kodiak's guns are in full working order after that last mission on Tuchanka. We'll be coming in hot. I don't want to be taken by surprise if another Reaper shows up."

"Yes, Ma'am. Right away!"

"EDI, notify Liara of our plans and have her try to hack the Cerberus radars when we get close enough, then meet me in the shuttle bay, armed and ready to try out that new body of yours."

"Yes, Commander," the AI replied, a hand on her hip, "I believe you will be satisfied with the results."

"And if not, it can always help boost Joker's morale," Shepard joked.

Everyone chuckled and saluted her. James chucked the bottle of aspirins back and walked away with the others, leaving just Samantha standing in the CIC, awaiting her orders. Shepard avoided her eyes for the moment, walking up onto the tiny platform in front of the Galaxy Map. She scanned the Normandy's location and turned back to Sam, who was rather more aware of her heart beating than she should have been. Every time Shepard's green eyes met hers, her body seemed to react on its own. _Keep it together, girl, _she thought, taking a deep breath. Commander's face remained impassive, businesslike, bearing no resemblance to the warm, teasing, seductress she had been mere hours ago on the Citadel.

"Specialist Traynor, I need a full analysis of the information on that Cerberus Fighter Base you mentioned in passing before we docked on the Citadel."

"Y-yes, Ma'am. How long do I have?"

Samantha quickly brought up the interface at her terminal and began searching for the data that Admiral Hackett had forwarded to her for N7 specific missions.

"I want everything you can get me in twenty minutes," Shepard ordered, "Something's going on down there, and I don't like it. If it truly is a Cerberus base we can hit them hard. Any resource of The Illusive Man's is better off in Alliance's hands."

"Right away, Ma'am. Would you like me to forward it to your terminal?"

"Please," Shepard replied, leaning over the Galaxy Map, plotting a course for Joker, "To the one in my private quarters. Keep this separate from priority missions. Give Joker the exact co-ordinates of the base when you get them and notify me by Omni-tool when it's done. If Admiral Hackett is available on the Vid Comm patch him through the shuttle. I want you to work with EDI when we're down there poking around and analyse anything we find on Noveria, understood?"

"Sir."

"Good."

As Shepard walked away without another word, Traynor glanced over her shoulder at her, wondering how she could change to being so cold in such a short space of time. She was acting like nothing had happened between them. _Maybe she's just focused, _she thought to herself, _The mission always comes first, and Shepard's one of, if not the best in the Galaxy. She can't let her feelings get in the way...That's if she has any for me I mean. _Still, even as she assessed Shepard's attitudes towards her and knew they made sense, Samantha couldn't help but feel a little deflated since her joy and elation back in Purgatory. Elena had gotten her comeuppance at last, and Samantha had finally spent a night with the Commander that she hadn't wanted to erase from her memory due to mortifying herself. _And then there was that kiss..._Thinking of it now, having Shepard that close, feeling the woman's warmth through her clothes, the touch of her lips, the gentle caressing of her hand along Samantha's cheek

..._Oh Lord..._

Giving herself a little shake, Traynor pushed the memories away and pulled herself together. _Now's not the time, _she scolded, finally finding the correct files on her terminal. _Let's just get Shepard back from this mission in one piece. Then we can discuss what happened._

* * *

"Good work, guys. Vega how's the shoulder?"

James groaned a little and held up his cup of coffee. "All good, Shepard. Thanks for getting me outta there in one piece. Haha! That Nemesis didn't even see you coming."

"Don't mention it," Shepard replied, clinking her mug against his. She smacked him on the back affectionately. "I couldn't have my best Lieutenant KIA, could I?"

There was a collective "Hey!" around the crew's quarters and intercom then at the Commander's words, Samantha among them. Shepard chuckled, making an awkward face. "Shit, I forgot how many Lieutenants I have here," she joked, glancing from Cortez to Vega and finally resting her gaze on Traynor. Samantha's face burned. "And Joker, you're a _Flight_ Lieutenant!" Shepard called over the Normandy's intercom, "Totally doesn't count!"

"Aww, I love you too, Commander," came Joker's snarky reply.

Samantha chuckled, drinking the last of her tea and placing her mug down on the counter in the Normandy's kitchen. Catching Shepard's eye before the woman quickly looked away and threw herself into a conversation with James, she realised then that the Commander had been purposefully avoiding her as much as possible after what had happened between them at Purgatory. It was a pretty impressive feat, considering they shared the same ship. They were now on their way back to the Citadel after a successful mission in order for Shepard to access the Spectre Terminals. Samantha hoped they would get an opportunity to talk before then. If this went on any longer things might get a little...awkward.

Deciding to call it a night, and unable to stand the fact the Shepard was ignoring her any longer, Traynor rose from her chair.

"I'm absolutely knackered," she yawned, "I think I'll take a quick nap."

"Ugh, I'm with you," Cortez grunted, getting up and stretching. Everyone stared at him in silence. "I didn't mean...not _together!"_ he blurted out, appalled.

The Normandy kitchen erupted with laughter, seeing both Cortez and Samantha cower, embarrassed. Lieutenant Vega wolf-whistled, increasing their humiliation.

"Get. It. _On!_"

_Oh, kill me..._

With the noise and continued joking from the rest of the crew following both Traynor and Cortez into the hallway in front of the Normandy's memorial board, they both bid each other goodnight. Sam heard the bed springs creak as Cortez climbed into the bunk above hers and let out a groan of contentment. She bent over, grabbing her things from the small footlocker under her bed. _What the-Where's my bloody toothbrush? _she sighed, sifting through numerous inhalers, anti-histamines, sleeping tablets, painkillers, tampons and other personal items. Seeing the Cision Pro Mach 4 that cost her 6000 credits loitering around the bottom, Traynor picked it up along with her toothpaste and left the sleeping quarters, taking a right into the girl's bathroom.

After ducking behind a stall and relieving herself in the modest toilet, she pressed the flush button and pulled her clothes up then walked to the mirror above the sinks. Leaning in close, she traced the dark rings under her eyes with her fingers. _We're looking a bit peaky, aren't we? I guess the stress of military life takes some getting used to. _Exhaling, feeling her lower back ache what with being on her feet all day, Samantha opened the lid of her toothpaste and squeezed a tiny amount the size of pea onto her brush. She flicked the switch on, hearing the tiny Mass Effect fields powering up and began to brush, examining herself in the mirror as she did so.

"Samantha?"

Traynor jumped with fright and turned to the door.

"Howy cwap, Cowander!" she mumbled, her mouth full of toothpaste and spit. _Jesus! I think I soiled my drawers!_

Commander Shepard chuckled. "Sorry? I didn't catch that," she teased.

Traynor immediately turned to the sink and spat into it, quickly turning the tap on the wash it away, feeling herself blush. She bent down, slurping up a mouthful of the cold water and swishing it around her mouth, spitting it down the sink and spinning around to face Shepard, who had locked the door behind her.

"Commander," Samantha greeted her, resting her hands behind her back, standing to attention.

Shepard smiled, taking a few steps across the floor. She paused, inches away, staring deep into Samantha's eyes. Traynor's breath caught. _What is she doing? _Shepard then reached up and traced the corner of the woman's bottom lip with her finger.

"You missed a spot," she teased, flicking the lump toothpaste on the tip of her finger into the sink.

_What!?_

Mortified, Samantha quickly turned her back on her, noticing in her reflection the white ring of minty freshness slathered all around her mouth. In her hastiness, caught off guard by Commander Shepard's sudden presence, she realised she had forgotten to wipe it off.

_Crap! Why do I always have to look like such an idiot around her?_

"Just a second," she gushed, grabbing the nearest towel and brushing it away. Shepard grinned, amused, waiting patiently. Finally Samantha turned back. "Apologies, Ma'am. W-was there something I could help you with?"

At this, Shepard faltered. She ruffled her red hair and strolled over to the mirror, checking out her scarred reflection, as though trying to distract herself. "I...How are you?" she asked, sounding rather awkward.

"Oh! I...fine," Samantha replied, taken aback by the vagueness of the question. _What's wrong with her? She's never this...uncomfortable._

"Did... you and Elena make up then?" the Commander asked in an off-handed way, examining her newest glowing orange cut, running her fingers over the jagged skin. She hissed a little at the obvious sting it gave her. Samantha giggled at her question. Shepard turned around then, looking rather innocent, although her eyes were playful and warm. "What?"

Samantha tilted her head. "Is there something you wish to tell me?" she teased.

An impish grin took effect on the corner of Shepard's mouth.

"Nope," she replied unconvincingly, sliding her hands into her pockets, looking shifty all of a sudden.

Samantha sniggered. She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and took a few steps towards Shepard, reaching down slowly, hesitatingly, taking the woman's right hand out of its hiding place. The Commander's knuckles were slightly swollen and bruised, as though having punched someone in the face.

"Uh-huh," Traynor said, nodding her head knowingly and presenting the Commander's own injury to her as evidence. She traced Shepard's hand with her fingers then, feeling the softness of her skin, unwilling to let it go now that it was resting in hers. Shepard chuckled.

"That happened on the last mission, Traynor," she informed her, watching Samantha examine it closely. Traynor looked up.

"What?" she asked bluntly. Shepard began to laugh loudly then.

"I punched a Centurion back on Noveria," she continued, "The bastard almost took my head off afterwards, but I couldn't reload on time. EDI got him for me in the end. That bot-body of hers certainly came in useful."

Samantha frowned. "Then... if you didn't...What the hell happened to Elena's face?" she wondered, confused.

The Commander snorted. "Oh, that!" she exclaimed, "I may have...uh...caught her a bit with my elbow...I had a cramp... No harm done!"

Traynor fell into a fit of giggles then.

"No harm done? I think you broke her nose. I opened my eyes and she was on the ground, clawing at my feet."

Shepard cringed a little. "Was it too much?" she asked, "Should I not have?"

Traynor sniggered. "It was actually brilliant," she said, "Thank you."

At this Shepard smiled. "You're very welcome."

"She was fine," Samantha continued, "She got up and accused me since you...since you were gone."

Hearing the accusation in her own tone of voice, Samantha silently berated herself, knowing Shepard would have heard it that way too. The Commander squeezed her hand then, giving her an apologetic look.

"Sorry," she whispered, "I...shouldn't have kissed you like that."

At her words, Samantha felt her chest tighten. _What?_

"You mean... You were only doing it for Elena's benefit?" she asked, finding it difficult to swallow all of a sudden. Commander Shepard's chest heaved and she let Traynor's hands fall. Head down, she walked away a few paces, staring at the floor.

"No," she admitted finally, not looking at Traynor at all now. "I mean, y-yes, but I also wanted to! A lot...But it was wrong of me... I can't do that to you."

Realising this was what she had wanted to talk about, Traynor walked up behind her and placed a hand on Shepard's waist, caressing it gently. Upon her touch, Shepard spun around. Breathless, she gazed down into Samantha's brown eyes, cupping her face in her hands gently. A moment of silence passed between them, sweet, entrancing silence, with only the faint hum of the Normand's Mass Effect fields. Their faces hovered inches apart, gradually, hesitantly moving closer together. The Commander's warm breath tickled Samantha's face, inviting her in, torturing her with desire and longing. She took a fleeting glance down at the woman's lips and before she knew it, she was being pressed up against the bathroom door, and found herself kissing Shepard once again, massaging the woman's tongue with her own, drawing breath from her as though she was the only thing in this universe. She felt her head go light, heard a soft moan of yearning rise from the pit of her stomach and escape her lips. _Christ..._Just as Commander Shepard's hands ran down along her curves, sending every nerve in her body wild, Samantha felt her pull away.

"What's wrong?" she whispered, caressing Shepard's face as she rested her forehead against hers. The Commander flinched, as though she was tempted to lean in for another kiss, and then begrudgingly let Traynor go free, backing up, trying to refrain from taking her initial actions any further. Her hands dropped from Sam's body and she brought one to her temple, massaging her head.

"I'm sorry," Shepard said again, as Samantha struggled to get her breath back.

_God, that was intense._

"For what?" Traynor asked, pushing off the door and following after the Commander as she tried to put some distance between them.

"This isn't a good idea," Shepard said, staring over at her, shaking her head, "I've...went down this route before and it never ends well."

Knowing she was talking about Liara and Kaidan, Samantha sighed. "It doesn't have to be that way for us," she said softly. "I... I can't stop thinking about you, Shepard."

Traynor could almost hear Shepard's regrets, seeing them flash across her face.

"I hurt everyone who gets close to me, Samantha...I care about you a lot, more than simply Commander and Lieutenant...but I can't give you what you seek."

"How do you know what I seek?" Traynor countered, trying to get close to her once more. "Excuse me but, weren't you the one to follow me to the bathroom, Ma'am?"

Shepard took her hands once more. "I know I did," she admitted, "But I didn't mean to kiss you again. That was...a mistake. I came here to see if you were alright...And to tell you that I think we should forget this ever happened."

Samantha's stomach dropped. "W-what?" she gasped, "I can't do that."

"We have to!" Shepard pressed, staring into her eyes and trying to hide the desire in her own. Traynor wasn't fooled however. "I...can't allow you to get any closer to me. You'll only get hurt in the end."

"In the end?" Samantha repeated, "...You mean the final battle with the Reapers."

Shepard didn't reply. She released Sam's hands and turned away, leaning over the sink and examining her bedraggled appearance once more. Her pretty face was getting more and more strained as this was dragged on. Yet in Traynor's eyes, it was just getting more beautiful. She was firmly under the woman's spell, a warmth burning inside her every time they were close, and she didn't think it was ever going to dim, despite the fact that Shepard was trying to push her away.

"The universe needs me," Shepard admitted reluctantly, her voice hoarse, "Everyone has placed their hopes in me to win this war."

"And what about what you need, Commander?" Samantha countered, knowing she was just being noble. The emptiness behind those green eyes was heart-breaking, and Samantha didn't believe for a second that Shepard wanted to be alone. It was as though she was caught in two minds, wanting to do right by the Alliance yet wanting to do right by herself...But her own personal desires seemed to come last. "Wasn't it you who said 'you don't have to live forever, you just have to live'?"

Shepard closed her eyes. "I did...But that doesn't apply to me unfortunately."

"Don't push me away just because you're afraid of hurting me," Samantha whispered, feeling her eyes fill with tears. "I'm a big girl, Commander. " She placed a hand on Shepard's back, feeling how much strain she was under. "I can handle it."

A tense silence passed between them.

"Well, I can't."

Commander Shepard finally opened her eyes then. She brushed Traynor off without looking at her and walked to the door, unlocking it. The bathroom door slid open automatically.

"Shepard?"

The woman stopped in the open doorway and glanced back over her shoulder. Her green eyes met Samantha's.

"Get some sleep, Specialist. You did well today. We'll be at the Citadel in a few hours."

With that, she left, saying no more. The door closed behind her with a faint _swoosh_, leaving Samantha standing in the middle of the restroom, crestfallen, dejected and very much alone, but clearly not as alone as her Commander.


	8. Chapter 8

_**This is another emotional rollercoaster of a chapter. You all know what you're in for by now :P Enjoy!**_

* * *

The Citadel was in flames, riots in the streets, Cerberus troops dropping in from every angle. Not a minute passed without erupting explosions, sending members of every race running, screaming, in different directions, all trying to find some kind of cover as The Illusive Man's army of genetically modified soldiers tried to stage a coup. Samantha couldn't believe what she was seeing. None of them could. _How can this be happening?_ She stared at the numerous terminals just behind Joker's pilot seat, flicking through the bits of incoming Intel she was getting on the situation, while watching the live scenes of mayhem unfold on the ground as Flight-Lieutenant Moreau guided the Normandy past the Presidium. Commander Shepard's voice was echoing over the intercom throughout the ship, along with Commander Bailey's, who was issuing them orders from his regained command post inside the regained C-Sec Offices.

"Liara, watch your back!"

There was a swooshing sound and the line went dead, as a biotic field interrupted the connection momentarily, then Liara's breathless voice replied, "Thank you, Shepard. I will look after Thane. He looks bad. Get to the elevator with Garrus and see if you can stop them before they reach the Council."

"Negative, Bailey's on his way! Come find me," Shepard replied, gunshots echoing in the distance, "I'll send the shuttle in to pick the others up and get Thane to Huerta Memorial ASAP."

"Can you see his wounds Commander?" Dr Chakwas asked, pressing the button beside Traynor to link in with their comms.

"Negative!" Shepard replied, sounding like she was running now, "Stab wound. Apart from that I can't tell. It was some fucking samurai bastard who I've never seen before."

"Acknowledged. Let me know when the coast is clear and I'll do what I can for him."

"Roger that, Doc."

The comm line went dead then as Shepard, Garrus and Liara continued the fight. Traynor sat down in the chair behind Joker, clutching her chest. She reached into her pocket and took out her inhaler, taking a quick puff, thinking about the conversation Shepard had had with the Salarian councillor a few hours previous. _Councillor Udina has turned traitor? Why would he do such a thing? _

"Everyone in their safety harnesses!" Joker ordered, as he began pulling the Normandy through some fancy manoeuvres, "This is going to get bumpy."

Doctor Chakwas touched Traynor on the shoulder, taking her away from her work and they rushed with the rest of the crew back towards their allocated seats, strapping themselves in. Feeling the Normandy swerve in and out, left to right, dodging Cerberus gunships, Samantha closed her eyes, feeling rather dizzy. Even as her adrenaline rushed, she couldn't help but admire Joker's piloting skills. She held onto the harness for dear life, feeling the vibration of the Normandy's powerful engine as the ship surged through the sky, shooting down any unlucky enemies who got in its way.

After half an hour or so, Joker gave word that the coast was clear for now. Nearby terminals were beeping violently all around, calling for attention. Samantha and the rest of the crew ran to them immediately. She began giving Joker a status update.

"All systems go. Mass Effect field is still online," Traynor informed him over the intercom, "Engineer Adams, how are things on your end?"

"We took some heavy fire down here but the Normandy's drive core is holding up. It'll take more than that to bring _this_ ship down. I have Daniels and Donnelly overseeing any abnormalities," Adams replied.

"Roger that. EDI, how are you doing?" Samantha continued, while overseeing the state of the retrofits she had made back on Earth.

"Cerberus is attempting to send a spike into my programming," came the smooth, silky voice of the Normandy's AI, "I have rerouted."

"Good girl," Sam approved, smiling to herself. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

"Acknowledged. Thank you, Specialist Traynor."

The elevator doors behind Samantha sprung open then and Lieutenant Vega strolled out, covered in oil and sweat having just been calibrating the Normandy's guns, with Garrus busy on the ground. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and walked up to Traynor, placing a hand on her back and observing her terminal over her shoulder.

"How you holding up, _chica_?" he asked, as her fingers worked tirelessly across the terminal.

"Fine," she replied, breathlessly, without looking up, "Just rewriting a few of the Normandy's corrupted algorithms to harness the ship's power cells. I'm using the Quantum error correction to protect our information from faults due to decoherence and other quantum noise."

"Uh, ok," he replied, having obviously not understood a word she just said, "Good work...I think. Shepard and the others have almost reached the Councillers. Their riding alongside their elevator. Udina's still with them though. I can't wait to see what the Commander does to his sorry ass when she catches up with him."

"Are they getting help from someone?" Samantha ventured. The Councillors were no more than diplomats, and the entire Citadel was on lock-down. There was no way they could have made it this far unaided.

"Don't know," James grunted, watching her work, "I imagine so. They wouldn't have escaped Cerberus otherwise. Dead bodies everywhere down there. It's a massacre."

"What about the Salarian Dalatrass?"

"Alive, thanks to that Drell assassin, Thane. He's one badass mother! Hope he's alright."

"Me too," Sam replied, her mind flashing back to the Drell's stabbing. _And he was already sick beforehand. That couldn't have done him any bloody good._

Suddenly their conversation was interrupted by Joker cursing loudly over the intercom. Confused, Traynor and Vega both stared at each other then sprinted to the front of the ship, along with Dr Chakwas. Joker was busy trying to get a hold of the Commander but the comms seemed to be down. The others crowded around the monitors to his left, unable to believe their eyes. Shepard, Liara and Garrus were all standing with their guns pointed at someone. Samantha's strained her eyes, trying to make out the flickering image.

"Is that...?"

"Kaidan," Dr Chakwas finished for her, covering her mouth with her hand. "Oh my God!"

"Ah, hell no!" Vega protested, "This can NOT be happening."

"I'll try to patch us in again," Samantha said, quickly taking control on the monitor interface and tapping into Shepard's Omni-too with a crack code. "The explosions have dropped the comm line and Cerberus has overwritten the commands. EDI, can you get around the encryption?"

"One moment...Done."

"That was quick," James said approvingly, raising an eyebrow at the sexy robot in the co-pilot's chair. EDI turned and threw him a wink.

The crew listened closely, trying to make out the static conversation down below. _Christ, it's a real Mexican standoff! _It was a few seconds before they recognised Commander Shepard's voice.

"...not the one I want, Kaidan. It's the man behind you."

"What are you talking about?" Kaidan asked, "Put the gun away, Shepard!"

"Would I do this if I weren't dead certain?" Shepard asked. The Normandy crew watched her on the ship's monitors. She lowered her weapon slightly and took a few steps towards the other Spectre, who seemed to be trying to protect the Council members from her. "You know me, Kaidan."

"I know you act rashly," Kaidan replied, still keeping his gun rained on her, "I know you'll go through anyone who gets in your way, damned with the consequences."

"Then get _out _of my way," Shepard snarled, "Udina is behind this attack. The Salarian councillor confirmed it. If you open the door behind me, Cerberus troops will kill us all."

"What Shepard says is possible," the Asari Councillor interrupted, "Unlikely, but possible."

"How do I know you're not still with them?" Kaidan asked bitterly, staring Shepard dead in the eyes.

"Haven't we already had this discussion?" Shepard asked angrily. Samantha could hear the frustration in her voice. She grasped the back of Vega's chair, her palms sweating on the leather. _Surely they can't kill each other, can they?_

"We don't have time to debate this," Udina said, walking towards the console in front of a flaming shuttle to open the doors, "We're dead if we stay here. I'm overriding the locks."

Shepard raised her gun fully again and Kaiden stepped to the side, shielding the human councillor from fire. "Shepard, look at us," he said, staring down the barrel of her gun, and she at his. "This can't end well. Just...put it down."

"You know I can't do that," Shepard replied through gritted teeth, "Damn it, Kaidan. I don't want to kill you...We've been through so much together. Are you really going to stay this bitter forever? Are you really going to side with this _snake_ over _me_?"

"I didn't turn my back on you, Shepard!" Kaidan replied, his gun pointing firmly at her chest, "It was the other way around."

"Kaidan—"

"No, Liara," Kaidan interrupted, before the Asari could intervene, "This isn't about you. This is between me and Shepard."

"I didn't betray you, Kaidan!" Shepard shouted, desperation in her voice now. "I may not have been in love with you, but you're still my friend...or at least you were. This doesn't look very friendly from where I'm standing though."

"You're right," Kaidan replied sadly, "I'm sorry, Shepard...Udina...override the locks."

Samantha heard the others around her gasp in shock.

"No!" Joker shouted, knowing what was coming.

Commander Shepard took aim and reluctantly squeezed the trigger on her hand gun, catching her former comrade in the chest, piercing his blue Spectre armor. She then shot Councillor Udina in the heart before he could open the doors to the elevator. The two gunshots rang in the air, stunning everyone into silence, as smoke soared from Shepard's barrel. After a second or two of utter shock, seeing the situation had been diffused for the time being, the Commander then ran towards Kaidan and fell to her knees beside him.

"Kaidan!" she gasped, staring down at the wound she had made then taking his face in her hands, "Why...Why wouldn't you just stand down?"

Kaidan coughed, spluttering up blood. "Man...couldn't defend himself," he said, laughing as best he could. Shepard let out a little cry of laughter herself.

"You always were the noble one," she joked half-heartedly, running a hand through his hair affectionately. The others heard her sniff over the comm line.

"Shepard, I...love..." Kaidan coughed again, clinging onto life as long as he could to get something off his chest. Before he could, he gave one last breath and fell limp on the ground.

"No!" Shepard shouted emotionally, shaking him roughly as though trying to wake up, "No! Get up, Major! Get on your feet!" She rested her head on his body then, clutching at the front of his armor, "It's been an honour, Kaidan...Fuck... how the hell did it end like this?"

Liara squeezed her shoulder and the Commander suddenly pulled herself together, getting to her feet and wiping her face on the back of her hand. The door behind her was sparking, as though someone was trying to get through. As she prepared for another Cerberus attack, Commander Bailey and the rest of C-Sec arrived instead. They had regained control on the Citadel once more.

Back on the Normandy, everyone zoned out of the conversations down below, turning away from the monitors showing Kaidan's lifeless form next to that of Udina. Samantha watched Vega lean back in his chair, holding a hand to his head, as though wondering what had just happened. She covered her chest then, feeling her heart beat wildly after listening to Commander Shepard's final words to her former lover after she had gunned him down. Now she understood what the woman had meant by not wanting to get involved with another member of her crew. _But that doesn't prevent me from still having feelings for her. Christ, I just can't turn it off! _Hearing Dr Chakwas' sobs beside her, and listening to Joker berate himself over and over, wondering if there was anything he could have done, she turned and walked out of the cockpit, desperate to get back to her work on Quantum Mechanics...anything to get what had just happened out of her head.

* * *

"_Where is she?"_

"_**In her cabin. She asked not to be disturbed...Thane did not make it either."**_

"_Is there anything you can do?"_

"_**No...She won't even let me inside. I am worried."**_

"_She's tough, she'll get through it. Have her report to me when she's able. Keep in contact."_

"_**Yes, Admiral. Stay safe."**_

*Connection Terminated*

Samantha watched the words fly across her terminal beside the Galaxy Map as the Vidcomm's scribe tracked and databased the live conversation between Dr T'Soni and Admiral Anderson. After the events on the Citadel a few hours ago, Commander Shepard had returned to the Normandy, coming straight from Huerta Memorial after visiting Thane. She was still covered in blood when she entered the CIC, her face whiter and more cracked than usual. After issuing directions to Joker, she had taken the elevator to her quarters and not returned.

Sighing, feeling the weight of this war rest on her shoulders for the first time, Samantha signed out of her private emails, closed the open link to the Normandy's Vidcomm and took the elevator down to the crew deck, thinking about Shepard and Kaidan. _She killed him...She actually killed him. _A part of her didn't think that either of them would have pulled the trigger, but it was obvious who was going to come off worse if they did open fire. _Poor Kaidan, _Samantha thought to herself, _Those Cerberus bastards actually managed to turn him against his Commander. _Feeling like she needed a good stiff drink, Traynor took a right past Garrus, who was placing a plaque reading _Kaidan Alenko _on the Normandy's memorial wall, and walked into the Port Observation lounge. As the door sprung open, she jumped in surprise. Commander Shepard was sitting on the back of the chair by the window, arms folded, nursing a glass of what looked like whiskey and staring out at the stars. Clearly she had left her room sometime ago and just not told anyone.

"Oh!" Sam gasped, pausing in the doorway, "I-I, sorry, Ma'am. I was just getting...I'll... leave you to it."

"Samantha," Commander Shepard said, looking over at her and giving her a small smile, "It's alright. Come on in. I could... sure use the company right now, if I'm honest."

Feeling a little awkward, and noticing with surprise the Commander Shepard sounded sober, Traynor walked over to the bar in the corner and began to fix herself a quick drink. She turned back, seeing Shepard stare out into the depths of space once more and wondered if she should sit beside her or not. Taking a deep breath to steel herself, she closed the distance between them and sat down, very aware of Shepard hovering above her. There was a brief moment of silence, before Samantha finally plucked up the courage to speak.

"Are you alright, Ma'am? Things got quite intense back there," she offered kindly, looking up at her. It was a few seconds before the Commander acknowledged her question. For a second, Samantha didn't think she'd even heard her. She looked distracted. Finally Shepard pulled herself together. She turned to look at her.

"I'm...Shit, I don't know _what_ I am right now," she said softly, sliding down off the back of the chair and sitting in it properly. She crossed one leg over the other and examined the burn marks snaking up her wrist, a result of the Batarian slaver's attack when she was little. Samantha glanced down at the whiskey in the Commander's glass. It looked untouched.

"You're not drinking?" she ventured, looking for something to divert her with.

_Not to mention that I'm genuinely curious. Normally she can't wait to knock a few back._

Shepard breathed a little laugh and held the glass up, swirling the golden liquid around. "Nah...I poured this hours ago, and I haven't even taken a sip. I'm afraid to start," she admitted, staring at it longingly, "If I do, I don't think I'll be able to stop...And this war still needs me at my best."

"I suppose you're right," Sam replied, smiling a little. Shepard was having to make so many sacrifices for the good of this fight. Not being able to drown her sorrows after losing two of her comrades in one day must have been killing her. Instead the Normandy was on its way to meet with the Quarians, another mission taking priority as the Commander buried her feelings away once more, unable to find the time to deal with them.

_I don't know how she does it, _Samantha thought to herself, taking a sip of her apple martini. She rested her arm on the back of the chair, running a hand through her hair and staring at the Commander in awe.

"What?" Shepard asked softly, wearing a little grin, feeling her eyes on her. Samantha smiled back.

"Nothing," she said, meeting the Commander's green eyes, "I was just...thinking about how amazing you are."

At her words, Shepard managed a little chuckle. "Amazing isn't the word I'd use right now," she joked. A muscle in her jaw twitched, as the undoubtedly thought about Kaidan once more.

"Well then, it's a good thing I'm here, isn't it?" Samantha teased playfully. Her distractions seemed to be working. Commander Shepard chuckled once more, looking a bit more like her normal self. Her face was still heavy with grief though.

"It is," she admitted. She reached over and took Sam's right hand in hers then, after Traynor had stretched it out along the back of the chair. Confused, Samantha watched the Commander stare down at it, gently tracing the outline of a small bruise on her knuckles with her thumb.

"How'd you get this?" Shepard asked interestedly, glancing up into Sam's brown eyes, her own full of concern. Traynor snorted, remembering.

_I'd almost forgotten it was there._

"Vega," she revealed, rolling her eyes, "He and I were playing a game of slapsies yesterday. You know, he doesn't even go easy on me. I thought I'd broken something!"

The Commander chuckled. "I'm glad you two are getting along well," she said, sounding pleased, "He's a good man, and an excellent soldier."

"You're an excellent soldier too, Ma'am," Traynor replied before she could stop herself. Shepard laughed.

"Are you trying to flatter me, Samantha?" she teased, her eyes twinkling, "I don't blush easily you know."

"Then I'll just have to do a bit better, won't I?" Samantha said softly, she and Shepard's fingers intertwining playfully without either of them realising. Shepard glanced down at their hands for a moment, then back into Samantha's eyes and smiled.

"I can't wait to see you try," she tempted her.

"You won't," Samantha continued smoothly, "Close your eyes..." Shepard gave her a reluctant look. "Do it!"

Finally, the Commander did as she was told. Traynor took a deep breath then slid closer towards her on the chair. She rested her Martini glass on the windowsill and placed her free hand on the Commanders heavily scarred face. Shepard's mouth curled into a smile at her touch, as Traynor caressed her skin gently, carefully as though trying not to irritate the numerous glowing wounds.

"This isn't going to work, Specialist," the Commander muttered, eyes still closed. Samantha laughed quietly.

"Then maybe this will," she murmured.

Feeling a burning desire rise within her, her mouth watering with anticipation, Samantha leaned in slowly, breathing in the woman's gorgeous scent before covering Shepard's full red lips with her own, beginning a gentle kiss and feeling her instantly respond. She inhaled sharply as Shepard squeezed her hand, bringing her other to rest at the nape of Samantha's neck and pulling her closer. Samantha moaned quietly, unable to help herself, feeling the Commander suck along her bottom lip, teasing her, assuming control. Every touch was patient, tender, as though neither of them wanted to cross any sort of line, yet it was clear that both wanted something more. Again, much like the first time, Samantha felt her head go light, mind blown by the playful cajoling of the Commander's tongue against hers, taking her to places that she had never been before.

After a minute or so, their lips parted, both out of breath from the unexpected passion that had erupted between them so suddenly. Their faces remained together, with neither wanting to pull away. It was as though they could no longer fight against the desire to be close to one another. Samantha stole another slow, lingering kiss from the woman's lips then straightened up. She stared deep into Shepard's eyes, captivated by their beauty, enthralled by the glimmering colour of emerald green that sparkled in the light of the stars like a fresh sheen of morning dew, drowning in emotions that the Commander could hide no longer.

"You have such beautiful eyes," Samantha whispered, running her fingers through Shepard's red hair affectionately. The Commander grinned, cowering a little with embarrassment.

"That's it, you've made me blush!" she joked, dropping her gaze, keeping her secrets safe once more. Sure enough, her pale cheeks flushed with delicate crimson. Samantha giggled.

_So the infamous, badass soldier has a girly interior after all._

She caressed the Commander's face, prompting her to look up again. _I never want to miss another glimpse of this side of her. _Shepard gave her a sweet smile, playing with the strands of hair at the nape of Samantha's neck.

"Something on your mind?" Traynor asked, seeing she was lost in thought once again.

The Commander didn't speak for several seconds, still fiddling with Samantha's hair absentmindedly. She retracted her hand then and slid it down along Traynor's throat, then her arm and finally took her hand in hers, caressing it with her thumb, examining the bruise from Vega once more.

"If I asked you to forget about that kiss again...could you?" she enquired, not meeting Samantha's eyes.

Traynor sighed. _Somehow I knew this was coming. _She tilted the Commander's head up, cradling her face with one hand, staring deep into the depths of her soul once more.

"Not a chance," she whispered sincerely, caressing the woman's cheek lovingly.

Shepard made a face, as though contemplating her next move, and then her expression creased into a broad smile. "Good...Because I don't think I can ignore how I feel about you any longer."

Without another word she leaned her weight forwards, backing Samantha down onto the leather sofa and lying across her, claiming the woman's lips for her own. As Traynor closed her eyes, feeling Shepard's mouth explore along her neck, leaving a wet trail of kisses in its wake, she knew then that there was no going back for either of them now.


	9. Chapter 9

"Wait," Shepard gasped, as she rested across Samantha's body, both of them sprawled out on the large leather sofa of the Normandy's Port Observation Lounge, taking pleasure in an extremely passionate make-out session. She broke form their long, intimate kiss and exhaled, lying her head down on Traynor's chest. Samantha began brushing her fingers through the Commander's hair, daydreaming, staring up at the ceiling as she held her close, feeling Shepard nuzzle into her neck. Shepard seemed to have lost a bit of nerve, resulting in their kiss becoming somewhat stilted. Hearing the Commander's heavy breathing, Samantha glanced down at her. Neither of them had talked in what felt like hours, content with just being this close finally. "I know I've been all over the place recently," Shepard continued then, "Hot one minute, then cold the next. I'm doing it again, and... it isn't fair on you."

Samantha kissed the top of her head. "You don't have to apologise for anything," she said softly, even though certain parts of her body were screaming out to be touched by the Commander. "I know how much pressure you've been under lately. God, it was only a few days ago that you took down a bloody Reaper."

Both of them chuckled a little, remembering the fight back on Tuchanka. It was then that Traynor had discovered her fight or flight instinct, as the Joker pulled the Normandy through some incredible manoeuvres to avoid the Reapers beam shooting up at them. Yet Commander Shepard had been on the ground in front of it, alone, unprotected, armed with only her wits and a laser sight gun.

"It's still not an excuse," Shepard pressed, "I've... actually been trying to avoid you these past few days believe it or not."

As Samantha stared up at the ceiling, she was immediately glad that Shepard wasn't looking at her. "I noticed," she admitted, giving a little nervous laugh, trying not to let her know that it actually hurt somewhat.

She felt Shepard's hand caress along her side, consolingly. "It's just... the moment we met, Samantha, I felt myself fall for you and it..." Shepard breathed sigh of embarrassment, "...scared me, I suppose. I was wary. I didn't think I could go down this route again, not with the Reapers and...everything."

Samantha was stunned. _The mighty Commander Shepard was frightened of something? Frightened of me? _"Why were you afraid?" she whispered, tightening her arm around her waist, feeling the slender curves of the woman's chiselled body melt into hers. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to, Shepard."

She felt Shepard's sigh tickle her neck.

"I know. And I _do_ want to, but... you saw what happened with Kaidan back there," she said sadly. "I could _never_ do that again, especially not to you. You've been the one bright light through all this madness, reminding me how to laugh amidst the chaos and...I've been brushing you off, trying to avoid telling you how I really feel."

The image of Major Alenko being gunned down by his former friend and Commander wasn't something Samantha would likely forget in a hurry, and she could feel Shepard immediately tense up as she said his name. Clearly she wouldn't forget it either.

"You did what you had to do," Traynor replied kindly, soothingly stroking Shepard's bicep, hearing the guilt in her voice, "Kaidan made his choice. I'm sure he understood. We all did."

Shepard snorted lightly, as though she disagreed. "Kaidan and I served together for years," she said hoarsely, her voice full of emotion, "Captain Anderson hand-picked us for the first Normandy crew. I was...a bit of a rebel in those days, well, more so than I am now. But Kaidan was just so..._nice_, and good and... I really couldn't have asked for a better friend. I just wish I hadn't complicated things by sleeping with him. He deserved better."

Samantha squeezed her tightly again, knowing how hard this must have been for her. She was now beginning to understand the Commander's logic of keeping her at arm's length.

"So that's why you didn't make a move sooner," she realised, remembering back to the Citadel when Commander Shepard had first shown any real sign of affection towards her. Yet even then she had held back (through no fault of Liara, though her interruption hadn't helped matters either). Just like this moment, that too was when Shepard was coming down from a combat high, when her outer exterior had cracked due to immense pressure of her job and a glimpse her real feelings shone through. Each battle must have made her feel like she was losing herself along the way, causing her to search for comfort in someone's arms. Yet she seemed reluctant to fall into Samantha's so soon.

Traynor felt Shepard nod at her words.

"I didn't want to spoil what we had already," the Commander admitted, "I have a habit of hurting those closest to me...and I really enjoy your company, Traynor."

Sam smiled and kissed Shepard's head once more, "I really enjoy yours to," she said, feeling the Commander's warmth spread to every inch of her body, "You didn't treat me any different from the rest of the crew, even though I only ended up here by chance. But when something was bothering me, you knew and took me to one side, reassuring me as best you could. Thank you for that."

"You're welcome," Shepard replied, a hint of a smile on her tone of voice then, "I couldn't have my Comm Specialist thinking I was some kind of sadistic monster now could I?"

"No, you couldn't," Samantha giggled, "And you're not, Shepard. It's time to let someone to be there for you for a change. What happened on the Citadel with the Batarian was...feral, and you were clearly agitated. Yet there you were, comforting me rather than the other way around."

"Well, I wasn't just going to leave you standing there beside a big old pile of alien goo. What would the press have said?" Shepard teased, lifting her head finally and resting her weight on her arm, staring down at Traynor who was still wedged beneath her. Samantha giggled, rubbing her hand up along the Commander's back, feeling the heat of her skin through her black N7 t-shirt.

"You _have_ been getting some rather bad coverage recently," she joked, tracing the Commander's bottom lip with her thumb, feeling it curl into a smile.

"Maybe I should ask Allers to do another piece on me," she said with a chuckle, "I can already see the headline: Commander Shepard shoots former lover in cold-blood and finds a new one all in the same day."

_Still trying to joke even though it hurts. God, she's relentless._

Samantha giggled. "Hopefully more than just a lover," she replied, caressing Shepard's cheek, "I play for keeps."

At this, Commander Shepard sighed and straightened up. Feeling her body pull away from her, Traynor reluctantly followed suite, sitting up beside her, watching the woman run a hand through her own hair.

"I'd like that," Shepard said finally, though as her face became lined in grief once more. "But I'd like to wait." She looked over at Samantha, who had placed a comforting hand on her thigh, and threw her a little affectionate smile. "Kaidan and Thane's deaths are still too fresh in my mind. I don't want to throw myself into this because I'm feeling a bit vulnerable right now, Samantha. I almost succumbed to it there but...I want to do it right for once."

"I understand," Samantha whispered, returning the smile, "I'm not going anywhere. Take as long as you like...Though preferably before the Reapers show up on our doorstep. I'd never forgive you if we died without at least giving 'us' a shot."

Shepard breathed a sigh of laughter, her face falling then. "Those fucking bastards are the only thing in my future that's certain," she lamented, taking Samantha's hand in hers, holding it tightly as though grasping at a lifeline. "That and death."

"Hey!" Sam gasped, moving in closer and taking her face in her hands once more, "Don't think like that. You'll find a way to win this, you always do."

Shepard managed a little smile then. She leaned in and took Samantha's breath away once more with another soft, sensual kiss before getting to her feet.

"Come on. You should get some sleep, Specialist. We need you at your best once we reach the Quarians. They love their Phantom entanglement and shit."

Samantha burst out laughing. "_Quantum_ entanglement," she corrected.

Shepard threw her a mischievous grin. "That's what I said," she joked.

Sam allowed Shepard to help her up off the sofa and nodded. "Yes, Ma'am. I think you should get some sleep more than me. You're talking yourself in circles."

The Commander brought a hand to her forehead then, massaging her temples. It had clearly been a very long day for her. "I'll...try," she replied weakly.

She bent down, lifting up the empty glass of whiskey that had spilt over the floor during their frolicking and placed it on the nearest table, before taking Samantha's hand once more and leading her out of the Observation lounge. As Samantha waited with her by the elevator, she watched the Commander glance at the memorial wall, seeing Kaidan's name alongside all the others who had already given their lives for the cause. She tightened her fingers around the woman's hand reassuringly.

"Are you going to be alright, Commander?" Samantha asked, seeing her again rue the decision she had been force to make, putting down a friend and former ally for the sake of this wretched war. Shepard's green eyes were swimming in tears, but they didn't fall.

_Of course not. She's much too strong for that._

"No," Shepard admitted truthfully, staring at the plaque. "This is one thing I'm sure I'll never get over..."

The elevator doors slid opened behind them then, as it came to a halt on the crew deck. Both Shepard and Samantha turned to look at it, and then found each other's eyes once more, neither of them wanting to part so soon. It had been such a nice evening, despite the craziness of the day.

_Something worth bloody cherishing in these dire times._

"Good night, Commander," Traynor said softly, caressing the woman's cheek. Commander Shepard leaned down and kissed her again, clearly unable to resist. It was like her body couldn't keep up with the pace her mind was trying to set. Samantha stood on her tip toes, leaning into it, as Shepard's arms slipped around her waist, drawing her close.

"Goodnight," the Commander whispered, when their lips finally parted. She brushed a strand of hair fro Samantha's face, staring deep into her eyes. "I'll see you in a few hours. Thanks for this evening. I really needed someone to talk to."

"Of course, Ma'am. Anytime."

As she walked towards the elevator, Samantha released her hand reluctantly. Shepard threw her a little wink and a smile as the doors closed, taking her up to her cabin. It was several seconds before Samantha came back to her senses.

_Good Lord, that was...unexpected. And wonderful._

She exhaled, bring a hand to her cheeks, feeling how flushed they were. She could still taste the Commander on her lips, still feel herself quiver at the woman's touch. They had been lying on the sofa together for hours. It was incredible that none of the crew had walked in on them, though for that, Samantha was thankful. She spun around, her heart full of contentment and began the short walk to the crew's quarters, feeling knackered all of a sudden. Cortez' bunk above hers was empty. _He must still be working on the Kodiak's repairs, _she thought to herself, _If there's one person who works almost as hard as the Commander, it's definitely him._

Taking off her outer military regs and kicking her boots under the bed, Samantha peeled back the covers and climbed in, pulling them up around her, listening to the gentle hum of the Normandy's engines. Today had been a rollercoaster of a day. Two close deaths, taking the numbers of the Normandy crew down a little more, and a final confession of attraction from Commander Shepard, after months of flirting and embarrassing herself. Samantha smiled into her pillow, hugging her blanket close and closing her eyes, letting pleasant thoughts of the Commander lull her into a much-needed, peaceful slumber.

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

"Commander, the Admirals of the Migrant Fleet are requesting permission to come aboard," Joker called out over the intercom.

"Grant them access, Joker," Shepard replied, "Have them meet me in the war room."

"Roger that, Ma'am."

Shepard finished her business at the Galaxy Map and stepped down from the podium, as Samantha worked quietly beside her, caught up in a rather difficult aspect of her work. Feeling a hand on her arm, she smiled in surprise, and turned around, a familiar scent wafting over her.

"Hey, are you free later?" Shepard asked in passing, before leaving for her meeting with the Quarians. Samantha considered the question.

"Well, I _was_ going to go to bed early. You know, have a warm shower, put my feet up, relax...That sort of thing," she replied with a mock sigh.

"Fuck that," Shepard admonished bluntly, her eyes twinkling, "How about a date instead? My cabin. I'll even let you use _my_ shower if you're lucky."

Samantha chuckled. "Well, in that case, I guess I'm free. The faucets in the woman's bathroom are crap by the way. Should I... bring anything along?"

Shepard grinned. "Just yourself would be great. That chessboard you bought on the Citadel might be a good bet too actually. Either that or we'll be left looking at my dead fish display and playing with that husk head Vega made me steal from Bryson's office."

They both laughed. Samantha didn't think she could deny Shepard even if she had wanted to. "Sounds good...The chess part I mean."

"Great, it's a date," the Commander replied happily, "Sorry, I gotta go but...I'll call you later if I can manage to get away for a few hours?"

"I can't wait."

Shepard threw Samantha a wink, stroking her cheek fleetingly before she strolled off, entering the security scans and heading towards the War Room before the Migrant Fleet representatives arrived.

Abuzz with excitement, Samantha turned back to her work terminal with a huge grin on her face, feeling the place on her cheek where the Shepard had touched her. They hadn't been alone together since the day Kaidan died. In fact Shepard had barely looked at her since, busy as she was with the mountain of work for the war effort. Liara had been called upon by Dr Chakwas once again in the last week and Shepard, much to her dismay (as well as Samantha's), was encouraged to meld with the Asari at once when she almost collapsed with exhaustion on the Engineer Deck. A part of Samantha was actually starting to think that Shepard had forgotten her again, but she was pleasantly surprised by the Commander's sudden invitation on a date. _Bollocks, I'm crap at first dates though...And second dates. Actually, dates in general if I'm honest. God, what if it's awkward?_

Giving up her work as a bad job, and knowing she wasn't going to be able to concentrate now anyway, Samantha logged off her terminal and stretched out her limbs, watching the Quarian Admirals pass by. _Good Lord, imagine having to live in a suit your whole life. The sex must be really risky. _She gave the Admirals a courteous nod before making her way up onto the bridge, where EDI and Joker were in the middle of a discussion.

"I'm telling you, EDI. Next time we're on the Citadel just use your...uhm...assets and flutter your eyelashes at security. They'll let you past in a heartbeat!"

"That would be dishonest, Jeff. It would make us no better than Cerberus."

"Well, Cerberus did _make _you. So technically you'd just be like following your genetic code or something. There's nothing dishonest about that. I mean, it's like when I use Vrolik syndrome to get free nachos when I go to watch a vid in the theatre."

Sam laughed and leaned over the back of EDI's chair.

"What the devil are you two talking about?" she asked, amused, looking from one to the other. Joker grinned.

"Thinking of ways which we could take over the Citadel better than Cerberus did," he said cheekily, "I'm still convinced that EDI could flirt her way into C-Sec's mainframe and overwrite it. I mean just picture it!"

"I can't un-picture it," Samantha joked, her eyes glazing over with pleasant thoughts of the sexy synthetic beside her.

"All she has to do is show a little...uh...what's the robot version of skin?"

"Flexible alloy."

Both Samantha and EDI looked at each other, having answered Joker's question simultaneously.

"Uh...right, _that _wasn't creepy at all," Joker said, looking at them strangely, "Anyway, get this! EDI rolls up and flashes her alloys and security falls to their knees, desperately in love...so to speak. Then you and I walk right past them, take control of the Citadel and BOOM! Bye bye, Council. Bye bye, Reapers. All bow to the will of Joker and his Traynor!"

Samantha snorted. "His _Traynor_?"

Joker shrugged. "It's a working title."

Traynor laughed. "Well, I'd say your EDI plan's a dead cert. It'd work on me."

She glanced over at the AI fondly. _Ah, that figure. The best thing Cerberus ever did for us. _Joker cleared his throat pointedly, becoming rather protective over EDI. "Hey, shouldn't you be working at your little terminal or something?" he said defensively, clearly disliking the fact the Samantha had a bit of a thing for the synthetic frame on display in the co-pilot chair. "Or playing with one of your gadgets? How come you're up here bothering the cool kids?"

"I'm taking a break," Samantha replied happily, patting him on the head, "I've been on duty for thirteen hours and counting. I think I'm entitled to a little R&amp;R."

"Or how about getting me a drink? I'm pretty thirsty. EDI, you want one?"

"This body does not require the need for rehydration like organic bodies, Jeff. You know this," EDI replied smartly, flicking through the orange holographic interfaces in front of her.

"I know, I know. But next time we go to Purgatory, I'm buying you a drink. Otherwise it just looks like I'm drinking on my own again and that's just sad."

Samantha giggled, turning around and leaving them to it. _They're actually pretty cute together! _Figuring Vega was probably just doing pull-ups in the shuttle bay right about now, she decided to take a trip down and pay him a visit, killing as much time as she could as she willed away the hours until her first official date with none other than Commander Shepard herself.


	10. Chapter 10

It was 2am before Samantha got the long awaited call from Commander Shepard, inviting her up to her cabin for their date. After today's events with the Quarians, almost being killed by friendly fire while aboard a Geth ship with Vega and Liara, Traynor hadn't imagined for a second that Shepard would be able to find the time for something so trivial as a date, but was pleasantly surprised at the follow-up invitation when it came. Fifteen minutes later, she found herself standing in the Normandy's elevator nervously, butterflies in her stomach, mission reports in one hand and her holographic chess board tucked under her arm. As she listened to the hum of the lift, bringing her closer and closer to the Captain's Quarters, her heart began to thump wildly.

_Come on, girl. You can do this. It's only Shepard...Only the most intimidating, infamous, desirable woman in the entire Galaxy...Crap._

The elevator came to a halt, and the doors slid open. Commander Shepard was standing in the small hallway, arms folded, leaning back against the wall wearing a warm smile.

"Hey," she greeted Samantha as she stepped out. She walked towards her and placed a little kiss on her lips.

"Hi!" Sam replied, her voice sounding a little more high pitched than usual due to nerves. Shepard chuckled.

"Are you alright?" she asked, sensing something was off.

"Fine, just..."

"Nervous?" Shepard guessed. Traynor's expression must have given her away.

_Damn it!_

"Sorry," she groaned, "I'm just... not very good at first dates."

The Commander laughed and caressed her cheek gently. "It's alright. Neither am I," she admitted. "Though technically we've already had a few dates, haven't we? You did run away and leave me, now that I think about it Both times."

Samantha giggled, embarrassed. "Sorry, I'll try not to this time."

Shepard smiled and turned, linking Traynor's arm and leading her towards her room. "Good, now I feel a little less nervous. Are those for me by the way?"

Samantha glanced down, having almost forgotten what was in her hand. "Oh! Yes, sorry. Lieutenant Vega sent up his report on the last mission, Ma'am, along with Liara's. I was also talking to Allers earlier and she wanted me to pass along the last piece she wrote on you. Apparently it didn't go down as well as she thought it would."

Shepard sighed in frustration. "Damn it," she muttered to herself, "Why can't these fucking journalists just leave me alone?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Allers supposed to be helping your rep, Commander?"

Shepard half-laughed. "She is, believe it or not," she grinned, as they strolled down the little steps in her room, aiming for the comfy modest lounge under her model ship collection. "She's doing quite a bit of damage control, believe me. But I've pissed off too many reporters in my time. Her job of keeping them at bay is almost as hard as mine is at saving the Galaxy."

The two of them laughed as they took a seat around the little coffee table, where two glasses and a large vial of red wine rested.

"Wine, huh?" Traynor teased, as Shepard began to open it. "Smooth!"

The Commander chuckled.

"Not just any wine. This one's Vega-approved. He bought me it back on the Citadel before we left after everything had calmed down. Apparently it's from Chile. I had originally promised to open it with him, but tonight's a special occasion. He'll understand."

"Aw, he's such a sweetheart," Samantha cooed, feeling her heart swell at the fact that Shepard believed their night together to be special. _She seems in such a good mood, despite the Quarians having almost gotten her killed only a few hours ago._

"You're a bit of a sweetheart yourself," Shepard replied, her green eyes playful and warm as she stared down at Samantha, handing her a glass of red. Samantha blushed.

"I'm glad you think so," she joked, ducking her head.

Shepard chuckled and took a seat beside her, crossing her legs. She exhaled with relief, obviously glad to get sitting down after being on her feet half the day, and running for her life the other half. Holding her wine in one hand, she reached out and took Samantha's in hers. They both glanced down, slowly intertwining their fingers together. It was such a small gesture, but one Samantha greatly appreciated, feeling a little less nervous now and more reassured than she had been in the elevator. She smiled and looked over into Shepard's eyes. It was only in this light, flickering from the aquarium facing them that she then saw the fresh cuts the Commander had picked up from the last battle.

_God, some of those look painful._

"What are you thinking?" Shepard whispered, obviously seeing the concern register on Traynor's face.

"I was just...counting your scars," Sam replied with a slight chuckle. "Forgive me. I've just never really noticed some of them before now."

"Ah, these are nothing," Shepard muttered, giving her a crooked grin, "You should see the rest of me."

Sam snorted a little as she sipped her wine. "Was that a pick up line, Commander?"

Shepard laughed softly. "No, but it was a pretty good one, wasn't it?" she admitted, "I might use it more often."

"Hmm, how many other women do you plan on taking up to your cabin?" Sam asked playfully.

"Oh, you know," Shepard said, taking a sip of her own wine, "I try to fit in at least two or three a week when I'm not killing Reapers and punching reporters."

Seeing her wicked grin, Samantha twisted her wrist a little in punishment.

"Agh, I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Shepard protested, laughing hard. When Samantha's muscles relaxed once more, she watched the Commander lift her hand up to her mouth to place a light kiss across her knuckles in apology. "Am I forgiven?"

"For now," she teased.

"God, you're surprisingly strong," Shepard said, glancing down at her wrist.

"Hey, the lab geeks had to go through standard military training as well, you know," Samantha joked.

"I know," Shepard admitted, rolling her eyes, "When I would get a disciplinary in my younger days as a marine they would make me take the sessions."

"You're kidding!" Samantha giggled. "You'd terrify the hell out of them all."

"I used to," she revealed, sniggering along. "I made a guy wet himself once actually."

They both fell into a fit of laughter, resting their heads together for a moment.

"You're so mean," Samantha teased, playing with the Commander's hand. "What did he do wrong?"

"Nothing," Shepard chuckled, "I picked him out of the group during the martial arts simulation to demonstrate a technique for the others. When he saw me coming he literally pissed his pants."

"Aww, the poor man!" Samantha sympathised, feeling embarrassed on his behalf.

"Poor _me_!" Shepard corrected indignantly, "I had to fucking clean it up!"

Samantha couldn't stop laughing. This date had turned out to be easier than she thought. Shepard was so easy to talk to. At least the real Shepard was, the kind who the Galaxy didn't see much, if at all. She had a softer side. _Much softer._ After all, being a soldier was nothing more than her job title. Yes, it was a job that commanded her full attention, dictating her life, but underneath it all, Shepard was a woman, a real woman, not a tool of war to be used relentlessly and discarded like so many thought.

Sam released the Commander's hand then and traced away a little strand of red hair from her face, glancing down into her eyes. There were so many beautiful colours to see that she didn't know where to begin. In that moment, Samantha realised it wasn't the faint orange glow that held her attention, despite her affinity for synthetics. It wasn't the hint of bluey-grey, magically reflecting the slivery hue of the aquarium on the wall behind her. It wasn't even the most prominent glimmering colour of emerald, shimmering intelligently, reminding her of the lush green meadows back on Horizon that stretched for miles and miles. All of this was dazzling it was true, but it was the way Shepard was staring at her that made her unable to look away. It was as though she believed that Samantha was the only woman in the universe. The only one who mattered...It was the first time anyone had taken Samantha's breath away without even uttering a single word.

"Shepard...?" she whispered.

Shepard sighed with contentment, seemingly more relaxed than she had been in a long time. Their faces were so close, examining the other, not wanting to miss a single tiny detail.

"Yes...?" she breathed back.

Samantha swallowed, frozen in the moment. Her heart was beating erratically. She couldn't take her eyes away.

"I...I think I'm in love with you..."

Shepard smiled, brushing her nose against Sam's. "You think?" she repeated in a whisper, glancing down at Samantha's mouth. "Because I _know _I'm in love with _you_..."

Samantha took a deep breath and before she knew it, she had blindly found the Commander's lips which were only centimetres away, capturing them in a fiercely sensual motion that almost took them both off balance even while seated. A soft gasp of passion escaped her as she tasted Shepard's tongue seeking hers, sliding between her parted lips, probing, searching for more. Samantha heard her glass of wine drop to the floor as it slipped through her fingers, and took full advantage of her free hands, bringing them to either side of Shepard's face as she felt the Commander's palm at her lower back, directing her body closer to hers.

As Samantha drifted away into the abyss, enjoying the exploring hands of Shepard snaking up her back and then down along her ass, cupping her hips and dragging them closer, something began to ring nearby.

_Brrring! Brrrring! Brrrring! Brrrring!_

They both ignored it, finding each other's lips once more, quicker now, their hunger for each other having intensified, as though sensing an interruption coming.

_Brrrring! Brrrring! Brrrring! Brrring! Brrrring! Brrrring! __**Brrrring!**_

"Fuck!" Shepard gasped breathlessly in frustration, breaking from their kiss. Samantha, panting rather loudly herself, glanced down at the Commander's arm, seeing her Omni-tool notifier flashing orange. "Sorry," Shepard whispered. "One second."

She flicked the answer button.

"**Uh, Commander?"**

It was Joker.

"Go ahead," she relented, taking Samantha's face in her hands and leaning in, continuing her kiss and leaving him on the line.

"**Commander, trouble in the war room between the Quarian Admirals and Legion. You might want to check it out before they wreck the place."**

Shepard didn't answer, making Samantha's lips curl into a smile as she nibbled along the Commander's.

_Christ, Joker, go away! Please!_

"**Shepard, are you there?"**

Samantha ran her hands along Shepard's backside, squeezing her cheeks together as she breathlessly massaged the woman's throbbing lips with her own, grating her teeth along them playfully.

"**Commander!?"**

"Yes, I'm here!" Shepard snapped, clearly not appreciating this interruption as she broke away from Samantha once more. Traynor watched her bring a hand to her temple in frustration, shaking her head in disbelief. "Rodger that. I'm on my way down."

She clicked off the Omni-tool then stared deep into Samantha's eyes, caressing her cheek. "Sorry about this."

Samantha smiled. "It's fine. Go be a hero. I'll come down with you. I should probably get back to work now anyway."

"No," Shepard replied, playing with her hair, "Stay. Take that shower I promised you. I could be a while."

"Are you sure?"

Shepard just laughed quietly and got to her feet, pulling Samantha to hers, both of them stepping over the spilled glasses of wine and walking up the little staircase together. At the door Shepard turned back and kissed her once more, expressing her desire at not wanting to leave.

"Fucking hell..." she breathed passionately, resting her head against Samantha's and closing her eyes, having clearly enjoyed every last second of it, "God help whatever Quarian is messing around down there, dragging me away from you at this moment... I'm going to fucking murder them."

Samantha chuckled. "I'm feeling rather murderous myself right now actually," she joked, breathing in the Commanders sweet scent. "Hurry back to me."

"I will."

Shepard stole once last kiss and let her go, walking out and continuously pressing the elevator button impatiently, wanting to get back as quick as she could. Once Samantha heard her depart she exhaled, bring a hand to her forehead, trying to contemplate everything that had transpired. _Oh my God..._Her heart was pumping, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her face flushed with excitement. Trying to regain her bearings she then looked around the empty cabin, her eyes coming to rest on the private bathroom. The shower was gleaming invitingly. _You know what, I think I will have that shower actually. At least this one has room to stretch...My things are downstairs though. _She looked around inside, seeing a small toilet and hanging on the rail beside the mirror: _A towel! _Needing no further encouragement, Samantha stripped down into her military reg underwear and tossed her clothes to the side. She turned on the powered shower and stepped underneath, instantly relishing in the force of the instant hot water as it trickled off her dark hair, sliding down her back, washing off a week's worth of stress.

* * *

Around 45 minutes passed, and Samantha still couldn't bring herself to leave the Commander's bathroom. _Ugh, I could get lost in here! _She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a decent wash alone, without half the Normandy's servicewomen lined up beside her or complaining that she was taking too long. This entire time she had been unable to forget about Shepard, wondering where the woman had got to and feeling sympathy for whoever had interrupted their date. _I bet she's had them chucked out the airlock already. _Running her hands through her hair as the warm water doused over her face, Samantha suddenly gasped. A pair of hands had just touched her waist.

She glanced over her shoulder, getting a slight glimpse of Shepard, still in her blue Alliance uniform before the woman claimed her lips with a sense of urgency. Samantha felt herself being turned around and before she knew it, Shepard had her pressed up against the wall, running her tongue along her neck.

"Oh," Sam moaned, closing her eyes, overcome with arousal. Shepard's hands slid up and over her breasts before slipping the straps of her black bra down her arms and unbuckling it at the back with expert precision. Samantha felt a release as the Commander flung it away, her breasts flattening against the soaking wet material of Shepard's uniform. Coming alive again, Traynor fumbled with the wet coat the Commander had on and dragged it open, carelessly pushing it back off her shoulders and impatiently dragging her soaking black vest up over her head, leaving just her dog tags dangling between her impressive cleavage. Shepard laughed seductively, and unclasped her own bra before kicking off the rest of her clothes, and pinning Samantha back against the wall hard, continuing their kiss with a sense of urgency now.

Samantha's head was spinning in a passionate swirl. The only two senses she had left were taste and touch, savouring the sweetness of Commander Shepard's lips as she clutched at her back, feeling the water from above, shower down over them both. Between the heat of that, and the heat of the Commander's body she felt out of breath, consumed in the steaminess, like this was just a wild dream and she would wake up at any second, ruing the fact that it wasn't real. _But it is real. _She gasped a little in anticipation as Shepard's hand began travelling south, the other cupping her right breast, thumbing her nipple playfully. The Commander's right hand moved down across Samantha's tense abs, squashed between both their writhing wet bodies, following the natural contours of her body. Finally her slender fingers slipped under the waistband of Sam's drenched underwear and found their destination, rubbing her clitoris in long, lingering motions, sending Samantha's body into crashing waves of arousal.

_Oh! Oh...Dear-_

"_God..." _she finished aloud with an erotic intake of breath, unable to stay quiet any longer.

Lost in a passionate trance, Samantha dragged her fingers along Shepard's back as she the woman drove her wild with stimulating desire. She could feel every scar, every cut, every scalpel mark that the Lazarus Project had mercilessly inflicted on her. She opened her eyes lazily, leaning her wet chin on Shepard's shoulder, glancing down at the criss-cross markings on her soft skin in a daze through the steam of the shower. _Wow..._ Seeing a rather massive one stretch along the Commander's collarbone, Sam covered it with a kiss, sucking gently, feeling the miss-matched skin under her tongue and closing her eyes as Shepard's fingers slipped inside of her. She almost lost her footing as they hit their spot, curling gently upwards with every thrust of the Commander's hips, making her quiver, sending her to the brink of release.

Hearing her cries of ecstasy, feeling her tensing body clenched against hers, Shepard giggled in Samantha's ear, nibbling her earlobe playfully.

"Are you alright?" she breathed, burying her face in Samantha's hair. Samantha smiled, biting her lip, laying her head back against the wall and feeling the after-effects of her orgasm wash over her.

"Better than alright," she joked, her chest heaving rapidly. "Christ... I needed that..."

She heard Shepard laugh in her ear once more. "Come on...Let's get out of here. I can hardly breathe."

Finally opening her eyes, Sam turned off the water as the warmth of the Commander's body left her for just a second while she grabbed the towel from the rail to her left. She threw it over Samantha's shoulders and kissed her deeply before positioning herself behind her and walking her out of the tiny bathroom, a hand on either side of her hips.

Able to catch their breath better, due to the much wider open space of the rest of the cabin, Samantha then turned to Shepard and opened the towel, drawing her inside too and wrapping her arms around her, drying them both. She placed her hands along Shepard's lower back, as the Commander rested her arms on her shoulders, crossing them behind her head.

"Ahh," she sighed, fiddling with Samantha's wet hair soothingly, "This is the best night I've ever had in the cabin you know."

Samantha chuckled, gazing up into her smouldering green eyes. "Well, if you play your cards right, there might be a few more."

In that moment, Commander Shepard slid her hands under the towel and lifted Samantha off the ground unexpectedly. Sam yelped in surprise and began to laugh, quickly flinging her arms around Shepard's neck and accepting the kiss she received. The woman began to walk down the steps, towards the ever-inviting double bed. Traynor screamed a little more as Shepard dropped her onto it then climbed across her, lowering her weight down gradually and leaning on her elbows as their bodies pressed together once more.

"You know," the Commander began, stealing a quick kiss, "If I wasn't mistaken, I would think you were using me for my shower, Samantha."

Sam giggled, running her hands over the Commander's tensed butt cheeks then up her spine. You got me," she teased, playing along, as Shepard's thigh rested between the wetness of her legs. "If all showers are as good as that, then I'll definitely be back for more."

Shepard chuckled. "Well, in that case, it's yours whenever you like."

Samantha grinned, leaning up to claim the Commander's lips with a slow, passionate kiss. Neither woman moved for what felt like hours, their wet hair dripping onto the foot of the bed underneath them. It was a while before they could feel it gradually seeping in, along with the cool air around them.

"Woops," Samantha said, glancing at the dark patch around her. Her hair was almost dry now, bar the puddle underneath her. Shepard sighed and reluctantly got up off her. She walked over in the nude, snatching the towel from the ground a few feet away, and flung it over her red hair, rubbing it dry and siphoning off the last of the water drops that rested on her skin as she walked back to the bed. Samantha sat up, allowing Shepard to dry her too, then both of them climbed into the bed properly, their bodies coming together under the heavy duvet.

Laying her head on the pillow, Samantha looked across, meeting Shepard's eyes in the dim light of the cabin. She reached over and caressed her cheek lovingly.

"You look tired," she whispered, seeing dark rings under her eyes. Shepard turned and kissed her hand before responding.

"I'll be alright," she said gently.

"Don't you sleep at all?" Samantha asked, concerned. Shepard's hand tickled along her side under the covers.

"Sometimes," she admitted sadly, "But usually not for long."

"Shall I tell you a bedtime story?" Sam joked, throwing her a smile. "Would that help?"

Commander Shepard laughed quietly and pulled Samantha closer, caressing the skin along her back between her shoulder blades and smelling the scent of shampoo on her hair.

"How about I tell you one instead?" she offered.

Samantha gave her one last smile then closed her eyes, snuggling in close, resting her head on Shepard's shoulder, waiting. As she listened intently, it wasn't long until she was lulled into a state of relaxation by the gentle cajoling of Shepard's voice, before finally drifting off into a deep sleep in the woman's arms.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Feliz a**__**ño nuevo/Happy New Year everybody :D**_

* * *

"You know, I killed a shit load of Geth, saved Quarian lives, united them both under a single banner for the war, and even helped the Quarian's reclaim their lost home planet Rannoch...But seeing your face again when I got back on the Normandy still tops the list as the best part of my day."

Samantha chuckled and played with a loose strand of Shepard's red hair, losing herself in the depths of the woman's eyes as she so often did. They were sitting side by side in the Med Bay, atop the bed in the corner that seemed to be constantly reserved for the Commander these days. Traynor leaned in and gave her a quick kiss before responding.

"You're such a charmer," she teased, caressing Shepard's bloodied cheek, their faces hovering together in an intimate embrace. "In any event, thanks. I'm glad to be positioned above war in the list of things that makes you happy."

The Commander snorted.

"Hilarious," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "You know, not all soldiers enjoy the fighting. It's just part of the job...and it wears on you after a while, believe me."

"I know, Shepard, I was kidding," Samantha said with an air of regret, stroking the Commander's bloodied face gently. "A part of me wishes I could be out there with you, fighting by your side. Then we'd at least have a bit more time together than we do now."

"I know what you mean. God, I feel like I haven't seen you in a week and it's only been little over a day. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up," Shepard apologised, twirling Samantha's hair around her finger. "About an hour after you fell asleep the Quarian's wanted to plan for the mission on Rannoch. I couldn't bear to wake you up to tell you. You just looked so peaceful."

"It's fine," Sam replied, smiling. "I suspected something had called you away when I found myself alone in your bed. Still though, it would have been nice having you there. This day has been incredibly dull without you...Well, apart from all the work I had to do to try and keep you alive on the ground. _That _was a learning curve or two."

"Yeah, the fucking Comm systems were going haywire on Rannoch. You and EDI were great. Sometimes I actually wonder who's smarter, her or you," the Commander replied jokingly, stealing another kiss before turning her attentions back to the mirror in her hand. She traced a finger over the deep gash in her temple, her face screwing up in discomfort and concentration.

"Does it hurt?" Sam asked, watching Shepard hold a damp piece of gauze over the seeping blood.

_God, if I was in her shoes right now I'd be crying my eyes out._

"Argh, it's not too bad. I've had a lot worse. I'm more worried about Tali. She shouldn't have taken her mask off like that. I think the emotion of the moment got to her."

They both looked over the opposite side of the Med Bay, seeing Tali hooked up to monitors after falling victim to a terrible fever since taking her mask off down on Rannoch to breath in the scent of her home planet for the very first time.

"Dr Chakwas said she'll be fine, before she begged off to bed with a headache herself," Samantha said, "And Vega informed me Tali was awake earlier when he came in to get his thigh stitched up and for another dose of Medi-gel. Did he really take a bullet for you? He winds me up something shocking so I never can tell when he's being serious."

Shepard grinned proudly and nodded before beginning to apply a heavy dose of Medi-gel herself. "He was telling the truth this time. Tackled me out of the way as a Geth Prime took aim. Bullet grazed his leg. Crazy bastard. We're both lucky to be alive."

"In that case, I could kiss him," Samantha blurted out, as thankful as she was that Shepard made her way back in one piece. _Well, sort of._ Her heart had been in her mouth the entire time as she listened to events over the Comm channels of goings-on down on Rannoch.

"So could I. Not the first time he's pulled my ass out of the line of fire," Shepard admitted, throwing the bloody gauze in the metal dish in front of her and trying to get to her feet then.

"Oh, here, let me!" Sam said quickly, seeing the Commander struggle to straighten up due to the tender nature of her ribcage. She wrapped her arm around Shepard's waist, feeling the Commander put her arm across her shoulder for support as she eased her into a standing position. Shepard kissed her on the head in thanks before they began shuffling towards the door.

"I'll be ok once I get some rest. By the time we reach the Citadel again I'll be right as rain. Doc says my ribs are just a little bruised and battered after Vega's tackle. He knocked the wind clean out of me!"

Samantha chuckled, pressing the door with her Omni-tool and seeing it spring open to allow them to leave. _I'm not surprise. Vega's a bloody beast! _

"Where do you want to go?" she asked.

"Shuttle Bay, I want to check on my Marine and see how he's doing. It's not every day a soldier takes a bullet for you."

"Aye aye, Ma'am."

"So," Shepard began as they made their way to the elevator, joined at the hip. "Did you sleep well?"

Samantha looked up, seeing the Commander's cheeky smile and knowing full well that she wasn't just talking about 'sleep'. This was the conversation they hadn't gotten to have this morning, after spending such a wonderful night together.

"Best night's sleep I've ever had," Sam promised her with a wink. The Commander laughed and watched as Traynor reached over to the elevator and pressed the button to call it. They waited patiently, holding each other, glad to have an excuse to be touching. "I really liked your bedtime story by the way," Samantha continued, "From what I can remember of it before I succumbed to my exhaustion after that glorious shower that is. I didn't take you for the storytelling type."

Shepard chuckled. "I'm not, really. The stories_ I_ usually tell people chill them to the bone and give them nightmares for weeks."

Sam giggled. "So I've heard. Enlighten me then. Where did _you _of all people learn a story called The Princess of Ferelden and her Lost Griffon?"

The Commander smiled fondly and her eyes glazed over as though reminiscing. "My father," she said, sounding a little hoarse now. "He... used to tell it to me when I was a little girl...When I couldn't sleep."

Seeing a horrible faraway look in Shepard's eyes then, Samantha was thankful that the elevator appeared when it did. _Aw...God, I feel so sorry for her sometimes. She'd hate it if she knew though. _She guided the Commander inside and pressed the button to the Shuttle Bay, prompting it to start.

Samantha sighed. "Does it ever get easy, Shepard?"

The Commander looked down at her, confused. "What do you mean, Traynor?"

"Your life," Samantha said, trying not to step over any invisible lines. She was unsure how deep the Commander buried her grievances and didn't want to trigger anything that Shepard preferred to leave untouched. However, the lab-geek in her was burning with curiosity. "You've... been through so much. Most people wouldn't ever have to deal with half the stuff that's happened to you. Has it always been so...tragic?"

To Samantha's surprise, Shepard started to laugh. "Actually yeah," she admitted, as though having only realised it herself.

Sam frowned, puzzled by her reaction. "Then...Sorry but, why on Earth are you laughing?" she asked, smiling a little herself at the amused reaction from her Commanding Officer.

"I'm laughing at your question," Shepard chuckled, shaking her head as though she'd never heard anything like it in her life.

Samantha's puzzled look deepened. "Er...You've lost me."

"Well," Shepard began, "No one, not ever, has just came out and asked me that before."

"_No one_?" Samantha asked in disbelief, her eyes wide. _How is that possible? _Shepard shook her head.

"I guess most people are afraid to," she said understandingly, "I can see their point. Not many have been through the shit I have. Besides, I don't really like to dwell on it if I can help it, and I don't need to receive condolences from everyone I meet."

At this, Samantha backtracked. "I didn't...I mean, I wasn't trying to—to-"

"I know," Shepard interrupted chuckling, before Traynor could begin to feel embarrassed. She felt the Commander's grip tighten around her and looked up, seeing her smile. "I always make room for exceptions, Samantha. I appreciate the concern but I'm fine...Really."

Traynor smiled. "Good. I'm glad, Ma'am."

The Commander leaned down, beginning a slow, tender kiss as the elevator slowed to a stop at the Shuttle Bay. The doors slid open without either of them noticing.

"H-h-holy shit! Hey Esteban, get over here! Oh wait, never mind. You wouldn't be interested."

Samantha jumped and felt the Commander do the same. James Vega was leaning against the requisitions table with his arms folded, as though having been waiting for them. He was staring wide- eyed from one woman to the other, an amused grin on his face. Traynor rushed to cover up.

"Vega! I-It's not what—"

"Actually it is," Shepard intervened, as Samantha tried for a coherent sentence. Traynor's mouth fell open questioningly. _What?_ The Commander laughed at the look of horror on her face and they exited the lift, walking towards the Lieutenant.

"He was bound to find out eventually," Shepard said, replying to Samantha's terrified expression. "Everyone will. Besides, we don't have anything to hide, do we?"

"I...No, you're right. It's just... with rank and everything. I don't want people to think...Well, I don't want people to think I'm just another Kelly Chambers," she stammered, quickly finishing her sentence and feeling her face turn red. Shepard and Vega started laughing.

"Hey, Kelly was different," Shepard informed her, "She was sweet and everything but I only slept with her the once."

As Vega's laughter continued, Samantha's jaw dropped. "You...What? You _slept _with her?! N-no one told me that!"

She had no idea why this bothered her so much, but it did. _Miranda spoke of the Yeoman with nothing but disdain. Was this why? Does she see me in the same light? Oh, God! What if I am like her?_

"Really? Shit, with all the boring stories about me that hit the rumour mill, that juicy bit of gossip I was _sure_ would be on there," Shepard said with a frown. As though knowing what Samantha was thinking, she sped things along. "Look we can talk about this later if you want. Anyway, Lieutenant, how's the leg?"

"It's nothing, Commander. I'm walking on it already. I should be good to go on the next mission. Just say the word," Vega said gruffly, limping over to his personal corner of the Shuttle Bay, with Shepard being guided by a mortified Samantha. "How are _you_ holding up?"

Shepard snorted. "With Traynor's help," she joked, gesturing pointedly to the woman under her arm who was providing support. Vega and Samantha chuckled.

_Again with the relentless jokes. And now Vega knows about us? God, he's never going to let me live this down, is he?_

"So," the Lieutenant began, glancing from one woman to the other, seeing them exchange an intimate look together. "You and Shepard, huh, Traynor? I like it."

Samantha rolled her eyes. "What a surprise," she teased playfully.

"Don't I get a kiss for saving her ass?" James joked. "Go on!"

Shepard smiled wickedly. "You did say you would, back in the Med Bay," she reminded her.

Traynor cringed. _Ugh, I did, didn't I?_

"Let's reserve that for when he saves your ass from the bloody Reapers, shall we?" she countered, knowing both of them were trying to wind her up. "Then I promise I'll keep my word, Vega."

The Marine laughed. "I'll hold you to that, Specialist. You're breaking my heart...Anyway, I was just about to catch some shut eye, Commander, if there's nothing else. I can feel the Medi-Gel starting to kick in. I'm going to be talking _mierda _the next hour or so."

"No more so than usual I imagine," Sam joked. The other two chuckled.

"At ease, Lieutenant. Just came down to check on my saviour and thank you once again. I'll let you get some rest," Shepard replied. She reached out and shook his hand, pumping it. "Take care. Drinks on me when we reach the Citadel."

"You're damn right, Commander," he laughed, lowering himself onto a makeshift bed beside his weapons bench. "Things got hairy down there! Shit, I'd have one with you now if Esteban hadn't finished off the last of my tequila."

"Forget it. We'll make a proper night of it in Purgatory," Shepard replied. She glanced down at Samantha then and smiled. "Besides, I have more than one reason to celebrate after all."

Samantha couldn't help but lean in a kiss her. _She's such a girl sometimes. _The wolf-whistle that followed from Vega didn't even bother her that much as the Commander held her tightly. There was something about being in her arms that made her feel safe, protected. _Even from Vega's jokes it seems._

"Aw, aren't you two cute?" he teased, "You've just made my rest a little more interesting. My morale's through the roof!"

"Jaaaames!" Shepard groaned over the man's laughter, as Samantha cringed once more. "_Not_ cool!"

Lieutenant Vega's chuckles continued as he shooed them away. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm happy for you, Commander. Wake me up when we get to the Citadel, alright? _Buenas noches, chicas."_

"Good night," both Samantha and Shepard replied.

Traynor giggled as Shepard rolled her eyes, then walked the Commander back to the elevator and they both got inside once more. As they waited, she could feel Shepard's gait getting slightly heavier. Samantha looked up, seeing her face had gone even paler than usual. She looked exhausted.

"Are you alright, Ma'am?"

"Mmm," Shepard replied weakly, leaning her temple against Samantha's affectionately and closing her eyes. "Wish I could sleep though..."

"You can," Samantha said softly, "I'm taking you up to your cabin. There are no vital concerns that require your immediate attention and EDI has things under control on the bridge."

"No," Shepard breathed, as though she had been misunderstood, "I mean I _literally_ wish I could sleep, but I can't. Insomniac, remember?"

"I...of course," Samantha replied, having forgotten momentarily, "Would you... like me to stay with you?"

"I would," the Commander said, sounding rather grateful through her drowsiness. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all."

Samantha helped her out of the lift when it finally stopped and guided her across the Captain's Cabin towards the bed. As soon as she set eyes on it again, fond memories of the night before came rushing back. _Of course, all the naughty stuff happened in the shower, _she reminded herself with a smile. Yet despite this, falling asleep with someone's arms wrapped around her protectively was a feeling indescribable, almost as fulfilling as she sex had been in a way. It had been such a long time since Samantha had felt like that with anyone, and even then it had been in no way as good as it was with Commander Shepard. The woman always oozed the natural instincts to protect those around her even when she was at her most ruthless, but especially when the armor was off and she didn't have to put up such a front.

Shepard groaned with discomfort as Traynor helped into a sitting position, with her head resting back against the make-shift headboard. What little colour that remained in her cheeks had disappeared now and Sam couldn't help but become concerned. She clambered over the bed and sat beside the woman, directing Shepard's head down onto her shoulder gently and putting her arm around her. The Commander snuggled in close and exhaled with relief.

"Thanks," she breathed, closing her eyes.

"Don't mention it," Samantha replied, kissing the top of her head. "Do you need some more Medi-gel? I have a first aid kit in my pocket."

She felt Shepard chuckle in her arms. "Geek..." she whispered jokingly. Samantha laughed a little herself.

"Can't you stop jesting for a second and let me take care of you?"she teased, "Besides Dr Chakwas left it for me earlier to give to you."

"Sorry," Shepard apologised, "I've already overdosed on Medi-gel today though. Chakwas is going to kill me when she finds out...Just thought it would help me get some rest...Turns out it just makes me talk shit."

"You're drowsy," Sam told her, feeling the way the Commander was draped over her and knowing she was going to pass out eventually. "I'm sure it'll work soon."

"But I don't wanna sleep," Shepard mumbled clumsily. Samantha was pretty sure the Medi-gel was taking over, making her babble. Once again her curiosity got the better of her though.

"Why not?" she asked, caressing the woman's hair.

For a second Samantha had thought Shepard had passed out, until all of a sudden the Commander came back to her senses and straightened up again, having been falling into a slouch. Her eyes looked much clearer than a second ago.

_And much more orange...Strange._

"Sorry about that," Shepard said, her glowing eyes pouring into Sam's.

"What the hell just happened?" Samantha asked, amused but puzzled all the same. She stroked Shepard's cheek, bewildered. "I was pretty convinced you'd passed out, then you just...woke up."

Shepard sniggered. "I'm 30% synthetic," she reminded her, "It doesn't take long for the Medi-gel to burn up in my system. That's the closest to sleep I can ever get though basic medical means."

"You mean that's the reason why sleeping pills and the like don't have much effect on you?" the scientific part of Samantha asked interestedly. Shepard nodded.

"I guess," she relented, "There's no scientific proof. As of yet, I'm the only person that we know of having been brought back from the dead. But I trust Dr Chakwas' judgement. She hasn't let me down yet. Miranda said the same thing and she was the one who brought me back."

"So you're... what now? Rested, rejuvenated, ready to run a marathon?" Sam asked curiously. _I can't get my head around this at all. _Shepard laughed.

"Are you kidding me? I feel like I could sleep for days."

"But your body won't let you?"

"No, it's not that," Shepard said then, all trace of laughter gone now, "Eventually my body will shut down due to severe sleep-deprivation. I'm still human like any other. It's just...I kind of...I have these...I just don't really benefit from my slumbers."

Suddenly it hit Samantha what Shepard was struggling to say. _Nightmares. _It wasn't her body stopping her from sleeping at all, it was her mind. A part of her must have been terrified to fall asleep. _Lord knows the horrors that torture her in her dreams, _Sam thought sadly. The dark rings that had been under Shepard's eyes the night before were even darker in that moment. Sam traced them gently with her thumb, staring down at her worriedly.

"So this is what Liara has been helping you with?" she asked, finally beginning to join the dots.

Shepard nodded. "When my insomnia kicks in, she uses her Meld to occupy my mind and ease it into a state of rest. It's...intimate. The Bonding process is usually associated with sex. I haven't told her about the dreams though...In fact, I haven't really told anyone, apart from you."

Sam gave her a little smile, understanding. "Don't worry. Your secret's safe," she promised, stroking Shepard's cheek. The Commander blinked sleepily and kissed Traynor's hand, running her fingers along her forearm playfully.

"There's a chance she already knows anyway," Shepard said then, nestling her head in closer to Samantha's neck and exhaling, "About us too."

Sam's heart skipped a beat. _She knows? Ugh, why do I feel so weird about this?_

"Oh," she replied, not knowing what to say. "H-how? I mean, it was only last night that we..."

Shepard sniggered. "I don't mean she knows that we slept together," she continued, "Sorry, I should have specified. There's a good chance she knows how _I _feel about _you. _The Meld goes deep. I'm sure she's seen your face floating around my mind. I've been thinking about you a lot lately."

Despite her concerns over Liara, Sam couldn't help but smile. "Really?"

"You sound surprised," Shepard said gently.

"I guess I shouldn't be," Samantha whispered, "After all, you're in my thoughts constantly as well...But, aren't you worried about Liara? Now that Vega knows, I'm sure half the crew will by the time we reach the Citadel. I mean, shouldn't you talk to her or something?"

"I don't need her permission, Samantha."

"I know that but...you and she were close once, were you not?"

"And she turned her back on me first," Shepard replied, sounding a little heated now. "There's too much history there. We're friends now, nothing more."

"All the more reason," Samantha pressed. Shepard straightened up then, leaning on her arms and staring into Traynor's eyes, her own weary and bloodshot with exhaustion.

"Why are you pushing this all of a sudden?" she asked suspiciously, surveying her.

Samantha shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Because I'm going to see if she can come up and Meld with you now," she revealed, trying to swallow her guilt.

Shepard looked as though she had been slapped. "No," she replied firmly, shaking her head. "No, don't start, Samantha, please. I'm fine."

"You're knackered, darling," Samantha said gently, placing a hand on the woman's cheek. "And you're not going to get a better opportunity to sleep than this. There's nothing major to concern yourself with until we reach the Citadel. I'm calling her up."

"Samantha..."

Shepard grabbed her Omni-tool arm, stopping her from dialling Liara's frequency. Feeling her tight grip, Traynor took the woman's face in her free hand and pulled her towards her, reassuring her with a long, drawn-out kiss.

"Trust me, Shepard. You need this," she whispered, when their lips had parted, knowing the Commander seen this as a slight betrayal of confidences. "Liara's the only one who can help you right now."

"You can't seriously tell me you're ok with this," Shepard countered, momentarily breathless from the kiss.

"It's not about me," Traynor replied, massaging the woman's neck comfortingly. "And I don't feel any animosity towards Dr T'Soni in the slightest. I know you two have a past, and I understand that makes it difficult...But you can't fight this war half-dead from fatigue."

She heard Shepard sigh in defeat, and felt her grip on her Omni-tool arm relinquish. _Thank God. _Samantha slipped her arm free and brought up her Omni-tool interface. As she waited for Liara to accept the call, she glanced over at Shepard, seeing her lie down on her good side and close her eyes. It was like she was willing herself to fall asleep before Liara got there.

"Specialist Traynor?"

"Yes, Dr T'Soni. Would you mind..." _Oh Lord, how do I put this? I hadn't thought this far ahead. _"...coming to the Commander's room? She needs rest."

Liara seemed to understand what this meant, despite Traynor's best attempts to make it PG. Her voice sounded as hesitant as Shepard's had.

"I...Yes, of course. Right away. Just...give me a moment."

"Thanks."

The line went dead and Sam closed the Omni-tool, turning her attentions back to Shepard. She leaned over and traced her hands through the woman's hair.

"Shepard?"

There was no answer.

"Stop pretending to be asleep, Commander. It's not going to work," Samantha said with a laugh then.

Reluctantly, Shepard opened her eyes. She threw Traynor a fleeting grin. "Worth a shot," she joked. "Are you staying with me?"

As curious as she was about the Asari Melding process, this was one thing that Samantha felt she had to draw the line at. It would be even more awkward for Liara and Shepard if she was there and she wasn't sure she would like seeing the two of them so close. _How do they even do it without having sex?_ After the way she and Elena had broken up, with her legs wrapped around Ed, some of the underlying insecurities still remained it seemed.

"No," she replied, fiddling with the Commander's hair still, "I have a bog load of Comms to go through in the CIC. I may...visit you later though, when Liara leaves...If you would like."

"I would," Shepard said, "Though I may not have forgiven you for this even by then."

Sam sighed. _Balls, did I do the right thing here? _"Get some sleep, Shepard. I'll join you later."

She leaned down and kissed the woman's head before shimmying off the bed and getting to her feet. As she walked to the door, Dr T'Soni knocked lightly and opened it.

"Hi," Sam greeted her, "She's on her bed. I'll leave you to it."

"Yes, Specialist. I am... surprised she agreed to this again. She swore last week that it would be the final time," Liara said softly, her eyes finding Shepard lying rather stiffly on top of the covers.

"I may have convinced her," Samantha replied, following Liara's gaze. "She's bloody stubborn though."

At this Liara breathed a laugh. "Yes, she is at that," she admitted. "Thank you, Traynor. It should not take more than an hour or so. I will let you know when she is asleep."

"Er...right," Samantha said, feeling rather awkward all of a sudden. _This is a weird conversation. _"I'll...leave you to it, Dr T'Soni."

In her haste to leave, she almost walked into the door frame. Sidestepping the danger, Samantha rushed to the lift as fast as was acceptable and jumped inside, pressing the button for the CIC. When it started to descend, she exhaled, leaning her head back against the wall. _God, that was even harder than I imagined. _As her conscience argued with itself she pulled herself together. _Relax, Sam, it's not like their sleeping with each other. _Just as she thought this, Traynor realised that in the next few minutes Liara would be privy to every intimate detail that she and the Commander had shared the night before. Every touch, every kiss...every cry of ecstasy. _Oh Lord, why did I suggest this? _Placing hand on her forehead, feeling rather flustered now, Samantha stepped out onto the CIC and walked to her terminal. She opened up her incoming traffic and beginning to work through them, all the while trying unsuccessfully to push thoughts of Shepard and Liara to the back of her mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Specialist Traynor flicked through her mountain of incoming messages, looking for any that were important enough to forward onto Commander Shepard or that needed her immediate attention. She checked the time on her terminal again, flustered at the notion that she and Shepard's relationship was about to be revealed to Dr T'Soni in a very blunt fashion. _God, she's been up there for longer than an hour. It's going on two now. _Pulling herself together, Sam tried to remember that she was doing this to help Shepard and continued her work, flagging incoming communications without really paying much attention. Suddenly an untitled email caught her eye. _Hmm, I wonder what this is. _Curious, and hoping it wasn't an unpleasant (and very petty) Cerberus attack, Samantha scanned the email with her self-developed virus scanner and then clicked 'open' and began to read.

_Hayley, this is Mom...If I'm still allowed to call myself that. I hope I've caught you at the right address. Hell, it's been years! I haven't seen you since you were a little pup. Yeah...Anyway. Look kid, I need to see you. The entire Galaxy's talking a lot about you, saying you're first in line to be Reaper food or something. You're a big hero now, ain't ya? Unlike your dear old mom who's still wanted by C-Sec. I managed to hitch a ride to the Citadel after my ship got decimated with the rest of my crew back on Noveria. Got a new ID under the name Martha Hill. Come and find me. I'll be in an apartment on the Presidium. Number 606._

_See ya kiddo._

Samantha froze. She read over the message again, trying to make sense of it. _Shepard's mother? God, didn't she say her mother left her and her father when she was really young? _Stunned, and wondering whether or not to believe it, Sam scanned the email again, trying to find its sent location. It was encrypted. _Crap!_

"EDI, can you try to break the encryption on this file, please? I can't seem to get around it."

"Right away, Specialist Traynor."

Samantha waited impatiently, her thoughts falling on Shepard. After their conversation on the Citadel she had rather gotten the impression that the Commander and her mother hadn't been on the best of terms. _Should I tell her about this? _It was a few minutes before EDI got back to her.

"I have broken the encryption, Specialist, but was unable to locate the source. I was prevented from going any further. It is what I believe organics call, 'a booby trap'."

Sam had to allow herself a giggle. _EDI said 'booby'. Ha! _

"Thanks EDI. Does it match up with any other known Cerberus links?"

"One moment...No."

"No?" Sam repeated, bewildered. She was expecting more of an answer than that. Surely this was a Cerberus ploy. Maybe they were planning something and needed a decoy, something to occupy Commander Shepard, one of the few who could stop them.

"That is correct," EDI replied in her smooth, sensual voice. "Would you like me to cross-reference the wording with my database of common Cerberus protocol?"

"Oh, no. That's quite alright," Samantha sighed. Maybe this message really was from Shepard's mother after all. _If so she must be an expert at keeping her location anonymous._ Suddenly Samantha's Omni-tool began to flash, signalling an incoming call from the Commander's private terminal.

"Shepard?"

"Actually, it is Liara," came the Asari's delicate tone. She sounded strange.

_Oh no. Here it comes! The big old shit-storm I've been dreading._

"Is... everything alright, Dr T'Soni?" Samantha asked, trying to keep her voice even.

_That's right, girl. Play it cool._

"Shepard is asleep," Liara replied calmly, "Though I was... unable to Meld for long enough to keep her fully sedated. She will wake soon. She's already a little restless."

Samantha swallowed nervously.

"Oh," she replied simply, knowing what Liara must have seen that made her stop so abruptly. The depths of Shepard's mind held many secrets, but surely the Asari hadn't expected anything like this. "Is there...anything I can do?" It was a while before Liara replied. For a second, Traynor thought the line had gone dead. "Dr T'Soni?"

"Yes, I am still here. I...Can you meet with me in the hall just off Shepard's cabin first? There is something I would like to talk about."

Samantha's stomach dropped. "Er...Yes, of course, Ma'am. I'll be right up."

Hanging up, she turned towards the elevator and climbed inside. As the lift ascended, Samantha began to feel a little uneasy. _I bet she saw everything. Crap, why do I feel so bloody guilty? _Taking a deep breath and bracing herself, Samantha stepped out onto the Commander's floor. Liara was standing waiting for her.

"Hi," Samantha greeted her awkwardly.

"Hello," Liara said softly, giving her a small smile.

An uncomfortable silence passed between them, neither woman knowing where to look.

"How's our girl?" Traynor asked then, unable to stand it any longer. She cringed instantly.

_Our girl? Ugh, nice turn of phrase there, Samantha._

To her surprise, the Asari chuckled. "She is fine, considering. Though I think much of that has to do with you, rather than me."

Traynor blushed. "I...Yes, I suppose it does," she admitted, her stomach knotted with guilt. "Look, Liara—"

"You don't need to explain yourself, Specialist," Liara interrupted gently, giving her another smile. Clearly she didn't want to come across as jealous, but for some reason Samantha still felt like she had done something wrong. "I just...Well, I guess I do not really know _what_ my intentions were with this conversation. But after what I just saw..."

Samantha was mortified. _Oh Lord, what did she see? My naked body pressed against Shepard's? The two of us writhing in sync in the steamy mist of the shower? Christ!_

"I'm sorry," Sam replied, not knowing why she was apologising but feeling like it was necessary.

"No, I am sorry," Liara replied sadly, "Sorry I ever turned my back on her. A part of me just thought that although Shepard was angry we could...maybe work things out. That she still had feelings for me."

Samantha was stunned. "I...I don't really know what to say," she breathed, taken aback.

_Why is she telling me this?_

"I will leave you be," Liara said sadly, "Shepard was asking for you moments ago as she dreamt. Her sleep is already becoming agitated unfortunately. She may have a headache when she wakes. I broke the Meld rather abruptly when...when..."

Samantha sighed. _When she saw us having sex, _she finished in her head.

"I should probably see if she's ok then," Sam replied, eager to end this conversation before it made her feel any shoddier. The look on Liara's face was actually breaking her heart a little.

"Of course," the Asari said then, pulling herself together. "Let me know if you need me again. I will always be there for her."

"I will," Samantha said, walking past her and opening the door to the Commander's room. "See you later, Dr."

"Goodbye."

When the door had closed behind her, Samantha walked across the cabin and exhaled, a little shook up by Liara's confrontation. The Asari wasn't unpleasant, and if anything she handled it well, but Traynor couldn't help shake the feeling that she was trying to plant some kind of doubt in her mind, that things between her and Shepard weren't quite finished. _Or maybe it's just my insecurities talking. _Either way, she didn't think she would be calling on the Asari again to look after the Commander, unless Shepard requested it herself.

As her eyes found Shepard sleeping soundly, sprawled in the middle of her bed on her back, above the blanket, with the cover swaddled around her on either side like a baby, Samantha smiled. Her heart warmed instantly and all thoughts of Liara went out the airlock. She had never seen the Commander look so vulnerable. Samantha lay down close beside her, fixing the ends of the blanket closer around Shepard's body, and leaned on her elbow staring down at her pretty face, running her hand gently through the woman's red hair.

_Well, aren't you cute, _she thought, suppressing a giggle. _I bet even a Reaper would have second thoughts about waking you up right now._

The Commander's eyelids were fluttering wildly as she dreamt. She flinched a little then, fighting the enemy even in her sleep.

"Sssh," Samantha soothed, placing a light kiss on her forehead. "It's alright."

The muscles in Shepard's neck were flexing, her chest rising and falling rapidly making it seem like she was trapped in some kind of fever.

"Stop...NO!" she moaned, thrashing her head from side to side. Sam's face creased in concern as she watched the sheer distress register on the Commander's scarred face. _Liara wasn't kidding. She's definitely restless. _Traynor had to fight the urge to wake her up there and then, knowing that as hard as it was to bear, Shepard greatly needed any form of rest she could get. Instead, Samantha lay down beside her and wrapped a protective arm around her, trying to ignore the growing chill in the cabin's air. Feeling the heat of Shepard's body through the covers, and seeing a faint shine of sweat on her forehead and across her chest, Samantha thought about the message she had read before coming up. If it really was the Commander's mother contacting her, this would probably be yet another burden on top of an already troubled mind. _Or it could help her manage her affairs before the final battle with the Reapers, _Samantha thought then. Undecided, she buried her worries along with all knowledge of the message.

"Help!" Shepard cried, squirming under the covers as though trying to break free from a straightjacket, "You can't help me...Hayls, help...the fire...it burn_s_...ARRGHH!"

A bloodcurdling yell tore from her throat and the Commander jerked out of her sleep, sitting bolt upright, eyes a wide flaming orange. She was wheezing like she'd run the length of Earth and back again.

"Shepard!?" Samantha gasped, having recoiled in surprise, startled, feeling her heart beat erratically.

Commander Shepard clutched her chest, heaving great mouthfuls of air. She turned to her left, seeing a shocked Samantha sitting upright beside her. Traynor touched her clammy face to let her know she was there, feeling the heat radiating off it. After several weary seconds, Shepard leaned in and collapsed against her bosom, exhaling with relief.

"Samantha..."

"I'm here!" Sam whimpered, leaning her chin on Shepard's head as the woman rested it against her body. "I've got you."

Feeling her tremble, Samantha lay back down slowly, bringing Shepard with her, trying to calm her. She put her arms around her, feeling that every muscle in the woman's body was on edge.

"Liara?" Shepard asked, not able to do much more than say her name.

"She's gone," Sam whispered, sliding her fingers through Shepard's hair affectionately. "It's alright."

"Good," the Commander breathed, "Don't...Don't make me do that again. I don't want to. I can't!"

"I won't," Sam replied, feeling terrible for the decision she had made earlier. She had thought it would help her but it clearly hadn't. She kissed the woman's head. "I'm sorry. I won't. I promise."

Shepard exhaled loudly then raised her head. As she stared, Sam noticed her eyes had thankfully returned to their normal green, thought the slight hint of orange still remained like always. She still didn't look fully awake or aware. Without saying another word Shepard found Samantha's mouth and began to kiss her intensely, as though only realising that she was there. Sam responded in kind and they were soon wrapped in a passionate embrace, enthusiastically tugging at each other's clothes. There were tears and rips and buttons popping loose. Feeling the Commander's hand slide under the open buttons of her shirt, Traynor's head began to explode. _Oh God. _She lay her head back, allowing Shepard to kiss eagerly along her neck as she desperately tried to bury away her troubles in another's arms.

"Oh..." Traynor groaned, dragging her fingers along the battle-scarred skin on Commander's bare back under her ripped tank-top, feeling the woman's assets threatening to spill out as they pressed down against hers.

Suddenly Shepard froze. She rested her head in Sam's cleavage for a second, then pulled back, hovering above Samantha in the semi-darkness, staring at her as though she was a stranger.

"Shepard?" Traynor breathed, reaching up to caress her cheek.

After several seconds of only heavy breathing, the Commander sighed and rolled away from her. She sat, hunched over the edge of the bed, leaning her arms on her legs. Concerned, Traynor moved closer, touching the woman's side.

"Are you ok?" she whispered.

"I...I can't," Shepard panted, holding her head in her hands, "Can't get it... out of my head... argh...Stop. STOP IT!"

"Hey!" Samantha soothed, kissing her shoulder, hearing how distraught she was. "It's alright, darling. It's alight. Come here. I've got you."

She pulled Shepard into a warm hug as the woman turned around wearily. Sam eased the Commander back down onto the bed and pulled the blankets over them both, resting Shepard's head on her chest like before and resuming combing her hair with her fingers. Trying to fight her own emotions, Samantha closed her eyes, holding the broken Commander in her arms tightly, hearing her continue to moan and mumble in her weakened, rawest state, before Shepard finally drifted off into another fitful slumber.

* * *

**Four Days Later**

"We have no more than 48 hours of shore leave. I want everyone back on the Normandy at 0600 hours prepared to leave, understood?"

"SIR!"

The entire Normandy crew set the time on their Omni-tools and saluted a bedraggled-looking Commander.

"Good. Vega I'll see you later for that drink. Behave yourselves everyone. Dismissed... Specialist Traynor, a word?"

The chatter started up at once as all of the crew took their much needed days off, leaving Samantha and Shepard alone in the CIC. The Commander stood on the ramp, overlooking the Galaxy map, leaning on it with her arms. Finally she turned around and descended, wearing a pleasant smile that detracted from her exhausted appearance. She placed a light kiss on Samantha's lips then took her hands.

"Dinner?"

Samantha giggled. "Don't you mean breakfast?" she teased, "It's 6am, Shep."

"Fine, breakfast then. God, you sure know how to turn your nose up at a free meal," Shepard joked.

Traynor poked her in the side.

"Hey! Watch it!" the Commander complained, rubbing her ribs. "There still a bit tender."

"Aw toughen up, darling. How do you expect to beat a Reaper with that attitude?"

"Oh, you are dead!"

Shepard bent over and scooped her up unexpectedly in a fireman's lift. Samantha yelped in surprise as she found herself face to face with the Commander's behind.

"AH! Put me _down!_" she laughed, squirming as Shepard walked with her towards the air lock, where the others had just left through. The Commander sniggered.

"What was that you were saying before?" she teased, swinging her in circles with ease. "Toughen up?"

"Yes, but not with me! I'm one of the geeks. Now you're just being a bully," Samantha chuckled, feeling the blood rush to her head as she saw the Normandy flash by, upside-down. Shepard laughed.

"Hey you're the one who told me I have an attitude problem!"

"Alright I take it back! I take it back! Now put me down before anyone sees me."

"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me, Samantha?" Shepard jested.

"For future reference, Ma'am, any time I enter an establishment with my ass in the air, you can be damned sure I'm going to be mortified no matter who is with me."

The Commander chuckled. "Alright, alright, I'll put you down...Just give me a second to process that mental image."

Samantha smacked her on the bum. "Down. Now!" she ordered.

Shepard laughed and bent over, placing Samantha back down on her feet again. As she straightened up, Sam caught her in a kiss with a soft moan of longing. She heard the Commander laugh quietly and slide her arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"Mm you taste good," Shepard muttered, stealing another quick peck.

"I just brushed my teeth," Samantha replied with a grin, "Cision Pro Mach 4 baby!"

"What are you, advertising for them now or something?"

"No!" Traynor scoffed, "I just have a thing for expensive toothbrushes."

"Oh yeah?" Shepard laughed, "Well, I have a thing for you."

Samantha snorted. "Oh God that was such a bad line, sweetheart," she giggled, making tiny ringlets with the end of Shepard's hair, staring into her eyes.

"Sorry," the Commander sniggered, "You just bring out my cheesy side."

At this Traynor burst out laughing. "You don't _have_ a cheesy side!"

"Hey!" Shepard retorted, making a mock offended expression, "I..._could _have a cheesy side."

"Hmm, that's true. But I'm more interested in your backside."

The Commander grinned proudly, backing Samantha against the wall, a hungry look in her eyes. "Now _that _was a good line, Specialist." She leaned in once more and kissed her deeply, pinning her against the wall in a very intimate manner.

"Heh-hem!"

The two of them broke apart. Dr Chakwas had just exited the Normandy behind them. She looked shocked, but rather unsurprised to find the two women kissing in the air lock tunnel.

"Commander," she greeted her, amused.

"What's up Doc?"

Samantha rolled her eyes. _Does that joke ever get old?_

"Your libido, apparently," the good Doctor replied with a slight smirk. "Funny...The tests I did on you while Liara was Melding had no results beyond the natural Melding process. I was beginning to get worried."

Shepard chuckled. "I'm fine, Doc. Maybe Liara just doesn't bring out that side of me anymore...No matter how much she wishes to."

Dr Chakwas grinned. "Perhaps you're right. In any case, I'd be careful if I were you. I'll see you two later. Specialist."

"Ma'am," Traynor greeted her.

They gave each other a courteous nod and a smile, before Chakwas disappeared down the tunnel and Sam pressed her face into Shepard's chest to hide her embarrassment.

"Oh, did that really happen?" she groaned.

"Hey, come on. It wasn't that bad," Shepard replied with a chuckle, as Sam straightened up again. "She obviously approves."

"I know but...Liara," Traynor sighed sadly.

"Liara had her chance," Shepard said softly, caressing Samantha's cheek. "She blew it...Well I blew it...Well, I got blown up...Spaced. I...It's complicated."

Sam giggled. "You don't say."

Shepard's green eyes peered into her brown ones, warm and inviting. "Samantha...You have nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. Trust me."

"I..." Samantha exhaled. "Trust is something that I have trouble with," she admitted, "After Elena..."

She felt Shepard's warm hand trace along her cheek and looked back up at her again.

"Trust me," Shepard repeated, her eyes burning brightly.

After a deep breath, Samantha finally nodded. Shepard kissed her once more then took her hand, and they both began the tunnel descent out of the Normandy and onto the Citadel, with the weight of the untold secret of Shepard's mother's message lying heavily on Traynor's heart.


	13. Chapter 13

"You know, you could have at least let me get changed into something more elegant before coming here," Sam said with a grin, staring across the table at Commander Shepard.

The two women were sitting outside an intimate little restaurant in what must have been the quietest possible corner of the Citadel, away from the hustle and bustle of the war efforts and frantic refugees. With its upper class clientele, the two of them stuck out like a sore thumb. The Commander sipped her glass of wine as they waited for their meal, observing Sam over the rim of her glass. She chuckled.

"Hey, I asked you did you want to go to the Presidium and you said no," she reminded her, placing her drink down on the small round table once more. "After that, posh restaurants in remote locations with snooty couples are all there is."

Samantha swallowed hard, feeling guilt snake deep in the pit of her stomach. There was a good reason why she didn't want to go to the Presidium. _I know her mother is going to be there, watching, waiting for her. God, should I tell her? _Remembering the state of the Commander when she had found her a few nights ago, seeing just how troubled her sleep was already, Samantha shuddered. This didn't go unnoticed by the Commander.

"Is everything alright?" Shepard asked, concerned. She reached across the table and took Samantha's hand in hers, "You've been a little distracted since we stepped off the Normandy."

"I..." Sam didn't know what to say. "I'm fine," she lied, "Just...thinking."

Shepard caressed her hand. "What about?" she asked softly, her green eyes peering into Traynor's. Samantha glanced down at the Commander's scarred forearm, then squeezed her fingers gently. She realised it was time to come clean.

"Shepard I...I have something to tell you," she began awkwardly. Just at that moment, their breakfast arrived, served on silver platters. They both released the other's hand and leaned back, allowing the smartly dressed waiter to place them on the table. He refilled their glasses with wine before leaving them to it.

"Oh, this is what I was telling you about!" Shepard said excitedly, cutting a piece of what looked like pancakes and holding it out. Sam leaned over and ate it off her fork.

"Mmm!" she approved, "That's gorgeous! What is it?"

"Asari pancakes made with syrup and some special ingredient," Shepard said with a grin, "I tried to get Liara to tell me the recipe for years but she never did." Sam washed it down with a sip of wine and tried not to seem awkward at the mention of Dr T'Soni. The Commander wasn't fooled though. "Oh come on. One of us was bound to mention her eventually," she said lightly.

"I know," Sam replied quickly, "I'm sorry I just...had an awkward conversation with her after you and she Melded that night."

Shepard's face lined in thought. "Oh, really? What about?"

Sam squirmed in her seat a little, then took a bite of fancily cut toast before helping herself to some strawberries and cream. "Er, well...You," she said truthfully. "She seemed to think there was still something between the two of you, and wanted me to know about it."

"She _what?_" Shepard questioned, her voice a little high pitched. "Are you serious?"

Traynor nodded. _Oh balls. I hope she doesn't say anything. _"I'm sure it was nothing," Sam continued quickly, trying to cover up, "Maybe I interpreted it wrong."

"Oh no, you didn't," Shepard said confidently, looking livid, "I'm sure she knew exactly what she was doing. Seeing the two of us together when we Melded obviously wasn't going to be easy for her. She argued with me after you left us to it."

"What? I didn't know you'd argued that night."

The Commander nodded. "I told you she already knew how I felt about you," she reminded her, "I guess seeing you in my cabin like that confirmed her theory that we were seeing each other. Liara wanted me to tell her myself, but I said it was none of her business and asked her to leave."

"Why?" Sam asked, surprised considering the entirely different response Lieutenant Vega had gotten when he asked about their relationship. "Why didn't you tell her?"

"Because she was asking me like I owed her an explanation," Shepard said angrily, "Like I needed her blessing. After _she _turned her back on _me,_ now I'm the one being made to feel guilty or something."

"But she found out anyway when you Melded," Samantha said, confused.

Shepard sighed. "I know," she said quietly, poking at the pancake on her plate with her fork. "Maybe that's why it didn't work that time. I knew it was going to be hard for her. I told her not to do it but she insisted. My headache was terrible by that point so I couldn't do much to stop her."

"I know...You really don't remember waking up beside me later?" Sam asked curiously.

"No," Shepard admitted, shaking her head. "I don't remember a thing."

"It took me a while to calm you down. You were so distraught."

Sam saw the Commander grimace at her words. _Maybe she doesn't want to hear this again. I already told her about it that morning. _She reached across the table and took the woman's hand once more, reassuring her as Shepard's eyes became distant for a second. Suddenly a little smile played on the corner of Shepard's lips.

"Tell me about how we almost had sex instead," she teased. Samantha giggled.

"Is that all you ever think about?" she joked, a glint in her eye. She released the Commander's hand and took another sip of wine. Shepard laughed.

"Sue me," she shrugged, not giving a damn, "What would you rather hear, a story about fun sexy times or a story about how pathetic you look suffering from PTSD?"

Samantha sighed, serious then. "It wasn't pathetic, Shepard," she said sympathetically, staring into the woman's eyes. _How can she think like that? _The Commander snorted and glanced down at her plate.

"Yeah right," she scoffed, stabbing her pancake miserably and shoving a piece into her mouth.

Sam sighed again, watching her as she tried to avoid eye contact. _God, we're supposed to be having fun, aren't we? _Not knowing what else to do, Traynor swung her leg out under the table and kicked Shepard's leg hard.

"Ow!" the woman exclaimed, giving her a look, "What the fuck was that for?"

Sam laughed. "I don't know. I-I was just trying to change the subject!"

"Well then... ask me how my day went or...or tell me how good I am in bed. Don't fucking...Oh Jesus, that was right on the shin too!" she groaned, leaning down and rubbing her leg, her slight anger giving way to laughter then. Soon the rest of intimate couples in the restaurant were giving them weird looks as they giggled hysterically. Sam covered her mouth, trying to compose herself.

"I'm sorry," she squeaked, tears of laughter filling her eyes. "I didn't mean to do it that hard. I didn't think it would hurt!"

Shepard held her side, laughing even more. "Didn't think it would hurt?" she repeated, "I'm a woman not a robot. I_ can_ still bruise you know."

"God, I didn't know you were such a woos!" Sam giggled, having only just realised.

"I am not!" Shepard protested, "I'm a fucking Spectre for Christ's sake!"

"What, Spectre of the woos brigade?" Sam teased further, folding her arms on the table and staring at Shepard cheekily.

"Uh, says the woman who's afraid of cats," Shepard countered.

"Eh, allergic actually," Sam corrected smugly.

"I don't think you're allergic to half the stuff you think you are, Samantha," Shepard laughed. "You're a bit of a hypochondriac."

"How the hell would you know?"

"It's my job to know. I'm a Spectre," Shepard reminded her, "We have Intel about these things you know. Eyes and ears everywhere."

"Yes, I'm sure," Sam replied sceptically, rolling her eyes as the Commander grinned playfully. "You're still a bloody big woos."

Shepard growled. "Heh-hem! Let me give you a short summary of some of the shit I've done, Comm Specialist. I think you'll retract that statement."

"Try me," Sam replied, waiting.

"Number one: Saved the Citadel from Saren and his Geth."

"Woos."

"Number two: Spoke to a Reaper then blew it up."

"Woos."

"Three! Followed the Collectors through the Omega 4 relay and destroyed their base."

"Woos!"

"FOUR! CAME BACK FROM THE FUCKING DEAD!"

"WOOOSS!"

Samantha wore a cheeky grin as she waited for the Commander's next move. Shepard sighed and stroked her chin, contemplating something.

"Sorry about this," she said then, looking up at Samantha.

"About what?" Sam asked suspiciously.

Before she could move, or even try to escape, the Commander reached out and slathered a handful of whipped cream all over Samantha's face. Sam gasped, her mouth agape. She could hear Shepard's satisfied laughter.

"Oh you bitch!" she exclaimed in shock, wiping a little with her hands and shaking it onto the table. Unable to look at the Commander's smug expression any longer, Sam grabbed the syrup spoon and flicked it at her. Golden liquid splashed across Shepard's face, wiping the smile away instantly.

"Ugh, sticky!" she complained. It was Samantha's turn to laugh now.

Suddenly they began tossing the food on the table at each other, giggling and dodging the other's throws.

"What are you—GET OUT!" the owner yelled, rushing over towards them, appalled at their behaviour. "GET OUT, GET OUT NOW!"

Laughing, Shepard got to her feet and dragged Samantha by the arm, snatching her glass of wine of the table before the two of them ran out of the restaurant, laughing. They got chased all the way to the elevator by the French owner, brandishing a baguette over his head, screaming in blinding rage.

Shepard pressed the button in the lift as Sam leaned on her legs, trying to catch her breath, both of them still giggling.

"God, I thought he was going to kill us!" Traynor laughed, wiping the whipped cream off her face with her sleeve.

"I guess we won't be going back there again," Shepard chuckled, taking a gulp of wine that she has stolen. "Man, you fight dirty. I've got syrup in my hair for fuck's sake."

"Eh, look at my face!" Sam argued, gesturing to the remaining cream covered portion around her mouth and chin.

Shepard laughed. "I got it."

Sam felt the Commander pin her back against the wall and gave into her sudden dominance. Shepard, still holding the glass of wine in one hand, leaned in and began to kiss along her neck, clearing up the whipped cream as she went.

"Oh God," Samantha moaned, feeling herself go weak in the knees. Shepard sure knew how to get a reaction from her. Before she knew it, their lips met and Sam became lost in a passionate trace, cajoled into obedience by the Commander's wondrous tongue. Her arousal was building rapidly. She ran her hands down Shepard's back and rested them on her behind, only becoming aware of the Commander's fingers, massaging between her legs through her trousers. For a few moments they had almost forgotten where they were. That was until:

_Bing!_

The lift stopped prematurely. Traynor opened her eyes and looked over the Commander's shoulder, finding herself face to face with about ten people, all staring open-mouthed. "Eh, Shepard?"

Shepard turned stopped kissing her neck and turned around. She sniggered, clearly not embarrassed in the slightest.

"Why don't you get the next one, guys? This one's full." She reached over before they could respond and pressed the button once more, closing the doors on the stunned crowd of people and turning back to Samantha. The Commander pressed her against the wall once more and stroked her chin with a finger, her eyes glinting dangerously. "Now...Where were we?"

Sam chuckled. _She's unbelievable. _She found the woman's lips once more, amazed as ever at how Shepard seemed to stroll through life, causing havoc, making up her own rules as she went.

* * *

"The Presidium?"

"Yeah, why?"

Sam hovered at the elevator doors, reluctantly. Shepard was staring at her questioningly, holding out her hand and wondering why Samantha wouldn't take it. Traynor bit her lip.

"Can't we go somewhere else?" she asked, grimacing. _Crap, I really should have told her about her mother's message before now. We're definitely going to bang into her here._

Shepard's eyebrows narrowed. "Ok, what is going on with you? What are you so afraid of here?"

"I'm not afraid," Sam replied quickly, "I'm just—"

"Samantha," Shepard interrupted softly, walking back towards her and cradling her face in her hands. She placed a quick, gentle kiss on her lips then gave her a reassuring smile. "It'll be fine. We're just going for a walk, nothing's going to happen. Liara's not even here."

Traynor swallowed. _God, she thinks this is about Liara. _She found it hard to say no when Shepard looked at her like that. Finally she sighed in defeat. "All right."

"Good."

Reluctantly, she allowed the Commander to take her hand and lead the way. They walked along the pantry together, gazing out at the wonderful scenery, marred only slightly by the Cerberus coup. Every few minutes Sam glanced over her shoulder, looking for any sign of Shepard's mother. _What does she even look like though? _She realised then that she would have no idea who the woman was if she set eyes on her. _I wonder if they look alike. _They passed Tali, who was arguing with a Turian diplomat and settled in the far corner of the Presidium. Shepard hovered behind Samantha, an arm resting on the rail, on either side of her. Their faces touched as she leaned over her shoulder, both of them staring out at the C-Sec officers trying to repair the damages that blemished the never-ending beauty that the Presidium had to offer.

"It's gorgeous here," Sam breathed, enjoying the warmth of the woman pressed against her back. She smiled as Shepard placed a light kiss on her cheek.

"It's not bad," the Commander muttered in her ear, "I could think of better places to take you once this war is over though."

Sam leaned back to look at her. "Oooo," she swooned, "That sounds serious."

"Well, maybe it is," Shepard said with a grin, kissing her again, "When all this bullshit is over I'd love to get away for a bit, somewhere where there's no Organics and no Synthetics. Somewhere remote, sunny, peaceful...Somewhere to get away from the rest of the Galaxy and... relax."

"God, that sounds amazing," Sam whispered, imagining it in her head. Both women fell silent then, knowing that the chances of it happening were very slim, impossible almost.

"Samantha, I've...never felt this way about anyone before," Shepard admitted then, sounding as though she was frightened at the prospect. Sam took her hands from the rail and brought the Commander's arms around her. They both rested their heads together, side by side, looking out into the distance. Somehow this was easier to say when they weren't looking at each other, when they weren't able to see the sadness in the other's eyes at the fact that no matter how much they loved each other this war was going to tear them apart eventually. Every second spent together was precious as they tried to cram what would have been a lifetime of happiness into the short space of time that was left.

"I know," Sam replied finally, holding the woman's arms around her, watching the flowers in the Presidium garden sway gently. "I feel it too."

"I just wish we could have had more time," Shepard lamented, following her gaze. Sam turned around then, resting her arms around the Commander's shoulders.

"Don't talk like that," she pled, trying to ignore how much it hurt.

"Do you think we would have been good together?" Shepard asked, smiling. Sam grinned then.

"I think we'd drive each other up the walls, darling."

They both chuckled.

"I'm not that hard to live with, am I?" Shepard teased.

"Not at all," Sam joked, "Not unless you like being shot at everywhere you go, chucked out of posh restaurants, exploding vehicles, dead bodies, angry diplomats, you know...that sort of thing. Apart from that you're fine."

Shepard sniggered. "Well, you certainly know how to make a girl feel wanted," she replied, "Why do you think I want to go somewhere remote? I spend all my time fixing everyone else's messes. I think I'd like so time to make some of my own. Isn't that what holidays are for?"

"Aww sweetness, you've never been on a holiday before have you?" Sam teased, pretending to feel sorry for her.

Shepard laughed. "Actually, no."

"I guess I'll have to come with you then, show you how it's done. Shoot, I'll have to get the passport system on my Omni-tool renewed though. It's been years since I've travelled anywhere on Earth."

"I was going to stick you in my suitcase anyway," the Commander joked. "Besides, once I kick Reaper ass they're bound to name a country after me or something. I'll just get Joker to fly you in on the Normandy and no one will be any the wiser."

Sam giggled. "You're insane," she said affectionately, caressing Shepard's cheek. The Commander laughed.

"Tell me something I don't know."

At this, Sam faltered. She knew the time had come to tell Shepard the truth. The guilt of her secret had caught up with her now, yet a part of her was still reluctant to break up this happy, intimate moment between them. The Commander seemed to guess something was on her mind.

"Samantha," she said worriedly, "You have that look again. What's going on? You know I'm only kidding about this whole—"

"It's not about this, Shepard," Sam interrupted. _Aww, she thinks I'm freaking out about our future together. _She sighed then. "There's...just something I have to tell you. Something I should have told you days ago."

"Let me guess. You're pregnant."

Sam chucked despite herself. "Very funny. Can you stop joking for two seconds? Please?"

The Commander eyed her warily. "O...k," she replied, wondering where this was going, "This isn't 'the talk' is it? Because I'm going to feel like a right idiot after everything I've just said."

"No! Oh good Lord, it's nothing like that," Sam exclaimed, wanting to clear that up right off the bat. _She thought I was breaking up with her? That would be the cruellest break up in history! _The Commander seemed to relax a little then. She exhaled in relief.

"Alright, so what's going on? You've been a little off all day."

"Sorry, I guess I'm just...feeling guilty," Samantha muttered, "I don't even know if I've done the right thing and...and it wasn't even my call to make."

"Hey, it's alright," Shepard reassured her, rubbing her arms, "Talk to me, Samantha. I'm going crazy over here."

Sam took a deep breath, trying to steel herself. "Well...a few days ago, when I was waiting for Liara to finish your Meld...I found an untitled message at my terminal."

Shepard's expression was one of confusion. "Great, so what'd it say?"

Sam swallowed over the lump in her throat. She had no idea why this was so hard to tell her but she had a feeling that Shepard would be angry with her and had no desire to be on her bad side. _Oh God, I bet her bad side is bloody terrifying! _"Well," she continued, "It was...it was for you."

_Oh come on, Samantha. Spit it out! Get it over with!_

Shepard seemed to be putting two and two together now. "And I didn't get it," she realised, helping her along. Traynor bit her lip nervously, and shook her head.

"I didn't forward it to you like I usually do," she admitted, ashamed.

Shepard released her slowly then, eyeing her warily. "Ok," she said stiffly, "Why not?"

"Well it was someone asking you to meet."

"Let me guess," Shepard prompted, "On the Presidium?"

Traynor nodded.

The Commander sighed, her jaw tightening. "Alright, so who was it from, this mysterious message?"

Samantha stayed quiet. An image of Commander Shepard thrashing around in her sleep entered her brain then and she wished she had of kept it a secret. _I was only trying to protect her. Maybe this wasn't the best way though. But it's going to sound worse me telling her now! Oh God, what do I do?_

"Samantha, that was an order," Shepard said firmly. "Who sent me that message?"

_Tell her, you idiot! You're making it worse! _

Before Samantha could open her mouth they were interrupted.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the hero on everyone's lips!"

Sam saw the Commander's eyes widen, as shock registered on her face. They both turned to face a dark-haired, heavily tattooed woman a few feet away, standing, arms folded with a smirk and holding a cigarette in her hand. Despite her gaunt face, Samantha realised that she was still very attractive. Clearly she had passed her looks onto her only daughter, though Shepard wore them better, even with the numerous scars she sported. The woman facing them had her fair share of scars too, though they were nothing on her daughters. They were etched up her arms, visible due to the leather biker vest she wore, accompanied by a pair of ripped jeans and black, high-heeled boots. She looked like she'd just stepped out of a rock concert. _Good Lord, _that's_ her mother? _

Samantha glanced from Shepard to the woman and back again, afraid to speak.

"You!?" the Commander gasped, orange flashing dangerously in her green eyes.

Her mother laughed.

"Hey, kiddo. It's been a long time."


	14. Chapter 14

_**Woo, this is rough chapter but they are my specialty after all (hence the pen name :P). Get the tissues ready! xD Hope you enjoy all the same. I'm loving writing this :)**_

* * *

"What the fuck do you want?"

Commander Shepard's voice was full of venom, her eyes of fire, as she observed the middle-aged woman before her with nothing but loathing. Although they looked alike, the Commander's eyes still held some kind of warmth, whereas her mother's were completely devoid of any sentiment whatsoever. Ringed with black mascara, they started back at their only child, seemingly amused by her reaction to her presence. Apparently this was something to be expected. Samantha froze, glancing from the Commander to her mother, waiting for her response. To her surprise, the woman simply laughed once again, her cackle bringing chills to her spine.

"Now, now, kid! Is that any way to talk to your momma?" she mocked in her Southern drawl, taking another draw of her cigarette and blowing the smoke out the side of her mouth.

"I wouldn't know. She wasn't around long enough for me to learn," Shepard replied coldly. Her mother chuckled again.

"Touché! Some things never change. I see you've still got that nasty temper on you."

"What you mean since the last time I saw you?" Shepard snarled, "That was almost twenty years ago you sack of shit. What's dragged you out of the woodwork now I wonder?"

At this, her mother's expression became serious. "Look kiddo I...I need your help," she said awkwardly, flicking her cigarette butt onto the ground.

Now it was the Commander's turn to laugh. Samantha watched her bring a hand to her face and shake her head in disbelief. Still chuckling, she turned and leaned her arms on the rail, staring out at the Presidium once more.

"Unbelievable," she said with a forced smile, "I should have known..."

Her mother moved over beside her, desperation oozing from her body language. Clearly she wasn't against begging if the situation called for it.

"Hayls," she said gruffly, touching her arm. "Do this one thing for me, please. I've missed you all these years you know."

Samantha jumped as Shepard flinched away from the woman's touch. The smile had been wiped form her face instantly and she glared at her mother.

"Don't fucking touch me, Amanda...Or whatever name you go by these days," she said angrily, giving the woman daggers. "And no one calls me that anymore."

"Why? Too many painful memories?" her mother teased.

"Of you?" Shepard scoffed, "There aren't _enough_ memories of you for any of them to be remotely painful."

"God, kid, are you ever going to get over that? You're a grown woman for Christ's sake. You didn't need a mother then and you don't need one now so what's the problem, huh?"

"What's the problem?" Shepard repeated incredulously, "Are you kidding me? You don't see any problem with how you've lived your life?"

"No," Amanda scoffed, "Why the fuck would I? I stayed true to myself. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and let nobody stand in my way! Aren't you doing the same damn thing? We're not all that different, Hayls."

"I'm nothing like you," Shepard snarled viciously. "I don't use people then discard them like they mean nothing to me."

"Hey, don't try and fool me. I saw that vid of you gunning down your old partner. That Spectre dude, Kai—something. Why do you think I contacted you?" her mother said, almost sounding proud. "Why do you think I got in touch after all this time, huh? After everything I've done to claim the skies and my own daughter comes out as top pirate instead, captaining one of the most notorious frigates of all time! You're a living legend, Hayley."

"You...What!?" Shepard asked, as though thoroughly confused. "You think I'm a pirate? Like you? I work for the Goddamn Alliance. I don't sail the skies and raid helpless ships as they pass."

"Aw, come on, we all have our covers," her mother laughed, "You don't take orders from anyone, Spectre. You're a law unto yourself. I can respect that. Hell, I envy you!"

Shepard looked at Samantha, stunned, as if questioning if she was hearing all this correctly then turned back to her mother.

"I didn't want to kill Kaiden," she said through gritted teeth, "He was my friend. He was just... doing his duty...and I was doing mine."

"Ah, whatever!" her mother chuckled, "Look I don't really give a damn about all that. You came to see me and that's all that matters."

"I didn't, actually," Shepard replied, "It seems I was tricked."

Samantha gulped.

"Either way, you're here," Amanda continued, "I've got a proposition for ya, kiddo. You ain't gonna want to miss it."

"What? Emancipation? Did I officially stop being your daughter?" Shepard joked bitterly. "Because that'd be the best fucking thing I've heard in years."

"Hey, your father was the reason you never had a mother so don't—"

"Don't you _dare _blame him!" Shepard yelled furiously.

Feeling extremely awkward and intrusive in a private conversation, Samantha cleared her throat, breaking the tense silence.

"Well...I'll...Just be going then," she began lightly, pointing in a few different directions, not caring where she was heading, but knowing that she had to get away from there. Before she could move, Commander Shepard turned and grabbed her arm tightly, her grip vice-like and firm.

"Don't move!" she said harshly, her eyes wild with fury. There was a coldness in her tone that Samantha had never heard directed at her before. "I haven't finished with you."

A little terrified now, Sam swallowed hard, frozen into place by Shepard's words. _Oh, God! She hates me now, I know it! Oh, crap, why didn't I tell her? Why didn't I just tell her? This was none of my business! _Kicking herself inside and berating herself over and over, she gave a shaky nod.

"Y-yes, Ma'am," she whimpered, staying rooted to the spot. _I'm for it now._

"Oh let the little skank go!" Amanda complained, "She has nothing to do with this!"

Shepard released Samantha and turned in a flash, grabbing Amanda by the scruff of her black leather vest and squaring up to her, almost lifting her off her feet.

"Don't talk about her like that...And keep your fucking nose out of my business or I swear I'll-"

"You'll what?" her mother retorted, amused and unafraid despite the fact that there could have been steam rising from Shepard's ears at how furious she was. Angering the most fearsome person in her Galaxy didn't seem to faze her in the slightest. "You gonna hit me? Wouldn't be the first time, kid."

"I was twelve then!" Shepard protested, "And you deserved it! My father let you walk all over him time and time again, and I couldn't stand it anymore!"

"Your father was pathetic," her mother jeered, "Why do you think I left him in the first place? Oh Jack thought he could change me. He wanted to play house and turn me into something I wasn't so I left. Sue me! Don't act like you wouldn't do the same thing in my shoes."

"Not if I had a one year old child!" Shepard yelled, sounding rather emotional now. Samantha heard her gasp breathlessly. Shepard released her mother forcefully and leaned on the rail beside her for support. Her voice became rather hoarse and distant. "And then you came waltzing back eleven years later. You pretended you'd changed and we welcomed you back with open arms...and then you stole from us, leaving us with nothing but the clothes on our backs and an empty apartment and left on you ship with your scumbag crew."

"And you haven't seen me since," her mother finished, sounding rather unsympathetic and rolling her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, the abandoned child routine. Heard it all before, Hayley...Look, I'm here now, ain't I?"

"Only because you want something!" Shepard shouted, riling up once more. "Why the fuck would I help you after everything you've done? You didn't even come back for the memorial service! I had to watch my father burn to death then bury him without a body alone on Earth because you gave a damn about no one but yourself. You didn't even see what happened on Mindoir!"

"Forget about that, will you?"

"Forget about it!?" Shepard countered, sounding perilously close to lashing out now, "I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I was sixteen! I can't get it out of my head! I watched it fucking burn! All of it! Don't you dare tell me to 'forget about it'. You have _no_ idea what it was like!"

Samantha could feel her eyes fill with tears then a silence fell between them once more. _God, I've made a big blunder with this. What if she never forgives me? _Amanda sighed, glancing at Traynor before continuing, trying to re-route the conversation with a gentler tone of voice. Even she seemed to realise that she had made a mistake then.

"Look...I'm sorry...And despite what you may think of me I'm still your momma. I don't want you to die fighting the Reapers, kiddo," she said, watching the glowing orange eyes of Shepard flash dangerously. "What I'm asking you to do will benefit both of us. I'll give you my crew and my assets for the war effort to do as you see fit. If you really hate me that much then send me into fucking battle with them! Just hear me out before you pull a Jack and turn your nose up at anything unorthodox."

"Don't you dare talk about him like—"

Samantha couldn't take any more. _This is...horrible. _While Shepard laid into her mother again with almost twenty years of pent up aggression, Traynor took a deep breath and turned away, escaping as quickly as she could. She was shaking all over, from head to foot by the time she had reached the Normandy and climbed aboard. Thankfully everyone, apart from a few servicemen, was still on the Citadel, enjoying their shore leave. Samantha began pacing the CIC worriedly. How was Commander Shepard going to react? The idea of keeping the message a secret from her seemed silly and juvenile now. _And I lied to her the whole day, _Sam relented, berating herself for her stupidity, _I shouldn't have gotten involved. I should have just told her the truth and let her handle it herself, then been there for her if it went tits up. _Wondering then why she didn't think of that in the first place, Sam grabbed a handful of her hair and groaned, closing her eyes for a second to think of how she could make this up to her. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and began to leave the Normandy, working out her plan in her head. _I'll buy her a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy and wait in her apartment for her to return so we can talk this out. There's no way I'm making the same mistake twice._

* * *

A few hours later, Samantha was perched on the bottom end of Shepard's bed, holding the bottle of brandy in her hand with a small purple ribbon tied around it in a bow. As soon as she heard the elevator doors ping open, signalling Shepard's arrival, her heart began to thump wildly in anticipation. The Commander opened the door and stepped inside, resting her back against it and closing her eyes, not realising that she wasn't alone.

"Hi," Sam said awkwardly, getting to her feet.

Shepard jolted awake. She searched the cabin, her tired green eyes meeting Samantha's apologising brown ones then. After a seconds paused, the Commander straightened up off the door, looking embarrassed at having been caught having a private moment to herself and slowly closed the distance between them, taking a few steps across the floor. Sam watched her descend the little staircase in front of the fish tank, with Shepard determinedly not looking at her. The Commander then began to take off the outer half of her Alliance uniform.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly, tossing her blue jacket aside, revealing a small black tank top that clung to her muscled torso revealingly. She sat down on a chair in the elegant little lounge and started untying her boots. Samantha took a deep breath and walked towards her.

"I...I wanted to see if you were alright... I got this for you," she said in a small voice, holding the Serrice Ice Brandy out to her. Shepard ignored it, pulling off her boots and getting to her feet. She walked past Samantha as though she wasn't there and began to rifle through the mountain of datapads on her desk, her dog tags swinging back and forth in a hypnotising way. Samantha sighed sadly and placed the bottle of brandy on the table instead. "Look, Shepard I...I'd like to apologise for earlier," she began cautiously, seeing a muscle in the Commander's jaw twitch. "I-I should have told you about that message."

"Yeah, no shit," Shepard replied dryly, still not looking at her.

"I-I wanted to, I did!" Samantha pressed on, stumbling over her words, "I just thought...Well I just thought it was best not to tell you. You already have enough trouble sleeping and-"

She recoiled in surprised as she Commander suddenly tossed the pile of datapads in her hand at the wall, breaking them into pieces.

"Damn it," Shepard gasped weakly, holding her head with a shaky hand and lowering herself onto the nearest chair. She began breathing heavily, as though desperately fighting against succumbing to her overflowing emotions, even in front of someone close to her. Concerned, Samantha walked over and bent down beside her, placing a hand on her leg. "Don't!" Shepard said harshly, brushing her away as though she had no urge to be close to her right now. "Just... don't."

"I'm _sorry,_" Samantha apologised sincerely, unable to express just how much it were so. "I was just trying to protect you. I-I know it was stupid but-"

"You had no right!" Shepard replied, her anger flaring up at once. She jumped to her feet again and walked a few feet away. "You had no right to keep that message from me," she said then through gritted teeth, turning back to Sam who felt close to tears now.

"I...I was going to tell you but I just didn't know how!" Traynor replied, straightening up and standing rather helplessly, with her arms by her side. "For the last few days I've been wrecking my brains, trying to figure out what to do!"

"So you just lied about it?" The Commander asked in disbelief, looking more hurt than Samantha had ever seen her. "Jesus Christ, Samantha, I was worried _sick_ about you the whole day because I knew something was bothering you. I thought you were having second thoughts about us, that Liara had said something to put you off or...or something bad had fucking happened to you! And all that time it was... _this!_?"

"I know! I know! I made a mistake!" Samantha cried, unable to stop her tears from falling now and feeling mortified for crying in front of her when she was the one in the wrong. "I had no idea what you mother was like," she said then, referring to Amanda. "If I'd have known I—"

"You'd what?" Shepard yelled, "I told you how much I hated that bitch, yet you walked me right into her fucking trap! You knew she was waiting for me this whole time! If you had of came clean in the first place I'd never have set foot on the Presidium."

"I...I couldn't find the right moment," Sam answered lamely, grasping at straws.

"That right moment? I gave you so many opportunities to be straight with me today, Samantha, and you continued to lie through your teeth," Shepard said, shaking her head as though seeing her in a different light now.

"I thought it'd be alright in the end! That's why I gave in and allowed you to go to the Presidium like that. I thought I was re-writing my original mistake of not telling you," Sam replied. "I had no idea just how..._angry_ she'd make you."

"Get a good gloat, did you?" Shepard interrupted bitterly, "Get a good laugh at my expense? My dear old mother always did know how to put on a show. I bet you think I'm the fucking bad guy there after hearing the things I said to her."

"No! Shepard, of course I don't!" Sam replied, taking a step towards her, "I don't blame you in the slightest for reacting the way you did. She's...She's...W-What did she want?"

A moment of tense silence passed between them.

"For me to get Commander Bailey to clear her criminal record so as she could operate within Citadel-Controlled Space again," Shepard said then, sounding ashamed, "Typical! The whole Galaxy going to ruin around her and she's still thinking of no one but herself...And you know the worst part? I fucking did it! She always did have good connections, and her crew have been terrorising the Galaxy for years, running half the Terminus Systems. They have more advanced equipment than most armies. The war effort could use them dearly," Her hands balled up into fists then. "...God, this fucking war is making me sell my very soul! I can't _do_ this anymore!"

Her voice cracked then and her face lined with strain. She turned and lashed out at the lamp on the bedside table in frustration, knocking it to the floor along with the framed display of her old dog tags, hearing it smash. Sam recoiled once more, seeing Shepard lean on her desk with both hands then, her head bowed, breathless and out of control. She looked broken and battered, a shell of the woman she had been just a few short years ago. It was only then that Sam fully understood exactly what this war must have been doing to her. She was being forced to go against her morals and everything she stood by just to try and get a slight upper-hand against a hopeless cause...and it was killing her as sure as the Reapers were.

"She must have hurt you deeply," Traynor said softly, having never felt more sympathetic in her life.

Shepard snorted, "Yeah," she sighed, kicking the remains of the lamp aside with her toe and collapsing onto the end of her bed beside her pillow, "And she's not the only one..."

At this, Samantha's guilt squirmed in her stomach once more, making her feel sickened for all the secrecy. _Five days. Five days I had to tell her about this and I didn't! God, I'm such an idiot. _Unable to stay away from her, Sam walked over and sat down by her side, wondering what she could do to try and show the woman just how sorry she was. She reached out and attempted to take her hand. The Commander shook her off, though not as forcefully this time.

"Shepard," she pled, wishing desperately that she would look at her.

"I...I think you should leave," Shepard muttered finally, staring down at her hands, fidgeting with them to avoid making eye contact.

Sam's heart broke. "W-what?" she whispered.

Shepard exhaled. "You disobeyed a direct order, Samantha." Her words were soft but she may as well have shouted them for the effect they had.

"You...You're not going to... _fire_ me are you?" Sam gasped.

Shepard sighed. "No...I couldn't, even if I wanted to."

"Shepard, I didn't _mean_ to hurt you!" Sam sniffled, grabbing her arm, "I was j-just..."

"I know," Shepard replied sadly, "Just...leave me alone, Samantha...I can't even look at you right now."

Sniffing once more, Samantha stared at her for several seconds letting her tears fall, before reluctantly getting to her feet. _Oh god...This can't be. _As she reached the door she looked back, seeing Shepard slide down onto the floor among the mess she had made and sit with her arms wrapped around her knees, looking dejected and as though she was trying to keep herself from falling apart. Wiping her eyes, Sam then turned and exited the cabin, walking into the elevator and pressing the button to the Crew Deck before breaking down in huge, heaving sobs.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hey, Tray, are you even listening to me?"

Samantha jolted out of her sombre mood and turned to Vega, having realised she had completely zoned out of the conversation they were having again. The two of them were sitting around the poker table in the Normandy's lounge, waiting for last minute checks before leaving dry dock, with drinks resting in front of them among the coloured chips and cards.

"Hm?"

Seeing Samantha's vacant expression yet again, James sighed. "_Mierda_, can you stop thinking about Shepard for five seconds?"

Sam's expression turned sad then and she tossed her cards back onto the table, not feeling like playing anymore. "No," she replied truthfully, shaking her head and staring down into her martini, swirling the olive around by its stick.

Vega was a little taken aback by her honesty. "Really? Not at all?"

Sam brought a hand to her face and closed her eyes.

"Honestly...I can't get her out of my head, James. What if she never speaks to me again?" she whimpered.

"She will, trust me," James soothed sympathetically. Sam had filed him in on as little information as possible, hoping to keep the Commander's business private, while still confiding in her friend and getting some much needed advice. "Shepard's not like that. She's not going to leave you hanging out to dry for long."

"But she's been avoiding me the last day and a half!" Sam groaned, looking at him rather helplessly. "Hasn't anyone seen her?"

"EDI said she left to go visit the Asari Councillor about an hour ago," Vega informed her, chucking his cards away, realising there was no hope of them continuing their game. "That's the first anyone's heard from her since...well...since I found you huddled in the corner of the CIC crying your eyes out."

"Oh God, please don't bring it up again," Sam pled, feeling her cheeks burn. She had been sobbing silently at her terminal after Shepard had asked her to leave her cabin, trying to busy herself with some Quantum Mechanics revision. "I feel like an idiot."

"Chill out! Your secret's safe with me, _chica_. I know how much you care about her," James replied kindly.

"You've only seen us together the once," Sam said, half-amused, half-confused by his words.

James chuckled. "That you know of!" he teased. As Samantha made a face, he realised his mistake. "Wait...that came out wrong. Ha ha, fuck! What I meant was, I knew all along you had a bit of a thing for her. I've seen the way you look at her, like she's the only person in the Galaxy. To be honest, that was the real reason I knew your sexuality the first time we had a drink on the Citadel."

"You mean, when you said you saw me check out more ladies than you... you meant you saw me checking out Shepard?" Sam asked, surprised. She had thought she had been subtle about her growing attraction to the woman.

_Obviously not._

Vega chuckled. "Yeah, I mean I saw you give a few women the eye here and there too, but I was right, wasn't I?" he teased, wearing a satisfied grin, "When I left you at the bar, who showed up? None other than the legend herself. BOOM! I am _always_ right! Sexy _and _smart. Check. Me. OUT! BAM! BAM!"

He flexed his muscles in her face, giving her different poses every few seconds. At this Sam allowed herself a little giggle. It was the first time she had cracked a smile since her argument with the Commander and it felt a little strange, what with the uncomfortable weight still resting on her heart. James seemed to have a knack for bringing out her good side though, whether she felt like being happy or not. For such a fearsome soldier, he really was a warm-hearted, down to Earth kind of guy. _Aw, if only I were straight, _she joked silently.

"Wey! Look at that! You finally cracked a smile," he laughed, holding up his glass in toast. Sam reluctantly lifted hers and clinked it against his, the clear liquid sloshing over the side slightly.

"I'll crack _you _one in a minute," she joked, showing him her fist. The Lieutenant threw back his head in laughter and got to his feet.

"Oh you wanna go?" he coaxed, beginning to sway like a professional boxer with his fists in front of his face. "Come on, Tray. Put 'em up! Let's see what you got."

Sam drained the last of her drink and jumped up, sliding out from behind the table and beginning to spar with him. _Jab, jab, straight! Jab, straight, hook!_

"Nice!" James approved, having been forced back to the door to flee her well aimed combination of punches. "You've been holding out on me, girl. Come on! Get all that anger out. I know you wanna hit me!"

Sam laughed and aimed a few more digs at his head, watching him dodge them with ease as they danced around the lounge together like it was a make-shift ring. Suddenly the door slid open.

"Oh, great! I was getting sick and tired of Poker," Garrus approved, as he, Cortez, Liara, and Joker all entered the Port Observation Lounge. "This is much more interesting. My creds are on Traynor! 100-1."

"Hell, I'll take that bet! Get ready to see James wipe the floor with her," Joker chipped in excitedly, as Liara and Cortez chuckled and settled themselves on the stools at the mini bar. Samantha and James grinned at each other as they continued to box.

"First blood?" Sam asked, avoiding Vega's deliberately slow punches. He was going easy on her.

James looked wary. "Are you fucking kidding me, girl?"

"What's the matter, Jay? Are you scared of me?" she teased wickedly.

The rest of the crew whooped and cheered and Vega blushed a little.

"Ouch, that's fighting talk, that is!" Joker laughed. "Ok, I've changed my mind. I've changed my mind... 200-1 Traynor breaks Vega's nose."

"Ooo, I like those odds," Liara giggled. "Count me in, Garrus. Get him, Samantha!"

"Ah, hell!" James shouted, dodging a few more of Samantha's combinations. "This ain't fair! I don't wanna hit a girl!"

"Neither do I," Sam mocked. The Lieutenant growled.

"This isn't the time to be a gentleman, Vega!" Cortez yelled, mixing himself and Liara a drink. "I've got your back, _amigo_! 200 creds! Take her _out!_"

The crew laughed and jeered as Vega continued to circle Samantha, unwilling to get close for more than a few seconds. Traynor chuckled.

"Come on, you big sissy. I can take it," she said, breathing heavily.

James snorted, covering his face as she laid a few more punches on him. "Sissy? Hold up, you went through basic military training with the Alliance right?"

Sam frowned. "Yes..." _Jab, jab, hook! _"Why, do you ask?"

The Marine laughed then, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Good, that's all I needed to know. You're going down, _Chiquita_!"

Suddenly Samantha's reflexes brought her out of harm's way as an onslaught of punches almost took her head off. Their audience cheered loudly as Vega won back the upper hand. He had clearly been holding back before. _Aw crap, I'm for it now! _

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" Cortez yelled, punching the air. "Get ready to pay up, guys!"

Sam swung for James hard then and grazed the side of his face. He flinched, taken aback a little and felt his cheek.

"Aw, come on, Tray. That was pitiful!" he mocked, snorting like a bull.

"OH shut up, I'm a tiny little woman," she laughed, dodging a few more of his haymakers. "Ah, CRAP!"

Her head flung back as one of James' flying fists caught her left eye. A momentary flash of red in her sight told her she had lost the fight. As she staggered James' chiselled arms caught her and he was immediately checking to see if she was alright.

"Traynor? Can you hear me? Look up," he said worriedly, cradling her face in his hands and tilting it up into the light. The others stopped cheering for Vega and crowded around to see the damage.

"It's just a scratch," Sam replied, wincing a little as James brought the end of his t-shirt to her face to stop the blood flow. "Good fight, Vega. I almost had you for a second though."

The others laughed and went back to their seats, seeing she was apparently ok. James lowered Sam onto the nearest chair carefully.

"Are you sure you're alright, man?" he asked concerned, having not meant to hit her that hard. "I was still going easy on you."

Sam laughed and leaned down placing a little kiss on his forehead as his face creased with guilt. Vega wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "I'm fine," she muttered in his ear, slapping him on the back. "Stop fussing! Thanks for the distraction. I needed it."

As they pulled apart, Cortez handed her a drink and the banter started at once. Garrus and Liara reluctantly handed over their creds to Cortez and Joker and Sam discussed the fight with James, receiving defence lessons from him and learning a few of his moves. As the crew were on their second drinks, suddenly EDI's voice silenced them.

"Commander Shepard is now aboard. XO Vega has been relieved."

Everyone turned to James then. He looked just as confused as they did.

"XO?" he repeated, confused.

"Not a good way to start your second-in-command role, hitting one of your subordinates," Garrus teased. The others chuckled. James rolled his eyes.

"With a mouth like that you'll be next, Vakarian," he joked. He placed his drink down and got to his feet. "Shit, I gotta go talk to Shepard about this!"

He kissed the top of Samantha's head in passing, apologising again, and high-fived her before walking to the door. Just as he reached it, it sprung open to reveal none other than Commander Shepard herself. Her red hair was rather dishevelled and she was wearing a tight grey tank top, black military pants and blood-stained boots. Samantha instantly ducked her head, staring at the floor, afraid to meet her eyes. _Oh Lord!_

"Having a party without me?" Shepard teased them all, looking around. When her eyes found Samantha she looked away quickly. "Where's Tali? I thought she'd be here with you."

"Working on the Normandy's drive core with Adams," Garrus informed her. "Apparently they're having some problems."

"Yeah, no shit. I just got a message from Hackett. It seems we're unable to leave dry dock until the Normandy gets a few repairs done. Looks like we're stuck here for another day or two. He's... _advised_ us to take some shore leave," the Commander said, not sounding too happy about it.

"For real?" Vega asked, surprised. "Hell, I was looking forward to getting back out there."

"Yeah, you and me both," Shepard said irritated, walking to the bar to fix herself a drink. "I got in a fight with a fucking Krogan on my way here. He seemed to mistake me for someone else...Thought I owed him money." Everyone laughed apart from Samantha. _So that's where the blood on her shoes came from, _she thought. "Shore leave's probably a good thing though. The Asari Councillor's gone AWOL for the time being so I didn't even get to meet her to see what she wanted. I gather Thessia's not fairing much better than Earth at the minute though. I'd rather we risked leaving now."

"Yeah, but that's a Reaper infested area, Commander. The Normandy getting some work done beforehand could be the difference between life and death," Cortez said wisely.

"I imagine that's what Hackett thought too," Shepard relented, taking another sip of whiskey. "Orders are orders unfortunately. We're staying put for now."

"Do you think the Asari Councillor wants our help fighting the Reapers on Thessia?" Liara asked worriedly.

Shepard sipped her whiskey on the rocks and nodded. "I'm sure of it, though judging by her message there's something else she wants to tell us. Why else would I have to meet her in person? I hope to God it's something that will actually help us defeat the fucking Reapers for good."

"Here, here!" Joker said, raising his glass. "Well, on that note I better head back up to EDI. I've left her in the cockpit by herself and I just know she's gonna do something with my chair again. Did I tell you she left a whoopee cushion on it a few days ago? I thought I'd inherited my dad's bowel problems for a second."

Everyone laughed.

"I should go too actually, and see if I can dig up any information on Thessia's status," Liara said worriedly, following him out the door.

"Good idea. Let me know if you find anything," Shepard said, placing a hand on her arm as she passed and giving her a small smile. Sam sighed a little, hoping this wasn't a sign that the Commander and Asari were getting close once more after she had screwed up a sure thing.

_Oh God, Samantha, get over yourself. It was just a friendly pat on the arm._

She kept her head down, lost in thought, not realising only Vega remained then as the rest of the crew filed out one by one. He was talking to Shepard about his apparent new position aboard the Normandy.

"Seriously, Shepard? XO? Me?"

Shepard looked confused. "Yeah, didn't I tell you? After Kaidan... well...you were really the only logical choice. You've more than earned it, Lieutenant...I _really _didn't tell you?"

Vega chuckled and shook his head, bewildered. "I think I'd remember, don't you?"

The Commander looked confused.

"I suppose. Sorry," she said grimly, shaking her head and bringing a hand to the back of her neck, "I've...had a lot on my mind recently. I must have forgotten."

"Don't worry about it, man," he replied, shaking her hand, "Thanks, Shepard. I won't let you down, I swear."

The Commander smiled. "You could never do that, James."

"_Gracias_. Look, I'll see you later, Lola. We'll have a drink on the Citadel to celebrate, yeah? May as well take advantage of this shore leave bullshit when we have the chance." Vega smacked her on the shoulder affectionately then turned to leave. He looked over at Sam who was sitting with her back to the poker table, leaning her elbows on her legs and staring down miserably into the depths of her drink. "Later, Tray."

Sam glanced up and gave him a little wave, receiving a meaningful wink in return and a thumbs up with a nod towards the Commander that clearly meant 'talk to her'. Before Sam could protest at being left alone with Shepard, the door slid shut and Vega disappeared. The room was instantly plunged into a tense, uneasy silence then, with neither woman having foreseen this predicament when the lounge had been full of people only moments ago. They hadn't been alone together since their fight, and neither knew how to respond. Sam continued staring into her glass, swirling the martini around inside before placing it back on the poker table. She could sense Shepard's eyes on her then, making her feel nervous. _God, is she going to break up with me? I don't think I could handle that._ _Oh please make this quick. I can't—_

The Commander cleared her throat awkwardly, distracting Sam from her morbid thoughts. Shepard opened her mouth to speak, then seeming to think better of it, got to her feet and began to walk towards the door.

"Shepard, wait!"

The words had escaped her mouth before she could stop herself. All Samantha knew was that she couldn't just sit there and let the woman she loved walk away from her again. Shepard froze and turned around reluctantly. Her cold expression changed instantaneously as she took in Samantha's face.

"Jesus Christ!" she exclaimed, sliding her glass onto the counter beside her carelessly and rushing towards her. She bent down in front of a stunned Samantha, taking her face in her hands and tilting it towards the light, examining the dark bruise that was forming under her left eye. She hadn't noticed it before. "Samantha! What the hell happened? Who _did_ this to you!?"

Seeing the frantic worry in Shepard's eyes as she inspected the cut that the bruise encircled, and feeling the softness of her touch, Sam was momentary breathless. She stared up into the woman's green eyes as they scanned her face, still mesmerized by their beauty as much as the first time. _Oh God, I can't help but fall in love with her all over again. _For a second she was blinded by the light of the Commander's Omni-tool as Shepard traced it carefully and precisely over the split in her skin that Vega's knuckle had made, applying a thin layer of pre-prepared Medi-gel. Sam winced and tugged away a little, a slight moan of discomfort escaping her.

"Sorry," Shepard soothed, tracing her cheek with her thumb caringly, "There. That should stop the swelling a little. How does it feel?"

"It...it's alright," Sam groaned, closing her eyes as they began to water. _I can't cry in front of her again. _"I'll be fine, Ma'am."

"I think it's going to scar," Shepard rued, not listening to her feeble attempts at bravery. The Commander held up her first finger. "Look here." Sam did as she was told, following Shepard's finger from side to side and up and down as she checked her alertness, looking for any deviations after such a blow to the head. "Your vitals look alright. Any nausea? Dizziness?"

"A little," Sam replied, "But I'll be fine, really. It's not as bad as it looks. Vega doesn't know his own strength."

"_Vega _did this!" Shepard yelled furiously, "Are you fucking kidding me? I'm going to murder him!"

"No, don't!" Sam exclaimed, jumping to her feet and grabbing Shepard's arm as she went to storm off in a rage to find the Lieutenant. Suddenly a wave of nausea overcame Traynor and her head went light. She stumbled as her legs turned to jelly and buckled underneath her. Before she fell to the floor, a strong pair of arms reached out and caught her.

"Samantha?" Shepard gasped, her fury evaporating immediately, replaced with alarm, "I've got you. Come here..."

Traynor's head lolled against the Commander's chest, resting on her bosom as Shepard directed her over to the sofa under the lounge's huge observation window. Sam felt soft hands help tuck her legs up onto the chair carefully, and then lower her down gently onto the cushion.

"Sorry," she moaned, mortified, as her head rested on the comfy little pillow Shepard had placed under her for support. _And yet again I embarrass myself in her presence. Good Lord, is this ever going to get easier? I'm such a klutz! _

"It's alright," Shepard whispered, laughing under her breath as she saw a faint pink flush of embarrassment cross Samantha's cheeks, "You'd be surprised how many pretty girls have fallen for me over the years...Open your eyes, love. Don't fall asleep."

Reluctantly, Samantha raised her eyelids, remembering it was dangerous to sleep immediately after a blow to the head. They felt very heavy now. She could actually see her own eyelashes. The room was hazy and blurred, spinning and swirling for a few seconds before the Commander's pretty face came into focus once more, hovering over her, concern radiating from every crease and orifice. She had sat herself on the edge of the chair beside where Samantha lay sprawled out, resting a hand on her side. Shepard then prodded around the edge of wound on Sam's face, fixing the bits of Medi-gel that had dislodged, rubbing off onto her vest after she caught her.

"I'm gonna kick Vega's ass next time I see him," the Commander grunted, a muscle in her jaw twitching in anger. "Jesus, what the hell was he thinking?"

"We were just sparring," Samantha replied weakly, wincing again at her touch. "The others had a bet on. It was a game, Commander."

"Still, he shouldn't have hit you," Shepard said seriously, scolding her as though she were a child. "Are you crazy? What were you doing sparring with him anyway? You could have been seriously injured! You're not a fucking soldier, Samantha!"

"I know!" Sam replied a little bitterly then, "If I was, then you might have spoken to me before now, right?"

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. They made her sound jealous and upset. _Well it's true! I'm just a lowly servicewoman, aren't I? I'm not a member of the infamous Normandy crew...Balls, I shouldn't even be here. I feel stupid for thinking I ever meant something more to her._

At this, Shepard blanched. Her hand dropped from Sam's cheek, and she stared down into her reproachful brown eyes, seeing the hurt in them that reflected her own.

"Is that really what you think?" she argued, wearing a deep frown and sounding disappointed. She tucked her fingers under Sam's chin, making sure the woman looked at her. "You think I don't give a damn about you because you're not one of my fucking soldiers? I thought you knew by now you mean so much more to me than that, Samantha!"

"Do I?" Sam countered, beginning to get upset, her eyes filling with more tears. She was growing more and more unsure the longer they spent apart. Her bottom lip began to tremble then. "If o-one of your legendary soldiers disobeyed orders they wouldn't be hung out to dry like I've been, would they? I mean, V-Vega crashed the shuttle on Mars and got a pat on the back! And Kaidan—"

"Don't you dare bring him into this," Shepard growled, her frown deepening.

Sam was immediately ashamed of herself then.

"Sorry," she gasped "...I'm sorry! God, this is coming out all wrong."

She groaned, massaging her forehead, feeling a migraine coming on.

"It's... alright," Shepard said stiffly, understanding. "That must have been some punch Vega gave you. I remember you being a lot subtler than this."

"He didn't want to do it. I egged him on," Sam muttered, irritated by her pressing of the matter. "Just let it go, Commander."

Shepard exhaled. "Fine," she sighed in defeat, shaking her head. Sam could almost hear her thinking _God, I can't do anything right, _to herself. She felt a little guilty then. She was clearly just worried about her.

The Commander leaned back, staring in the opposite direction and running a hand over her face with stress. Sam raised herself off the sofa a little as best she could, observing her closely. Her brown eyes scanned the smooth, muscular arm of Shepard's bicep before she noticed a few new scars along the woman's jaw that hadn't been there during their previous argument a day and a half ago. The synthetic implants underneath were glowing ominously, ringed with dried blood and roaring red skin as though the wounds were still fresh. _Christ, they look painful. She's not going to have a face left at this rate. _Without thinking, Sam reached out and ran her finger over one curiously, feeling the jagged roughness. Shepard recoiled and threw a scowl at her, wondering what the hell she was doing. Their eyes met then, wary and foreign now after the last day or so of distance, despite the deep intimacy they had shared before.

"I've... been worried about you, you know," Sam said softly, "Since..." Her voice trailed off and she broke from their gaze, staring down at the chair and running her hand over the plush cream leather. Shepard got to her feet and massaged her temples, walking over to the bar to grab her drink again. An awkward silence fell over them as the emotional distance grew once more. "How have you been?"

"Alright," Shepard replied finally, leaning over the counter with her back to Samantha. Traynor wasn't fooled.

"I guess I'm not the only one who can lie," she muttered in response.

The Commander didn't reply.

Slowly, and carefully this time, Samantha raised herself off the chair. Ignoring the renewed feeling of nausea, she crossed the lounge and approached the tense Commander, warily placing a comforting hand on the woman's back, hoping not to get another rejection. Shepard closed her eyes and sighed at her touch.

"Samantha, don't..."

"Don't what?" Sam whispered back, sliding her hand down along the Commander's spine slowly, feeling the inviting warmth of her skin through her thin grey tank top. Realising she wasn't wearing a bra, Sam glanced down at the shape of the woman's nipples protruding through the front of the fabric, her magnificent pale breasts released from their normal restrictions. Traynor's mouth watered in anticipation. The Specialist's arousal grew then and she longed to get closer, to feel that electrifying spark between them once more. Unable to resist, she leaned down and grazed the taut skin of Shepard's bare shoulder with her lips. Shepard seemed to sense the game she was playing however.

"I'm still mad at you," she said pointedly, not giving in.

Samantha sighed in defeat. "I know," she said sadly, fiddling with the frayed ends of Shepard's top then, trying to fight the urge to pull it up over her head and bury her face in the glorious crevice between the woman's breasts where her silver dog tags dangled freely. In that moment, she was afraid to meet the Commander's eyes, knowing the desire in her own would give her away. "And with good reason...I haven't been able to think about anything else for days, Shepard. Don't you...I mean, have you changed your mind about me now?"

"What?" Shepard whispered in disbelief, turning her body to face her fully. She moved closer, running a hand through Traynor's dark hair affectionately, then stroked her cheek. "Is that really what you thought?" Traynor simply shrugged. Shepard sighed. "Samantha...No matter what has happened, no matter what you've done, no matter what you _will_ do, I will always love you. I swear it...Jesus Christ, I was just angry! I don't know... Maybe I was too hard on you. I'm sorry if I was, I'm just.. under a lot of stress and I...I don't know how to fucking deal with it."

Shepard took a deep breath then, trying to steady herself.

"So you're...you're not going to b-break up with me?" Sam stammered, her heart swelling.

At this, Shepard let out a little chuckle and wiped away a single tear that escaped, streaming down Sam's tan cheek. "Don't be silly!" she soothed, caressing the woman's bicep through her military uniform. "I just needed some space for a bit. My mother always had a knack for getting under my skin, and I fully laid into her on the Citadel. Seeing her again, I...I just couldn't hold back, Samantha. I shouldn't have said those things, no matter how much I hate her."

The Commander sunk onto the stool beside her then and shook her head, almost ashamed with her actions. Sam leaned on the bar with her elbow, beginning to rub the woman's thigh comfortingly with her free hand.

"You don't have to do all this alone, Shepard," she said sincerely, "Stop trying to be strong and let someone in for a change. I'm here whenever you need me... I won't let you down like that again, I promise."

She felt Shepard's warm hand cover hers then, squeezing it gently. Their eyes met and Sam threw her a shy little smile, embarrassed at how insecure she had been acting and hoping that she was forgiven for the mess she had caused with Amanda. After a few seconds, Shepard returned the smile and rolled her eyes.

"Oh come here then," she said in defeat, unable to deny her any longer. Sam smiled for real this time and obeyed the order. She felt Shepard slip her arms around her waist as she sat down on her lap, then leaned in, finding the Commander's lips with her own and receiving a much-needed kiss of gentle reassurance from the woman she loved.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Sorry for the wait with this chapter. I've been a bit under the weather recently :( It's Citadel dlc time (with my own spin as usual). Hope you enjoy!**_

* * *

"Well...we haven't done that before," Shepard said amusedly, zipping up her fly and buttoning her trousers closed. Sam slid off the lounge's poker table and did the same, flattening her dishevelled hair and glancing around for her shirt, suddenly very aware she had been stripped down to her bra. _Wow, Shepard works fast. _As she reached down to pick up her light blue top, the Commander suddenly burst out laughing.

"What?" Samantha asked, glancing back at her.

"You've got poker chips stuck to your back," she giggled, reaching out and knocking a few of them off. The sweat of their lovemaking was still glistening on both women's bodies, after a spontaneous, passionate frolic atop the lounge table among numerous creds and an unfinished card game. Sam laughed a little herself then and nudged one of the round plastic poker chips from the back of her arm, seeing a tiny half-mooned dent in her caramel skin.

"God, it looks like you've been attacked with a whip," Shepard laughed, running her hands along the little curly imprints covering Sam's spine before she threw her shirt back on.

"Hmm, getting a good whipping doesn't sound half bad, actually," Sam teased. Shepard chuckled, her eyes flashing seductively.

"Ooo," she crooned, spinning the woman around and wrapping her arms around her waist once more, "I'll have to remember that for the next time you disobey an order."

Samantha's giggle was silenced by the Commander's lips as she captured her mouth in a slow, lingering, intoxicating kiss. _Christ..._She felt her head go light and reached out blindly to find the end of the table before she passed out.

"Wow," she breathed, when Shepard finally released her. The Commander's low flirtatious chuckle made Samantha think that she knew the effect her kisses had on her, and was doing in on purpose. "I...still feel a little dizzy," Traynor admitted, melting into Shepard's warm arms, their bodies pressed together. Breathless, Samantha touched her head and groaned a little, feeling the bruise from James' punch throb painfully around her eye socket. The Commander's green eyes were gazing into hers intently, concerned then. She brought her hands up to the lapels of Samantha's open shirt then and began doing the buttons up for her. A few of them had popped off in her initial urgency to remove it.

"You've probably just got a bit of concussion," she informed her, straightening out her collar when she was finished to make her look presentable. "The sex probably didn't help, but I could resist. I figured you wouldn't mind."

Sam sniggered, "Was that my punishment for lying to you?" she joked, "If that's the case I might do it more often."

Shepard gave her a stern look and tapped her playfully on the nose with her finger. "Don't even dare," she said with a smile, "Or I'm afraid being licked out on top of a poker table will be the last thing you'll be getting."

Sam felt herself blush. "Good Lord, you have such a way with words, Commander," she said sarcastically.

Shepard laughed. "I've never had any complaints," she joked unashamedly, caressing her hands up and down Sam's hour-glass figure. "There was a time when I could talk just about anyone out of their pants."

"Ugh, too much information!" Sam complained, scowling, "I don't want to hear about the men and women you've taken to your bed."

"Bed, shower, the nearest wall...Even had sex in a cockpit once."

"Ah, stop, please!" Samantha groaned, shaking her head as Shepard laughed. She prided herself on having a bit of class when it came to talking about these things. Her parents had brought her up to be a lady in certain respects and Oxford even more so. Shepard on the other hand was about as blunt as a hammer. It was still a bit of a shock to Traynor's system, truth be told. After Elena, she thought she'd seen just about every ounce of passion possible, but Dr Torres had nothing on the legendary Commander Shepard. When it came to sex, Shepard was head and shoulders above the rest. With one teasing flick of her tongue she could take Samantha to the depths of her arousal within mere seconds.

_Thank God for multiple orgasms._

"Come on, let's get out of here," Shepard said, after giving Samantha a swift kiss on the lips and letting her finish putting her clothes back on. She walked to the door then turned, just having remembered something. "Oh, Hackett told me he was forwarding an email form Anderson to my terminal. I need to go have a word with Tali and Adams about the ship's repairs though. Can I trust you to forward the message to my cabin when it arrives?"

Her tone was gentle but Samantha could still sense a little hint of untrustworthiness seeping through the Commander's otherwise flawless exterior. _Balls, I still have a lot of making up to do, don't I? I've really mess with her head after that whole mother fiasco...Probably the last thing she bloody needed._

"You don't have to worry. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice," she reassured her, buckling her belt and straightening up her military regs to make herself look a bit more professional. She walked towards the Commander and took her hand, bringing the other to brush away a lock of the woman's red hair that had fallen loose. "I know you're not going to be able to forgive me that easy, Shepard, and I understand...But we've got time and I intend on making it up to you. I'm just thankful you're giving me that chance;"

"I..."

Shepard's words failed her and she sighed, head down, still struggling to come to terms with the aftermath of the ordeal with her mother. Sam knew she desperately needed someone to talk to. It was just hard the fact that the only person she could confide in had been part of the reason she was hurt in the first place.

_I have to show her that I'm still here for her somehow._

"Look, why don't you let me take you out?" Samantha said then, tucking her fingers under the Commanders chin, raising her head once more and staring into her deep, swimming orbs of swirling emerald and gold. "I owe you a date anyway and we've got a lot to talk about I'm sure. Mandatory shore leave couldn't have come at a better time."

At this Shepard smiled. "That...that sounds nice," she whispered. Samantha leaned in and gave her a little soft peck on the lips. "I'm sorry," the Commander relented then, "I'm still being too hard on you. I know you were only trying to protect me, but I just..."

"Shepard...It's alright," Sam said earnestly, giving her a brief kiss once more. She caressed along the nape of the woman's neck, staring deep into her eyes. "You're allowed to be upset, darling. You don't need to pretend."

The Commander snorted. "That's news to me," she joked grimly, "Since the first encounter with Saren all those years ago, I can barely remember what it feels like not to."

"I mean you don't need to pretend with _me_," Sam corrected, smiling kindly, twirling a strand of Shepard's hair around her finger. "Feed the rest of the universe the Commander Shepard 'act' they want, but when we're alone together you're allowed to be yourself, and now is a perfect time as any, right? So I'm taking you out for dinner tonight, no buts and no excuses, and you're going to talk to me as though we're just two ordinary people who aren't the middle of Armageddon. Think you can do that?"

Shepard looked doubtful. "I'll try," she promised. "I've never been good at this sort of shit though, even before the Reapers decided to drop in for a chat. Killing's the only thing I'm good at if I'm honest."

Sam sighed. "I know that's not true, sweetheart," she said softly, rubbing her arm, "You've just been forced to do it for so long that you've forgotten how to be..."

"...Human?" Shepard finished with a chuckle.

Samantha smiled wryly. "I just think it'll do you some good, Shepard. You can't keep everything pent up forever. It's not healthy."

The Commander didn't reply. She accepted a final kiss from Samantha and stepped back, as though afraid spending too much time with her meant having to spill her guts. "Yeah, I...uh, I think I'll go check on Garrus-Joker-I mean Tali now," she stammered, massaging her neck awkwardly, "See you, Specialist. Don't forget that email."

Seeing her escape the intimate moment as quickly as she could, Sam rolled her eyes and laughed to herself. _Well what did you expect? _Trying to get Commander Shepard to talk about her feelings was like trying to draw blood from a stone: Seemingly impossible.

_Even if the stone does have such a soft and gooey centre._

* * *

**Five hours Later**

"Hey."

Samantha smiled and got to her feet, greeting Commander Shepard with a light kiss, before they sat side by side around a large table full of multicultural cuisine of the highest class. _Ryuusei sushi _was without doubt the best restaurant on the Wards and one of the most popular. It took so long to reserve a table but somehow Shepard had managed it. Inside was very elegant and upper-class, though thankfully not as stuck up as the previous place they had been chased from during their last outing on the Citadel together. Military regs were common place here, although many of the other clientele wore formalwear too.

_Well, if it's the end of the universe as we know it, may as well go out in style, right?_

Sam took it as a good sign that the Commander had invited her here, although she was a little confused as to the way it happened. _Wasn't this my turn to take her out?_ Truth be told, she thought the woman might have been wary of their pending date, knowing that it meant trying to talking about things which she would prefer to keep quiet on. So it was surprising when Sam received a message on her Omni-tool about an hour ago, asking her to meet here of all places. For one thing, it was very public, and for another it was very...un-Shepard-like not to just ask her in person.

_Maybe she was just caught up with the Normandy repairs._

"Hey, gorgeous," Shepard replied with a tired grin as they seated themselves. She took a look around at the food spread in front of them. "I see you ordered for us. Everything looks amazing."

Samantha chuckled. "Actually when the owner heard it was Commander Shepard's table he just kept bringing food out. I think he wants the Hero of the Citadel's endorsement."

Shepard laughed, "Yeah, him and every other store owner on the Citadel," she joked, "The things I do for discount."

They both giggled.

"He left us some drinks too," Samantha noticed, "Fancy a cocktail?"

"Actually I think I'll have a whiskey instead," the Commander replied with a yawn, stretching her arms high over her head. She rested her left one across the back of Samantha's chair then, grazing her shoulder gently with her hand as Traynor grabbed the bottle of whiskey beside the wine and poured her a healthy serving. "Cheers. To your health."

When Sam had mixed herself a drink she clinked her glass against Shepard's and watched the woman take a massive gulp of the golden liquid, almost finishing it in one.

"Long day?" she asked, amused.

"Not as long as most," Shepard admitted, chuckling, "Though hanging around with EDI, Tali and Adams all day talking about physics, Element Zero and Mass Effect cores has kind of fried my brain."

Sam sniggered. "Geeks 1-Soldiers 0," she teased, savouring the taste of the rich dry wine.

The Commander chuckled. "Yeah, I wish they'd stayed when I left to look after the ship though. It's hard, knowing a bunch of strangers are poking around inside of the Normandy."

Samantha giggled. "You sound like Joker," she said, remembering the Flight-Lieutenant's complaints at having to leave EDI in the hands of unknowns. "But the best thing we can do is park her and let the techs do their work. Trust me it'll do her some good."

"Oh I trust _you_," Shepard replied, her eyes twinkling, "Not so sure about those shifty aerospace engineers. Always stealing the silverware."

Samantha rolled her eyes. "Just let someone else do the work for a change, darling. Hackett's orders, remember. We're on shore leave."

"Yeah, whether we like it or not," Shepard grumbled. She still wasn't happy about being forced to take a break from the war efforts.

"I'm sure you'll manage," Sam chuckled, helping herself to the platter of canapés on offer. "Oh God, these are amazing. Here, you have to try this!"

She picked up another and fed it to the Commander. Shepard took the tiny piece of food in her mouth and swallowed it, finishing by slowly sucking Samantha's finger seductively.

"Mmm," she approved, her lips curving into a cheeky grin, "Maybe we should just grab a few of these and get out of here. There's a bed in my new apartment needs broken in you know."

"Your new what?" Samantha questioned.

"That's what Anderson's email was about. He gave me his apartment on the Wards. Silversun Strip. I just came from it."

"You're kidding!" Traynor exclaimed excitedly. "When I patched him through to you earlier I had no idea where you were receiving the call. Are you messing with me? You'd better not be messing with me!"

The Commander smiled and shook her head.

"Nope, straight up," she replied, still sounding a little overwhelmed herself. "You should see it! It's fucking enormous!"

"Wow," Samantha breathed, stunned.

"So... what do you say?" Shepard asked, grinning impishly once more. "Shall we skip our pending touchy feely talk and get to some actual touching and feeling?"

Samantha snorted into her wine. She dabbed her chin with the nearest napkin, still laughing. "As tempting as that proposition is, Commander, don't think you're going to get out of our date that easy," she teased, patting her leg. "You promised you'd try, remember?"

Shepard sighed comically. "Damn, I knew that promise would come back to bite me on the ass."

"Well, don't worry, I'll bite you on the ass later to make up for it," Traynor joked, caressing her cheek affectionately.

"Ooo, kinky!" Shepard sang, leaning in for a kiss.

Before their mouths met, Samantha backed away.

"Ah, ah, ah!" she scolded jokingly, pressing her finger over the Commander's lips to hold her off. "I know your game, darling. You're not going to change my mind with a kiss this time. You know I can't resist when you do that."

"But-"

"No buts!" Sam told her firmly, rebuking her efforts once more with great difficulty. The idea of Shepard's lips on hers made her quiver with longing, but tonight wasn't about Samantha. It was about Shepard, about getting her to talk, and there was no way she was going to enable the Commander to wriggle her way out of confronting her demons by distracting them both with sex.

_Oh, but what a sweet distraction that would be..._

"Aww," Shepard lamented, pulling away then, "Do we really have to do this? Can't we just have an early night? I'm fine, Sam! Honestly!"

"We don't _have _to," Samantha replied, looking a little let down, "I just thought you might like to. Besides, we're only talking...And I would prefer if you start before that dashing woman in Alliance uniform by the door gets past the host to bother you with some pending emergency."

Shepard glanced towards the door at her words, seeing the long queue of well-dressed patrons she had bunked on the way in. She groaned, hearing an ecstatic woman call her name across the entire restaurant and bringing unwanted attention upon her. "Christ, I can't catch a minute, can I?" Shepard asked, ducking her head slightly to avoid the numerous eyes ogling in her direction. A few people were even taking pictures on their Omni-tools, "Even on mandatory shore leave. They're probably going to line up for autographs next...Fuck..."

Sam sniggered. "So what made you pick _this_ restaurant then?" she asked, confused, "It's the busiest on the Citadel and always full of Alliance brass. There was no way we'd have been able to relax here."

"What are you talking about?" Shepard laughed, equally confused, "_You _picked the restaurant. You sent me a message earlier."

"What?" Samantha was puzzled. "_I _didn't send you anything. I got a message from _you_ to my Omni-tool inviting me."

She brought up the email interface on it and showed her. Shepard's eyebrows narrowed as she read her supposed message. Suddenly they were interrupted by the Alliance woman, who had escaped the clutches of the host and was approaching their table.

"Commander!? Excuse me, Alliance business." She slithered past a few customers and dropped her datapad. Picking it up, she then stopped in front of the puzzled pair that was Samantha and Shepard. "Commander!" the woman gasped, out of breath as though she had been running. "This is urgent!"

"Oh boy," Shepard sighed, her hand tightening on Samantha's shoulder as she braced herself for another oncoming shitstorm. Sam smiled understandingly and placed a comforting hand on the Commander's thigh under the table.

"Commander Shepard? I'm Staff Analyst Maya Brooks, Alliance Intelligence," she began, looking at her intensely, and then giving her an almost forgotten salute. "There are people trying to kill you!"

Shepard and Samantha turned to look at each other and suddenly burst out laughing. All tension seemed to seep away from the Commander and she retracted her arm from the back of Samantha's chair, leaning over and grabbing another canapé.

"Um, I think she's aware of that," Sam giggled, taking another sip of her drink.

_God, is this some kind of prank? I bet its Vega, the wanker._

"No, no, I don't mean Cerberus or the Reapers," Brooks said quickly, looking a little embarrassed, "I mean other people. New people! There hacking your accounts, Comm channels, personal records. Whoever it is is targeting you specifically!"

"Targeting me?" Shepard repeated, with a glance at Samantha, raising her eyebrow. "Why? What do they want?"

"The Intel isn't definitive yet," Brooks said speedily, "And last time I guessed without definitive Intel we almost landed troops on a gas giant...Which is bad."

Shepard gave Samantha another strange look. "Is she serious?" she whispered, amused. There was no way this woman could possibly be Alliance. She was all over the place. After Samantha's little chuckle, the Commander turned back to Brooks again then. "Hold up, lady. Take a breath and start from the top," she said, taking her more serious now. "What do you know?"

Brooks inhaled and exhaled slowly then began to start, however, before she could, her words were drowned out by frantic yells from the host by the door. Samantha looked up just in time to see several well-armed militiamen enter the fancy restaurant and spread out as though looking for something. _Or someone. _The leader knocked out the host and said something that sounded like "random acts of violence" then suddenly the entire place erupted in gunfire. Before she could react, before she could even process the scene, Samantha felt the Commander, dragging her beneath the table and tip it on its side to block them from view.

"Get down!" Shepard hissed, while peeking over the top of their hiding spot herself for a better look.

"Spread out boys! Find me Shepard!" one of the men ordered.

The Commander ducked back behind the table and cursed under her breath. She took Samantha's face in her hands then, seeing her scared features and checking her for any injuries.

"I'm fine," Sam reassured her in a hushed whisper, taking one of her hands. "Shepard, what's going on?"

"I don't know," Shepard whispered, squeezing her fingers reassuringly, "But I'm sure as shit going to find out." Before Sam could respond she heard a scream. "Shit, they've got Brooks!" Shepard growled, glancing out again. She turned back to Traynor. "Sam, go find the crew. Tell them what happened. Then go check on the Normandy and see what you can do to help. I'm going after her."

"But—"

"Go! Now!" Shepard said in a harsh whisper, giving her a quick kiss to silence her oncoming protests. "Be careful."

Samantha swallowed her objections and crept out for behind the table towards the back exit.

"Hey! St—"

She jumped and glanced around, just in time to see Shepard rise and break the neck of the offending soldier before he could fire a shot at her.

"You used me as _bait_?" Samantha whispered in disbelief, her heart beating wildly after staring down the barrel of a gun.

"Go!" Shepard ordered firmly, pointing to the door. She turned and began to take out a few of the soldiers with the silenced pistol she had stolen from the one she'd just killed.

"You used me as _bait!_" Sam said again, accusing this time. "Did anyone see that? The Hero of the Citadel used her girlfriend as bait."

As a wayward bullet flew past her head, Samantha decided now was not the time for an argument. _Yep, time to go. _Fuming, and a little shaken up, she pushed the door to the kitchens and made her way down the hall, towards exit of the restaurant. As she fumbled with the lock on the backdoor to the establishment, her hands shaking after all the gunfire, her panicked mind went into overdrive. _I can't believe her! I honestly can't—What the hell was she thinking? _Suddenly there was a massive crash behind Samantha and the sound of breaking glass. A familiar voice yelled loudly, sounding further and further away.

"Shepard!" Traynor gasped. Forgetting her orders, she turned and ran back without a thought for her own safety, re-entering the restaurant. Glancing around to make sure it was militia-free, she crossed the wreckage in search of Shepard, clambering over upturned tables with bullet holes in them and numerous piles of food and broken plates. To her complete and utter shock, the entire floor by the entrance had almost completely disappeared, along with the massive built-in fish tank and its inhabitants. Feeling a cool breeze waft up from the giant hole in the ground, Samantha found herself looking down into the depths of the Ward below, seeing the rubble littering the ground and numerous buildings below.

_Oh My God!_

Frantically she pulled up the Commander's Omni-tool frequency on her own and called her.

_Come on, damn it! Pick up! Pick up!_

"Shepard? Shepard! Can you hear me?"

There was a low grown on the other side. "Sa...mantha," the Commander coughed, sounding severely winded. Her frequency was static and it sounded like water was running somewhere nearby.

"Jesus Christ! Are you alright?" Sam exclaimed worriedly.

"Yeah...Fell through a fish tank."

"Where? I'm coming to find you!"

"No! Get...back to the Normandy, Samantha," Shepard groaned, sounding a little stronger now. "It's too dangerous."

"Stay _off _your Comms, Commander!" Brooks intervened, "I mean, to everyone apart from me. They're hacking you!"

"Sorry," Sam replied, knowing she was putting her in danger. "I'll...I'll get back to the ship and try to help... Shepard?"

"I'm fine, Samantha. Go. I'll see you later."

"Yes, Ma'am... I love you."

"Love you too."

"Aww, isn't that nice?" Brooks interrupted again. "You two are so cute!"

"Shut it, Brooks," Shepard grunted.

Amused, Sam let out a nervous laugh then turned away, running from the restaurant and rushing to get back to the Normandy, to the place where she could help best: her terminal. She brought up the rest of the crew on her Omni-tool as she ran and sent them an emergency transmission.

_**ATTENTION:**__ CODE RED! COMMANDER SHEPARD IS UNDER ATTACK IN WARDS. CONTACT ASAP!_


	17. Chapter 17

**_Sorry once again for the wait. I battled through migraines, insomnia and a terrible hangover to bring this chapter to you today. Hope you enjoy! xD ps. I'm never drinking again :P_**

* * *

"Joker, did you get her?" Samantha asked frantically over the Comms system of the Normandy. She hadn't stopped working in the last hour, trying to find out who was hacking Shepard's records, and simply couldn't stand being in the dark over what was going on down on the ground. She decided to risk breaking the radio silence as her concern for Shepard got the better of her.

"Yeah, safe and sound, Specialist. Wrex dropped in just in time," Joker chuckled. Samantha instantly relaxed, exhaling with relief. _Thank God! _"I managed to get another shuttle. She's with us now. Heading back to the apartment now. Rendezvous there. "

"Roger that, Joker, I'm on my way."

Sam hung up and checked the address of the Commander's new apartment then closed her terminal, bringing with her the list of suspects and information she had collected on a datapad. Most of it was useless if she was honest, but it wouldn't hurt to take it with her. Maybe Liara or EDI would be able to make more sense of it. Whoever these people were, they were stupid enough to mess with Commander Shepard, but smart enough to cover their tracks behind them. Not a single digital footprint was left in any of Shepard's files, Comm lines or military records. If it wasn't for Brook's information, they wouldn't even have known anyone had hacked them at all.

_Strange...Whoever this is must be really advanced to get around me._

Samantha exited the Normandy as quick as she could and hailed a cab to take her to the Commander's apartment, resting the datapad on her lap and staring out at the scenery flashing by through the window. _God, I hope she's alright, _she fretted, remembering how Shepard had sounded after falling through the fish tank. _It was a bloody massive drop! Lucky she wasn't killed...again. _When she reached the lively strip that was Silversun, Samantha then jumped out and made her way through the boisterous walkways, towards Anderson's old home, following the co-ordinates on her Omni-tool. As soon as she opened the front door, the entire extended Normandy crew were arguing over what had just happened.

"...Someone wanna tell me what's going on here?" Wrex grunted, slamming his massive fists on the table they were standing around.

"Who were those mercenaries?" Tali wondered, glancing around at them all, "They were heavily armed and had access to C-Sec shuttles."

"I've never seen them before," Liara added, looking worried. Clearly the Shadow Broker being in the dark about something was troubling to her.

"What are we doing here wasting time? Let's hunt the bastards down!" James chipped in.

"Wait! Everyone shut up for a second!" Shepard said, holding up her hand to silence them and parting James and Garrus to make room for Samantha to enter the circle of her angry comrades. She had been standing on the sidelines patiently, clutching the datapad with both hands, waiting for them to finish. Seeing Shepard beckon her forwards, she smiled and, ignoring the faint blush that crept along her cheeks, allowed the Commander to place a tender kiss on her lips in front of everyone. "Alright, continue," Shepard ordered finally, turning back to the others and keeping her arm resting over Samantha's shoulder. The speculations and accusations started up again as the Normandy crew debated among themselves who the likely culprits of this criminal act were. A few of the older members of the crew were glancing at a slightly awkward Liara, whose face had fallen a little at the public display of affection between Sam and the Commander. Noticing, Samantha bit her lip and stared at the ground, feeling a little guilty again.

_God, why does she always make me feel like I'm doing something wrong? Shepard's free to see whoever she wants, right? And she's not in love with Dr T'Soni anymore regardless...Now that I think about it, maybe that's why she looks so sad. Seeing us together must remind her of what could have been._

"I can't believe you survived all that!" Brooks said to the Commander excitedly then, distracting Samantha from her uncomfortably knotted stomach and sympathy for Liara. "They had guns, and grenades, and-and those Drone things!"

"Tell me about it," Shepard laughed. She looked sweaty, dirt-covered and bedraggled after her ordeal at the hands of the nameless Mercs attacking her.

"Ha! They'd need more than that to take out Shepard," James said proudly, smacking her on the back, eyeing her with the upmost respect.

"Maybe a Mako or two?" Garrus sniggered, "A few well-placed snipers? Nah...that that still wouldn't be enough."

"Especially not with a Krogan around to protect her! ARGGHH!" Wrex boomed, punching his fist into his hand, readying himself to fight some more. "Just point me in the right direction, Shepard. I'll do the rest!"

Shepard chuckled as the crew continued their jokes about her larger than life presence. She glanced down at the datapad in Samantha's arms then. "Is that for me?"

"Oh, yes, Ma'am!" Sam squeaked, having almost forgotten. She handed it over and Shepard lay in on the table, scrolling through the info she had painstakingly collected.

"Good job, Traynor. You work fast." She threw Samantha a little wink and a smile, and then turned her attention to the others. "Alright everyone, it looks like C-Sec are our only lead for the time being. I'm calling Commander Bailey to see what's going on with them."

"Okay, that sounds...wait!" Brooks said then, changing her mind mid-thought, "Wouldn't that just make whoever you contact a target too?"

"She's right, Commander," Sam said, looking up at her, "Until we know more it's a big risk. Do you really want to put Bailey in danger like that?"

"For all we know he could already be in danger," Shepard countered. "Whoever these guys are, they just stole a C-Sec shuttle. I'll be damned if Bailey would let that happen under his watch."

"It's not really under his watch anymore though, is it?" Tali asked, "I mean, he spends most of his time working as glorified doorman for what's left of the Council now, doesn't he?"

"Hmm, good point," Shepard sighed, leaning on the table with her hands. "Alright...I guess we're on our own for the time being. We'll run this ourselves. Liara, work with EDI and see what you two can get from Traynor's data. Brooks, help them out anyway you can. The rest of you, hang around here while we figure this out. Someone's going to pay for all this, and it sure as hell isn't going to be me. Dismissed."

"Yes, Commander."

The Asari took the datapad and she, EDI and Brooks retreated to the back room to work.

"I'm with you, Shepard. Just say the word," James said with a curt nod. The others did the same and gradually spread out, taking in the massive apartment that was Anderson's last gift. Shepard turned her attentions back to Samantha then. Seeing the worry still in her eyes that had been present back in the sushi restaurant, Shepard sighed. "Come here," she said softly, straightening up and pulling her into a warm hug. Sam exhaled with relief at having her in her arms again and closed her eyes, contentedly resting her chin on the Commander's shoulder.

"God, are you alright?" she asked gently. The terrible weight that had been resting on her heart since the Commanders fall was immediately lifted as she held her in her arms. "I was worried sick."

She heard Shepard's low chuckle in her ear.

"I'm fine," the Commander reassured her, kissing her cheek. "I'm just glad you made it out unscathed. That was a close call."

Suddenly Samantha remembered something. She opened her eyes and pulled back, staring up at the Commander with a frown. "I can't _believe_ you used me as bait, you know," she sulked. "How could you?"

To her surprise, Shepard laughed.

"I _didn't_ use you as bait," she deflected, holding her close despite Sam's slight coldness towards her now, "Bait implies that you were in danger. You were fine, Samantha! There was no _way _I would have let him shoot you."

Samantha rolled her eyes. "Well I'm glad you have so much confidence in yourself, Commander. It still didn't stop me from shitting my pants when I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun."

Shepard sniggered. "Don't worry. I'll buy you new pants," she teased, before leaning in and stealing a kiss from her. "Some sexy lingerie maybe? You can model it for me later."

"Hmm, now you're talking," Sam joked, her eyes flashing seductively as gazed into the Commander's glimmering emerald ones. It was impossible to be angry with her for long. Those stunning emerald eyes seemed to melt her coldness in one warm sweeping glance. She was a slave to the Commander's charms. "Military regs can be so...mmm..._restrictive_."

Shepard giggled seductively, resting her hands along Sam's lower back, "Leave it with me," she said, grinning wickedly. "Oh and for the record, if I wanted to shoot you I'd have just done it myself."

Samantha punched her in the abdomen then, playful but hard. Shepard grunted, almost doubling over.

"Oof! Nice! Who taught you to punch like that?" she chuckled, massaging her stomach. Her breathing became a little sharp.

"Vega," Sam said with a smug smile, "He's been teaching me some of his skills after the black eye incident. I'm getting pretty good actually."

"Ugh, I'll say!" Shepard approved, straightening up then with a frown then. Her face suddenly turned a little whiter than usual then. "...Shit...Am I bleeding?"

"What? Oh crap, did I do that?" Sam exclaimed, embarrassed, resting her hands along the Commander's waist again as the woman staggered a little. She had forgotten all about Shepard falling through the floor of the restaurant. _She's hurt! _Now that she was more aware, she noticed a massive tear in the bottom left corner of the Commander's Alliance jacket. There was a dark red glistening of blood, oozing out creepily, dripping onto the floor at their feet. "Shepard, you're injured! God, why didn't you say something?"

"I...didn't notice," Shepard said with a shrug and a little smile. She glanced down and peeled away the ripped material of her jacket, seeing more blood dribble out of the lacerations across the left side of her lower abdomen.

Samantha rolled her eyes.

_Only Commander Shepard would think being stabbed wasn't a big deal._

"Come on, you need to sit down," she said warily, sliding her arm around the Commander's waist as the woman swayed on the stop once more, and ushering her towards the sitting room. "I'll put some Medi-Gel on it. It looks bad!"

"I'm fine, Sam! Actually...Ow, yeah, I can kind of feel it now, actually," Shepard groaned as she began to walk, suddenly aware of a the pain now, thanks to Samantha's Vega-taught, well-aimed punch to the gut.

"God, I'm so sorry!" Sam whimpered, supporting her as both of them shuffled towards the living room in front of the fire burning in the grate. Sam could feel Shepard's gait slow as they neared the sofa. James immediately jumped to his feet, seeing the red droplets stain the floor in their wake, and helped Samantha manoeuvre the Commander down onto the cushions. The blood from the wound was leaking all over the chair. "Oh, I'm so, so sorry," Traynor apologised again, feeling guilty for her punch, even though it had been meant in a joking way. "Hold on a second, darling. I added some ready-made to my Omni-tool earlier on the Normandy."

"I'm fine," Shepard repeated, resting her head back on the chair and closing her eyes. "It's just a scratch."

"I can see your guts, Shepard. It's a little more than a flesh wound, believe me," Vega laughed, "How the hell didn't you notice?"

Shepard's chuckle was ragged and heavy. "I dunno," she replied, "Agh!" Samantha cringed and immediately slowed down her first aid as the Commander gasped in pain. _Crap, too hard. Christ, my hand is shaking. Maybe I should have let Chakwas do it. _"I must have... landed on a bit of glass when I fell through the fish tank. I didn't really have... much time to think. People were shooting at me."

"Aren't people alway shooting at you?" James laughed, "Don't worry, Commander. We'll find them. And when we do it's time to kick ass!"

"Hell yeah..." Shepard groaned weakly, "But...Right now...I think I'm gonna...gonna...pass out..."

Her eyelids slid shut and she fell limp on the chair.

"Crap!" Sam cursed, trying desperately to cover the wound in Medi-Gel before she lost any more blood.

"Here, let me," James said, leaning over and adding Medi-Gel from his own Omni-tool too.

"Shouldn't you be saving that for missions?" Sam asked, watching him cover the parts of the wound she hadn't reached yet.

"Aw, forget it. I don't need that much. Shepard takes the most hits when we're in battle," he said, as they finished their first aid work and leaned back to take a look at it. "All done. I'll get something to clean the blood off the chair, shall I?"

He walked away, leaving Samantha crouched beside the Commander's limp form. She manoeuvred Shepard onto her side and gently laid her out flat along the large comfortable settee, away from the pool of blood on the other side. Samantha sighed, staring down into the woman's relaxed features and stroking her pale, scarred face softly. Shepard's eyelids flickered open again and she looked up at her.

"Ugh...how long was I out?" she cringed.

"About a minute or so," Sam replied with a kind smile, "How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy," Shepard admitted with a slight chuckle, "I think a kiss might make me feel better though."

Sam grinned as she caressed the woman's red hair, then leaned down and captured Shepard's lips in a slow, tender kiss, feeling her own head go light as well in that moment. She sensed the Commander's vigour return a little more then, feeling the woman's hand caress her neck and summon her closer as she raised her head off the chair. Samantha's body fluttered with excitement, only for the two of them to unfortunately be interrupted by someone clearing their throat nearby. They broke from their intimate kiss and Sam turned to find Vega standing there, smirking at her, his arms full of white towels to clear up the Commander's blood.

"Wow, control yourselves, _chicas_, or I might have a little trouble controlling _myself_...If you know what I mean."

"Kiss my ass, Lieutenant," Shepard chuckled, flipping him the bird as Sam ducked her head, feeling heat rising in her cheeks (among other areas). She suddenly wished everyone else was gone, leaving her the Commander all to herself. _Didn't she say the new bed needed broken in? Oh God, I'm suddenly rather...turned on. Damn you, Vega!_

James laughed at the Commander's response and stepped around Sam, who was kneeling in front of her, then began to mop up the blood on the chair.

"Commander!? We've got something?" Brooks shouted from the other side of the apartment. Shepard revived at once.

"Fuck. Can you help me up, love?" she asked Samantha, covering her abdominal wound with her hand and grimacing as she tried to straighten up on her own to no avail. Going from a prone position to standing was clearly something she wouldn't be able to master so soon. Sam quickly came to her aid and pulled her to her feet. The two of them then stood in each other's embrace for a moment longer than necessary, gazing into each other's eyes, both sets swimming with desire. Their date had been interrupted before the good part, and it was clear that Shepard's body was aching with yearning as much as Samantha's was. What they wouldn't give to be able to depart for bed now and stay there for the rest of the day.

Shepard caressed Sam's cheek with her hand then, and leaned in to steal another quick kiss.

"We'll continue this later," she promised with a smile.

Samantha returned the gesture. "Looking forward to it."

Shepard giggled and reluctantly let her go, approaching the huddled crew around the table once more and addressing the Normandy crew "Alright, fill me in guys. Who are these bastards and what direction do I point Wrex in to bash some skulls?"

* * *

"So you're going to this Casino with Liara?" Sam asked.

Shepard had finally made plans to find her would-be assassins after listening to the analysis of Traynor's data. Before she left for a supposed night on the town in her knee length black dress, she pulled Samantha aside out of earshot of the others, clearly seeing that she wasn't happy about recent developments.

"It's not a date, Samantha," Shepard reassured her. "We're just pretending that it is as cover."

"And tell me again why I can't go instead of her?" Sam pressed, a little offended that the Commander had shot down her offer of accompaniment on this mission. None of the others had seemed to think much of her idea to be Shepard's date either, all wanting to attend themselves to get in on the action.

_Yet Liara is the one who gets to go? What a load of bollocks._

"It's too dangerous, Samantha. Military training or not, you're still too green for an undercover op such as this," Shepard said, placing a hand on either of her shoulders. Rather than comfort her, it made Samantha feel a little like being patronised however.

"Liara's technically not a soldier either," she argued, frowning.

"She fought Saren by my side," Shepard corrected, "She's the Shadow Broker now and has more experience than most war veterans at this point."

"Wouldn't it be better just to bring Vega or...or Garrus?" Sam pressed, glancing over the Commander's shoulder at Dr T'Soni who was preparing to leave with Brooks. The Asari looked utterly spectacular in her floor length white dress. Even Sam couldn't deny she was attracted to her.

"Because Asari's have certain..._talents..._ that are useful tools s of persuasion and distraction," Shepard said awkwardly. Samantha rolled her eyes.

"Oh, yes, I forgot they're very accomplished flirters," she joked.

Shepard snorted, "You obviously don't know Liara very well," she laughed, "Her flirting is atrocious...But I'm getting off track. Look, I'm sorry if you're uncomfortable with this. You know I would love to take you with me, to have you on my arm and be able to show you off to the Galaxy instead, but it's just too dangerous, Samantha. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. You've already stared down the barrel of one gun today. Do you really want to put yourself in even _more_ danger?"

Samantha sighed. "I'd do it for you," she said delicately.

Shepard's green eyes stared deep into hers, seeing the utmost sincerity in them. Truth be told, Samantha was crapping herself about going undercover. She was a researcher, not a soldier. But with Shepard by her side, anything seemed possible. She would do all she could to keep the overworked Commander from any more harm. It was time she had someone there to look out for her, rather than the other way around. A moment passed between the two women, and then without another word, Shepard cradled Samantha's face in her hands and bestowed upon her a slow, sensual kiss that made Samantha inhale sharply, caught off guard by its intensity. Shepard's tongue slid between Samantha's parted lips, finding hers, and they became intertwined in a cajoling, mind-blowing gesture of love, putting everything that could never be justified with mere words into one, gloriously lengthy act of passion.

Shepard rested her forehead against Sam's when their lips finally separated. She rested a hand along the nape of her neck, as Samantha traced the Commander's hourglass figure with her palms.

"Good God," Traynor whispered, feeling Shepard's warm breath trickle across her face. "What... was that for?"

Shepard sounded a little overwhelmed herself. "I...I don't know," she murmured, ticking along Sam's throat gently with her fingers, "Thanks I guess."

"For what?" Samantha whispered, brushing her nose against Shepard's affectionately as they stood together in an intimate embrace.

"For loving me that much," Shepard muttered, pulling back then to stare into her brown eyes once more. She tucked a loose strand of Samantha's hair behind her ear before continuing. "You know I could never let you put yourself in danger for me, though. Ever."

"How much more dangerous can it get?" Sam argued gently, "I mean, we _are_ in the middle of a war."

"And I'm trying to write that wrong to keep you and everyone else safe, but that's no reason to become reckless by putting yourself in even more peril, Samantha. You can try and get around me as much as you like, but I'm never going to agree," Shepard chuckled, "Just trust me."

Traynor swallowed over a lump in her throat. "I...do trust you," she admitted.

"Then don't push this," Shepard pleaded, her green eyes filled with concern, "Let Liara come instead. I'll work better when I know you're safe. This plan could easily become flawed once we're in there. I don't want you in the middle of that."

Samantha sighed and reluctantly gave in then. "Fine," she relented.

Shepard threw her a smile and one last kiss before taking her leave.

"I'll make this up to you," she promised on her way out the door.

Samantha watched the three women walk down the hallway outside the apartment and disappear round the corner, out of sight. A huge warm hand rested on her shoulder then.

"Ah, come on, Tray. Shepard's right," James said comfortingly, "She's just trying to keep you safe, you know."

"I understand that," Sam replied sadly, "I just... wish I could go with her on missions sometimes...We barely get to spend time together as it is. If I could fight I could at least accompany her. I just don't want her treating me like some fragile doll. I'm in the Goddamn Alliance too! Granted, the R&amp;D team, but in a war there's not much need for one of those. Surely every soldier is needed, regardless of experience, right?"

"Hey, chill out! She doesn't mean to offend you. The Commander's right, _chica_. It's too dangerous for a rookie blue to get involved in something this big," James told her, as she closed the apartment door and wore a saddened expression on her face. " We have no idea just what these people are capable of. Besides, I don't think this would be bothering you this much if she had of brought anyone other than Liara, Tray."

"Well of course it wouldn't," Samantha agreed, feeling a little ashamed, "But I can't help it, James. I know they have a history together."

"But that's just it!" James said, squeezing her arm comfortingly, "A _history, _Tray...not a future. Shepard's future is with you."

Traynor hadn't looked at it that way before. "I...Yes, I guess you're right," she sighed, her worries lessening a bit then. "I...think I've just been hurt too often in past relationships. It makes me come across as somewhat insecure, doesn't it?"

"A little," James chuckled, "But trust me, girl, all Shepard is thinking about right now is you. Which is saying a lot considering everything else that must be on her mind."

"I know she's stressed," Samantha agreed, "I'm sorry, I'm being silly. I know I'm no soldier...But would it really hurt to be able to hold my own in a fight? I can't depend on Shepard for everything!"

"How about we continue our lessons then?" Vega suggested with a smile. "Come on! Have you seen the gym in this crazy ass apartment? Let's go do some more training to refresh your memory of Basic and soon Shepard won't be able to stop you from getting in on the action along with the rest of us. Hell, she'll probably be begging for your help instead! You up for it?"

This brought a smile to Samantha's face. "Heck yes!" She approved, high fiving him and following him past the others towards the massive punch bag hanging from the ceiling in the back room of the apartment. James held the bag steady and put his weight behind it, calling out the combos that they had been working on recently on the Normandy and watching her execute them correctly. As Samantha worked up a sweat, her thoughts fell on Shepard and Liara and their cosy night out at the Casino together. _Oh, stop it, Samantha! _Knowing the Asari still held a torch for the Commander made her feel uneasy, but she trusted Shepard, even more so after that last kiss they had shared. Trying to keep her insecurities to a minimum, Traynor pushed the image of the two of them holding hands out of her head and took her frustrations out on the punch bag in front of her.

_Who knows? A few more training sessions with Vega, and I'll maybe one day have the ability to protect the woman I love from the ungrateful Galaxy she serves... Then when it's all over, I'm taking her upstairs to that queen-sized bed and shagging her once and for all because I can't bloody wait any longer!_


	18. Chapter 18

"Well, look who's here..."

Samantha opened her eyes, realising she had fallen asleep atop one of the beds in the spare rooms of the elegantly designed Silversun apartment. Seeing Shepard smiling down at her, she rubbed the blears from her eyes and straightened up, leaning on her right elbow for support.

"Sorry," Sam apologised tiredly, stifling her yawn, "I must have...dozed off..."

"Hey, you don't need to be sorry," Shepard replied gently, sitting down on the bed beside her and placing a comforting hand on her thigh. "Vega told me you weren't feeling the best when I got back from the Casino. How are you holding up?"

Samantha sighed. "I'm...fine," she lied, massaging her temples, "Just exhausted. It's... been a long day."

"You're telling me," the Commander agreed, sounding just as tired herself, "I feel like I could crawl up beside you and sleep for days."

"Well...why don't you give it a shot?" Samantha teased playfully, running a hand up Shepard's arm invitingly.

Shepard grinned. "I can guarantee you sleep will be the last thing on my mind if I take you up on that offer," she said seductively.

"Maybe that's what I hoping for," Samantha enticed, "Besides, isn't this the bed you wanted to break in?"

The Commander giggled. "Actually no, my real bedroom's upstairs," she murmured, slowly leaning over to pin Traynor down on the mattress nonetheless. She straddled her, taking Samantha's hands in hers and restraining them over her head, hovering over her. "But here'll do just fine for what I had in mind. Tell me how you want it, sweetheart."

"Ssh," Sam whispered, glancing fleetingly at her plump, pink lips then losing herself in her green eyes, "No more talking. Just kiss me."

She arched her head up, before Shepard's warmth had pressed down upon her entirely, and her soft lips claimed the Commander's attention. _God, finally! _she thought with satisfying relief, tasting the sweetness of Shepard's mouth, the skilled cajoling of her tongue against hers as they met half-way in a fierce kiss before Traynor was eventually overcome by Shepard's dominance. She lay her head back on the bed once more, trapped under Shepard's warmth, and caressed the contours of the Commander's chiselled hour-glass figure above her, feeling her arousal sore through the roof. Samantha had no idea why she felt this deprived, this desperate for Shepard to claim her, to strip her naked and take her with the same passion as the first night they had spent together. All she knew was that she couldn't wait any longer.

"Touch me," she gasped impatiently, entwining her fingers with Shepard's and dragging the Commander's hand between their bodies and down to her throbbing core. Needing no further encouragement, Shepard's fingers undid her zipper and slid under the waistband of Samantha's trousers and began to rub her womanhood, instantly sending Samantha's body spiralling into waves. The Commander's lips moved to Samantha's neck as she worked, leaving a trail of kisses in their wake. Sam threw back her head, eyes shut tight, lost in a passionate trance, her hips thrusting upwards uncontrollably as she felt Shepard's fingers slip deep inside of her.

"Ssshh," Shepard soothed, as a loud cry of ecstasy escaped Traynor's lips, "The crew are going to hear us...And I'm not finished with you yet."

"S-Sorry!" Samantha gasped breathlessly. "Don't stop..."

Shepard chuckled and covered Samantha's mouth with her own once more, drawing breath from her as they kissed. She continued to pleasure her down below, causing Traynor to inhale sharply as the intense feeling overwhelmed her again.

_Good Lord! How...How does she expect me stay quiet? I can't!_

She bit down kinkily on the Commander's bottom lip, dragging her teeth along it before another wave of passion overcame her, causing another moan in pleasure, even louder this time. She heard Shepard's low chuckle once more and smiled up at her.

"You're going to...have to gag me," she gasped, as Shepard's fingers curled inside her once more, finding that same torturous, yet glorious spot that drove wild her body and mind in equal measure. "Oh _God! Yes!_"

Shepard laughed and finally covered Samantha's mouth playfully with her free hand, seeing she couldn't refrain from crying out. Samantha closed her eyes as the Commanders lips sucked gently along her neck. Her erotic and heavily muffled yells against Shepard's palm could still be heard. If anything, the restriction seemed to invigorate her even more.

"Commander, is everything alright I—"

"GODDESS!"

Someone had kicked open the bedroom door. James, along with Liara and Tali, burst in looking for a fight, and his jaw almost hit the floor, seeing Commander Shepard lying across her subordinate with one hand over her mouth and another down her pants. Both Shepard and Samantha jumped and instantly broke apart, readjusting their clothes and covering themselves. Samantha zipped up her trousers and slid out frantically from under the Commander's body, swinging her legs over the bed and wiping her mouth, still tasting a hint of Shepard on her lips. The Commander remained where she was, crouched over the bed, then sat down, giving her crew an apologetic smile.

"Uh...hey, guys!" she greeted them awkwardly, "What's...going on?"

Traynor flattened her hair and tried desperately to hide behind Shepard, unwilling to meet any of the three sets of judgemental eyes upon them, especially not those of Liara. Their audience seemed to have frozen in shock however.

"Fuck..._Uh-hem!"_ James stuttered, clearing his throat and trying not to look directly at them. He actually looked red in the face. "I...Sorry, Commander...We...eh...We heard screaming and thought something was wrong."

"Yes!" Tali chipped in, sounding amused and equally as stunned at the scene."That!"

Liara looked like she had been slapped in the face. Seeing the hurt expression she wore, Samantha cringed and lay her own face against Shepard's back, feeling her sweaty cheeks burn with humiliation.

_Christ almighty! Mortified isn't even the word!_

"Right," Shepard replied with a chuckle, scratching the back of her head and glancing back at Samantha pointedly, "Well, we're fine...Could you, maybe...give us some privacy?"

"Oh!" Liara gasped, instantly jolting out of her state of shock, "O-of course! S-sorry, Commander. We will be outside if you...when you are ready."

"We've... got some leads on your Mercs," Tali said, nodding.

"Great. Give me five minutes."

James looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

"No problem. Sorry, Lola, Tray...See ya!"

He quickly ushered the others out of the bedroom/gym and closed the door behind them. Hearing it snap shut, Samantha exhaled, her face still buried between Shepard's shoulder blades as they sat on the edge of the bed.

"Tell me that didn't just happen," she groaned, hoping she had imagined the whole thing. She felt Shepard shake with laughter then raised her head.

"It happened," the Commander said, turning to face her with an awkward smile. "I guess this was a bad idea. We're never going to get peace with everyone here."

"It's my fault," Samantha apologised with a shy smile, another wave of shame crashing over her, "You told me to be quiet."

Shepard laughed then placed a comforting hand on her cheek, staring into her brown eyes. "It's alright," she whispered sweetly, "I kind of like your little moans of ecstasy. They turn me on."

"Oh, shush!" Sam admonished, brushing her off, humiliated, "Now the entire crew has heard them! Ugh, I am _never_ going to be able to look them in the eye again." To her surprise, the Commander continued laughing. "How can you be so untroubled by this?" she asked in disbelief.

Shepard simply shrugged. "It's not the first time I've been caught in the act," she revealed, sniggering, "Although I really could have down without Liara walking in on us. That's gotta be awkward for her."

"And for you," Sam added.

"Er...Not really," Shepard admitted, "I'm not in love with her anymore, Samantha. I've got you."

"Still, isn't it still a little strange between you two? It wasn't that long ago that I heard you arguing about things. She still loves you, Shepard. I mean," Samantha paused, a realisation coming to her at last, "Do you think... you and she might have gotten back together had it not been for me?"

"Samantha," Shepard sighed, stroking her cheek, her green eyes dancing between either of Sam's brown ones, "We've touched on this before, have we not? I love _you..._Not Liara."

"But—"

"She meant something to me once, but that's _over_," Shepard interrupted, reassuring her. "And yes, to answer your first question, it _is_ still a little strange between us. It may always be so, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tip-toe around her. I'm not embarrassed about being seen having sex with my girlfriend, and I don't feel..._guilty_ that I'm not having sex with Liara instead! Do you hear me?"

"I..." Samantha was stunned by her response. She hoped she hadn't upset her, though judging by the Commander's tone she had a little. "You're right," she said finally, "I'm sorry I keep bringing it up. I guess it's just a little hard to believe that you'd choose someone like me over her. She's...beautiful, and smart and kind and-"

"-has already hurt me more than once!" Shepard interrupted impatiently now, a muscle twitching in her jaw. She groaned, as though angry at herself for her growing temper, and placed a fleeting kiss on Samantha's lips, then got to her feet. She walked a few paces away from her and rested her arm around the hanging punch bag that James had been so fascinated with earlier. She was clearly lost in thought about the past she and the Asari had shared together. Samantha watched her from the bed, wishing she hadn't of said anything at all. Why did she keep seeking reassurances like this? Hadn't Shepard proved her love was genuine more than once?

_Yet Liara's never far from my thoughts. Why though? Balls, if I keep acting like this, I'm going to end up pushing Shepard away._

"Listen," the Commander said finally, turning back to her. Her tone was a tad softer, as though trying not to turn this into another argument. "I know you weren't happy that I chose Liara on that last mission instead of you—"

"-Shepard, that's not what—"

"But it _is_, Samantha! Regardless of how you feel, the simple fact remains," Shepard continued, talking over her, "Liara is part of this crew. She's an experienced field agent. You work in R&amp;D, Sam. And as much as I'd love to have the option to take you on missions with me, you're not a soldier."

Shepard had only spoken the truth, but for some reason it hurt Samantha to hear it being said aloud. Her head dropped and she felt terrible then at putting this extra kind of pressure on her. She was making Shepard chose where there wasn't really a choice to be made.

"I know," Samantha admitted sadly, feeling stupid, "It's just...well, that last mission sounded a lot more like a date to me."

"A date? How many dates of mine do you think result in dead bodies?" Shepard paused then. "Er...Please don't answer that...Look, all I'm saying is, if you thought that was a date then maybe that's your problem, not mine. Why are you trying to make me feel guilty about this?"

"I'm not I—W-well I suppose I am a bit, I—"

"Is it not enough that I tell you I love you?" Shepard pressed on, her frown lines deepening, "Is it not enough that I spend my nights with you, rather than someone I _used_ to love?"

"It is but—"

"Listen to me, Samantha, and listen to me good. There is _nothing_ going on between me and Liara. I mean if you don't get that—"

"Hey, I get that! Alright...?" Sam sighed, wishing she had said nothing at all now. "I get that big time, Shepard, but can you blame me for feeling a little insecure around her?" she asked, trying to defend herself now. She suddenly got the feeling she had stepped over the mark. "I mean the only reason why you broke up in the first place was because she thought you were dead."

"That wasn't the only reason! You don't even know the half of it!"

"It was the main one. Plus, she looks like she should be working at Azure or something, for Christ's sake! How am I supposed to compete with something that?"

"You're not! There _is _no competition. Liara isn't even in my thoughts until you bring her up! God, I can't keep having this same argument," Shepard replied, pulling on the roots of her red hair in frustration. "I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to forget about how much she hurt me and when I finally do, _you_ bring it all up and everything comes rushing back again."

"Well—"

"I don't want to hear it, Samantha!" Shepard snapped, upset at the constant doubts being thrown at her, "It's sounding rather pathetic now...Ok, that was mean. I'm sorry. It's just..." She exhaled loudly, and punched the punch bag beside her, catching it as it swung back towards her. When she spoke again, her voice was barely a whisper. "I don't think you realise how difficult it is for me to think about all that I lost before the Lazarus Project."

Samantha's retort caught in her throat. She took a second before responding, seeing the Commander stare at the ground, resting her head against the punch bag she was holding.

"You're right, Shepard... I don't," Samantha replied apologetically. "Things have been moving pretty fast between us, haven't they? I guess there are... still some things we have to learn about each other."

"And I'd like nothing more, Samantha," Shepard said earnestly, giving her a little smile, "You have no idea how much I wish I'd met you years ago, before this blasted Reaper war. We could have had something really great. I know this isn't an ideal situation, having to work day in day out with my ex. But look, you either trust me or you don't. It's as simple as that. I'm not Elena. I'm not going to do something that horrible to you... Liara's nothing more than a friend to me now." She exhaled, clearly stressed, and ran a hand through her hair again before letting the punch bag go and turning towards the door. "I'm sorry, love, I've got too much going on to deal with this right now. If you're having second thoughts...I mean, just think about it and let me know where you stand. I'll see you later."

Before Samantha could apologise or say anything more on the subject, Shepard had crossed the room and opened the door, disappearing through it and leaving her alone on the double bed where they had been having such fun only moments before. Traynor sighed and cursed herself for opening her mouth.

_Good work, Samantha...You wolly._

* * *

Standing at her terminal in the CIC, toothbrush in hand, Samantha quickly scrolled through the data in front of her. As she had been in the bathroom, about to brush her teeth and turn in for the night, she suddenly remembered she had forgotten to update some of the Normandy's recently repaired defence systems. The ship was eerily quiet, with the rest of the crew either on shore leave, or off helping Commander Shepard find her hacker in the Records Office. Apparently someone was in the middle of stealing her identity right at this very second!

_I hope they catch the bastards and string them up. This is the last thing she should be worrying about._

Thinking back to their brief argument at the Commander's apartment, Samantha cringed once more. Although she was still embarrassed about them being caught having sex by three of the Normandy's crew, she was even more embarrassed for the way she had acted afterwards. The filth that had oozed through her, mixed with shame, had caused her to act like a jealous, insecure piece of work and she had, for some reason, directed this at the Commander in the form of Liara. _I don't know what happened to me, _she thought for the millionth time, _I mean, Liara's practically seen us having sex before in Shepard's head when they Melded. I guess this time it was just a bit too close for comfort, with Vega and Tali in attendance no less. I didn't know what to do._ Making a mental note to apologise to Shepard the next time she saw her, Sam pushed her shame to back of her mind and quickly tried to re-install the Normandy's drive core software that the Alliance techys had just revamped before they left.

Suddenly a bustling crew of armed soldiers entered the Normandy. Shepard appeared to be leading the crowd, with Brooks close by her side. Seeing the Commander was watching her, Sam smiled, getting a cold look in return.

_God, I guess she's still angry with me._

"Alright guys, spread out and get ready to leave. Those assholes are bound to be on our tail. Set up the defences in the CIC and get the Normandy out of dry dock. Now!" Shepard ordered sternly.

Sam looked around at the soldiers, confused. She recognised none of them apart from Brooks.

"Er, Commander? Is everything alright? Why are we leaving? The Alliance techys said repairs aren't finished yet."

Shepard turned to her, her face impassive. She looked at Samantha like she was a stranger.

_When did she change her armor? ...And how? All her stuff is up in her cabin, is it not?_

"You and I need to talk," the Commander ordered, calling the elevator. Confused, Samantha was ushered inside and waited side by side as they made their way up. She glanced at the Commander out of the corner of her eye. Something was different about her. The way she carried herself? _Maybe she's just tired. _The cold stare she had? _Perhaps she's just angry..._No, there was something else different entirely. Something more obvious. As the elevator binged open, Samantha suddenly realised what it was.

"Christ, what happened to your face?" she asked, stunned, taking Shepard in her arms and touching her cheek.

"What do you mean? What's wrong?" the Commander asked, sounding worried. She backed away from Sam's hands, leaning against the wall and staring at her warily, but Traynor persisted. She stroked the Commander's face once more

"Well..._nothing_," Sam replied, bewildered, "That's kind of my point. Your scars have all healed. I can't see your implants anymore!"

"Oh, I...got them fixed," Shepard replied weakly, brushing her off once more and exiting the lift towards her cabin. Befuddled, Sam followed.

"Why? I thought Chakwas offered before and you refused because it wouldn't be permanent? They just split open again, don't they?"

"Don't fucking question me!" Shepard snapped, turning around, her face full of rage. "I'm Commander Shepard. I do what I want, when I want, alright? I don't deserve to be second guessed by a lowly member of my staff."

Sam blanched. "Is that all I am to you?" she asked sadly.

The Commander looked confused. "What? What are you talking about?"

Samantha reached out to her again. "Look, I know you're still angry with me," she said softly, caressing Shepard's unusually smoothe cheek. "Just know that I'm really sorry, darling. I didn't mean to be so inconsiderate. You've been through hell and back and—"

"Get away from me!" Shepard yelled, stepping back away from her.

"What?"

"I don't want you touching my face!"

Sam frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked. _Why is she acting so odd? _"If you're trying to hurt me, it's bloody working."

"Like I give a shit. Keep your hands off me! It's so inappropriate for our working relationship!"

"Well, I think we're well past that point now!" Sam replied, puzzled.

"We are?" Shepard asked, sounding just as confused.

"Er..._Yes!"_ Sam retorted, irritated now. _What the hell happened to her in the last few hours? She's acting like she doesn't know me at all. _"I think it's safe to say when a Commander has sex with her subordinate, the traditional 'working relationship' goes right out the window."

"So we slept together, huh? Shepard scoffed, stroking her chin. "And what do you want from me now, lady? Another fuck?"

"I want my girlfriend back!" Samantha yelled, furious now. "What the hell has happened to you?"

"Nothing," Shepard replied with a sneaky smile, "Shepard—_I_-am fine_. _I think it's about time you leave."

Samantha couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I...alright then, I...guess you just need some space." She turned and walked towards the door. "Let me know when you're not being a complete and utter asshole."

"Excuse me!?"

Samantha gasped as Shepard suddenly grabbed her arms and spun her around forcefully. She slammed her up against the wall, a fury burning in her eyes that Traynor had never seen before.

"Commander!" Sam coughed, trying to struggle free from her vice-like grip, "You're..._hurting _me!"

"Get the fuck off my ship!" Shepard snarled, her face inches away from Sam's.

"W-what!?"

"You heard me!" Shepard yelled, "You're fired!"

"Fired? W-what for?" Sam squeaked. She couldn't believe this was happening.

"For fraternisation and for conduct unbecoming," Shepard growled fiercely. "Now get the hell off my ship, whore! Don't you dare talk to your Commanding Officer like that."

She shoved Samantha towards the door harshly, watching her fall to the ground. Sam bit her lip to stop herself from crying and rushed out of the cabin, hearing the Commander's laughter follow her the whole way to the elevator. When the doors closed, she collapsed to the floor, holding her arm. She was pretty sure she had heard her wrist crack when she fell. _God, I hope it isn't broken. _Sobbing, and wondering what on Earth she had done to warrant such treatment from the woman she loved, Samantha heaved herself to her feet just as the lift opened. Brooks was standing outside, as though having been waiting for her. She was smiling.

"Aw, I just heard," she said, though sounding rather unsympathetic. Even she seemed different here too. Samantha was so confused. "I guess the Commander just needed a new Specialist to shag. I've been promoted it seems."

"Get the hell away from me!" Sam replied angrily.

"Actually I can't," Brooks replied, "I have orders to remove you from this ship, effective immediately."

"Just-Just give me a moment to grab my things!"

But Brooks had other ideas. She seized Traynor by the arms and began dragging her towards the airlock mercilessly.

"Get _off_ me!" Sam yelped, as the soldiers watching began to laugh along with Brooks. As she was pulled past her terminal, Samantha reached out with her good arm and grabbed her toothbrush by the tips of her fingers. She struggled with Brooks all the way, noticing how surprisingly strong the woman was compared to before. _Didn't she spend her time moaning in the Commander's ear every mission? Why's she so ballsy now? _Something was definitely wrong here. _Am I dreaming? Did I fall asleep again? _Why was Sam being treated like the enemy? And where the hell were the rest of the crew?

As soon as they had reached the airlock, Samantha, seizing her moment, stamped on Brooks foot hard and elbowed her in the solar plexus just like Lieutenant Vega had taught her in their training sessions. The woman doubled over, winded.

"ARGHH, you bitch!"

"Keep your filthy hands off me," Traynor snarled smugly. "There's plenty more where that came from."

"Not today!"

Brooks lunged at her unexpectedly and shoved her through the airlock onto the ramp, pressing the button to close it before Sam could do her any more damage. Samantha kicked the door in anger. Fall from relieving her fury however, it just added to her pain.

"Ugh!" she groaned, shaking her head and turning away in defeat. She glanced down at the toothbrush in her hand, the only thing she had left in the world now. Tears welled in her brown eyes once more. How could Shepard have done this to her? "I never...I can't believe she—SHEPARD!?"

Samantha's mouth fell open as Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Vega and Liara came running around the corner, up the ramp, sounding out of breath with guns blazing, fire in their eyes.

"Samantha!" Shepard gasped with relief, "Thank fuck, I thought I'd lost you!"

"What the hell's going on!?" Traynor yelled, believing she was hallucinating.

_How could Shepard get here before me?_

"What happened?" the Commander asked, seeing her holding her swollen wrist, her toothbrush wedged between her fingers for safekeeping.

"You fired me for fraternisation!" Sam shouted, as Liara and James ran past her and began trying to pry open the doors of the Normandy.

"I did?" Shepard asked, "I mean, I _didn't!_"

"But you-How could you—Why did—Do you have any idea-?"

Shepard silenced Samantha with a kiss.

Stunned, Sam fell quiet as the Commander pulled back, resting her fingers gently across her lips.

"Wasn't me. Evil clone."

"Er, when you two have finished?" James said with a smile, before Samantha could respond. "We got a situation over here."

Shepard held Sam's arm and looked deep into her wide, astonished eyes. "Trust me. I'll explain it later, but right now that fucking imposter is about to steal the Normandy. _I'm about to steal the Normandy! _I gotta get aboard. Is there any way to do that from here? They're about to take off."

Liara, James and Shepard were all staring at her expectantly.

_God, talk about pressure!_

"Er, well, there's an emergency hatch here," She pointed to the spot in the middle of the floor, "but that was designed to only open from the inside."

"Damn it!" Shepard cursed, after trying to pry it open with all her strength. James bent down beside her and tried himself, then shook his head in defeat.

"What are we gonna do?"

Traynor flicked on her toothbrush.

Everyone stared up at her.

"Step aside. I can get us in," she said importantly, leaning down and using the toothbrushes tiny Mass Effect fields to break up the locking mechanism. Shepard and the others watched on, bewildered.

"If you'd of told me this morning that a toothbrush was going to save the Normandy, I'd have been very sceptical."

"You can thank me later," Sam joked, pulling at the now open hatch and getting to her feet.

"V_ámonos, _let's do this!" James approved, clapping heron the shoulder in thanks and climbing down into the shaft first, gun at the ready. Liara smiled.

"Thank you, Samantha," she said kindly, before following the Lieutenant. Shepard quickly jumped down into the vent and stared up at Sam.

"Coming?"

Sam shook her head. "What?"

"Are you coming?" Shepard repeated. Sam knew then that she was trying to make up for earlier.

"Nope, I'm not a soldier," she said, repeating Shepard's words earlier that day.

"Samantha..."

"Don't worry. Go save the Normandy. We'll talk later...Be careful."

She smiled at her to show there were no hard feeling, eventually receiving one in return as Shepard did as she was told, closing the hatch and leaving Samantha standing alone on the ramp, clutching her broken toothbrush.


	19. Chapter 19

Traynor smiled as she stared down at Commander Shepard, whose head was resting across her lap where she slept. It had been a very strange day for the Normandy crew. _Well, stranger than usual I mean. _Shepard had fallen through a fish tank, their ship had almost been stolen by a clone of their iconic Commander, and Samantha, against all odds, had saved the day with her toothbrush. It spoke magnitudes of how weird the whole ordeal had been that even the insomnia-ridden Commander Shepard had found the ability to sleep for a few hours.

_Well, it's not every day that you kill yourself and live to tell the tale._

Giggling quietly at her joke, Samantha lay one arm over the back of the large sofa in Shepard's apartment, and continued to comb the Commander's red hair with her fingers, staring down at her peaceful features as she dozed. Her mouth was slightly agape and she was drooling a little over Samantha's military regs, her eyelids fluttering as they usually did while she dreamt. _I wonder what she would have dreamed of before the war, _Sam thought to herself, as she took in the Commander's serene demeanour, something that was indeed a rare sight in recent months. _Probably something of the same...I doubt she's ever had a pleasant night's sleep, at least not any time since the horrible death of her father. _

Just then the door to the apartment swung open. It was Vega.

"Hey Tray, I've been looking all over for—"

"Sssh," Samantha admonished softly. She pointed to Shepard, lying sleeping on her lap. James made a cringing face.

"Sorry," he whispered, entering the sitting area and plunking himself down beside them on the settee. "Well ain't she a pretty picture?" he teased, seeing Shepard was out like a light.

"It was only a matter of time before she succumbed to her exhaustion," Samantha giggled, resuming stroking her hair gently.

"I have to get a photo of this," James chuckled, bringing up the camera on his Omni-tool and holding it up.

"Oh don't! She'll kill me!" Traynor laughed quietly, trying to beat him away. "And you!"

"Ah, come on, Tray! A picture that cute uploaded to the Reaper's systems and this war would be over!" James joked. "Can we just shove a teddy bear under her arm? I've always suspected she keeps one in her cabin."

Samantha fell into a fit of silent giggles at the thought. Shepard stirred a little in her sleep then, exhaling loudly before readjusting her head and dozing back off once more.

"Hey, can I ask you something, Tray?" James continued, when their laughter had subsided.

"Fire away."

"You think this is the real deal between you and Shepard?" he asked, serious then.

Samantha chuckled and stared down into the Commander's face with a smile. "As real as anything I've ever felt in my life," she admitted truthfully, twirling a strand of red hair around her fingers.

"That's great. I'm happy for you," Vega replied sincerely in his gruff voice. "I just hope it works out in end."

"What do you mean?" Samantha asked, frowning slightly, turning to look at him.

"Ah, come on, I didn't mean it like that," James said quickly, realising how sceptical that had sounded. "All I meant was, it's gotta be hard knowing that Shepard may not come out of this alive, you know? I mean, maybe none of us will, right? But you just know that the Commander's going to be in the thick of the action once we head back to Earth. Doesn't that make this kind of like...lining yourself up to get hurt?"

"What if it does?" Samantha replied, her frown deepening further, "Love doesn't diminish when the possibility of a future together looks bleak. If anything it intensifies! I'm not going to abandon her when she needs someone most, Vega...I _love _her."

"I...suppose you're right," James relented, "I-I didn't mean anything by it, Tray...I was just curious, you know?"

"I know," Sam sighed, staring down at Shepard once more, "It's not like I haven't thought about all this myself, but I try not to. It's too painful to imagine my life without her in it."

"Sorry, man...I shouldn't have brought it up," James said gently, patting her shoulder, "You're _mi amiga _though. I felt like I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't...I'm just saying, it must be hard sitting on the sidelines all the time, having to watch the fighting from afar."

"It was in the beginning," Samantha admitted, "but today's events got me realising that that's where I belong."

"What do you mean?" James asked, "I thought you wanted to get in on the action. Wasn't that what I was training you for?"

"It was," Traynor sighed, "But it was foolish...I'm not a soldier, Vega. I wasn't made to...break bricks with my forehead or singlehandedly kick down doors and spray enemies with gunfire."

James laughed, "You know we don't actually do that, right?"

"Shepard does."

"Yeah, well, Shepard's one of a kind," Vega said fondly, grinning down at her. Samantha mirrored him.

"That she is," she whispered, losing herself in the woman's beautifully pale features. A few seconds of silence passed then, with each of them taking a moment to admire their Commander and all of the impossible things she had done, always to save each and every one of them. She never hesitated in the face of evil, never put herself before others. Shepard was an Alliance Marine through and through, a talisman for a universe under siege...And the last hope the Galaxy had to avoid extinction.

"Hey...Can I ask you something else, Tray?"

"Shoot!"

"Why didn't you come with us earlier when we were trying to steal back the Normandy?" Vega asked, "I mean, the Commander offered. And judging by that splint on your wrist, the clone Shepard wasn't exactly kind to you. Why'd you bow out? We could have used you in there."

"Because, James," Samantha said, smiling over at him, "I recently discovered that my fight or flight instinct is geared more towards fleeing than whooping ass."

"But you _do_ kick ass now!" James laughed, "All those moves I taught you? You've been trained by the best! Why let em go to waste?"

"Oh I got a few hits in," Sam teased, winking at him, "Brooks looked pretty taken aback by my moves, you know. If she hadn't closed the airlock on me I'd have knocked that bitch out cold."

"YEAHH! _That's_ my girl!" Vega approved, nodding and holding up his hand to receive a high-five. Samantha obliged, slapping his palm as hard as she could, forgetting Shepard was sleeping.

"Wasssat!" Shepard gasped groggily, jumping up and immediately trying to scramble upright, preparing to be ambushed.

"It's alright!" Traynor hushed quickly, placing a hand on her back, "We're fine...Every thing's fine...Vega and I just got a little too into that moment of bromanship."

Shepard looked behind her, seeing Vega then glanced up at Sam before flopping back down onto her lap once more, exhaling loudly.

"Ughh," she groaned, "Fuck...I was having such a good dream."

"Really?" Samantha asked in surprise, "What was it about?"

"I'll see you two later, huh?" Vega said tactically, before Shepard could respond, bouncing to his feet. "Garrus is waiting for me to try out this new Armax gun-range."

"See you, Vega."

"Later, Lieutenant."

Shepard straightened up into a sitting position beside Samantha and they both gave James a parting wave before he closed the apartment door and disappeared.

"He was just keeping me company while you slept," Traynor said, immediately turning and giving the Commander her full attention again. "So tell me about this dream you had! I'm interested to hear what a good dream sounds like from your point of view."

"Hmm, why don't I just show you instead?" Shepard teased, leaning forwards so that their faces were inches apart. She pushed Traynor backwards playfully and lay her weight down on top of her across the sofa, receiving a giggle in return.

"This is a very good start," Samantha muttered playfully, rubbing her hands along the Commander's back, feeling the smooth material of her grey tank top.

"Mmm, you should see the finale," Shepard whispered, stealing a brief kiss from her lips.

Samantha laughed. "Aren't we going to talk for a bit? You said!"

"Sam, a few hours ago I killed myself...Sort of...It's complicated...There were two of me...You know what, let me start that again," Shepard corrected, screwing up her face in confusion. "Samantha...Today I had the strangest fucking experience of my life. I would prefer not to talk about it as I really don't know where to begin. It involved a clone who-"

"Oh shut _up_," Sam interrupted with a giggle, rolling them over and landing on top of the Commander as they fell onto the floor, wedged in between the chair and the long coffee table. Shepard laughed, taken by surprise.

"Ooo, taking control for a change?" she teased, biting her bottom lip as her mouth curled into a smile.

"Haha, maybe," Sam smirked, kissing her once more, "We're not on your ship any more, Commander. Here, _I'm _in charge...You're just going to have to do what you're told."

Shepard laughed. "Is that so?" she enticed, her emerald eyes flashing seductively as Samantha pinned her hands on the floor above her head, intertwining their fingers together. "In that case, I'm all ears, love. It's your move."

Traynor elicited a shuddering moan or two from Shepard as she hovered above her, their mouths temptingly close yet not quite touching. The warmth of their breaths on the other's face, and the shape of their breasts grazing together slightly was enough to induce a degree of wetness, a fire awakening, beginning to burn in their loins. After an agonising few seconds, Samantha's finally obliged to the Commander's waiting lips and guided her tongue past them, meeting Shepard's in what became a passionate tangle and a sweet, succulent moment all at once. The kiss' intensity crashed over them like waves, lapping against the shores of their arousal. It was juicy and long, delivering a sweet, lingering aftertaste that stayed with Samantha afterwards as she lowered her mouth to explore the soft, scarred skin along Shepard's neck.

Finding the hem of the Commander's vest, she began to pull it up, feeling the woman arch her back encouragingly. Sam broke contact with her warmth momentarily in order to slip her out of it, immediately resuming sucking gently at the little indent alongside Shepard's collarbone. Grateful for the woman's lack of bra, Traynor's hands slid up along the Commander's tense abs, feeling the perfectly toned body, smooth and sensitive despite its obvious strength, the riveting curves displaying plenty of nuance and elegance that defied Shepard's own admission that she was an unemotional, unchallengeable, hot tempered woman. Before taking her round, generous and surprisingly supple breasts in hand, Samantha blindly enjoyed the touch of the beautiful open texture of Shepard's body beneath hers, feeling the taut ripples of the woman's six pack beneath her fingers before her palms covered the Commander's bosom, massaging gently, catching her nipples playfully between her fingers and receiving an approving moan in response.

Eager, yet torturously slow, Samantha's lips traced down along the refined, muscular skin stretched across Shepard's chest and along the curve of her right breast, resting between her cleavage, tasting the salty-sweetness of moisture between them as the woman's arousal burned. Directing her mouth glidingly along Shepard's naked torso, and past her navel, towards the v-lines of her pelvis, Samantha slid herself down until she was in line with the buttoned-up military trousers Shepard was sporting. Traynor's brown eyes glanced up at Shepard, who was staring down at her, her green eyes alight with longing. Pleased to see her lips were having their desired effect so far, Sam grinned up at her seductively, then began to undo the clasp on Shepard's bottoms, still maintaining her agonisingly lengthy pace, hearing a moan of both excitement and impatience from her Commander.

"Samantha..."

Samantha giggled. _Plead all you want, Shepard. We're doing things my way this time._ Slowly and skilfully, she peeled back the clasp of the Commander' trousers and began to tug them down, straightening up so as she could slide them across the woman's fantastic legs and over the tops of her socks. Seeing the lady parts on offer as she parted the Commander's legs, Traynor's stomach did a backflip. She reached down, tracing the small strip of light-brown hair with her fingers.

_She's obviously not a natural redhead. _

After taking a moment to admire the view, Samantha then ducked her head and placed a light kiss on the inside of Shepard's thigh, gradually travelling up towards the crevice at the top and covering the accessible layers of poached peach that was on offer. Focused and persistent, her tongue playfully flicked against the Commander's soft, throbbing centre, over and over, feeling it become tenser with each sip. Shepard arched her hips upwards as intense, full-bodied arousal sent her squirming to get away. She buried her fingers in Samantha's dark brown hair, encouragingly, prompting for her to carry on against the torturous yet glorious sensation that was travelling through her body.

With her own ass arched in the air, Samantha continued to taste the lightly sweet juices the woman had to offer, brushing her tongue against the appealing, riveting tension on display and moving forward through the core with two well-placed fingers… patient though…agonisingly slow...torturously pleasurable, with accuracy that would really be electric once mature. She had a feeling that Shepard wouldn't last that long however. With one hand resting on the Commander's abdomen, Samantha could feel the shivering quivers shooting through her as each new orgasm took hold. Time seemed to have stood still, yet this moment had lasted forever. It was a moment of pure clarity for both of them, a hint of what their first time together should have been like, with no interruptions and no impending doom. As Shepard's moans of delight intensified, she pulled Samantha closer and slipped her hands over the wetness down her pants, repaying the favour before she'd even finished receiving hers. Samantha's own singing voice was tested, as though both were competing for attention on the expressive finish…driven to the brink of their arousal by a depth and intensity that just never seemed to end.

* * *

Sighing, Samantha rested her head across Shepard's bare chest, her left arm wrapped across her midsection, leaving her right one squashed under her for support. The apartment had grown dark around them as she watched her finger trace small circling motions around the Commander's newest scar, just under her shoulder. Their love-making had finally came to a close, as the minutes turned into hours, and neither women had much energy left to do more than catch their breath. Despite the fire having burnt out in the grate, the nakedness of the two women was not disturbed by the growing chill in the air around them, despite the sex-induced sweat having dried into their skin. Wrapped in each other's embrace, they lay on the floor, surrounded by their discarded clothes, still wedged in the small, long space between the table and settee, feeling more content than on any night spent together on the Normandy. Something about being in an apartment seemed...normal. Like they were any other young couple in the universe.

"Mmm...this is nice," Shepard murmured, staring up at the ceiling. She was holding Samantha close, caressing her smooth, swarthy bicep comfortingly.

"It is," Traynor agreed, closing her eyes and snuggling into the Commander's body. "We finally caught a break...God, I wish we could stay like this forever."

"Me too...I'd fight the Reapers with you wrapped around me naked if I could."

Samantha chuckled and raised her head, staring down into her eyes. "Well, darling, if anyone could pull that off..." She kissed her swiftly, "...it's gotta be you."

An impish smile crossed Shepard's lips. "Challenge accepted," she joked, tightening her arms around her. "Of all the beautiful curves on your body though, your smile is my favourite."

As if on cue, Samantha's lips curled into a warm grin. "Is that so? I'd have thought you'd have come up with something much cruder than that."

Shepard laughed. "Oh, don't get me wrong, every part of you is perfection...But the smile is the main thing that gets me through the day...Well, that plus a quick glance at your ass."

"Oh, so close, Commander!" Samantha groaned, rolling her eyes as the woman shook with laughter. "You almost had me fooled into thinking you were a hopeless romantic there."

"Sorry," Shepard apologised, "I couldn't resist...The smile thing's true though...Alhough I may have to buy you a new toothbrush. Yuck!"

Traynor slapped her chest in punishment .She laughed once more and they lost themselves in another passionate kiss for the next few minutes.

"Shall I make us some supper?" Shepard asked, when they finally came up for air, "Chakwas did some shopping earlier. I could rustle up some pancakes."

"Ooo, who'd have thought Commander Shepard was a domestic Goddess?" Traynor teased. Shepard made a face of disgust. Sam giggled. "Just kidding, darling. Pancakes sound good."

She got to her feet and pulled the Commander to hers, receiving another kiss before watching the woman walk towards the kitchen in all her glory. _God, that ass..._Taking a few seconds to admire it, Samantha grabbed the furry throw off the settee and threw it around her own nakedness, before following Shepard into the kitchen and leaning against the marble counter to watch her work.

"There's wine in the cupboard if you want some," Shepard informed her.

"Red?"

"Of course. I'm not a big fan of white wine. Chakwas knows how I roll."

Samantha snorted. "Oh, you _so_ can't pull off that phrase," she teased, bending down to have a look in the bottom cupboard. She jumped, feeling a smack on the arse in response.

"Ow!"

"You deserved that," Shepard teased, holding up the wooden spoon she had been mixing the pancake mix with only moments before.

"You'll pay for that later," Samantha replied cheekily, taking the wine from the cupboard and reaching up to retrieve two glasses from the one above. "Ugh, I've got pancake mix on my bum now!"

Soon the frying pan was sizzling and the last of the pancakes were made. A steaming plate of syrup-covered results lay balanced on the kitchen counter beside two half drank glasses of wine. Shepard scooped up the platter, along with her glass.

"Come on, perky butt, let's see what's on the big screen," she said.

Samantha picked up her glass of wine and the rest of the bottle, following the Commander into the other lounge where the giant television hung from the wall. She plunked herself down on the giant sofa and beckoned Shepard towards her, wrapping them both in the faux fur blanket, then tucking in to the massive pile of pancakes resting beside them.

"Mmm, these are gorgeous!" Samantha exclaimed, as she savoured her first bite while Shepard began flicking through the channels to find something they could watch that wasn't to do with any Reaper war or suffering refugees. She settled for an Earth based wildlife programme that had clearly been recorded before the war, then turned her attentions back to Samantha with a smile.

"Vega taught me on the Normandy," she admitted, "They're more crepes that pancakes, but it's all the same to me."

"I used to buy these from street vendors all the time when I lived in Spain," Traynor admitted, taking a sip of her wine to wash it down then. As she went to reached for another one, her injured wrist seared painfully, making her gasp.

"Are you alright?" Shepard asked, concerned.

"Fine," Sam grimaced. "Between this and that black eye from Vega I'm picking up more injuries than the soldiers now."

"Here, let me see," Shepard said kindly. She wedged her glass of wine between her knees for safe keeping then took Samantha's hand in hers, carefully undoing the splint around her arm and sliding it off. It looked swollen and red. With expert precision, Shepard pressed certain parts with her fingers, feeling for any breaks.

"I think it's just a bad sprain," she told Traynor then, who was gritting her teeth in pain. "I can't feel any broken bones."

"Can you do something? It's bloody killing me now," she groaned. Clearly, using that hand as a sex tool so soon after the initial injury, was taking its toll. Shepard's response surprised her, as she hadn't expected there to be a cure. The woman began to gently massage the swollen skin, relaxing the muscles and soothing the tension in Samantha's joints.

"Better?" Shepard asked, after a minute or so.

Samantha nodded, "Keep going," she encouraged, "It's helping...God, where did you learn how to do this?"

"From Sha'ira the Consort."

Samantha snorted with laughter. "You're kidding!" she exclaimed.

Shepard shrugged, unashamed. "Hey, it was a difficult fight against Saren!" she said defensively, with a wicked smile, "I had to visit her on business and she...well, she kind of had her way with me. I didn't object...naturally...and before I knew it I was walking out of there with a smile on my face and a pain-free body. The woman's a miracle worker!"

Samantha couldn't stop laughing. "Oh Lord, you can't be serious! An Asari prostitute taught you how to heal sprains with your finger tips?"

Shepard chuckled. "Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it...Hmm, maybe we should go together sometime," she teased with a wink.

"I don't think so, sweetheart," Sam cringed, sniggering, "I don't think I could handle seeing you in another woman's arms."

"Yeah, good point," Shepard replied, raising Samantha's now pain free wrist and placing a kiss on the back of her hand, "I'm more than happy just staying in yours."

Samantha smiled and lost herself in Shepard's eyes, marvelling in their beauty, even in the dim lighting of the lounge. "You know, darling, "she began, while playing with the ends of Shepard's hair at the nape of her neck, "I think this is the best night we've ever spent together."

"So far," Shepard corrected.

"True...I forgot you had a hot tub."

The Commander chuckled. "There's no _way _you're going to get me into that!" she refused point-blankly.

"Want to bet?" Samantha challenged, smirking.

"It's not going to happen, love. I'm just not a fluffy bubbles and pink champagne kind of girl."

Samantha gasped. "Pink champagne! What a great idea!"

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Ah fuck, why did I mention that?"

Traynor laughed. "I warn you, Commander, I have my ways. If not tonight, you'll be stripped naked and in that hot tub the next time I come over, mark my words."

"Ooo, is that a threat, Specialist?" Shepard teased.

"More of a promise," Sam replied.

"Well, in that case I'll have to give you a spanking or two to make up for it."

"Oh, now you're talking," Traynor chuckled, giving her a peck on the lips. She finished the last of her wine and the Commander did the same. Samantha lay back on the sofa then, resting her head on a cushion and supporting Shepard's weight as she lay down on top, pulling the blanket over them both once more. The two of them sighed with contentment, thawing into the other's embrace, their bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces. Soon their eyes grew heavy and before either of them knew it, the low flashing lights of the television mixed with the influence of the wine had lulled their tired eyes into a gentle sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Hey guys, sorry for the wait with this chapter. Thank you for all the reviews so far and continued support. Hope you enjoy the latest installment ;)**_

* * *

Samantha's lips instantly curled into a smile as her Omni-tool began to ring, showing Commander Shepard's name beside the small, circular flashing orange light. Feeling her heart flutter, the Comm Specialist walked away from EDI and the other engineers who were working with her on the Normandy's repairs and exited the engine room. She waited until the door had slid closed behind her, blocking out the hum of the heavy machinery inside and listening ears nearby, before answering.

"Hey," Shepard's smoothe cadence sounded. "Where'd you go?"

"Hi, darling. I'm on the Normandy right now. Sorry, I got called away at the crack of dawn this morning," Traynor replied, leaning over the metal rails of the engineering floor where the Commander had found her hamster running around, feeling her heart warm at the sound of Shepard's voice again, hearing her soothing tone. "Adams needed my help on the repairs. He couldn't do it alone."

"Oh...Remind me to kill Adams next time I see him then," Shepard joked, "I was looking forward to waking up beside you for once."

"I know," Samantha lamented, remembering how difficult it had been to get dressed this morning, leaving the ever-inviting warmth of Shepard's body behind. The night before had been magical, a much-needed Godsend after the hectic last few months they had been through. Once she had donned her military regs (after finding them scattered all over the living room floor) , Samantha had tucked the Commander in with the fur blanket that they had fallen asleep wrapped up under, and kissed her on the head before leaving. "I was looking forward to it too, Shepard. I left you breakfast. Did you find it?"

"Yeah, thanks. I guess I'm not the only domestic goddess around here."

Traynor chuckled. "It was only egg and toast, sweetheart. I'm certainly no chef."

"Nah, but you do know how to hit the spot...In more ways than one," the Commander replied cheekily. Sam bit her bottom lip and let out a little chuckle.

"You weren't so bad yourself," she teased, remembering vivid moments from the night before and feeling every inch of her core tingle with anticipation.

'_Wow' doesn't even come close to describing that sex!_

"I try," Shepard said, sounding smug, "I missed you this morning though. Kind of put a dampener of the whole thing waking up and finding you gone again."

"I'm _so_ sorry I wasn't there," Samantha said sincerely, hearing the disappointment in Shepard's tone of voice and knowing how much she had wanted to stay herself. Nights like that didn't come around very often for either of them, but still the war efforts had to take priority, much to both woman's dismay. "I was going to suggest someone else here in my place but Hackett called me personally and requested my help with a Crucible matter as well. I couldn't rightly say no."

"I understand," Shepard replied sadly, "I just missed you. I haven't slept that well in a very long time. Being near you kind of...helps me relax...and forget."

At this Samantha beamed. "I'm so glad to hear it," she whispered, feeling her heart fill with joy. For a while there she had been worried that her presence was contributing to the Commander's constant insomnia. _It's nice to know I'm having an opposite effect however._ "Once this bloody war is over we'll have plenty more nights like that one, Shepard, I promise."

"Samantha...I'm not—"

"Don't you dare say it!" Traynor interrupted sternly, glancing down at her Omni-tool, knowing what Shepard was thinking. "You're going to win this, darling. All these nights spent apart for the war effort will be worth it in the end, mark my words...and then we'll have forever together."

"I hope you're right," a sceptical Shepard responded grimly. "And forever would be great, really great...but right now I'd settle for just one morning waking up and not finding myself alone."

Samantha sighed, feeling a little guilty then. She silently cursed Engineer Adams and Admiral Hackett for dragging her away from her love at such a precious moment. Today should have been about them, about their relationship, not the war, not the crucible, not the damn Normandy and its retrofits.

"Well, I'm sure that can be arranged," Samantha said with a smile, after a moment of silence, "I really _am _sorry, Shepard. I was actually looking forward to lying about, naked on the couch with you all day. It would have been the perfect end to such a lovely evening, wouldn't it?"

"Hey, it's alright," Shepard giggled, reassuring her in her calming voice once more, "Like you said, I'm sure we'll have another night like that again...You know, in another few months assuming we survive that long?"

Samantha chuckled quietly, hearing Shepard's sarcasm. "Or how about tonight instead?" she suggested, "I'm off the clock at five and I was thinking about checking out Silversun Strip. I hear it's all the rage these days. Could be fun!"

"Hmm, that does sound tempting," Shepard replied, sounding like she was stretching lazily, "And you still owe me a date...Alright, what the hell. Let's do it!"

"Great! I'll meet you at Castle Arcade about half five? I'll need to wash up after work. I'm afraid I'll be covered head to toe in engine grease before the day is through."

"Ooo, stop! You're turning me on."

"Oh? Well, if that's the case I might just come straight from work," Sam chuckled.

"I'm coming right now," Shepard joked.

Samantha sniggered, feeling her arousal burn once more. _God, she's such a bloody tease! I can't wait to get back to her. _"You're so naughty, sweetheart," she giggled, "Anyway, all jokes aside...half five then? We can go spend some of my hard earned creds. I feel like spoiling you for a change."

"I'll be there," the Commander replied happily.

"You'd better...Oh, and speaking of spending credits, what's this I hear about you having a party later tonight?" Traynor asked, amused, "EDI's really buzzing about it. She hasn't shut up all morning. Apparently she thinks she's going to get Joker up to dance."

Shepard laughed. "Good luck to her," she joked, "And the party was Joker's idea, not mine. I'd much prefer to just have you over and re-enact scenes from _last_ night."

Samantha giggled, feeling her cheeks redden as certain images flashed through her mind of a particularly sexual nature. "It _was _amazing, wasn't it?" she whispered, breathless even just thinking about it. Her eyes glazed over, fondly recollecting every touch, every kiss, every little moan of ecstasy that had escaped her lips with the Commander's encouragement.

"Meh, I've had better."

"Hey, watch it!" Samantha scolded, as Shepard's cheeky laugh echoed over the Omni-tool. "Or you'll be the one getting a spanking next, not me."

"Ooo, shall I have the wooden spoon ready for when you get here then?" the Commander teased.

Samantha's musical laugh reverberated around the Engineer Deck hallway. Afraid to be caught skiving, and wanting to get further out of earshot as this conversation took a turn for the risqué, she exited to where the elevator was based and looked through the window, down into the shuttle bay, where Cortez was working on the Kodiak.

"You're going to get me into trouble, Commander," she muttered seductively, glancing over her shoulder in case EDI or Adams had come looking for her yet.

_Of course, EDI can probably hear every word we're saying already. She's getting better at this privacy thing though, I must say._

Shepard giggled.

"Then maybe I should say something _really _dirty," she teased.

"Don't you dare!" Samantha scolded, feeling her emotions run wild at the thought. "I'm already considering ditching work to come and find you. Quantum Entanglement just doesn't seem to have the same appeal today as it usually does."

"I dare you," Shepard enticed.

Samantha groaned. "Oh, why are you doing this to me? I can't! Hackett would have my head if I left early."

"You know what I'm wearing... right now?" Shepard muttered temptingly.

Samantha's breath caught.

"W-what...?"

"Ab...solutely...nothing..."

Traynor's mouth watered. "N-nothing?" she stammered, eyes wide.

_Christ! I'm sweating!_

"That's right," Shepard murmured over the Comm line. "I may even...jump in the shower for a bit... I feel a little...dirty."

Samantha's brain exploded.

_Showers and naked ladies! Blast it, my two favourite things!_

"You are _so_..." Words failed her to describe how agonisingly tempting Shepard was being right now. "Ugh! You do realise I have like six hours of work left? How am I ever going to concentrate after _that _mental image_?"_

Shepard laughed then. "Well, I do rather have that effect on people," she teased, "Hey, who knows? Maybe if you're lucky, I'll send you a quick preview. Keep your Omni-tool on."

The wicked smile on Samantha's face grew wider then. "Oooo you'd better. You're going to be in _big_ trouble when I get out of here, you know. I think this is the cruellest thing you've ever done to me."

The Commander laughed once more. "Hey, what can I say? Shore leave seems to suit me. It's not often I get to walk around naked in my apartment... Actually, come to think about it, I can't remember the last time I even had an apartment."

"Really? So...what are you doing now?"

"Pouring myself another glass of wine in the kitchen," Shepard said matter-of-factly. She sounded so happy, as though this shore leave business was just what the doctor ordered. "I think I could get used to all this free time. Being naked is quite liberating."

"Is that so?" Samantha laughed, glad to hear that the Commander was finally enjoying some downtime. _She definitely deserves it. This war has had her against the rails for years before it even officially started. _Traynor leaned her forehead against the glass in front of her and sighed contentedly, returning Cortez's wave as he looked up and noticed she was watching him. "Are you going to wear something special for me tonight? I'd love to see the legendary Commander Shepard in a dress finally."

"A dress? To an arcade?" the Commander laughed, "I don't think so, love."

Traynor chuckled. "I meant at the party, darling. I'm sure everyone's going to be dressed up. The way things are going, and how fast the repairs are coming along, we could be back on the Normandy by tomorrow morning. It'd be a shame to miss the opportunity to go all out and have a ball."

"Oh...uh, maybe?" Shepard replied, sounding rather hesitant. "I guess I could double back to my cabin and pick up some-AGHHHHH SHIT!"

There was a scream followed by the sound of breaking glass and another person's muffled voice echoing over the Comm line.

"Shepard? Shepard, what's wrong!?" Samantha gasped worriedly, clutching her chest.

_"...Commander S-shepard!?"_

_"...WHAT THE—WHO LET YOU IN HERE?"_

_"...T-the door was open..."_

There was a loud thud in the background then and the Commander's sigh sounded over the Omni-tool.

"Shepard, what's going on? Talk to me!" Sam pressed desperately, holding her Omni-tool close to her mouth, her heart beating erratically.

"Fuck!" Shepard cursed from the other end, her voice becoming clearer and louder again. "Little bastard scared the shit out of me!"

"What happened, darling? Are you alright?"

"Samantha? You there?"

"I'm here!" Traynor responded. "What happened?"

"Shit, I gotta call you back... I accidentally flashed the pizza delivery guy. He's fainted...Fucking Volus."

At this Traynor burst out laughing.

"Are you...are you serious?" she giggled hysterically, sweeping away the anxiety from her forehead, "Oh my God!"

"I'll see you at 5:30," Shepard groaned, hearing her laughter. "Love you."

"I love you too," Samantha tittered, holding her ribcage. "See you later!"

When the connection went dead, Samantha doubled over with a fit of giggles. _Oh Christ! That poor Volus! I guess Shepard's body really is as breathtaking as they say._ Still chuckling, Traynor wiped her eyes and turned back towards the engineering room then, ready to get back to work.

* * *

_Come on, Sammy. Think! Think! You can't let T'Suzsa win this time!_

A thin layer of sweat broke out on Samantha's tanned forehead as she glanced down at holographic the Kepesh-Yakshi pieces on the interface in front of her.

"Would you like to just give me your frigates now?" T'Suzsa drawled, smiling across the board at her. Traynor's eyes twitched angrily. She hated that woman. _Always with the gloating, T'Suzsa. _"After all, I always take them sooner or later."

The crowd, who had gathered on the Arcade balcony to watch, turned to Samantha, waiting for her response. _Smack talk isn't really my thing though. Concentrate, girl! We can do this!_

"I'm only going to say this once, Traynor. My shower... is for winners."

Samantha gasped as Shepard's voice whispered in her ear. She turned to her right to find the woman hovering over her shoulder and received a kiss from her before she could respond.

"Shepard? What are you-Oh crap, we were supposed to meet at half!" she remembered, wondering how she could have forgotten. Strategy games were so addictive though. She'd completely lost track of time. Thankfully, Shepard didn't seem angry.

"It's alright," the Commander replied with a smile, "I'll wait for you to finish. Kick her ass."

At this Samantha grinned and gave her a nod. "Alright...She's going down."

She turned back to the game, where T'Suzsa was waiting for her to take her turn and cracked her knuckles, stretching out her fingers then beginning to work. She wriggled out the kinks of tension in her neck and felt Shepard's hands on her shoulders, giving her a few massages of support. As one of Sam's frigates was shot out of the sky by the Asari's, she yelped loudly, receiving a shock through her control pad. T'Suzsa started up her smack talk again.

"So much for your frigate," she scoffed. "Neural feedback. It disincentivizes sacrificing pieces casually. A few more centuries, Traynor, and you might provide a challenge. You're not yet half as good as any of the students I mentor though. You must not have much time to practise now, what with living on that warship. _I'm_ able to-"

"Are you able to shut the fuck up?" Shepard interrupted on Samantha's behalf.

The entire crowed turned to look at her, but the Commander didn't seem to care. Traynor chuckled as she set up her next moves.

"Excuse me?" T'Suzsa exclaimed, taken aback, "I—"

"You're boasting, trying to distract you opponent," Shepard interrupted again, before the cocky Asari could continue he big rant. "You know, Specialist Traynor here helped us take down Cerberus. We're preparing out final assault thanks to her efforts. Meanwhile, the Asari homeworld is being torn apart by Reapers, and while your Councillor begs me to intervene, _you_ sit around teaching kids how to play strategy games."

"Oh I'm sure Traynor's a wonderful serviceman," T'Suzsa replied, unperturbed by Shepard's jibes, "But she just lost her last frigate."

Samantha sucked her finger after getting shocked again. "Trade her last frigate actually," she corrected, smiling across at her opponent, "For _your_ homeworld!"

T'Suzsa watched in dismay as Traynor played her last move and her homeworld exploded in front of her eyes. The Asari yelped in surprise as the game interface shocked her, sending strong waves through her body and paralysing her as she tipped off her chair and onto the floor. The crowd of observers immediately began to clap and Samantha jumped up, punching the air as she spun around to face Commander Shepard.

"Yes! Take that, T'Suzsa!"

Shepard laughed. "Nice job, Specialist. We'll definitely hit the showers later to celebrate."

"Or the hot tub," Samantha teased. They both chuckled. "Thanks, Commander," she said then, as the crowd began to disperse after the show, leaving them alone on the balcony together. She reached out and placed a hand on Shepard's cheek, staring deep into her green eyes as the woman slipped her arms around her waist, pulling her close. "I'm so sorry I forgot about our date. I only entered the contest on a whim. I thought I'd be eliminated in the first round...God, I must be the worst girlfriend ever!"

Shepard smiled and brushed away a lock of Samantha's brown hair, tucking it behind her ear. "You're not," she assured her, "But if you're still guilty you can make it up to me later."

Samantha giggled, "Oh, I intend to," she smiled, their lips gradually getting closer. As soon as she tasted the Commander on her tongue, a burning desire rose within Traynor and for a moment she forgot they were standing in a public place, very much in full view of the entire arcade. Only when a few Krogan's whistled nearby did she come back to her senses and break away, having wrapped herself around her in a way deemed unfit for public.

"Wow," Shepard breathed, as the full effect of Samantha's hungry kiss overcame her, "What'd I do to deserve that?"

Samantha giggled and brushed the Commander's bottom lip playfully with her finger. "Just giving you a little taste of what I have in store for you tonight," she teased.

"Oh no you don't. Tonight _I'm_ on top," Shepard insisted with a grin. "I had a little something in mind for after the party."

"Ooo" Samantha crooned, "Well in that case, I guess I'm going to have to treat you a little now instead."

She stole another quick kiss before pulling away then taking Shepard's hand in hers and leading them towards the stairs.

"Don't forget your trophy, Ma'am!"

Traynor turned back to find a Salarian adjudicator standing behind her, holding out a rather large crystal trophy.

"Thank you!" she gushed, her face turning red with embarrassment. She took the trophy and looked up at Shepard. "Christ, it's pretty big! Where the hell am I going to put this on the Normandy?"

"You can stick it in cabin if you want," Shepard replied.

Samantha laughed. "Are you sure you've got the room among all your model ships?" she teased.

"Hey!" Shepard said, mildly offended, "I got kind of lonely when I was working with Cerberus to take down the Collectors. Making those little model ships helped pass the time...and I kind of grew attached to them."

At this Samantha's heart melted. "Aww, you're just a big softie inside, aren't you?"

The Commander snorted. "You won't be saying that later tonight, sweetheart."

"God, should I be worried?" Samantha joked.

Shepard laughed. "Come on," she said, taking her free hand and beginning to walk, "Let's go play some games. I haven't been to an arcade since I was little. Bet I could still kick your ass though!"

"Or you're on!" Samantha replied excitedly, allowing the Commander to lead her down the curved staircase to the lower level. "How about that one? Hey, look. Isn't that your friend Jacob?"

Seeing the familiar chiselled figure of Jacob Taylor, surrounded by a bunch of teenagers asking him for more credits, Commander Shepard groaned.

"Ugh, yeah, you're right," she said hesitantly, "Quick, let's go back up before he sees us."

She turned on the stairs and ran up them again, dragging Samantha with her.

"What was that about?" Traynor asked, confused when they reached the top. "I thought you'd have liked to have seen him."

"I've nothing against him," Shepard laughed, "We'll just see him later tonight at the party. I want to spend some time alone with you. God knows we won't once we get back on the Normandy again, and with the rest of the crew showing up tonight we won't get much time to ourselves either."

"I suppose you're right," Samantha said, grateful then for the Commander foresight.

"I am," Shepard smiled, throwing her a wink, "Now let's just-"

"FUCKING BASTARD OF A MACHINE! WORK YOU FUCKER, WORK!"

"Zaeed?"

Commander Shepard led the way towards a claw machine filled with prizes.

"YOU'RE MINE, YOU BASTARD! GODDAMN IT!" Zaeed sighed and ran his hands over his face. "Over here, Shepard. This thing is fucking impossible."

"What are you doing?" Shepard laughed, after raising an eyebrow at Samantha. They both closed in on either side of Zaeed and stared through the glass, to where the claw was swinging back and forth after Zaeed's latest try.

"Some kid asked me to do it. Snivelling brat. Was spending all his credits. It looked simple enough but...UGH, FUCK IT!" Zaeed growled, slamming the glass as he lost again.

"Where's the kid now?" Shepard asked, seeing none around.

"What do I care?" Zaeed snapped, starting another go. Samantha sniggered. She could see Shepard was also trying hard not to laugh. Zaeed glanced at her. "What are you laughing at, darling?"

"I...just never thought I'd see a tough Merc such as yourself pinning for a cute cuddly pink unicorn," Samantha joked.

Shepard chuckled.

"Fuck off," Zaeed replied, not giving a damn. When his turn ended empty again he turned to the Commander. "Got any credits, Shepard?"

"Are you serious?" Shepard laughed, "You still owe me a hundred after our bet on the Suicide Mission. Besides, isn't there something better we could do? I haven't seen you in fucking forever."

"What could possibly be better than Zaeed Massani not getting bested by a fucking kid's game?" Zaeed grunted.

"You really want one of those plushy toys," Shepard laughed. "Why don't you let my girlfriend try instead?"

"Girlfriend?" Zaeed turned to look at Samantha properly then, staring her up and down, making her blush. He chuckled. "Fuck me, Shepard. You sure can pick 'em. She Miss Universe or something?"

The Commander laughed. "Actually she's Alliance. Works on the Normandy with me."

"Not bad. Beauty and brains! Let's see what she's got then. Go for that fucking green one, girl," Zaeed said, pointing at his intended target before moving aside and letting Samantha step up. She received a reassuring smile from Shepard then covered the controls with her hand as the Commander put in the credits. The claw began to move and picked up the green hologram that held a fluffy pink unicorn. It dropped it into the prize zone and the machine erupted in musical victory music.

"Agh, beginners luck! It's obviously rigged somehow," Zaeed huffed, as Samantha cheered and high-fived Shepard. After kissing her in celebration, Traynor reached down and grabbed the toy. She chucked it at the Merc.

"There you go, tough guy. So you don't lose face," she teased.

"Watch it, gorgeous. I ain't in the mood," Zaeed grumped. "I'm going to hunt down the fucking inventor of this game, rip off his head and shit down his neck! Come on, let's get out of here before I break that claw in two."

Shepard and Samantha giggled and followed after him. He chucked the toy at an Asari waiting by the wall ("Here you go, sweetheart") and walked on.

"Oh, you were getting that for 'some kid', huh?" Shepard teased, as they exited the Castle Arcade. Zaeed grinned.

"Like you ain't fucking tried that old trick to get into someone's knickers before," he joked. The Commander sniggered and rested her arm around Samantha's shoulder as they came to a standstill outside.

"You got me," Shepard chuckled, "Luckily this time it happened naturally...Anyway, now that you seem to be free enough to play kids games, how about joining the Normandy crew again?"

"Can't, Shepard. Got a few jobs and things lined up. I'll be on Earth soon though, wouldn't miss that for any contract in the universe."

"Got time for one last party at least?" Samantha asked, "The Commander's throwing one in her new apartment tonight. All the crew will be there. You should join us."

"You know what, darling? I might just do that," Massani replied, "Cheers for the invite."

"Great! I'll add the address to you Omni-tool," Shepard said, sending a message with her own. "Done."

"Nice one," Zaeed said with a smile, checking to see if he'd received it then turning his Omni-tool off, "Gotta run, Shep. Catch you and this pretty little thing later then."

"He name's Samantha," Shepard replied, grasping his hand and gesturing to Traynor with the other. Zaeed inclined his head towards her in greeting.

"A pleasure, darling."

"Likewise. See you at the party, Zaeed," Sam replied with a smile.

"See ya."

When he had walked away, Samantha turned to Shepard and smiled.

"Charming bloke!"

"He's as hard as nails," Shepard agreed, watching after him, "But he's loyal. He had my back during the fight against the Collectors."

"I can see that...Anyway, we've still got an hour of two to kill before the party. What do you want to do?"

"Hmm, fancy hitting up the casino?" Shepard asked, looking up at the massive, lit-up building interestedly, "Seeing as you didn't get to go last time?"

Traynor smiled and followed her gaze. "Great idea! Did I mention I'm a dab hand at poker?"

Shepard chuckled and pulled her close, placing a kiss on the side of her head affectionately, before the two of them began walking towards the lively casino, as though they were just two ordinary people. _If life is like this for us after the war, _Samantha thought to herself with a smile, stealing a quick glance up at Shepard's beautiful, relaxed features, _then I'm going to be one incredibly lucky girl._


	21. Chapter 21

"Wooo! Shots all round! _Chupitos! _Let's get a photo!" Vega howled, "Everybody yell tequila!"

"TEQUILAAA!"

Glyph snapped the shot as Shepard climbed on Vega's back and thrust horns up at the camera with her hands like a rock star as the others crowded in for the picture beside them. Samantha almost sunk under the weight of the Lieutenant's muscled arm around her neck.

"UH-OH! I think Shepard's drunk again!" Cortez yelled. Everyone erupted in laughter as the Commander slid off Vega's broad frame and downed another shot of tequila he handed her.

"Hell yeah!" Jack said, fist bumping her when she had finished, then resting her arm over her shoulder. "You're fucking nuts, Commander, and that's why I love you."

"Oy, watch it!" Samantha joked, "She's already got a girlfriend, lady."

"Haha! Oh yeah? I'll fight you for her," Jack offered teasingly, holding up a biotic ball in her other hand threateningly, "Come on, fucktard. I'll give you a good fisting!"

The inebriated Normandy crew cheered, egging them on. Samantha almost shat herself.

"Hey, that's my job!" Shepard said wickedly, digging Jack in the ribs. She slipped out from the heavily tattooed arm around her and placed her hands on either side of Samantha's waist, walking her backwards and pressing her up against the fridge before catching her in a deep, passionate kiss in front of the entire crew. Samantha's breath was taken away, and truth be told, she was a little ashamed at the soft moan which escaped her as the wolf whistles and laughter started. Yet the kiss was so demanding, so intense, that she couldn't break away even if she had wanted to.

_Which I don't!_

"Get a fucking room!" Jack booed, making the others chuckle, "Keep your hands where we can see them, Shepard!"

Shepard retracted her hands from Sam's ass and lifted them into the air as though at a hold up, while her tongue still busied itself with Samantha's. Finally she finished the kiss, allowing Traynor to catch her breath as her heart threatened to escape her chest. Samantha brought a hand to her forehead and exhaled, feeling herself flushed with both embarrassment and arousal.

_She certainly knows how to catch me off guard._

Smiling, Shepard winked at her as Samantha bit her lip, still tasting her there. The Commander turned back to the others, resting her arm around Samantha's shoulder then as Jack had done with her before.

"So, still whoring around then, Shepard?" Jack teased, smirking at her, standing among the others with her arms folded, drink in hand.

"Yep, fucked your mother last week," Shepard joked.

Jack's mouth fell open. "Cunt! I'd slap you for that but I wouldn't want to get slut on my hand."

"Why not? You already have it all over your outfit."

Samantha sniggered as everyone laughed at Shepard's nonchalant comeback and stared at Subject Zero's clothes (or lack thereof). Jack pursed her lips and raised her middle finger as the Commander took a sip of Samantha's drink, looking incredibly cool as she did so.

_She just oozes attitude._

"Well played. Still got that big mouth on you, huh?" Jack approved, "That's why we get along I guess! Can't shut _us _punks up!"

"Hell yeah," Shepard said, throwing her a wink and clinking the glass in her hand against Jack's.

"Goddess knows, we've tried," Liara giggled.

"Honestly, you two are about as subtle as a bomb," Miranda chipped in, making the others laugh once more.

"Hey, back up, Cerberus Cheerleader!" Jack said angrily, her body covered in a sudden biotic charge. "The blue babe can say whatever she wants, but me and you got a problem."

"Ugh, if I throw a stick for you will you leave?" Miranda replied, rolling her eyes.

"Is it the stick that's wedged up your ass?"

"Alright! Alright!" Shepard intervened, releasing Samantha and quickly stepping in between them as Jack tried to square up to her. "Can't you two just kiss and make up already?"

"Hell, I'd like to see that!" James laughed.

"_Fuck_ that!" Jack snarled, sniggering at James' reaction, "I'd rather kiss your hairy ass, Vega."

Shepard chuckled. "Really, Jack? I thought you only sucked dick with those lips."

"O—KAYYY! I think I've had enough of this good-natured ribbing," Samantha said, beginning to leave the kitchen area. "These jokes are getting a bit too extreme for an Oxford girl like me."

Shepard looked at Jack and rolled her eyes comically. "Lesbians," she joked pointedly. Jack snorted into her drink. Laughing loudly, a few of the others followed suit, walking towards the living room and lounge, Miranda among them. Clearly she couldn't wait to get away from Jack.

_Which is probably a good thing. The two best biotics humanity has to offer throwing down together? That fight that would demolish half this apartment...and I still haven't gotten to try out the hot tub yet._

As Samantha walked over to the bar she yelped in surprised as Shepard ran up behind her and flung her arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground playfully.

"Ahh! Put me down!" Samantha giggled, squirming to get free. "Everyone's looking at us!"

"So?" Shepard chuckled. She lowered her back onto her feet anyhow, placing a wet kiss on her neck and walking with her to the drinks counter. "We're on shore leave. Oh, wait a second!"

Surprised, Sam watched the Commander walk to the sofa and scoop something small up into her hands. Only when Shepard was back by her side did she realise what it was.

"You brought your hamster to a party?" she giggled.

"Of course!" Shepard exclaimed, "The little dude has had a rough time of it. That fucking clone wrecked his house and chucked him in the trash! I couldn't just leave him there alone...And I couldn't leave him on the chair either ,because Wrex almost sat on him earlier, and Grunt wanted to salt and pepper him for lunch."

Traynor covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing as her heart melted. "Oh God, you're so cute!" she giggled, seeing Shepard placed a little kiss on the hamster's fur. "What's he called?"

"_Pelota_," the Commander chuckled, "Vega renamed him when I returned to Earth after defeating the Collectors and the Alliance took my ship. It's Spanish for 'Ball' apparently. He looked like a little ball of fluff when I got him so it kind of stuck... I used to just call him Spaceman."

Samantha giggled and reached out to pet the little ginger hamster as the Commander put him in the hood of her N7 jacket.

"He's lovely. Look how he just sits there! It's like he's trained," she said, surprised. She had never seen a hamster as docile.

"Yeah, he loves being high up...Anyway, enough about him. What cocktail are you going to make me?" Shepard asked, as they began walking to the bar. She stopped at the selection of drinks, resting her hand along the top of Samantha's ass as both of them check out what was on offer.

"Hmm, how about a Godfather?" Sam said, smiling at her.

"Sounds good! What's in it?" Shepard asked interestedly, drum rolling on the counter excitedly.

"All you need to know is it has whiskey," Samantha giggled, "Just let me worry about the rest."

Shepard chuckled and walked around the other side of the bar, sitting herself down on one of the stools to watch her work. Samantha remembered back to her student days of working in a bar, mixing cocktails. Like the pro that she was, she threw her ingredients together with style and shook them up, flailing the cups as she did so before pouring the Godfather into a large jug and adding some ice. She then poured the Commander a glass and popped a little umbrella in. Shepard smiled at her.

"Impressive!" she approved, taking a sip of the light brown liquid. "God, it's pretty potent! Hey guys! Come try this!"

Vega, Joker, Miranda, Jacob and Cortez approached the bar with a curious EDI in tow and Samantha served them drinks. There was silence as they all tried the Godfather, then:

"Mmm!"

"Nice!"

"Good work, Tray!"

"Eh...Is there whiskey in this?"

Everyone turned to look at Joker, who had suddenly gone green.

"A little," Shepard laughed. "Why?"

"Actually...a lot," Sam cringed, realising almost the entire bottle was gone. She had put very little mixture in along with it. "Are you alright?"

"Ugh...I... think I'm gonna throw up," Joker replied, dropping his glass and rushing off to the bathroom, holding his stomach.

"Interesting," EDI said, tilting her head as she observed him, "I think I will join him. This is a valuable human experience that I cannot afford to miss."

"You wouldn't say that if you could smell it," James joked.

The others laughed and watched a curious EDI follow after the drunken Flight-Lieutenant.

"Actually, EDI can smell," Miranda informed him, "She just doesn't have the database as a way to distinguish between a nice smell and an unpleasant one."

"Good thing too. I think he's going to be in there for a while," Shepard chuckled. "Anyway, let's stop talking about Joker throwing up before I have to join him. Here! A toast! To the best fucking crew in the universe!"

"Hell yeah!" James said, as everyone raised their cocktails. "_Salud!_"

"Here, here!" Samantha added happily.

"To the Normandy!"

"NORMANDYYY!"

They all clinked glasses and took a large sip of their drink.

"I must say," Miranda began, staring at Samantha then, "You do mix a fine drink, Specialist Traynor."

"Oh...Thank you," Sam replied, wondering why the cold-hearted bitch was being so nice to her. The last, and only time, they had met, Miranda had all but bitten her head off.

"I... believe I owe you an apology," the Australian woman continued, "I was quite rude when we first met."

"Uh...that's alright," Samantha said awkwardly, giving her a little smile. Truth be told, the ex-Cerberus woman still intimidated her a little bit.

_Then again, who wouldn't she intimidate with a body like that?_

"Wow, Miranda's actually admitting she was wrong about something?" Shepard joked, "You should be flattered, Samantha. It's not every day that happens."

"I brought you back from the dead, Shepard. I can put you back there whenever I like," Miranda joked.

"Ouch!" James exclaimed, sizzling his finger in the air comically, "Burn! That's fighting talk! You just gonna sit there and take that, Commander?"

Shepard chuckled. "It's alright, Lieutenant, I'll leave her for Jack to finish off later."

The group laughed as Miranda rolled her eyes.

"Good. I'll be sure to have my Omni-tool set to record," Vega teased.

Miranda dug him in the ribs. "Alright, Shepard! Let's do this. Arm wrestle, now!"

"Oh you're on!" Shepard yelled cracking her knuckles. She got to her feet and high-fived James before taking up a place on the others side of the bar. Noticing the danger, Samantha picked up the jug of Godfather and the full glasses before they got knocked over.

"Ready?" James asked, as the two woman joined hands, resting their elbows on the counter.

"Bring it," Miranda replied, her eyes fixed firmly on Shepard's. Both looked focused and ready, despite the fact that Shepard had consumed a lot more alcohol.

"GO!"

A vein began to show on the temple of each woman as they battled. It wasn't long before Commander Shepard had bested her old XO however, slamming her hand onto the counter hard and whooping in victory.

"Yeah! No one fucks with Shepard!" Vega boomed, high-fiving her again before she turned to Samantha and received a congratulatory kiss.

"One hundred credits says I beat her too!" Wrex boomed, racing over to join in on the fun. "I'll take Shepard next for double or nothing."

"I'll take that bet!" Cortez laughed, "You're up again, Miranda."

Commander Shepard laughed and toasted her glass once more as he friends crowded round for another round. "I love you guys. Thanks for being here. This has been a great fucking night."

* * *

A few hours later the crew had spread about, some dancing, some arguing, some laughing and some passed out on the floor. Luckily they had gotten a group photo before the alcohol had really set in. Samantha laughed as she danced with Jack, Garrus, Liara, Cortez and Tali in the kitchen, having just recited the elements of the periodic table with them. Seeing Shepard sitting in the living room with Joker and EDI, Samantha took her leave and walked over.

"How are you enjoying the party, Commander?"

Shepard awoke from her daze and looked up as Samantha plonked down on the sofa beside her, while the other members of the crew departed the sitting area to join those dancing in the kitchen.

_I guess EDI finally convinced Joker to dance with her then. Good on her!_

The Commander was wearing a beautiful dark green dress that clung to her curves perfectly, sitting with her legs crossed in a very lady-like manner, and resting a glass of champagne on her lap. They had changed earlier when Chakwas showed up with some tuxedos and dresses that had been gifted to the Commander by various designers who noticed her on Silversun Strip. The doc unfortunately had to leave shortly afterwards to help at Huerta memorial, leaving the already drunk crew to finally get out of their military regs for one night only and turn the party into a formal one. With her heeled shoes and hair tied up into a tight bun, her ringlets cascading down either side of her face, Shepard would have looked like a woman reborn but for the numerous battle scars across her pale skin and the faint hint of orange in her eyes. As she stared at her, Samantha could tell that something was wrong.

_It's not like Shepard to not join in the fun. Normally she's the instigator when there are drunken antics to be had and a mess to make._

"Hey gorgeous," Shepard replied quietly, "I'm alright." She threw Traynor and half-hearted smile and rested her head against hers as Samantha put an arm around her shoulder, drawing her close.

"I'm not a fool, darling," Samantha said gently, grazing Shepard's arm comfortingly with her fingers. "Talk to me."

"Sorry," the Commander breathed, "I...I'm just a bit drunk I think. Shouldn't have let Vega talk me into Tequila shots again. I think I had enough at the Casino with you earlier."

"Me too," Sam giggled, "EDI just embarrassed me in front of Tali by recalling some of my finer comments about her voice. I'm absolutely mortified!" Shepard attempted a laugh and failed miserably. Clearly she was preoccupied with something. "I know something's on your mind, Shepard" Samantha said then, "You can't lie to me...And you have that look about you."

Shepard hesitated. "I... I'd prefer not to talk about it to be honest. Let's not spoil the fun...just enjoy this last night together."

Samantha's brown eyes found Shepard's emerald green ones then, as though searching for answers. At once she could see the worries behind them. Shore leave was at an end unfortunately. The war had snuck its way back into the minds of those in charge and resumed its torture.

"Last night?" Traynor repeated, hearing the finality in the Commander's tone. Shepard blinked and her eyes flitted off in the direction of the rowdy crew who were dancing wildly on top of tables and laughing and joking loudly. Her face was etched with concern. Samantha followed her gaze, finally catching on. She turned back to her and sighed. "It's not the last time we'll all be together like this, sweetheart... I promise."

Even as she said the words, Samantha realised that it was very possible that it would be. This was one promise to Shepard that she couldn't keep. The look on Shepard's face told her she was grateful for Traynor's effort at trying to calm her fears, but she was too far gone to accept false hope from anyone, even the woman she loved. This war had hardened her so.

"Do you know how many men and women I've lost under my command?" Shepard asked sadly, staring down into her champagne, watching the bubbles rise to the top.

Samantha gave her a little grimacing smile. "No," she admitted softly, shaking her head.

The Commander was silent for a few seconds as Samantha twirled the ends of her hair affectionately. "Neither do I," she admitted then, with a small sigh, "I stopped counting after I reached 50."

Sam's face contorted into a look of deep sympathy mixed with surprise. Her eyes widened.

_Wow...that's a lot..._

"I'm sorry," Traynor said softly, wishing there was something she could do.

The Commander looked over the Normandy crew again, watching as they had what would be the last bit of fun they would get. The entire night she had been there with them, laughing and joking, but too many whiskeys had begun to take effect in a different way, and her fears for the lives of her friends were rising to the surface as much as she tried to bury them.

"If only they weren't the best damn soldiers in the Galaxy, Samantha," Shepard lamented, shaking her head, her eyes burning with admiration for each and everyone one of her crew. "I'd love to have an excuse to tell them all to leave and let me do this on my own...To hide until each and every one of those bastarding Reapers were killed. It just seems like such a waste to point them at a hopeless cause and watch them fall like dominoes just like the others have."

Samantha was taken aback by the depth of the Commander's concern for her soldiers.

_I suppose they're not just soldiers to her though, are they? They're like family...They ARE family. _

"Come on," Samantha whispered comfortingly, taking the champagne from Shepard's hand and placing it on the coffee table, "I think you've had enough to drink for tonight, darling."

She got to her feet then and took Shepard by the hand, pulling her to hers. Samantha led her over to the window next to the grand piano, then turned to her. She slipped her arms around the Commander's waist and drew her close, resting her right cheek against hers. As Glyph tactically changed the song to something more peaceful and relaxing, they began to sway slowly to the music. Samantha closed her eyes, feeling the Commander melt into her embrace, holding her tightly. With her hand resting on the nape of Shepard's neck, they slowly twirled in unison, unaware that the entire crew had their eyes on them. They had fallen quiet all of a sudden. Traynor turned her head slightly and found the Commander's lips, beginning a measured, tender kiss that seemed to make time stand still.

Soon they realised they were joined by Garrus and Tali, then James and Liara, and Joker and EDI. Even Miranda and Jacob managed to put their differences aside and join the others in a slow dance by the window. Jack stood on the sidelines, one arm draped over the shoulder of Wrex and the other around Grunt as the three of them and Zaeed swayed drunkenly together. The entire crew had fallen into a silent lament, as thoughts of the war came back to them. Even Kasumi managed to make herself visible in that moment.

Traynor rested her forehead against the Commander's as they swayed.

"Thanks," Shepard whispered, caressing Sam's body through her black and white dress. Samantha looked up at her.

"What for?"

Shepard half shrugged, having no other words. Understanding, Samantha smiled and stroked her face, placing a light kiss on her lips before pulling her into a hug once more, listening to the piano playing as the soft music took over, sending them into a spiral of emotions that neither could voice. Overcome, Sam buried her face in the Commander's neck, breathing in her scent, loosening the woman's soft red hair from its noose and stroking it soothingly as they danced together. The end of this last night of peace seemed to have crept up without them realising. Tomorrow they would all be back on the Normandy, mercilessly thrown into the fight once more, expendable as soldiers were for the greater good. Samantha didn't particularly want to be in a battle, but standing on the edge of one that none of them could escape was even worse...For Shepard, it must have been hell.

Suddenly a loud crash broke apart the tender moment and that of the rest of the crew's. Samantha and Shepard broke from their kiss to turn around and laugh with the others at the sight, as Jack, Zaeed, Grunt and Wrex fell over the settee and landed on the coffee table, breaking it in two. As the Normandy crew's antics and teasings started up again, Samantha grabbed her opportunity. She took Shepard by the hand and the two of them escaped upstairs to the Commander's bedroom. Smiling, Samantha closed the door behind her, blocking out the noise from below. They were finally alone.

"I had a great night," Shepard said a little hoarsely, as Traynor sat down beside her and took her hand. "It was so good to meet up with everyone again and have what's left of the Normandy crew together in one place."

"You throw a great party, ma'am," Samantha replied with a smile, squeezing her hand. "We'll do everything in our power to make sure it isn't the last."

"How?" Shepard asked, looking saddened.

"I know it's not...I know it won't be easy," Samantha replied, feeling a lump form in her throat as she imagined the coming months of destruction. Shepard had kept strong for them for years. Now it was her turn to be strong instead. "But somehow we'll just hold on."

Shepard exhaled loudly and lay back on the bed, resting one arm behind her head and staring up at the ceiling. Sam did the same, curling up beside her, resting her head on her chest and feeling the Commander's free arm hold her close. They lay in silence, thinking about the uncertainty of the future, losing themselves in the darkness as it closed in around them and the clock struck past the tiny hours of the morning. Although this was the most alone they were ever going to be, the most normal their lives were ever going to seem, neither woman in that moment felt like having the sex they had planned. Somehow, it was enough just know they were together, side by side, ready to face whatever the universe threw at them.


	22. Chapter 22

**_Really enjoyed writing this chapter, although I was an emotional wreck when I finished lol (you'll see why :P) Happy reading!_**

* * *

More comfortable than she had probably felt in her life, Samantha slowly opened her eyes the next morning, finding herself lying on her stomach atop the feather-like mattress below her and almost completely covered in a thick navy blue duvet. Her surroundings gradually came into focus as she blinked tiredly, feeling the room spin nauseously after a few too many drinks the night before. She glanced around at the simple furniture in the sparsely decorated bedroom for a few seconds, finding it hard to remember the last time she had woken in a real bed, having spent months upon a stiff, basic military cot surrounded by servicemen and women snoring loudly.

Feeling a heavy arm draped across the bottom of her back, and vaguely remembering the night before, Samantha turned over under the massive poufy quilt cover to find Commander Shepard's head resting on the pillow alongside her. The woman's red hair was hanging loosely over her face, obscuring her from view. Her warm breaths tickled Samantha's hand as she reached out to brush it back, revealing her beautiful pale features. Shepard stirred a little at her touch, but slept on, burying her face in the pillow, exhaling loudly, and then beginning her long, even breaths one more.

_That's right darling, sleep as long as you can, _Samantha thought with a smile._ Who knows the next time you will get the opportunity to?_

She traced the numerous scars etched across the Commander's pasty cheek, settling on one curling out from the corner of her right eye that looked particularly deep. Daydreaming, Samantha found herself wondering how each of them had come about, grinning proudly as she imagined some epic battle that Shepard had been involved in. _She just continues to take names and kick ass. _The smile slid from Samantha's face then as she realised that, in all honesty, most of the scars the Commander sported probably came from the Lazarus Project instead, as Miranda and her Cerberus lackeys tried desperately to bring the woman back from the dead. Far from cursing them though, Sam realised that had it not been for the Ice Queen and The Illusive Man's persistence, she would never have had the opportunity to meet Shepard at all.

_I guess I have to thank them for that at least. If Shepard had died, the Collectors would have probably killed me back on Horizon. She saved my life that day...and I haven't even told her yet._

Feeling her heart swell, extremely grateful for her saviour, Traynor buried the sick feelings that still returned to haunt her after Horizon and leaned in to place a tender kiss of thanks on the sleeping beauty's lips. She sighed, resting her forehead against Shepard's and closing her eyes, beginning to play with the loose strands of the woman's hair.

"Sa...ntha," Shepard mumbled in her sleep, "...Mantha..."

Samantha smiled, hoping that whatever Shepard was dreaming about was something good. _I think she's saying my name. _With the amount of nightmares the Commander suffered from, it was nice to hear that she at least got a break here and there when they were together. _Apparently she sleeps well beside me, _Samantha thought, remembering Shepard revealing this to her recently. As if on cue, the Commander opened her eyes then, shaking out of her slumber with a gentle snort and returning to the real world. Samantha rolled her eyes.

_Obviously still not well enough however._

"Hey, gorgeous," Traynor greeted her, stroking her cheek and moving back a bit to get a better look at her in the dim lighting of the room. Shepard thankfully appeared a little better than last night, despite the fact that her eyes were bloodshot and hazy due to the amount of alcohol consumed at the party.

"Well...now isn't this a nice surprise?" She joked softly, blinking the sleep from her eyes as Samantha came into view. "I never thought I'd ever see the day when I woke up beside you."

Samantha chuckled. "Well, today's the deep breath before the final plunge, isn't it? Sooner or later, this war is going to be over for us all, one way or another...I think I can manage to spend one morning with the woman I love before she goes off to save the Galaxy."

"Just _one_ morning?" Shepard teased, stealing a little kiss from her. Samantha smiled.

"Careful Commander, that was almost a hint of optimism from you."

Shepard laughed softly, "Well maybe I like the idea of spending more than one with you," she said, gazing into Samantha's brown eyes. "Maybe, just maybe, I'm starting to believe you when you say that I'm going to win this for us."

"Really?"

"Nope!"

Samantha gave her a sad smile and another kiss. "You almost had me fooled for a moment there," she replied in a whisper, caressing Shepard's cheek, "Don't you have any faith in yourself at all, darling? You've made it this far already. Why should this battle be any different than the others?"

"Because," Shepard said hoarsely. "Now I have something to lose."

Samantha's breath caught. She gazed across at the Commander, seeing her green eyes were full of emotion, shrouded in a gentle foreshadowing of the dark days that were to come.

"The only thing you're going to lose at this rate is your sense of humour," Samantha corrected, tapping her nose, "And that would be a shame...I always loved a girl who could make me laugh."

A small smile played on the corners of the Commander's mouth then. In moments such as this, Samantha realised that the real Shepard was just dying to get out, to battle past all the bullshit and responsibility and try to remember how to flourish. Curious, Traynor wondered what a carefree Shepard might look like. The truth was, the Commander had been miserable for so long that she had forgotten how to be happy for long periods of time. A life like Commander Shepard's wasn't for the faint-hearted, yet the woman's constant joking seemed to get her through. Last night's antics aside, as they got closer and closer to the final assault however, it was clear that the Commander's jokes had become few and far between. She was beginning to lose her humanity.

As Samantha stared deep into the swimming evergreen eyes before her, she worried then, not for Shepard's life, but for the true personality that was being restrained out of necessity and duty. If Shepard survived this war, if the peace they desired became a reality at last, would she still be the same person? The one whom Samantha had fallen deeply in love with? Would there be any of her left? What if this war stole everything Samantha loved about the woman, and left Commander Shepard with nothing but an empty shell of a former life and a trophy cabinet representing her accomplishments?

"What are you thinking about?" Shepard asked then, having seen a flicker of Samantha's thoughts through her swimming auburn eyes.

"Just how everything looks better in my dreams," she admitted, tickling the side of Shepard's throat affectionately, "I have so many ideas in my head of what the next few months will be like for us, and probably none of it is going to come true."

"I'd rather have those dreams than my own," Shepard replied, sliding her hand up along Samantha's thigh, caressing her smooth skin under the giant duvet. "There's only so many times I can see my friends fall in front of my eyes and see every which way possible that I'm going to fail."

"Oh Shepard," Samantha said with great pity, her eyebrows narrowing. She drew the Commander closer and placed her head on her chest, resuming her stroking of the woman's red hair as Shepard wrapped an arm around her midsection and relished this God-given opportunity to be close to her. They lay in silence, appreciating the other's warmth for a minute or so before the Commander finally spoke.

"Samantha?"

"Yes?"

There was a second's pause, then:

"I...I think I'm going to throw up..."

Traynor looked down, feeling Shepard shiver in her arms. Her face had gone a sickly sea green. The Commander raised her head, looking instantly nauseous. She sprung upright as quick as lightening, covering her mouth, and clambered over Samantha's body in her rush to the en suite bathroom. Almost as soon as she made it inside, Samantha cringed, hearing a violent explosive retching and the sound of the toilet filling up.

_Oh, God...The joys of drinking too much._

Rolling her eyes and chuckling a little, Sam slid out of the warm bed and made her way to the bathroom to check to see if Shepard was alright. The Commander was kneeling in front of the toilet, hugging the bowl and staring down into its depths, ready to erupt again. Samantha gave her a sympathetic smile, then walked over beside her and held her red hair back as she vomited some more.

"Get it all up, darling," she soothed, rubbing Shepard's back. "I think I'm going to have to take the whiskey out of your cabin when we get back on the Normandy. You clearly can't hold your water anymore."

"Ugh, please don't talk about whiskey," Shepard cried, retching again.

Sam giggled and resumed her regime of care until Shepard's deep heaves and shivers of nausea had subsided. She then slipped her hands under her arms and raised her to her feet, holding her steady.

"Never let me drink that much again," Shepard groaned, wiping the tears from her eyes and pulling up the end of her dress to wipe her mouth. She leaned her head on Samantha's shoulder and closed her eyes, wanting to be held.

"You'll live, darling. I'm sure you've had worse hangovers in the past," Samantha said with a giggle, stroking her head. The very notion of the Commander giving up drink was hilarious. "I think this calls for a dip in the hot tub, don't you?"

Shepard raised her head and gave her a weak smile. "If you say so," she laughed, sounding rather sceptical herself.

"Why don't you go undress and I'll set everything up?" Traynor said, walking Shepard over to the double bed and sitting her down.

"Oh alright," Shepard relented, giving in finally, allowing Samantha to unzip the back of her dress, "I'll have to take this out of your shower privileges though. I think you're getting drunk on this life of luxury I lead."

Traynor laughed. "Ah Commander, we both know that if I show up naked in your shower anytime I want, it won't be long before you're in there with me asking me to wash your hair again."

"You have scented shampoo!" Shepard said defensively, "It smells all...coconuty or something. And besides, I _am_ allowed to have a girly side you know."

"I didn't say you weren't, sweetheart," Samantha giggled, walking back to the en suite and preparing the hot tub for them.

"I'm just saying," Shepard pressed on, "Guns are my profession. _Killing_ is my profession. I enjoy it to an extent that's true, but I think most people believe me to be incapable of being something more."

"I don't think that," Samantha reassured her, "And neither does Vega. He's convinced you have a teddy bear hidden in your cabin."

Commander Shepard started to laugh. "I'm going to kill him. I bet he's told everyone I do."

Samantha sniggered. "I just think the hidden side of you is rather cute, darling, that's all. I'm only teasing."

"Eugh, cute?" Shepard scoffed, turning up her nose and looking up at Samantha. "Christ, next thing you know I'll be the fucking Princess of the Citadel and not the Hero."

"I'd definitely be going to _that_ coronation," Samantha joked, beginning to undress herself then as the hot tub filled up. Shepard slapped her on the ass as she walked past her, over to the sink. The Commander turned on the tap and began to sip water from it directly.

"Fuck me, have you got any aspirins?" she groaned, massaging her temples. "I'm going to kill Vega for making me do all those tequila shots last night."

"I'm surprised you remember doing them," Sam giggled.

"I didn't until I threw them back up," Shepard grumbled. "Aspirins?"

"I think I saw some in the cabinet beside you," Samantha laughed. She slipped into the ever so inviting hot tub as the Commander swallowed what looked to be more than the stated dose. "Are you kidding me?" Samantha gasped, as she settled into the tub, "How many of those did you just take?"

"I dunno, like seven or eight," Shepard said, shrugging nonchalantly and checking the bottle. "I kind of have to make up my own doses for pills now. It's a pain in ass."

"You're bloody insane! You should have waited until later to ask Dr Chakwas!" Traynor scolded, sounding worried. "Or ask me at least? You've just overdosed!"

"Oh relax! It'll be fine," Shepard said unconcerned, waving her off. "Half synthetic, remember?"

"30% actually," Sam corrected smugly.

"Whatever, I'm still a fucking freak of nature," Shepard sighed, staring down at herself, "I mean, look at me. Look at the state of my body!"

She stretched her fingers across her scarred abdomen, checking herself out in the mirror with disgust. Samantha scanned her naked frame, taking in every inch and realising that she couldn't count the woman's scars if she tried. They was every shape and size imaginable, not to mention the slightly orange ones where the implants were showing, splitting through the skin.

"You're beautiful, Shepard," Traynor said truthfully, unable to find one fault of the woman before her despite the many she obviously saw in herself. Shepard had never mentioned much about the scars before now.

_Maybe this is the first time she's seen them in a full sized mirror. I had no idea they upset her this much._

Shepard snorted at her reply. "Yeah right," she said sadly. "My back probably does light up when we have sex liked Joker said last night."

She stepped into the hot tub then, unable to look in the mirror any longer. It seemed to distress her. Samantha moved around the tub to her side and put her arm around her as the warm water bubbled gently, massaging their aching muscles. She leaned in and kissed Shepard on the temple to cheer her up, tucking her fingers under her chin then and forcing the Commander to make eye contact.

"You _are _beautiful," she persisted, "Forget what Joker said, he was only kidding. You're lucky to even _be_ here, darling. As much as you hate what Miranda and Cerberus did to your body, they gave you your life back. Isn't that something?"

"Maybe...Though sometimes I think it would have been kinder to let me die in peace," Shepard said quietly. "I don't know who I am anymore, Samantha. I don't even recognise myself. I really did die that day. I'm just not the same person I was before."

Knowing words weren't going to have any effect now, and seeing Shepard's frown deepen, Samantha leaned in and placed a kiss on the first scar she set eyes on. She then pressed her lips against the one on Shepard's jaw bone and finally the one around her eye socked that she had been admiring earlier as the woman slept.

"I love you," she said gently, "Every part of you, scars and all. Don't you dare say it would have been kinder to let you die. Don't you know how grateful I am that you're alive?"

Reluctantly a smile crept back into the Commander's features.

"I think I've got a few scars lower down that could use a kiss or two as well," she teased wickedly.

Samantha giggled. She raised herself from her seating position and threw her leg over Shepard, straddling her in the hot tub, holding the woman's cheeks in her hands. Shepard buried her face between Samantha's breasts and began to suck gently along the wet skin, curving between her cleavage before sliding her lips over Traynor's pointed nipples. Samantha, inhaling sharply, looked up at the ceiling then closed her eyes as she bit down on her bottom lip, enjoying the sensation.

_God, this is exactly what I've been waiting for. Shepard, a hot tub, no one to get in the way...and one glorious day all to ourselves._

* * *

A few hours later the Normandy crew rested on the railings that overlooked Docking Bay D24, lined up side by side, staring out at their newly repaired ship. It shone majestically in the dark, ready to serve, more than a mere machine, a gift of a creation that had kept them alive this long against all odds.

"Well...this is it guys," Shepard said, looking up either side of the line and catching a few of the crew's eyes, "It's been a hell of a ride, hasn't it?"

"Too right, Ma'am," Joker responded, "The old girl's been through the ringer."

"That she has," Shepard agreed, staring up at the Normandy admirably once more. "That she has..."

"I've had some of the best times of my life on her though," Joker continued, "I'm sure we all have. Been a damn good ride, Commander."

"The best," Garrus agreed, squeezing the Commander's tense shoulder.

"Thanks for a great night, Shepard," Lieutenant Vega said, slapping her on the back. "It was one final blowout before the shit hits the fan for real. You certainly know how to throw one hell of a _fiesta_, that's for sure."

"I agree," Liara chipped in, "I am still trying to comprehend some of my actions last night."

Shepard chuckled. "You never could hold your liquor, Li."

"Indeed. Let's hope it's not the last time we get to see me try," the Asari joked.

The Normandy crew laughed.

"Even if it is, let's not forget we've all still got that vid of Samantha going wild saved on our Omni-tools," Cortez laughed.

"Oh God!" Traynor groaned, holding her face in her hands, "I'd forgotten about that! Ugh, I knew there was a vid of me floating around somewhere!"

The crew laughed as her face turned red. Shepard rested her head against hers affectionately for a few moments, sheltering her embarrassment. Samantha glanced up at her then, seeing her stare back out at the imposingly beautiful Normandy. There was a light dancing in the woman's emerald green eyes. Was it a flicker of hope maybe? A moment of sadness? She looked caught up in a state of nostalgia and melancholy as she watched her pride and joy resting in the Docking Bay, ready to take them on their next adventure, and possibly the last.

"Well, this was a blast...But we can't stand here forever," she said finally, gripping the metal rail in front of her tightly with both hands. "Joker, hand out the aspirins and have everyone report to the Normandy at once. It's time to go."

"Yes Commander."

"Oh, aspirins!" Tali gasped, sounding rather nauseous still. "I wonder if they would work on my system. Ugh, I am _never _drinking again..."

"Let's go ask Dr Chakwas," Garrus chuckled, placing a hand on her back, encouraging her to walk with the others. She staggered after them.

Slowly but surely, the Normandy crew departed for the ship, a few patting the Commander on the back supportively as they passed. Soon there was only Samantha left standing beside her. The Commander's head dropped and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, steeling herself for what was to come. Traynor covered one of the Commander's hands with her own, intertwining their fingers together and squeezing gently.

"You've got this, sweetheart," she reassured her, "I'm right beside you. I always will be."

"We put up a fight, didn't we?" Shepard asked, desperately searching Samantha's brown eyes.

"A great fight," Traynor said with a nod, "Now let's finish it, darling. Together."

"Together," Shepard repeated, nodding her head too then.

Samantha smiled and placed a light kiss on her lips, before both of them turned and followed the rest of the crew back aboard the Normandy for the final push towards the war effort. When they reached the top of the tunnel, almost at the airlock, the Commander stopped suddenly. Traynor turned around.

"What's the matter?" she asked worriedly.

"I almost forgot," Shepard said, a smile appearing on her face. "I got something for you."

Surprised, Sam's eyes widened as she watched the Commander fumble in her pockets, looking for whatever she had mentioned. A few seconds later she produced a rectangular, flat black box about the size of her whole hand.

"What's this?" Samantha asked with a grin.

"Open it," Shepard replied, holding it out to her. With a shaking hand Samantha reached out and took the box from her. Lying in her palm, she unclasped the little golden catch and opened it up. Her mouth fell open.

"Shepard," she gasped, "I...I can't take this..."

"Sure you can," Shepard said with a smile, "I picked it up this morning when you were having breakfast. I know you don't have any of your own after leaving Earth in such a hurry."

"But...you need these more than I do. What if something happens to you?" Samantha gushed.

"These are my old ones," Shepard replied, "Liara kept them for me and gave me them back during the fight against the Collectors. I want you to have them, seeing as I couldn't get you a pair of your own."

Samantha carefully lifted the tiny set of silver dog tags out of the box and gazed down at them, stunned.

"You were wearing these when you...?"

The Commander nodded solemnly, staring down at them, lost in thought. If it wasn't for those tiny metal tags, her body might never have been discovered. She wouldn't have been here now. The magnitude of this gift spoke loudly to Samantha, who realised the significance of what Shepard was giving her.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to buy you your own, but with the war effort it was impossible," Shepard continued, "I thought these would do."

"But won't people think I'm you? I—Hold on..."

Samantha traced the lettering with her fingers, reading the words etched into the silver. The Commander status had been removed, along with N7 and Spectre Status. Yet something still remained from the previous owner. Traynor's eyebrows narrowed then.

"Samantha Shepard?" she asked, looking up at the Commander in confusion. "What...what does this mean?"

"It means I could only afford to get your first name engraved," Shepard joked. Samantha scowled and rolled her eyes. She closed her fingers around the dog tags in order to punch her on the arm in frustration.

"Seriously, Shepard," she exclaimed with a giggle, breathless now. "Quit teasing me. I don't understand...We aren't even married."

"Well...maybe this is my weird way of asking you," Shepard replied simply.

Taken aback, Samantha's mouth fell open.

"Wh...What did you say?" she whispered, flinching in astonishment.

Shepard smiled as she stared into her wide brown eyes. She took Samantha's face in her hands and breathed deeply, swallowing hard. "Marry me, Samantha."

Specialist Traynor's words had failed her. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. As she stared into Shepard's eyes she saw through the woman's facade for the first time in her life, saw past the hurt and regret, the harsh, weathered, outer shell that the rest of the Galaxy was subjected to. Through the hidden depths of the swirling emerald orbs before her, Samantha found a sea of pure, bright green that seemed to push its way through the smothering pain around them, like leaves budding on the edge of winter, bringing life back to their branches. There was no other explanation for this. There was no mistake. Shepard was deadly serious.

Samantha's heart fluttered in her chest.

"OK..."

The Commander's face lit up. "What? R...Really?" she stammered, as though shocked at the answer she had received. Samantha chuckled. She nodded, smiling at Shepard's reaction.

"Yes..."

Puffing loudly with relief, Shepard suddenly hugged her so hard she lifted her off her feet, swinging her around. Traynor dropped the empty box to the ground, clutching the dog tags tightly in her other hand and laughed loudly. She wrapped her arms around Shepard's neck and buried her face in the fabric of her Alliance uniform, hearing her chuckle as well. _Holy Christ, I can't believe this is happening!_ When the Commander finally set her back on the ground, Samantha exhaled, overcome with joy that threatened to burst out of her, making her extremely lightheaded. Staring up at the Commander, she caressed the woman's cheek with her free hand and then found Shepard's lips pressed against hers eagerly, stealing away what little breath she had left.

"I love you, Samantha Traynor," the Commander whispered in her ear when their lips parted. Samantha, besotted as she was, couldn't even find the words to reply. Instead, she froze, staring down at the dog tags in her hand. A realisation came to her then, a sinking torturous one. She swallowed over the lump that was beginning to form in her throat. Never in her life had she been this happy, but nagging doubts about the future were immediately starting to eat away at that happiness before she could stop them. Shepard seemed to sense this. She slid the dog tags from Samantha's hand as the woman started down at them weakly, and placed them around her neck. Samantha looked up at her then, feeling her eyes fill with tears.

"Shepard..." she breathed helplessly, feeling a heavy droplet run down her cheek. She had never feared for them as much in that moment. Never feared losing her as much before now. The harsh reality of this war had just sunk in.

"Ssshh," Shepard soothed in a whisper, scooping up the tear away with her finger as Samantha sobbed, "Don't say it, sweetheart...Just...Just let me have this one."

Samantha sniffed and stared down at the dog tags resting between her breasts. She traced the lettering again with her thumb, feeling her heart swell and shatter at the same time. It was all too much to bear. This was both the happiest moment of her life and yet the worst, all rolled into one. When this war was over, these dog tags were going to be possibly the only piece of Shepard she had left, the only thing that reminded her of the time they had spent together. Feeling herself ready to break down, Traynor quickly buried her face in the front of Shepard's uniform and began to cry, welcoming the Commander's arms as she wrapped then around her tightly and held her close. She gave a few heaving sobs, desperately trying to control herself but failing miserably. They stood there for what felt like an eternity, before time cruelly caught up with them yet again.

Shepard's Omni-tool began to beep.

"Fuck! Not this time," the Commander pled, shaking her head and staring up at the heavens questioningly, "Not now..."

Samantha fought to recompose herself and backed away, drying her eyes on the ends of her sleeve. The usual mask Shepard wore returned then, as she and Sam stared at each other wordlessly for a few seconds. Then, reluctantly, she accepted the waiting call.

"Commander?"

"What is it Joker?" Shepard asked hoarsely.

"I...Are you alright?" Joker asked curiously, hearing that she didn't sound at all like herself.

"I'm fine. What is it?" She said firmly.

"If you say so...Anyway, I got a tip from Liara that Cerberus is about to hit Eden Prime. We can get the jump on them this time if we hurry."

"So?" Shepard asked, "We're on our way to Thessia to find out what the Catalyst is. Cerberus isn't a priority right now."

"With all do respect, Ma'am, I think you'll want to rethink that stance," Joker said seriously, "Word is Cerberus, if you believe this, has found a real life Prothean buried on Eden Prime."

Samantha looked up and met Shepard's gaze.

_A real life Prothean!? Is he bloody serious!?_

"What!?" Shepard asked, as though having misheard.

"I know!" Joker agreed, hearing how ludicrous it sounded. "I'd say it was impossible, but Liara knows her stuff and EDI says the data collected in authentic. Apparently he's being preserved in a 50,000 year old stasis pod. Maybe he knows what the Catalyst is. We might not have to go to Thessia at all. Anything that would avoid visiting _that_ war-ravaged planet would be a plus right? It's almost as bad as Earth."

Shepard caught Samantha's eye once more and she glanced down at the dog tags hanging around her neck. Traynor knew what she was thinking. _Yes,_ she imagined the Commander her telling herself, _Anything that keeps us out of war until the return to Earth would be a bonus._

"Alright, Joker," Shepard relented, "Set a course for Eden Prime. I'm coming aboard now."

"Coming aboard? Where are you?" Joker asked, surprised to hear that she hadn't yet boarded the ship.

"In the tunnel with Traynor. We'll be on the Normandy soon, just...give me five minutes. Shepard out."

She clicked off her Omni-tool and puffed loudly, massaging her forehead before turning back to Samantha.

"So..."

"So..." Samantha imitated, giving her a little smile.

The two of them stared into each other's eyes momentarily before Shepard finally reached out and took her hands.

"I know this is a lot to take, love," she said softly, squeezing her fingers gently. Samantha couldn't help more tears from falling. Her emotions were all over the place. "Maybe it was a stupid idea, I don't know. I'm not very good at this stuff."

Sam breathed a little laugh. "You're better at it than you realise," she said kindly, "And it wasn't a stupid idea... I said yes, didn't I? When is it ever a silly idea to ask someone to marry you?"

"I dunno, when they cheat on you, when they beat you, when they steal from you..."

Samantha retracted her hand from Shepard's and punched her over and over as she began to laugh mischievously.

"God, you _still _can't be serious? Even _now_?" she asked incredulously, giggling through her tears.

_Good Lord, her sense of humour really is relentless!_

Shepard chuckled. "Well, you said you always loved a woman who could make you laugh," she reminded her. Samantha sighed and shook her head, wearing a smile of disbelief.

"You're incredible..."

"Come here," Shepard said finally, drawing her into another hug. Samantha gratefully obliged, resting her head against the woman's shoulder and closing her eyes. She exhaled loudly, unable to believe this was happening. _Did I just get engaged? _The Commander kissed Samantha's hair and held her in her arms, as the two of them stood in the tunnel leading to the Normandy's airlock, savouring such a precious moment and, what was to be the last few remaining seconds of shore leave.


	23. Chapter 23

"Package secured Joker, stand by. Trying the activation code to open the stasis pod."

"Roger that, Commander. You're clear to proceed for the moment."

"Acknowledged."

The entire crew were on tenterhooks aboard the Normandy, which was hovering in airspace over Eden Prime, waiting to hear results on the real life Prothean. Samantha was beside herself with excitement. This could change the outcome of the war. All they had to do was ask the Prothean what the Catalyst was and then unleash the Crucible upon the Reapers, sending them back to Dark Space. Simple, right?

_Highly doubtful. When has anything ever been simple for us?_

Samantha placed a hand over her chest, feeling the shape of Shepard's dog tags dangling underneath, resting over her heart. She still hadn't gotten over the shock at the woman's surprise proposal. The way she did it was just so...Shepard. The infamous Commander did everything in her own unique way, as smooth as ever, going against the grain for what must have been the millionth time in her life. _Two lives, in fact._ The week and half that past by as they made their way to Eden Prime had been another lonely one unfortunately. Shepard had been caught up with work since their mandatory shore leave, and Samantha had too. Neither of them had spoken about their engagement, nor told any of the crew. It was hard enough knowing that their wedding might never happen, without all their friends knowing it too. Some things were just better left unsaid, at least for now.

Despite this, Traynor was ready to burst at the seams. She was full of joy despite her nagging fears. Remembering back to the times when she had doubted someone like the Commander would ever be interested in a lab geek like her made her even more in awe of the fact that they were now engaged. It seemed a shame that she couldn't find a way to express it. Her happiness was being slowly choked and repressed by this wretched war. As she stared eagerly at the monitors with the rest of the crew, watching the scenes unfold down on Eden Prime, Samantha couldn't help but feel that (apart from Liara who was on the ground with James and Shepard) she was by far the most interested in this Prothean and what it would mean if he were indeed alive. Her curiosity was abuzz.

_God, I wonder what it looks like! If he or she knows what the Catalyst is then Shepard might not even have to go to war at all! Hackett could just complete the Crucible and unleash its unknown power at the Reapers and end it like that...And then I could finally be with the woman I loved._

Sighing, Traynor rubbed her hands together, silently praying that her premonition would come true. Seeing that Garrus was watching her quizzically, she then pulled herself together and straightened up, taking a deep breath. The Turian pretended he had seen nothing.

"Commander, Cerberus troops inbound!" Joker yelled over the comm line, waking Samantha's senses once more.

"Fuck! How many?" Shepard asked angrily.

Quickly, Traynor dashed to the orange interfaces at the side of the cockpit and expertly began to scan through them.

"I have six shuttles on the way to your location," she informed Shepard, "And a heavy mech. They've flown in under our radar so there could be more, Commander. Watch your back."

"Roger that, Traynor. Keep me up to date."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Hearing sudden gunfire clatter over the communications network, Samantha quickly got to work along with Joker and EDI. Garrus and Tali rushed for the shuttle bay to find Cortez and reach Eden Prime on time to provide back up, while Alliance reporter Diana Allers fixed her eyes on the monitor overhead, showing Shepard, James and Liara battling a horde of Cerberus enemies.

"Fancy giving me a live interview as the action unfolds, Specialist Traynor?" she asked excitedly, nudging Samantha in the arm and wearing a grin on her face. "Commander Shepard battles the enemy, preserving the last remaining Prothean in the Galaxy. This is exactly what people need to see down on Earth. It will give them hope that she's the right person for the job."

Clearly the reporter was excited by the goings on. Revealing a real life Prothean to the Galaxy would be the best thing she could ever film in her entire career. No matter how long she had served on the Normandy, Allers was still a journalist through and through, a feat which aggravated the crew on a regular basis.

"I'm rather busy, Allers," Traynor replied angrily without looking up from her terminal, "I need to concentrate. Can't you see there's a battle going on down there?"

"Obviously. What are you working on anyway? What do you do from up here to help on the ground?"

"None of your business!" Sam snapped, flustered. She was trying to listen to broken communications, to find out what the Cerberus was saying, while simultaneously breaking their coded encryption with every cipher at her disposal.

_Yet all I can hear is Diana's bloody voice in my head. Christ the night!_

"Step back, Allers," Joker ordered loudly without taking his eyes off the helm, "You're in the way. Why don't you go and do your make up or something? The grown-ups are working."

"Sorry, Joker," Allers defied, "I can't miss this grand revealing. It's a real life Prothean! Are you nuts?"

"Well, if you're going to stay can you at least be quiet?" Samantha asked, trying to avoid a spike sent by Cerberus techys to scramble the Normandy's system. Unfortunately the spike landed its target and scattered the transmissions once more. Thankfully EDI countered it before it could so more damage. "Damn it, I can't hear a Goddamn thing on the comm channels."

"Would you like me to help clear them up, Specialist Traynor?" EDI asked in her smooth, calming voice from her co-pilot chair beside Joker.

_Ah, that voice...Ok Samantha, relax...We've got this._

"That'd be brilliant EDI. Thanks."

"You are welcome."

With Diana Allers still hovering over her shoulder (though thankfully quieter now) Samantha was able to distinguish chatter and intercept the Cerberus comm lines, sending a spike of her own. The cursing on the other side told her it had reached its mark. Now Shepard had the element of surprise on her side.

"Commander, are you there?"

"Go ahead!" Shepard yelled over the racket, the sound of bullets whizzing past her and colliding with her cover.

"I have two more Cerberus shuttles inbound, coming from the west. Their radars and radios are jumbled for now but they will be back up soon. The heavy mech has almost landed. I give it five minutes, three clicks east of your location."

"Acknowledged! Anything..._Fuck me, bastard came out of nowhere!" _There was a sickening crunch in the background and the sound of a dying man before the Commander continued, sounding even more out of breath now. "_..._ Anything else I should be worried about, Traynor?"

"Negative, Ma'am, the broad is green now. All clear for the time being," Samantha replied, checking the data in front of her. "Cortez is making his descent in the shuttle with Tali and Garrus. They should be there by the time you've cleared up and help you retrieve the package."

"Roger that, Specialist. Shepard out."

Hearing the last of the gunfire dry out after a few more minutes, Samantha and the rest of the crew breathed a sigh of relief. Traynor took one last look at the clear screens then got to her feet and hovered over Joker's chair, slapping his hand for a job well done then patting EDI's shoulder before making her way down to the CIC. To her dismay, Diana Allers followed after her, running a little to catch up.

"Good work," she said, sounding impressed.

"Thanks," Samantha replied, giving her a strange look as they reached the edge of the Galaxy Map. "I'm just doing my job."

_Why is sucking up to me so bad? So only does this when she's looking for something._

"Fancy giving me that interview now?" Allers persisted, walking alongside her, matching her brisk pace.

"Not particularly. I'm not very confident in front of a camera, Diana. I'm afraid you're just going to have to ask someone else to do it."

"I've already got bits and pieces on the others," Diana informed her, "I'd like to get _your_ prospective on the war. Also...any inside scoops on Commander Shepard wouldn't go amiss either. She's been avoiding talking to me recently."

"I can't imagine why," Samantha replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes, stepping into the elevator and pressing the button to the Engineering Deck. Allers hopped in alongside her.

_Christ, I can't shake her off, can I? She's bloody persistent, I'll give her that._

"Come on, Specialist Traynor. Rumour has it you know the Commander better than anyone. Tell me about her...Any bad habits? What's her favourite colour? Does she have a softer side? She may not be around for much longer. Your love could last forever in the editing room."

"Don't you dare!" Samantha exclaimed appalled, having finally snapped. "If you think for a second that I'm going to tell you anything about the Commander or our relationship then you're very much mistaken, Diana."

"So it's true then. How long have you two been seeing each other? Off the record, of course."

"None of you damn business!" Sam replied, starting to get irritated now.

_Goddamn Paparazzi! She's walking on thin ice now. I may have to enact a few moves from Vega's martial arts on her._

Severely irritated, Traynor exited the elevator as the doors slid open and turned towards the engine room door on the left. Diana Allers scurried after her again and grabbed her arm, stopping her. She'd obviously grown tired of running after her.

"Wait," she pleaded, finally catching up, out of breath now. "Just wait...Maybe I was a little too blunt with those questions."

"You think?" Traynor retorted, scowling at her.

"My apologies. Look, just give me five minutes of your time," Diana pressed, sounding rather repentant now, "I just have some questions about the Prothean and the Reaper war. People on the ground need to be informed."

Samantha exhaled noisily. She really didn't want to do this, but then again, Shepard _had_ invited Allers aboard the Normandy. This was a chance to get their story told, to leave a legacy if they didn't make it out alive. The Commander knew this. She had buried her hatred for reporters for the good of the war. Wouldn't she expect the same thing of Samantha?

_Well...maybe answering a few questions wouldn't hurt._

"Alright," Sam relented, "Five minutes. Then I've got to get back to work."

"Great! Let's go to my room."

Reluctantly, Samantha followed Diana to her residence in the far corner of the Engineering Deck. Starting to feel rather nauseous at the notion of doing an interview, she began to shake with nerves.

_God, I hate this sort of stuff! Oh Lord, why did I agree to this? Why didn't I just stick to my guns and say no? _

Diana gave her a reassuring smile and positioned her in front of the floating camera, above a little 'x' on the floor, then began straightening up her dishevelled uniform for her and fixing her hair.

"There's no need to cake the make-up on like the reporters of old," she told her, just as Samantha started to feel a little self-conscious. "This baby does all that on its own. I just want to make a few adjustments to your appearance. You need to look like a soldier."

"I'm not a soldier."

"Exactly!"

As she slipped Samantha's hidden dog tags out from behind her straightened collar and over the top of her military regs, Diana's eyes lingered on them for a moment longer than necessary. Samantha covered the face of them with her hand then, feeling like she'd rather keep the inscription on them private.

"Nice tags," Diana said, grinning at Traynor with a sudden twinkle in her eye.

"Standard issue," Sam replied simply, berating herself for her momentary lapse. She had a sinking feeling Allers knew who they were from and what they meant.

_Why is she staring at me like that? Oh God, did she see what was on them?_

"If you say so. They look rather more...special. Anyway though, it's good to have dog tags on show. Even if you aren't a soldier it creates the illusion that you are. The viewers want someone authentic, someone on the front lines who's seen it all unfold, and the Normandy crew are as real as it gets. You're going to look like a Goddamn hero when I'm done with you."

"I don't... _want _to look like a hero," Traynor protested, trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. "Ugh, can we just get this over with? Good Lord, I'm sweating bullets over here."

"Righty oh, let's do it!" Diana agreed, lighting up her Omni-tool. She held it to her mouth like a microphone. "Ready? Aaannnd...action! Hello, I'm Diana Allers for Alliance News Network, here aboard the Normandy on what could possibly be the most significant event in the war with Reapers so far. A Prothean stasis pod containing life is apparently being rescued on Eden Prime as we speak by none other than Commander Shepard herself and members of her crew. I'm here now with Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor, one of the Hero of the Citadel's _closest_ crewmembers who has been with her since the Reapers first attack on Earth."

Samantha screwed up her face as the camera turned to her, blinding her with its spotlight. Allers held out her mic.

"Specialist Traynor, can you shed some light on the current situation? Is it true that Commander Shepard is mere seconds away from unearthing a living Prothean, the race believed to have been brought to extinction by the Reapers 50,000 years ago?"

"Well..." Samantha cleared her throat, trying to think of an elusive response. "Obviously I'm not at liberty to disclose such highly classified information. I cannot confirm or deny the rumours about a Prothean having survived this long."

Diana pursed her lips. This clearly wasn't going to be the informative interview she was hoping for. "Right, of course. But could you maybe explain to the Galaxy what this would mean for the war effort if it _were_ true?"

"Uhm..." Samantha wiped her forehead, feeling a thin layer of sweat on her brow. She was feeling the pressure. "I...I'm sure we all agree that it would be very useful to have a Prothean around to help defeat the Reapers. They do, after all, have first-hand knowledge of them, which could prove vital in upcoming battles...However, like I said, we have no concrete details on the survival of any Prothean and I am not at liberty to discuss anything at this time."

Allers seemed to realise she had hit a military confidentiality wall. A wicked smiled crossed her lips then, as another idea seemed to come to her. "Specialist Traynor," she began once more, as though changing topics, "You and Commander Shepard are close are you not?"

Samantha froze. "I...Yes, I suppose that's accurate. Commander Shepard takes time to get to know her crew. She's a professional who knows that morale is just as important as skill, and with good morale, any battle can be won, even this one."

"I'll bet," Allers replied, still smiling, "Though you and she have formed a closer bond than most. I'm sure her fans would be eager to know a little more about your relationship. Would you care to elaborate?"

Samantha swallowed. "No."

"But in dark times such as this, and I'm sure our viewers would agree, love is one of the most effective ways to raise morale," Diana continued on, ruthlessly, "Why, you just said yourself morale in invaluable in war, _this_ war in particular. After all, it's our bonds of love, friendship and camaraderie which make Organics different from Synthetics. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I... I suppose so," Traynor responded awkwardly, glancing towards the door now, desperately looking for an escape. Allers was putting her on the spot. She suddenly got the feeling that the only thing the woman wanted to talk about was her relationship with Shepard. She hadn't wanted to interview her about the Prothean at all. Diana was smart enough to know that on-going missions could not be broadcast.

"Specialist Traynor, would you care to share with the Galaxy the significance of the dog tags around your neck?"

"To...identify my body should I fall."

"Right, but I gather these particular tags are rather special than most. Can you tell us who gave you them?"

Samantha scowled. "Commander Shepard," she answered reluctantly in a low voice.

"What a lovely gesture!" Diana said, sounding romantically influenced by it, "Camera, can we get a shot of this?"

As the camera zoomed in towards her dog tags for a close up, Samantha instantly covered them with her hand. She had a sinking feeling Diana had got her result though. The reporter already knew what their inscription said after catching a glimpse of them beforehand. She was just on a fishing expedition now to get the scoop on their relationship.

"I left mine on Earth," Samantha said defensively, trying to save face as the camera zoomed out again. "The Commander just gave me her spare ones."

"And got your name engraved on them," Diana added, "Though leaving Shepard as the surname."

Samantha glanced towards the door again, knowing what Diana was going to ask next.

"Specialist Traynor..."

"This interview's over," Samantha interrupted quickly, tucking her dog tags under her shirt once more.

"...Are you..."

"I'm not answering anymore questions!"

"...and Commander Shepard engaged to be married?" Diana finished.

Traynor held her hand up to the camera, blocking herself from view as she walked out of the spotlight. Diana followed after her as she made her way into the hall, the camera in tow, its recording light still flashing.

"Leave me alone, Allers!" Samantha shouted, storming across the Engineering Deck, feeling her cheeks burn with embarrassment. She couldn't believe the woman had found out that easily. _How could I have been so stupid? Of course when she saw my dog tags she would put two and two together! Goddamn reporters! They're all vultures, even military ones! _Furious with Diana's intrusive questions, Samantha jabbed the elevator button repeatedly, desperately trying to escape.

"Samantha," Diana pled, following after her, "Please stop!"

"I said I'm not answering anymore of your questions," Sam repeated angrily, jabbing the elevator again with her Omni-tool, wishing to God it would hurry up.

"I'm sorry, I got a little carried away," Diana said. "You weren't giving me much leg-room. I had to frisk you a little."

"Frisk me? Shepard's personal life is none of the Galaxy's business, and neither is mine for that matter. Just leave me alone_!_ Like I said, I'm not going to-_"_

The elevator doors slid open.

Samantha's muscles froze solid. She gasped sharply in alarm, shocked to her very core at what greeted her inside. Stopping dead in her tracks, her mouth fell agape, eyes springing wide open with horror and shock. What she saw was grotesque, _intimidatingly_ grotesque! Gruesome almost! She was suddenly robbed of the ability to breathe. What trickery was this? What was happening? It couldn't be! It _couldn't_ be!

_No!_

The heel of her boot caught on the ground as she tried to back away and Samantha felt herself fall to the floor as if in slow motion, landing painfully and ungracefully on her backside.

_NOOO! _

Her scream sounded distant and distorted, as though underwater, fighting against the agonising smothering sensation of drowning. A deep, gut-wrenching fear set in, consuming her senses, swallowing her whole until she was devoid of air. The only thing she could hear was a rushing of waves in her ears and the elevated sound of herself beginning to hyperventilate. She looked up, into the eyes of a creature that would haunt her dreams for the rest of her days.

_A Collector!?_

The ugly alien monstrosity bore down upon her, its many evil eyes glaring at her in disgust. As it reached down its scaled hand to grab her, Samantha's survival instincts kicked in against the excruciating terror. She lashed out with her led and scrambled to get away, clumsy and weak, before succumbing to a lack of oxygen in her brain due to sheer and utter panic and stress. The hallway of the Engineering Deck was closing in around her, swirling, compressing, squeezing every ounce of her windpipe and creating a dizzying sense of vertigo. She couldn't escape. She caught an echo of her name being called somewhere in the distance, before finally keeling over, face first, and slamming against the ground, falling unconscious and allowing the impending darkness to guzzle her up.

* * *

"...isn't waking up..."

"...severe panic attack...be fine..."

"...anything you can do!?"

"Commander, calm down...must relax."

"Fuck that, Doc, her cardiac monitoring is off the charts!"

"Those are your monitors, Commander."

"Oh."

Confused, Samantha opened her eyes slightly, seeing blurred outlines of two people skewed sideways and the hazy sketch of what seemed to be the Normandy's med bay. _What...ugh...what happened? _Suddenly a striking fear took a gripping hold of her again. _Evil eyes, scaled skin, people screaming, dragged away by the hair, turned to bloody liquid._ Traynor jolted upright in the medical bed and sent the monitors beeping wildly.

"Collectors!" she screamed frantically, trying to free herself from the medical equipment she was strapped up to. _Life pod! Life-sucking pods! Am I inside one!? Let me out! Oh God!_

"Stop! Sam, its—"

"No!" Samantha gasped, trying to fight off the pair of arms that was trying to restrain her. _Scaled arms...Aliens! _She lashed out hard and connected with the Collector's face.

"AH, fuck!"

The beast recoiled and instantly released her, clutching its face. Samantha fell backwards off the side of the medical bed and slid onto the cold, hard floor.

"They'll kill us all!" she cried, using her bare feet to shuttle back towards the wall and huddling into the corner of the room. She curled into the foetal position, tucking her knees up under her chin and grabbed her head, trying to fight the flashing images assaulting her mind.

_Collectors! Arghh...they're going to drag me away again! No, stop!_ _Stop it!_

"Samantha!"

She shook her head, closing her eyes tight, not wanting to see any more.

_No...I don't want to...I can't!_

"Leave me alone!" she screamed from her little ball.

"Samantha it's me. It's _Shepard!"_

_Sh...Shepard? _

A sudden bright light burned in her mind then. A woman, with flaming red hair and glowing orange eyes. _She fought the beasts, didn't she?. She drove them back_. _She came to save us! _While Samantha and her parents hid in the corner of a warehouse that day, surrounded by Collectors, this one woman had rescued them...and Samantha had never gotten the opportunity to thank her. She didn't even know her name at the time but made the point to find out afterwards. The Hero of The Citadel. _Her _hero. Shaking, petrified still, she finally found the courage to open her eyes. Her vision was still blurry, but she could make out the hair. Red hair...

_It's her!_

"Samantha? Relax. Relax!"

"Shepard, it's a—it's a—a-"

"Sssshhh!" Shepard soothed, trying to grab hold of her again before she lashed out at her once more. The Commander sounded beside herself with worry. She caught a grip on Samantha's flailing arm to stop her.

"COLLECTOR!" Sam cried hysterically, pushing her away, recoiling from her touch and beginning to hyperventilate once more.

"Calm down, Samantha. You're safe, love. It's only me...only me."

Shepard ignored Traynor's continued struggles and threw her arms around her, locking them this time and holding Samantha's head against her chest, beginning to rock her gently. As Samantha squirmed to get away again, the Commander tightened her grip. Traynor tried to fight against her, thrashing wildly, but she was too strong. Finally she gave in and collapsed forwards against the Commander's body. Shepard's arms circled around her shaking frame, drawing her close, hugging her tighter than she ever had in her life. It was comfortingly reassuring. Sam clutched at the Commander's N7 armor with shaking fingers, resting her head on her shoulder. Her vision gradually came back to her. Dr Chakwas slowly came into focus, standing beside the empty bed, staring down at them with concern. She was holding a syringe in her hand, full to the brim with some kind of medicine.

"Hold her still, Commander. I'll give her another sedative," the doctor said calmly.

"No," Shepard said, shaking her head, "Leave her be. I'll calm her down."

"I need to treat your gunshot wound, Commander. You're losing too much blood. I can't wait any longer," Chakwas responded, "And Samantha needs treatment too. She's going to do herself an injury."

"I don't care!" Shepard snapped, glaring up at Doctor Chakwas, feeling Samantha's desperate clutches at her armor. Traynor had never been this terrified since that day on Horizon. All she knew was that she didn't want to let go of Shepard. Wherever the Commander was, she would be safe. She was sure of it.

_Safe..._

"Shepard," Chakwas complained, trying to reason with her now.

"Doc, she's freaking out," Shepard pleaded, "Her whole body's shaking like a leaf. I can't fucking leave her alone when she's like this. What kind of girlfriend would I be?"

"You're _bleeding_ out all over her, Commander. I think your nose is broken too. I'm sorry but on my list that takes priority," Dr Chakwas replied wisely, leaning down to where Shepard and Traynor were huddled together on the floor and placing a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Let her go, Shepard. Let me give her the sedative. It'll knock her out while I operate on your shoulder and get that bullet out before you get an infection. She'll be fine until then, I assure you."

Shepard sighed, reluctantly giving in. "Ugh... alright, alright," she groaned. "But I'm bringing her up to my cabin to rest when you give her it. I don't want Javik to be the first thing she sees when she wakes up. He's a fucking scary bastard."

At this Samantha started to freak out once more

"No!" she cried, struggling against Shepard again. "Don't let me go! Please!"

"Sshh," the Commander soothed, stroking her hair again. "It's alright, love," she whispered resting her head against Samantha's on her shoulder and giving her a kiss. She could tell she wasn't herself. "You just need to take it easy. Get some rest. I'll be there when you wake up, I promise."

Seeing the huge needle coming towards her, Samantha tried to resist again but Shepard's grip on her was unyielding. A little cry tore from Sam's throat as Dr Chakwas pierced her skin with the long syringe, injecting the pearly substance into her veins. She felt her head go heavy and her eyelids slip closed, and before she knew it, the impending darkness had consumed her once more.


	24. Chapter 24

_**Sorry for the wait with this one guys. My internet isn't working so I have to upload from work. Updates may be a lot slower than usual for the next few weeks. Anyway, hope you all enjoy :D**_

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Gentle music was playing softly somewhere nearby, lulling Samantha's aching body into a comforting state of unconsciousness. It felt as though she was resting atop a large fluffy cloud. Wrestling with renewed symptoms of sleep, and fighting off her grogginess, she raised her eyelids a tiny amount, finding herself staring up into the depths of space.

_Good Lord, _am_ I on a cloud?_

Stars speckled the night sky above, circled with light and a tiny shimmering of sapphire. Samantha breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for the peacefulness of wherever she was. It was glorious. _Has the war ended? _Curious then, she retracted her eyes from staring up into the abyss and scanned the dim lighting of her surroundings. A small music player was lit up on a bedside table, ringed with a softly swirling beam. Faint blue light shone from a massive fish tank on the right, and facing it, was none of other than Commander Shepard, relaxing on the sofa with her feet up on the table, reading a paperback book and smoking a cigarette.

"Shepard?" Samantha whispered, sliding up in the bed slightly and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Shepard glanced up and bounced to her feet upon hearing Sam's voice. She flung the book to the side immediately, quickly put out her cigarette in the ashtray and exhaled a plume of smoke, then rushed to Samantha's side, sitting down on the bed and taking her hand in hers.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

Samantha yawned and gave a little moan as she stretched.

"I'm...I...Are you wearing my glasses?"

Shepard looked rather sheepish then. She immediately took off the black thick-rimmed glasses she was sporting, which Samantha knew only too well, and folded them up, sitting them on the table next to the music player.

"Sorry, I found them at your terminal. I didn't think you would mind," she replied, giving her a little apologetic grin. "I get headaches when I read. It's probably the only peaceful thing I do these days and I don't think my brain can hack it."

Samantha smiled. "I don't mind. They look better on you."

The Commander chuckled. "Um...Thanks."

"What are you reading?" Samantha asked curiously.

"It's...nothing," Shepard replied, looking a little evasive. "Anyway, enough about me... what happened, Samantha?" she asked in a hushed voice, staring down into Traynor's hazy brown eyes, shaking her head slowly in confusion. "You just...flipped out! I couldn't calm you down. Doctor Chakwas eventually had to sedate you in the end."

"I..." Samantha wrecked her brain, trying to recall what had made her go haywire. Her memory was hazy. Suddenly her brown eyes filled with fear as they stared up into Commander Shepard's. It all came flooding back. _Scaly, slimy skin, evil eyes...Many, many eyes glaring from the massive triangular head. _She bounced upright and clutched the lapels of Shepard's jacket, instantly beginning to shake again.

"Ssh ssh shh!" Shepard soothed softly, guiding her head onto her shoulder and stroking her hair, seeing she was becoming frightened again. "You're alright! You're fine. Nothing's going to hurt you while I'm here, I promise."

Samantha whimpered into the Commander's chest, clutching her clothes frantically. "No...It can't be," she mumbled, more to herself than Shepard. "It can't...Must have been dreaming...Had to be a dream."

"What did?" Shepard prompted, kissing the top of her head, "Tell me what's wrong, love... Please. I've never seen you like this before."

Samantha took a few deep breaths and swallowed hard before trying to for the word. "C...collectors," she replied hoarsely. "I...s-saw one. I saw one on the ship!"

"Collectors?" Shepard repeated, leaning back and cradling Traynor's face in her hands, staring into her frantic eyes. The realisation finally came to her at last. "Oh God, Samantha, that wasn't a Collector, that was Javik, the Prothean we rescued on Eden Prime!"

"W-what?" Traynor gasped, confused then.

"He's a Prothean, sweetheart," Shepard said again, caressing her cheek, "And he's very much alive. The Collectors used to be Prothean, so naturally he's very similar to them. I didn't think you'd ever seen one before though. When I saw you on the Engineering Deck you were absolutely distraught. Dr Chakwas said you had a severe panic attack. I tried but I couldn't get to you on time. You hit your head so hard when you passed out."

"You were there?" Traynor asked. She couldn't recall seeing the Commander there. She only had eyes for this Javik creature.

"Of course," Shepard nodded, "I was standing in the elevator behind him. I wasn't about to let a new species walk about the ship on his own, was I, even if he wasn't a nasty piece of work? You really didn't see me?"

"N-no," Samantha replied, massaging her head, realising it was pulsing painfully then. Her skull did feel a little tender. She opened her mouth to tell Shepard why she had panicked but no sound came out. Samantha had never told the Commander her secret before. After that day, she had received counselling from an Alliance therapist and, after coming to terms with the attack, had never felt the need to speak about it again. She had assumed the issue had been dealt with.

_Still though, I'm sure seeing a damn Collector in the flesh once more would blow all that therapy out of the water._

"Samantha," Shepard encouraged gently, tracing her cheek softly with her thumb. "You can trust me, love. Tell me what's bothering you."

Traynor took a deep, shaky breath. She gazed into Shepard's concerned green eyes, contemplating coming clean at last. _She'll understand, won't she? Better than anyone. _"I was..." Samantha dropped her eyes, beginning to fidget with the tiny golden chain hanging across Shepard's Alliance jacket. "I was on Horizon...when the Collectors hit."

"You...what?" Shepard gasped, her jaw dropping.

"I was there!" Samantha cried, beginning to shudder. Clearly no amount of counselling could have prepared her to ever come face to face with those creatures again. "I saw everything! My neighbours being dragged away, put in those life-sucking pods, the swarms of bugs that froze them solid. I was _so_ close to being taken as well, Shepard... But then _you _came. You saved my life that day, darling. You saved my parent's lives too! I wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for you."

Shepard's confused expression turned to one of sympathy and surprise then. She brushed her fingers through Samantha's dark brown hair comfortingly, staring down at her sadly. "God, I'm so fucking sorry, love. I wish you had of told me! I'd have warned you about Javik or... or _something_! I thought everyone was watching on the monitors though when Liara opened the stasis pod. Joker almost shit himself when the Prothean stepped out! He probably came to the same conclusion as you did initially."

"I'm sure _he _didn't have a panic attack though," Samantha mumbled embarrassedly.

"Hey, come on," Shepard soothed, as Traynor hid her face. "Listen, Samantha, I was on Horizon. I saw the result of the Collector hit, and when I was on their ship I saw what became of those poor people. It was the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen. You _never _have to feel embarrassed about being afraid of that, do you hear me?"

"I...I suppose," Samantha sniffed, brushing the tears from her cheek. She was so mortified for the way she had acted. It had just been so unexpected. "Just...can we...can we maybe not talk about it anymore? I worked out my issues enough in counselling... I don't want to relive is again."

"Of course," Shepard answered quickly, understanding. She knew more about PTSD than anyone, suffering from it on a daily basis herself. Sometimes talking about it just made it worse. "Lie back down and rest. I'm just gonna get my book again and I'll join you."

"What happened to your nose?" Samantha whispered hoarsely, noticing little rings of dried blood under Shepard's nostrils in that moment and seeing the bridge of her nose was swollen and bruised. There was also a bandage peeking out from under her unbuttoned Alliance jacket that Traynor hadn't noticed initially. Truth be told, the Commander looked a little more ragged than usual.

"Oh, nothing," Shepard replied in an off-handed way, touching it with her hand and grimacing a little. She slid off the bed and walked to the table to get her book and a rare box of cigarettes. Her gait was a little more hampered than usual, Samantha noticed then.

"Nothing?" she said sceptically, watching her limping. "You look like you're a little worse for wear. Did that all happen in the last battle?"

The Commander returned to the bed and lowered herself down gingerly, leaning her back against the headboard and stretching her legs out with a painful groan and stilted breath. She seemed reluctant to answer. "Um, everything except the nose."

"And what happened to you nose?" Samantha asked again, wondering why she was evading the question.

"Well...You, er...you kind of kicked me earlier...in the face."

Traynor gasped, her eyes wide in surprise. "What? Oh my _God!_" she exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand. "Did I really? Good Lord, I'm so sorry! I-I can't believe I—I broke your _nose!?"_

"Hey, hey, hey," Shepard interrupted calmly, leaning closer and placing both hands on Samantha's chest to lie her back down, seeing she was getting worked up again. "I'll live. I've suffered way worse than a kick in the face, believe me. Just relax, love. Please? You've had me worried sick."

"Sorry...I thought you were a Collector. I-I wasn't thinking straight!" Sam whimpered quietly again, feeling her eyes fill with tears as she scanned the damage she had done.

"I know," Shepard said understandingly, giving her a wink. "Just forget about it. I already have."

"Sorry..."

Traynor continued to scan the damage guiltily, unable to believe she was actually capable of something like that. Shepard's already heavily scarred face could have done without this one for sure. There were also some early signs of bruising under her eyes as a result. Yet the Commander's lips curled into a kind smile nonetheless. Unperturbed, she bent down and placed a light kiss on Samantha's forehead, leaning over her and stroking her cheek affectionately.

"Don't apologise, you weren't yourself...Even though I know you'd love to kick me in the face sometimes. A lot of people would. You'll be showered with flowers and 'thank you' letters soon I'm sure."

Samantha giggled, staring up at her. "You always know how to make me laugh, darling."

Shepard smiled. "Well, I guess that's a good thing seeing as we're engaged."

Traynor's heart fluttered wildly then. It was the first time either of them had mentioned their engagement since getting back on the Normandy. Samantha reached up thoughtfully, closing her fingers around the dog tags resting on her bosom and smiled down at them.

"I guess it is," she murmured, running her fingers over the lettering as she had done so often since that day. "Though we haven't actually got to consummate our engagement yet."

Shepard chuckled. "I know, and I would love to, Samantha, believe me. More than anything. But I'm not moving so hot at the minute. I feel like someone's run over me with a tank."

"Commander Shepard is recovering from the effects of taking down a Cerberus heavy mech practically barehanded," EDI interrupted over the intercom.

Samantha and Shepard chuckled. It was so easy to forget that none of their conversations were private aboard the Normandy.

"Yes, thank you EDI," the Commander replied humbly, looking up at the ceiling.

"You are welcome."

Traynor scanned the Commander's body once more then, realising that these injuries were the result of said battle.

"Did you really take down a heavy mech barehanded?" she asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Er...kinda," Shepard chuckled.

Samantha reached over and punched her on the arm hard.

"OW! What the hell!?" Shepard exclaimed, shocked at her reaction.

"How-Could-You!?" Samantha shouted, punching her more with every word as she sat upright in bed. "How-Could-You-Do-This-To-Me?"

"Argh! What the hell are you talking about?" Shepard replied, confused, struggling to get away from her flailing fist and cowering under her arms. "Stop hitting me!"

"Two weeks!" Samantha shouted furiously, "Not even _two weeks_ after we get engaged and you're already risking your life unnecessarily!"

"I'd hardly call it unnecessary," Shepard said defensively, like a child who was being scolded by her parents.

"What's wrong with your weapon!?" Samantha yelled angrily.

"Nothing!"

"Well why didn't you use it?"

"Well...It was...I mean...Ah hell, I don't know!" Shepard relented finally, shrugging, "I don't think much when I'm in battle, do I? It's all instinct, love."

"Instinct? Good Lord, Shepard, is your instinct to get yourself killed!?"

"No! Of course not! Fucking hell, why are you so angry with me?"

"Because I don't want to lose you!" Samantha screamed.

The cabin fell deafeningly silent. Traynor was breathing heavily, having laid it all out at Shepard's feet. She had no idea where her sudden anger had come from but she suddenly felt light in the head after yelling so loudly. She knew already that Shepard was a fearless soldier, but something about that last battle had struck a nerve.

_Does she just enjoy putting herself in needless danger, is that it? Jesus Christ, why would anyone want to fight a heavy mech barehanded? Only she would consider something this ludicrous._

Commander Shepard stared down at Samantha, stunned. She seemed reluctant to go within arm's length of her again, wary of being punched more.

"Samantha..." she began quietly, stunned by Traynor's outburst.

"Don't say it," Samantha replied, beginning to sob weakly. She stared down at the bed cover and began to pick at the loose thread protruding from it, not wanting Shepard to see her cry.

"...You're going to have to come to terms with the fact that you're going to lose me, love," Shepard finished harshly. Samantha sniffled, not looking up at her. This was so unfair. They had just gotten engaged! In a normal world they should have been enjoying themselves, planning for the future, not worrying about the moment that they would be torn apart. Commander Shepard cautiously walked towards the bed then.

"Isn't there any hope at all, Shepard?" Sam asked helplessly. Seeing her sudden rage had subsided, Shepard sat down beside her and placed a hand on her thigh.

"Only a fool's hope," she replied grimly.

"No," Samantha said then, shaking her head, "No, I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe that the future holds nothing for us."

"Hey, I didn't say that," Shepard replied sadly, squeezing her thigh reassuringly. "I'm just trying to prepare you for the worst, Samantha. The universe is on the verge of extinction. I'm doing my best to try and stop it but...we both know that everyone's going to be looking to me to make that final call. If I have to give up my own life to save yours and everyone else's...then I'm going to do it."

Samantha sighed. "I know," she whispered, looking up at Shepard then, her brown eyes swimming in tears. "It's who you are, darling."

"It's not," Shepard corrected, giving her a little smile, brushing Samantha's hair behind her ear. "Believe me, every part of my being is telling me to run away with you and hide somewhere until this is over. To let someone else do the dirty work for a change...But it's my duty, Samantha. My duty as an Alliance officer and a Council Spectre. What am I, if not a soldier?"

"You're mine," Samantha replied simply, smiling back. Shepard's grin spread across her face and she leaned in, placing a hand on the back of Traynor's neck and gently guiding her lips towards hers. Their kiss was tender and sweet, calming Samantha's fears and pushing her doubts to the back of her mind. She touched the Commander's scarred cheek, caressing it softly, cajoled into a daze by the sensation of the woman's tongue pressing against hers. Shepard's nose began to squeak comically then.

"Sorry," she chuckled, holding the bruised bridge as it continued to whistle. "I can't breathe out of my nostrils at the minute."

Samantha giggled. "Oh God, I completely forgot," she sniggered, observing the Commander's swollen broken nose. "It looks straighter than usual though."

"I know, right? Silver lining and all that," Shepard chuckled. "It's a pity I can't kiss you more though. I'd probably pass out from the lack of oxygen."

"How about a massage instead then?" Sam offered, throwing a cheeky grin up at her.

The Commander laughed. "No," she scolded firmly, "_You_ need to rest. You've had a rough day and I think you broke your fist on my arm."

"You've had a rough day too!" Samantha protested, scanning the Commander's injuries pointedly once more.

_She looks like someone's used her to sharpen their knife._

"No I haven't. This is just a regular day for me," Shepard joked, "I don't think I've made it more than 2 hours without an injury the past few years. Getting kicked in the face by my fiancée will probably be the highlight of my week."

"But—"

"No buts, Samantha! I'm not letting you out of this bed for the remainder of the day. EDI's handling your work for now and Doctor Chakwas is coming up to check on you soon. We're on our way to Thessia so we need to be fully rested." Seeing Samantha looked rather reluctant to relax, Shepard sighed. "Look, the soldiers get downtime when they're not on missions, right? You work full time whether we're on the ship or off it. So just humour me and take a few hours out. I haven't got anything on my plate at the minute either so I wouldn't mind spending some time with you."

"Well, when you put it like that," Samantha chuckled, "How can I say no?"

"You can't!" Shepard replied happily, fetching Samantha's glasses from the bedside table and putting them on again. Samantha's heart melted as she gazed up at her.

_My God, she looks so damn cute with those on! She'd murder me if I said it aloud though._

Taking Samantha's silence for acceptance, Shepard opened her book once more and propped it on her legs, beginning to read. Traynor exhaled and raised her head off the pillow, nuzzling into Shepard's lap instead, enjoying her warmth. Truth be told, she was still shaken up about her first meeting with the Prothean, Collector or not. The closer she got to Shepard, the safer she felt however. It was hard to stay away. The Commander stroked her hair in reassurance, and continued reading silently over her head.

"How the hell did I get in your cabin?" Sam blurted out suddenly, realising then she had no recollection of it. She felt Shepard's body shake with laughter at the bluntness and abruptness of her question.

"Chakwas sedated you in the Med Bay after you lashed out at me and I carried you up," she informed her, without looking up from her book.

"Really?" Samantha asked, impressed. "Wasn't I heavy?"

"A fucking tonne."

"Hey!" Samantha exclaimed, raising her head and giving her an offended look. Shepard laughed. She was clearly being sarcastic but Traynor, in her grogginess, hadn't picked up on it.

"I'm kidding!" she giggled, "You couldn't be_ that_ heavy. I managed it with a bullet lodged in my shoulder."

"Christ, you were shot as well?" Samantha gasped, beginning to straighten up to get a look at her. Shepard rolled her eyes and dropped her book, ushering Samantha back down again for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Will you _please _lie down and rest?" she said firmly, as Traynor's head fell back onto the pillow once more with the Commander's guidance. "Just relax, sweetheart. I'm all healed up. I'm fine...Try to take it easy. You're bound to still be pretty weak after the sedative."

"Oh alright...How about reading me your story then?" Sam teased, looking up at her, blinking her attractive brown eyes in a 'pretty please' kind of gesture. "I haven't seen a paper book since forever. It must be really old."

Shepard snorted with laughter. "It's a century or two at least. But you're not going to be interested. It's a..." The Commander cleared her throat awkwardly,"... children's book."

"A children's book!?" Traynor chuckled, surprised, "What on Earth are you doing reading one of those?"

"It was mine when I was little," Shepard revealed, blushing a little, turning the book over and scanning the battered cover fondly. "My father brought it from Earth when he left to live on Mindoir as a kid. It's been passed down the family for years. It was the only thing left undamaged after the Batarian fires, so I took it...I've had it with me ever since."

Samantha's heart simply melted. Shepard never ceased to surprise her.

_That is probably the cutest thing I've heard come out of her mouth...Am I sure I'm not bloody dreaming? This feels like an alternate universe of some sort._

"What's it called?" she asked interestedly, sliding up in the bed into a sitting position while the Commander was distracted.

"The Ugly Duckling," Shepard laughed, showing Traynor the washed-out illustration on the front. "It was always my favourite. Plus, it seems rather appropriate now, considering my own looks. I can relate to the little bugger."

Samantha sighed. "Will you stop thinking that about yourself, darling?"

"What, that I'm going to turn into a beautiful swan?" Shepard joked. "But you told me I would, Samantha! You promised!"

Traynor rolled her eyes and giggled reluctantly.

_Ever the jester..._

"Just read me the book," she chuckled, "It'll help get Horizon out of my mind."

"Alright," Shepard replied lightly, "You don't mind if I have another cigarette as well, do you?"

"I didn't know you smoked."

"Only when I'm on Earth. It makes my head go light in space, though I haven't seen a pack of cigarettes in years and those electronic ones are fucking awful," Shepard said, cringing. "One of the Cerberus troops had these on him when I searched him. Along with some jelly tots but I ate those on the shuttle. The Illusive Man obviously treats his men well...You know, when he's not turning them into freaks of nature and setting them loose on the Universe."

"Go ahead then," Samantha laughed sleepily, closing her eyes and resting her head on Shepard's lap once more. "If they're that rare then you may as well enjoy them. Now read me the book."

Shepard chuckled and lit up her cigarette, took a puff, then cleared her throat, ready to read her story.

"There once was an ugly duckling named Shepard—"

Samantha slapped her on the leg. The Commander sniggered.

"Alright, alright, I'll read it properly! Jeez, improvisation is lost on some people..."

"Read!" Samantha scolded, shaking her head in disbelief.

_Good Lord, for a badass Commander she sure loves to wind people up._

Shepard cleared her throat once more.

"Eh-hem...Once upon a time, beside a tiny stream on a dewy spring morning, an ugly duckling was born..."

* * *

"What did I tell you about smoking, Commander?"

"I only had one!"

"The ashtray says different."

"I already died once! And I'm not exactly worried about my health, Doc. Chances are it's going to expire in the next month or so anyway."

"Don't talk like that, Shepard...especially not after what I just heard in Diana Aller's last Normandy interview."

"What interview? I haven't given her one in ages."

"It's wasn't yours..."

Hearing voices nearby, Samantha opened her eyes and raised herself from Shepard's lap, leaving back against the headboard and looking around.

"Hey, gorgeous," Shepard greeted her. "Sorry if we woke you."

"You didn't," Traynor replied, "What's going on?"

"I'm wondering that myself," Shepard said, turning back to Doctor Chakwas. "What's this about an interview, Doc? Who has Allers gotten her claws into now?"

Samantha instantly cringed. "Me," she replied.

Doctor Chakwas and Commander Shepard both turned to look at her, the latter looking worried. Samantha gulped. What had she done?


	25. Chapter 25

**_Still got no internet guys. I'm uploading as fast as I can though. Apologies again. Hope you enjoy the latest :)_**

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Samantha waited with Doctor Chakwas, observing the look on Commander Shepard's face as she watched the recording of her interview with Allers on _Alliance News Network _using the private terminal nearby. She couldn't tell if Shepard was angry or not, but her stomach was knotting uncomfortably with both guilt and nervousness. Cringing at the sound of her own voice and seeing how flustered she had been under fire with the reporter's questions, Samantha still couldn't help but appreciate Allers' incredible editing abilities. The woman had cut out all the awkward pauses and half-answered questions and in truth, made it appear as though Samantha had been more than happy to do the interview and not at all reluctant to be there, as was the case.

An awkward silence filled the cabin as the vid came to an abrupt end, its picture skewed slightly (considering Samantha had run off in a rage rather than signing off politely). _I guess Diana couldn't fabricate a decent enough 'goodbye'. _Doctor Chakwas and Traynor glanced anxiously at each other then looked to Shepard for her reaction, waiting for her to explode.

"Excuse me."

The Commander got to her feet calmly and walked past them both, without elaborating. She strolled towards door, creaking her neck and cracking her knuckles ominously.

"Shepard, wait," Samantha called, following her and grabbing her arm. The Commander turned back, her face unreadable.

"Stay here," she said in a surprisingly soft tone, rubbing Samantha's arm reassuringly. "Let Doctor Chakwas give you that check up, Traynor. I'll just be a minute."

"What are you going to do?" Sam asked worriedly. She knew Diana had stepped over the line. _Not to mention I did as well. T_here was no way the Commander was going to let Allers get away with reporting something that close to her heart. Shepard may have been rather lenient where her crew were concerned, regarding strict orders, but even they knew their boundaries and how far to push their luck with her. Reporters, however, were not as bound by military protocol and regulations as soldiers were, a feat which Diana Allers loved to wield to her advantage.

"Relax, love, I'm just going to have a quick word with Allers," Shepard replied. She sounded composed but Traynor could see tension in her jaw and she knew what a fiery temper the Commander had when enticed. Flashbacks of her killing the Batarian on the Citadel in cold blood came to mind and Samantha grew apprehensive. The synthetic orange in Shepard's eyes was glowing through the natural green, brighter and more prominent than usual.

_Always a sign of danger!_

"Are you—"

"We'll talk when I come back," Shepard interrupted stiffly, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. She glanced at Chakwas over Samantha's shoulder. "She's all yours, Doc. I'll give you both some privacy...while I reinstate my authority on this ship."

"Shepard—"

"Come, Specialist Traynor. Take a seat," Chakwas began, ushering her away from Shepard who had turned and walked in the opposite direction, out of the cabin without another word. The door slid shut, leaving Samantha staring helplessly after her.

"Oh Lord, do you think she's angry?" she asked Chakwas, retracting her eyes from the door and allowing the old woman to seat her on the chair tucked under Shepard's desk.

"No," Dr Chakwas replied kindly, "At least, not with you, dear. Diana Allers wasn't supposed to release anything from this ship without the Commander's permission, especially not anything of such a personal nature. She was already on thin ice after cornering Engineer Cortez and covering a story on his late husband. Steve wasn't pleased."

"She tricked me," Samantha whimpered, as Dr Chakwas began to inspect her, removing her jacket to reveal the tight navy vest she was wearing underneath. "She told me she wanted to interview me about the Collector—I mean Prothean, but she really just wanted to find out about our relationship...And now the whole Galaxy knows. Ugh, I bet Shepard's furious with me!"

"Try not to worry. The Commander knows better than anyone what reporters are like. It was Admiral Hackett who made her take Allers aboard to cover the war effort," Chakwas informed her. Samantha was stunned. _So she didn't want her here after all? _"Shepard and the Normandy Crew are a beacon of hope to many in the Galaxy," Chakwas continued, "I'm sure the Commander's personal life is of even greater interest than her military one. She has never commented on it before. The last reporter who had the stones to ask got punched in the face."

Doctor Chakwas chuckled, as though remembering the incident fondly.

"I suppose they only ever _do_ hear about her professional exploits," Samantha agreed, "Still though, I wish I hadn't of let Diana manipulate me like that. God, I'm so bloody stupid!"

"Just take it easy, dear," Chakwas soothed, placing a hand on her shoulder to calm her as she ran a hand through her hair. The Doctor checked her Omni-tool. "You've had a rough couple of hours. Your blood pressure is still a bit high and your heart palpitations have started again I see."

"Agh...Sorry," Samantha croaked, clutching her chest having only noticed how heavy she was breathing, and doubling over in her chair a little. She stared up into the doctors little light as Chakwas checked her vital signs.

"Just relax. They'll pass in a few minutes...Now, how are you feeling?" the Doctor asked while silently diagnosing her. "The sedative I gave you was pretty strong but you seem to have gotten over the worst of it."

"I'm fine," Sam replied, composing herself and trying to stay calm. "Shepard took care of me. I was...still a bit shaken when I woke up initially. I'm sorry you had to see that, by the way. I usually don't react like that under stress but it was..."

"It wasn't like you, that's true, but your reaction was to be expected. I've been doing this a long time, Specialist. I'm sure it was quite a shock to see Javik. He looks so like a Collector. I was a little wary of him myself when I met him. I must admit, I still am even now. I'm not sure he can be trusted to..."

Samantha zoned out of the conversation a little then, feeling her hear go light. She tried not to think of the Prothean residing just a few floors below her and blocked out past terrors from Horizon that still managed to creep into her thoughts. It was only when Doctor Chakwas was standing in front of her holding two glasses of Serrice Ice Brandy, did she noticed she had not been paying attention.

"You're all done," Chakwas said with a satisfied smile, having not noticed a thing, "Nothing that a few deeps breaths and a shot of brandy wouldn't fix now."

Samantha grinned. "Cheers."

She accepted the glass and they clinked them together, sending the brown liquid sloshing against the sides.

"Am I allowed to say congratulations by the way?" Chakwas asked conversationally, after tasting a sip of her drink. Her professional demeanour had evaporated and she was now rather relaxed. It was as though they were just two women, meeting for a drink and a chat, and not at all in the middle of a Galaxy-shattering war. It was the first one on one she had had with the old woman, and Samantha found she rather liked her company.

"Congratulations?" Traynor repeated, confused, swallowing her own and feeling it warm her insides, all the way to the tips of her fingers. "What for?"

Doctor Chakwas chuckled. "On the engagement, dear. God knows, I never thought I'd see the day when the recklessness that is Commander Shepard would settle down."

"Oh! I...thank you, Ma'am," Traynor said shyly, giggling a little, "I'm not sure how much settling down there will be. She's still a bit of a loose cannon." Chakwas laughed. "I was surprised when she asked me, if I'm honest," Samantha continued, " Shepard comes across as so tough all the time, I...I didn't ever think she'd be interested in me in that way, never mind want to marry me."

Chakwas laughed. "I've known Shepard the longest time of anyone, dear...Unless you count her mother, and for some reason people never seem to count Amanda. She hasn't exactly been there for her. Shepard doesn't hold her in the highest regard."

"I know. We've met," Samantha said awkwardly. Chakwas smiled understandingly and continued.

"I dread to think how many years the Commander and I have been acquainted now. She's been something of a daughter to me over the years... So trust me when I say, I have never seen her this happy before. It's all down to you."

Samantha was a little stunned. "Really? N-never?"

Chakwas leaned against the table beside her and relaxed then, having finished her check up. "Really," she replied, smiling, "Saying Commander Shepard has had a hard life doesn't even come close to the truth. I mean, you've met her mother. They're not exactly close are they? No...She's been alone for as long as I can remember, Samantha."

"But... what about Liara?" Samantha asked curiously then. "Weren't the two of them...?"

"Oh, they were," the Doctor said, nodding, "For a time at least. Then Kaidan before that, and God knows who else while I wasn't scolding her in between for her promiscuous antics." Samantha chuckled, picturing that mischievous grin Shepard always wore when she was up to no good. "Before you, Liara was the closest I'd seen Shepard allow anyone to get to her," Chakwas continued. "A friend, first and foremost, but it soon turned romantic...As I suspected though, it didn't work out in the end."

"Because Shepard died," Samantha finished sadly.

_No way would they have broken up otherwise. Asari's are the sexiest race in the Galaxy (apart from synthetics) and Shepard's well...Shepard. One of a kind. Flawed and flawless at the same time... A diamond in the rough..._

"No, dear, I don't believe that was the only cause of their break up," Chakwas disagreed thoughtfully, reviving Sam from the thoughts of Liara and Shepard she had lost herself in. She still surged with jealousy when she imagined them together. "After all, Shepard returned, didn't she? No, no...I think their relationship always had an expiration date. She and Liara were close. They were certainly in love at one point...but I think they both enjoyed being alone too much for it to ever have lasted."

At this, Samantha realised Dr Chakwas had a point. Both Shepard and Liara spent the most time on their own out of all the Normandy crew put together. When not on missions, the Commander regularly hid herself in her cabin, while Dr T'Soni was rarely seen outside her office on the crew deck. Thinking back, before their relationship, Samantha remembered how little she saw the Commander on a day to day basis. In fact the only time she did see her was at the Galaxy map or fighting on the ground through the Normandy's monitors. Suddenly Traynor felt a little disheartened.

"She is a bit of a loner. Do you...Do you think our relationship has an expiration date too?" she asked uncertainly, looking up at Doctor Chakwas for her answer.

"Goodness, no! Not at all," Chakwas protested, placing a hand on Traynor's shoulder. "Is that what you got from that? Sorry, dear. I was just babbling on like an old bitty. On the contrary, I think the complete opposite about you two, if that's any conciliation."

Samantha smiled then, reassured by the woman's honesty. Something was still nagging at her though. "I just...I guess I don't really know her as well as I thought I did. Things are still so new between us."

Doctor Chakwas sat down on the chair beside her and placed a hand over hers. "It's natural to be scared, dear, especially with a future as uncertain as this one. If by some miracle the two of you make it through this war, then I'm sure you'll be very happy together."

"Do you think we rushed into this engagement?" Samantha blurted out, seeking the old woman's council. "I don't know...This bloody war is making everything seem so...hurried. Like we're both afraid we'll be dead tomorrow so we're moving a thousand miles an hour, trying to cram a lifelong of milestones into a single day."

"It's only natural that in such dark times when the future is looking bleak do we dive in off the deep end," Chakwas replied kindly, her words echoing great wisdom. "It doesn't necessarily make it wrong, Samantha. You just do whatever feels right in the moment and hope to make it through the other side. If there's one thing I will say though, it's that Commander Shepard is not known for her hesitancy. If she sees something she desires, she goes for it, head over heels. The woman has no fear."

"No fear," Samantha repeated, staring down at the floor as those words sunk in.

_Shepard really is a fearless person. Can I say the same about myself though? I trusted my heart once before and got it broken .I don't think I could handle that again. Once was enough._

"What if it doesn't work out?" Samantha fretted, staring into the old woman's eyes frantically, remembering back to her time spent with Elena in Spain. A mental image of the Spaniard and her friend ED flashed across the eye of her mind. "What if...what if it only seems like the real thing because this war is pushing us together? What if, just like Liara, my relationship with the Commander will fizzle out? What if, God forbid, she dies and we never even get to find out!?"

"What if," Chakwas repeated. She shook her head, patting Samantha's hand once more. "This Galaxy is littered with 'what ifs', dear. It doesn't do any good to sit around worrying about the future. You just have to play it out and see where life takes you."

Samantha felt a little ashamed then. "You're right," she sighed, staring down at her dog tags once more, guilty for even having doubted the strength of the relationship she had with Shepard. "I...I don't know what's making me think this way. Shepard just...seems so sure of herself all the time. I wish I could be. I guess I'm not as strong as she is. I can't see past this wretched war."

"Do you love her?" Doctor Chakwas asked simply.

Samantha imagined the Commander's face in her mind. The beautiful, mesmerising green eyes. The shape of her lips. The softness of her skin. The warmth of her body. Protecting arms wrapped around her as she slept. Sam grinned then, nodding vigorously. "With all my heart, Ma'am."

"Then don't lose faith in her now," the old woman replied gently, touching Samantha's cheek in a mothering way and giving her a reassuring smile. "Believe me, Commander Shepard wouldn't have asked just anyone to marry her, dear. I can promise you she is not rushing her decision for fear of not making it through this conflict with the Reapers. She asked you, not because she's lost hope, but because envisioning you on the other side, waiting for her, spurs her on to fight to the bitter end."

Stunned by the effusiveness of the Doctor's words, Samantha was speechless. She accepted the old lady's comforting hug, then watched her walk up the little staircase in front of the fish tank. Just as she reached the top, Chakwas turned back.

"I dread to think how much this war is taking its toll on Shepard, dear. She's already looking rather ragged...She will need you before the end."

Samantha nodded, understanding. "I'll be there, Doctor," she replied sincerely.

Chakwas smiled warmly, contented with her response and made her way towards the door. Commander Shepard re-entered before she could reach it, her face looking rather stony. Her eyes locked on Samantha's and her anger seemed to instantly deflate. Shepard bid Chakwas goodnight, and walked down the steps towards her bed, taking a seat on the end of it.

"Come here," she said softly, ushering Samantha to join her as they were finally alone once more. A little wary, Samantha did as she was asked, and perched nervously on the foot of the bed next to her. To her surprise, the Commander put an arm around her shoulder and drew her close.

"I'm sorry," Samantha whispered, unable to hold it in any longer, laying her head against Shepard's, and resting an arm across her body.

"Sorry?" Shepard snorted, confused, "For what?"

Sam straightened up then. "For that blasted interview!" she replied, equally as puzzled. To her astonishment, Commander Shepard started to laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing...You're just so cute when you pull that face," Shepard chuckled.

"You mean...you're not angry with me? I practically told the whole Galaxy we were engaged!" Samantha cried.

"So?"

"So...So I thought you would have wanted to keep it a secret or...I don't know..." Traynor faltered.

The Commander continued laughing, much to her other half's amazement. "Why on Earth would I want to keep our engagement a secret?" she exclaimed, wearing a huge grin. "I just got the most beautiful woman in the universe to agree to marry me. If we were on land I'd be fucking shouting it from the rooftops!"

Samantha's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked, stunned.

"Of course!" Shepard laughed. "Though I'm sure I'd be very drunk when I was doing it. I usually don't broadcast my private life without being under the influence of alcohol. Did I ever tell you about the time I climbed on top of a table in Chora's Den and proclaimed my love for their exotic dancers?"

"I-What?" Samantha exclaimed, caught in two minds about wanting to hear that story and stunned that she wasn't getting the yelling at she deserved.

"Yeah, not one of my finer moments. It was all over the news a few years ago," Shepard laughed, "I still stand by my statement though. They were fucking stunning!" Samantha gave her a stern, reproachful look. "But...not as stunning as you, love," Shepard saved, rescuing herself from the hole she was digging.

"Hold on!" Samantha said, raising her hands and closing her eyes, trying to get that mental image out of her head. "So going back to the original point,...you're not...raging I gave the interview?" she inquired, her eyebrows narrowed, as though still expecting the woman to explode all of a sudden and berate her for her stupidity and complete breach of trust.

"Look, I'm not... thrilled about it," the Commander admitted awkwardly then, "But I know how much of a handful Diana can be. I've told her off for cornering you like that and threatened to kick her off the Normandy limb by limb if she hassles anymore of my crew. Cortez was in bits over the interview she did with him a few months back."

"I heard," Sam replied, sickened. Using the death of a loved one for a simple story was uncalled for. Cortez was still trying to come to terms with his husband's death. Samantha knew he slept almost as little as the Commander did.

"I didn't really want everyone we know finding out about our engagement like this, Samantha, but I'm not angry that they know. It was never meant to be a secret."

"Even from Liara?"

Shepard made a face then. "I...didn't really think about that actually. I suppose I'll have to talk to her. It'll be fine though, I promise. Liara and I are friends."

"You really think she's going to take it well?" Samantha asked sceptically, "She still loves you, Shepard."

"I know," Shepard relented sadly, "But I'm done tiptoeing around her. She's going to have to accept that I'm with you now. If she's really my friend then she'll be happy for me. I haven't exactly had a lot to cheer about in recent years. Hell, I fucking died! I'm entitled to a little happiness, for however little time it may last."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Sam exhaled. "You're right, darling. I just can't believe you're taking this so well. I thought you'd go mental and cut off Diana's head or...or..."

"Are you afraid of me, Samantha?" Shepard asked, bemused.

"Do you..._want _me to be afraid of you?" she asked warily, still not convinced Shepard wasn't going to get angry with her. She was being extraordinarily and uncharacteristically calm about the whole thing.

"Of course not!" Shepard replied, eyes wide. "Christ, I fucking terrify just about everyone in the Galaxy. I don't want to terrify you as well."

"I...Good point," Samantha chuckled, "Sorry, I'm being silly. I just thought...I...never mind."

Shepard laughed once more and shoved her back on the bed playfully then, hovering over her, staring down into Samantha's dark brown eyes that were full of relief. She grazed Traynor's cheek with her finger, smiling mischievously.

"You know, I've got a good hour and a half to kill before we reach Thessia," she teased, glancing at Samantha's lips and licking her own in anticipation. "Any suggestions?"

"A few," Sam chuckled, lost in the golden-green eyes above her. She ran her hand up the Commander's curves. "But they all involve removing my clothes...and maybe a spanking or two."

Shepard laughed. "You don't have to ask me twice."

Samantha inhaled sharply as the Commander's hands slid under her tank top, sliding it up over her head in one quick fleeting movement. Laying her body down on top of her fully, she then claimed Traynor's lips in a rough, passionate kiss, laden with untamed hunger and desire and her fingers expertly found their way under the hem of her military-regulation pants. Samantha lost herself in the woman's arms, revelling in nothing but the rare moment of intimacy. Tonight was about them, about finally celebrating their engagement. In the next few hours the future of this war could be decided. Thessia was almost as ravaged as Earth. They might not even be alive for the return journey. Shepard was burying away her troubles in the only way she knew how, and Samantha had no intentions of denying her. _After all, _she thought fleetingly, as the Commander's lips sucked along her collarbone, beginning to make their way down along her nakedness, leaving a wet rail of kisses in their wake, _Sex is definitely the best reliever of tension..._


	26. Chapter 26

**_Kept you waiting, huh? :P I'm back! :D Apologies for the lack of updates. I just got my internet back in. It was hell without it. Thanks to everyone from the reviews/messages. I will get around to answering them soon but it's 3am and I'm exhausted right now lol Thought I'd update this before I go to bed though since its been a while. Hope you all enjoy! :)_**

* * *

Thessia was a disaster. Kai Leng had stolen the Prothean Data crucial to the completion of the Crucible, Shepard, James and Liara had almost died trying to retrieve it, and the entire planet had fallen to the Reapers as what remained of the Asari army protecting their homeworld retreated for their lives. Samantha's mouth hung agape as she watched the last of the Asari ships being blown out of the sky. Upon the explosions, she grimaced painfully, closing her eyes and turning away from the monitors at her terminal, sickened by the desecration of organic life.

_It's just...horrible..._

Just then, the elevator doors opened behind her and James stormed out. The shuttle must have already landed back on the Normandy with a dejected Shepard and her crew. Samantha chased after him down the CIC and grabbed his arm before he could enter the cockpit, where Joker was busy cursing loudly and slamming his fist against the controls.

"Are you okay?" she asked, staring up into Vega's sweating, dirt-covered face.

"Okay?" Vega repeated, shaking his head as though he'd lost all meaning of the word. A muscle in his jaw was twitching furiously. "Hell no...I don't think I will be for a while after that. See that destruction down there, Tray? Triple that for Earth! We are _fucked!_" Samantha's hand dropped from his tense forearm and she stared down at the ground. She felt rough, calloused fingers curl under her chin then, tilting her head back up. Her brown eyes met James', and his features instantly softened, along with his tone. "Don't give up just yet, Chica. Sorry, I'm just...I'm still on a combat high. Ignore me."

"No, you're right," she said sadly. Biting her lip, she thought of Shepard then. Surely this had hit her the worst. She wasn't used to the bitter taste of defeat. "Where's the Commander?"

James pursed his lips. "Still in the shuttle bay. Tray, don't—" He grabbed Samantha's arm as she made towards the elevator. "Just leave her... I think she wants to be alone."

"She's my fiancée, James. If I'm not there for her..." Samantha sighed, holding her forehead. "I just can't bear the thought of her beating herself up over this. You know she is."

James exhaled. "Maybe you're right," he relented, "Lola takes too much of the responsibility for shit like this. It wasn't her fault though. Cerberus have been ahead of us from the get go. She was lucky to escape with her own life, never mind everyone else's."

"I know," Traynor agreed, "And it's my job to convince her of that. There's still more of this war left to fight. It's not the end yet."

"I suppose. Liara tried to tell her that on the shuttle ride back but she won't listen to anyone. Maybe you'd have a better shot."

Suddenly the Commander's voice sounded over the Normandy's comm systems.

"This is Commander Shepard. I want the Normandy crew to report to the war room immediately."

James and Samantha stared at each other in surprise. She wasn't still in the shuttle bay after all. They both rushed to join the others. Commander Shepard was leaning on the circular terminal, staring up at the holographic image of the Crucible, all trace of natural green gone from her eyes, replaced with a bright burning, intense-looking synthetic orange. When the others had gathered round she straightened up and began to speak.

"Alright guys, listen up! I'm sick and tired of those fucking Cerberus bastards always getting the better of us. I want to hit them where they live!"

"Shepard, we're on our way to Earth for the final assault," Garrus interjected, "Do you really want to make this detour?"

"We have no choice," the Commander replied, "The Crucible won't work without the Catalyst. What's the point in going to Earth to get slaughtered? Because that's what's going to happen, Garrus. We have nothing right now, nothing to fight the Reapers apart from this massive contraption that's completely useless in its current form."

She gestured up to the floating holographic Crucible with disgust. Garrus followed her gaze and fell silent.

"This sounds good in theory," Javik intervened, "Against the Reapers we are all primitives. Their technology is too advanced for conventional warfare. The Commander is right. We will be wiped of the face of the Earth, assuming we even make it that far."

Samantha glanced around at the Normandy Crew's faces, seeing the blue light from the war terminal reflecting on their sombre features. Shepard was leaning on the terminal with both hands, seemingly desperate for some form of action. She looked eager to hit something.

"Liara, got anything?"

Liara shook her head solemnly, still nursing a deep gash on her forehead from the last battle.

"Nothing?!" Shepard asked angrily, straightening up. Obviously the Shadow Broker having no information was a surprise to her. "You have no idea where we could find Cerberus?"

"I do not," Liara replied firmly, "I am sorry, Shepard. I deal in information and The Illusive Man is just that...Illusive. There is not even a hint of a rumour on his whereabouts. At least none that I have not already checked out. He is a ghost."

"He can't be a fucking ghost!" Shepard yelled, throwing her arms up in the air in frustration. "He's out there somewhere! I'm going to find him and when I do I'm going to wring his fucking neck for his betrayals!"

"Please calm down, Commander," Dr Chakwas pled from Samantha's right.

"Calm down?" Shepard repeated furiously, rounding on her. Traynor actually took a step back in fear, as did a few others behind her. The Commander was in full, imposing military mode. She was not to be messed with right not. "We just fucking lost Thessia, Doc! A whole damn planet! If anyone has any other ideas about what to do next them I'm all ears! Enlighten me!"

Chakwas fell quiet as well then, obviously having nothing.

"I say we hit those motherfuckers where they live!" James growled threateningly, punching his fist into his hand.

"I'm with James," Shepard agreed, walking back to the terminal and leaning over it again. "Anyone got any info? Somewhere to start?"

Samantha stood side by side with the rest of the crew (shivering ever so slightly as Javik's scaly arm rubbed against hers) listening to Commander Shepard's last ditch attempts at continuing this losing battle she was facing. As she watched the woman's red lips move, Traynor found it hard to concentrate however, despite the ominous, looming danger that awaited them all in the next few hours. Instead, she caught herself drifting off into memories of only a few hours ago, when those same lips of the Commander were grazing wetly across every inch of her body. Remembering the sensation of Shepard's tongue, as she stared up at her from between her legs, Samantha shivered involuntarily, feeling her well-satisfied womanhood still throb with longing at the thought.

_Christ, that sex was mind-blowing...Not the time, Samantha, pull yourself together! What are you thinking?_

Giving herself a little shake, and trying to concentrate on Commander Shepard's fiery speech, Samantha focused on the woman's eyes instead. She had never seen them look so less human before now. The synthetic influence had never been more prominent. After several seconds, her gaze began to drop to Shepard's armor, seeing the deep holes littering her right side and realising that Shepard had been shot several times. Yet she seemed to be stable. She was operating on adrenaline alone in that moment. Samantha brought a hand to her collar and loosened it a little, swallowing hard, feeling herself begin to heat up again. The ferocity of Shepard seemed to be turning her on.

_Good Lord! Why am I acting so deprived? _

She exhaled, trying to compose her thoughts, and glanced around at the Normandy crew beside her, afraid they had noticed. Everyone was focused firmly on Shepard though, who was clutching the sides of the war terminal, her knuckles white. Suddenly something vibrated close by. Traynor gasped as she received a notification on her Omni-tool. The Commander looked up.

"What is it?" she asked, eyes wide. Everyone turned to Traynor then.

"Well..." Samantha said, quickly scanning the live info she was receiving, "I believe, if my calculations are correct...that I may just have found Cerberus' headquarters."

Commander Shepard instantly straightened up, unable to believe her ears.

* * *

A few hours later, as the Normandy made its way through space from The Illusive Man's desecrated base, Traynor exited the elevator and walked out onto the Shuttle Bay which appeared to be vacant. In the far left corner a red haired woman was boxing, wearing a black N7 tank top and military reg combat bottoms in Alliance navy. Samantha could hear each punch echo in the distance as she crossed the floor towards Commander Shepard, who hadn't yet noticed her arrival.

"Nice right hook," Sam complimented, introducing her presence, leaning sideways on a few nearby crates and admiring the view. Shepard didn't look up, continuing her ferocious attacks. Her muscles were shining with sweat. She had been at it for hours.

"What are you...doing here?" she breathed, still punching the poor bag that had been beaten and battered many times before by Vega's massive fists. Shepard's didn't have quite the same impression on the leather but there was undoubtedly a similar amount of impact behind them.

"I thought I'd make sure you were alright," Traynor said, watching her train. "Kai Leng is dead. You got the Prothean VI to reveal the Catalyst, and you blew up Cerberus HQ. That's not too shabby for a day's work."

Shepard gave the heavy bag a relentless flurry of punches still.

"You did good, Traynor," she said between breaths then, glancing up at her momentarily, "We wouldn't have found them if it wasn't for you."

Samantha smiled. "I'm glad I could help, Ma'am, but it was you who did most of the work."

"Didn't matter though," Shepard grunted.

"Didn't...matter?" Samantha repeated, confused, "How do you figure that? You did amazing work on the ground. You rescued valuable data from Cerberus on your...revival. Doctor Chakwas is analysing them as we speak, trying to find out why your body is rejecting some of the implants still."

"I know all that," Shepard exhaled, "But I still couldn't save Thane, or Samara...or...Kaidan..."

The Commander grabbed the swinging punch bag then and leaned against it, sweating and panting. She closed her eyes and held it close with one arm, resting her temple alongside it. Samantha's smile vanished and she walked towards her, slipping an arm around her waist, feeling the warmth of her body and the tense muscles along her lower back.

"Come here," she said, wrapping one of Shepard's arms around her shoulder and walking her over to the nearby table holding James' guns. The two of them sank onto the end of it, sitting side by side. Samantha brushed a lock of red hair from Shepard's sweaty face. "You're exhausted, darling. Should you really be using what little energy you have left against a bag that's not fighting back? We're not far from Earth now."

"I..." Shepard faltered, still out of breath, "It helps me... think...I'm just so..._angry, _Samantha. I can't control it!"

"Ssshh," Traynor hushed, rubbing her arm. "Calm down, you're just-"

"No!" Shepard fought, shooing her away, stumbling to her feet again, "I don't... need calming down! I need to...need to..."

She tried to make her way forwards and lash out at the punch bag again but her legs couldn't hold her any longer. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Traynor caught her as she fell forwards and eased her onto the floor, rather more gently than she would have hit it, had she gone face first like she'd threatened to.

"Wow, I've got you, I've got you," Traynor soothed worriedly, sitting on the floor and holding Shepard's sweating, flinching body. The Commander rested her head back against Sam's chest, her eyes still closed. Samantha held her close with both arms locked around her. "Just relax, darling," she said softly, worried at how limp Shepard seemed to be. "It'll pass. You've just overdone it today, that's all."

The Commander opened her eyes and stared back at Samantha hovering above her. "Actually I...it's been happening me...more regularly. Sorry you had to see that," she apologised, her orange eyes full of shame.

"You don't need to be sorry," Sam replied calmly, brushing her fingers through Shepard's red hair and kissing the top of her head. "How long has this been going on?"

Shepard swallowed hard. "A while," she admitted, sickened by the notion. "It first happened after I saw Amanda..."

"Your mother?" Sam gasped, "Good Lord, that long?" Shepard nodded, her eyes rolling back into her head again momentarily as her weakened state worsened again. "Oh darling, why didn't you tell me?" Traynor asked, stroking Shepard's sweat-covered face.

The Commander snorted. "Tell you how I've been collapsing all over the place?" she replied, "Yeah right..."

"You're under too much stress!" Samantha cried.

"Christ, I think I'm gonna hit the next person that tells me that," Shepard replied angrily, her temper still not having subsided.

"It's true!" Traynor plundered on, ignoring Shepard's empty threat. "I can't believe I didn't know about this. You should have told me."

"Look," Shepard said stiffly, straightening up then, seemingly with great difficulty. "You know I love you to death-"

"Nice turn of phrase," Samantha scoffed, rolling her eyes as Shepard swivelled around to face her, sitting upright now.

"—But right now I need to be like a... machine," the Commander continued, "A well-oiled one...and every time I'm with you it makes me feel..._human_."

Traynor was stunned. "And...that's a bad thing?" she asked quietly, her eyebrows furrowed.

"It is if I'm trying to win a war for us," Shepard sighed, shaking her head and pounding a feeble fist into the ground in defeat.

"So I'm...I'm making you weak?" Samantha asked in a whisper, hurt by her words.

"No," Shepard breathed, staring up into her eyes. "No, I didn't say that. I said you're making me human...and that's a very good thing, something that I haven't felt in years...But I can't win this war as a human. Every second of it is ripping me apart and I just... I'm afraid there's going to be nothing left of me when this is over. I-"

"Hey, hey, ssh sshhh," Samantha hushed, hearing her get worked up again. She placed a hand on either of Shepard's tense shoulders. The Commander stared at her helplessly. Samantha took a deep breath. "So...what do you want to do?" she asked, dreading the answer. "Do you want us to put our relationship on hold or...?"

"God," Shepard breathed, shaking her head. She heaved herself to her feet and turned towards the gun table, picking up one of the pistols and examining it. "Of course not, Samantha. I just want you to keep this to yourself," she said finally, "I'm not spending this war sidelined in a hospital bed because I've passed out a few times. I'll sleep when I'm dead."

Traynor got to her feet to then.

"Shepard, don't—"

"Don't tell me how I should be feeling," Shepard snapped, knowing what she was going to say. The Commander sighed then, holding the pistol tightly in her hand like a lifeline. "We're almost with the fleets heading to Earth for the final assault. There's no point trying to convince me that I'll be safe anymore because I'm not stupid."

"I didn't say you were," Sam replied.

"Then don't treat me like I am!" Shepard yelled angrily, spinning around to face her, fresh anger burning in her eyes. "Stop telling me everything's going to be alright, Samantha! I just...can't _take_ it anymore!"

"Alright!" Sam hushed, moving closer to her, "Ok! I hear you...I hear you..."

She took the Commander's free hand in hers and stood before her, staring deep into her frantic eyes, knowing Shepard's well catered demeanour was becoming unravelled a tad prematurely. The most important battle of this war was still left to fight. She couldn't let her crumble now before the final curtain was drawn. Earth was only a few hours away. Harbinger would be waiting for her.

"Everyone's looking at me like I know what I'm doing," Shepard whispered, closing her eyes as they rested their foreheads together, savouring the sudden intimate moment.

"You do," Traynor reminded her gently, feeling Shepard's warm breath on her face, "Suck it up, Princess! We're depending on you. Don't start doubting your skills now."

"You said you wanted me to open up to you," Shepard reminded her, caressing her hand, intertwining their fingers, "Well, this is it. This is what I've been hiding from you, from everybody...I'm scared, Samantha..."

She opened her eyes, allowing a stunned Samantha to see the severe vulnerability behind them for the first time since they had met.

_Scared...? So the fearless Commander Shepard has finally met her match...a whole host of Reapers._

Something about the whole thing was comical. Shepard was actually embarrassed at the fact that the Reapers scared her. She was ashamed to admit fear, even to something which would crush lesser men and women. It just wasn't in her nature.

"I'd consider you a fool if you weren't," Traynor whispered.

Shepard's fingers tightened on the hilt of her gun. She was shaking.

"I don't like being scared, Samantha," she said through gritted teeth, a menacing look in her eyes, "It makes me uneasy."

Glad that she was finally opening up, but angry with herself for pushing her, Samantha touched the Commander's hand that was clutching the gun.

"Let it go, Shepard," she said gently, staring into her eyes, "Let it go..."

"No...Not until this is over," Shepard replied, shaking her head.

"Shepard," Samantha whispered, "You can't solve everything win a bullet, sweetheart. Your fear is natural."

"No, it's weak," Shepard disagreed furiously. "It makes me weak."

"It makes you human," Samantha corrected, "You may think you need to be some kind of machine to win this war, Shepard, but you're wrong. This universe has enough machines without adding one more to the mix. Now give me it...Give me the gun, Shepard."

Slowly, carefully, she began to slide the gun from the Commander's grip. After several seconds of reluctance, Shepard finally relinquished it. Traynor placed it on the table behind her. She then drew the woman into a warm hug, one which she seemed to melt into gratefully.

"Thank God," Samantha gasped, buying her face in her neck. "I know you're scared, darling," she whispered in her ear, "We all are...but just know that I wouldn't trust anyone with a task of this magnitude apart from you. You're going to win...And we're going to have plenty more nights together in a future free from Reapers and military life."

"How can you know that?" Shepard croaked, clutching her back, afraid to let her go.

"Because..." Samantha pulled back and took the woman's face in her hands, meeting her gaze, "...I believe in you, Shepard. And I'm going to be with you every step of the way." Shepard's sudden tender kiss took her by surprise. "Wow...I... thought you needed to be like a machine from now on," Samantha teased with a smile, gazing up into her eyes, tasting the after effects on her lips.

The Commander smiled warmly, a different kind of fire burning in them now. "Yeah well...maybe you were right. There are too many machines in this universe. Maybe I'd like to feel human one last time before the end."

Traynor's heart fluttered and she inhaled sharply as the Commander's kiss crashed over her like a wave, almost knocking her off her feet. She pressed the woman back over the table and pushed the guns aside blindly before lying down across Shepard's chiselled form, pressing her down, feeling the Commander's hands clutch at her back.

"Can we do this upstairs?" Shepard asked, between kisses. "Vega will be back soon to prepare for battle."

Samantha giggled. "Of course. That's probably best."

She took the Commander's hand and the two of them rushed to the elevator, climbing inside and pressing the controls for Shepard's cabin. As the lift began to ascend, Sam found herself pressed against the wall. Clothes were ripped and buttons were popped and somehow, after a minute or so, the two women found themselves half-naked before they had even reached the top floor. Shepard's well-toned arms were put under strain as she picked Samantha up in her arms, carrying her into her cabin, lips still glued to hers, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. When she sat down on her bed, Samantha's naked body began to grind against hers. Traynor thrust her hips forward erotically as Shepard's adventurous fingers pushed her underwear to the side and disappeared between her legs. She felt Shepard's back arch towards her and watched as she buried her face in her bosom. Although sex was probably the last thing an exhausted Shepard needed right now, Samantha couldn't control the animalistic desire burning inside her, knowing this could quite possibly be the last night they spent together (although she wouldn't admit it t her).

A few hours later, Traynor lay side by side with Shepard upon the sweat-soaked sheets as they both caught their breaths. She wrapped the corners of the blanket around them as the growing chill in the air gave them both goose bumps. Feeling Shepard press a soft kiss on her head, Samantha turned to face her, smiling peacefully.

"How long do we have?"

"About an hour," Shepard said quietly, looking away, up into the depths of space overhead through the skylight. "Will you stay with me...until the call comes?"

"Wouldn't you prefer to be alone?" Samantha asked. Even though she had no desire to leave her now in what could possibly be their final moments, she knew Shepard was something of a lone wolf in these situations.

"No," Shepard replied truthfully. "There's nothing to prepare and I sleep better with you here. I'd like to try and get some shut eye before we reach the other fleets. Who knows if I'll get another chance."

"Then I'm not going anywhere," Traynor whispered, tilting Shepard's face towards her and placing a tender kiss on her lips. The Commander rested her head against hers and sighed, closing her eyes then, getting comfortable. Samantha stroked her cheek, watching her attempt to drift off into the last night's sleep she would get. "Shepard?" she whispered then.

The Commander opened her eyes a little, caressing along Samantha's spine. "Mmm..."

"I love you."

Shepard's lips curled into a small smile and without another word, she drifted off in a perfect moment of peace. It was the calm before the storm, the glimpse of a future that looked bleak, and a precious moment of intimacy that neither of them would ever forget for as long as they lived.


	27. Chapter 27

**Wow, I haven't uploaded in so long that the jittery feelings I used to get in the beginning have come back lol Sorry for the long delay with this chapter. I haven't abandoned this or any of my fanfic stories, I've just been working on some original stuff recently. Hope you all enjoy this latest chapter. Reviews would be very welcome as I'm a bit out of touch with this story. Hope you all enjoy! :)**

* * *

The Reaper war was bloody...

..._Bloody_...

That was the only word which Samantha could use to describe what she had seen since the return to Earth, and even though it was extremely accurate in its use, it just didn't seem adequate enough to sum everything up. Maybe 'unspeakable' would have made more sense.

_No... not sense..._ _None of this makes any sense._

Samantha was pretty sure she could have read the Oxford dictionary back to front and replaced every word with its equivalent in a thesaurus, only to find that she was still unable to fully capture the scenes playing out in front of her in this final brutal showdown with the Reaper extermination squads. Her soft brown eyes had never before been subjected to such horrors, and _she_ had travelled aboard the Normandy for months upon months, fighting terrifying abominations of regurgitated Galaxy races.

_Well, watching the others fight that war from the moderate safety of the ship._

It felt like her retina had been scarred, seared...mercilessly scorched by the flames of war. Nothing had prepared any of them for this. Staring up at the monitors inside the Normandy, side by side with all who were lucky enough to still be aboard, Traynor watched the arms of the Citadel orbiting inside the Sol System, open to create the skeleton of a pentagon. With wide eyes and hearts in mouths, the crew desperately tried to stay upright as Joker continued to direct the ship out of harm's way, dodging Reaper beams which continued to rain down upon them from all angles.

"The Crucible's docking! Look!" Vega shouted, pointing, even though there was no need. All any of them could see now out the windows of the Normandy was the dark, ominous shape of the project the Alliance had been working on not long after Shepard and her crew fled Earth for the greater good. It seemed to be positioning itself in the middle of the expanded Citadel, towards the point in the middle where Admiral Hacket seemed to be having a one way conversation with someone.

"Shepard!" Samantha breathed her mouth agape.

Her heart swelled with pride while her stomach knotted in anguish. She knew no one could have made it that far, made this happen apart from the Commander, yet they had lost contact with her after she described the bodies harvested on the Citadel. Most of the comm systems were down. Seeing Shepard help an injured Liara and James aboard the Normandy back in the thick of battle in London, after getting them to safety without thought for her own, the Commander gave her final orders. Samantha had watched in despair as the fearless woman ran towards Harbinger and the Citadel beam which rested in the middle of no man's land.

"Commander? Something's wrong...Nothing's happening," Admiral Hackett's voice sounded over the Comms. Samantha's eyes were fixed on the monitors along with everyone else's. A deafening silence filled the Normandy cockpit, hearing no reply. After what seemed like hours, minutes, or maybe even days, something began to take place.

_An explosion? A beam? A laser...? I swear, if I live through this war I'm going to learn another language._

Before she could even laugh at the notion of thinking about something so trivial, Samantha's inward smiled was wiped away in an instant. The Normandy began to shake and violently shudder under their feet. Alliance ships soared past them in the opposite direction of the Crucible-Citadel hybrid which seemed to be powering up with an unknown quantity. All of a sudden an insane light scorched their eyes. _Have I gone blind? _Samantha thought, with a painful grimace. She succumbed to an instant, painfully pulsing migraine and her face screwed up in knots. Opening her eyes, seeing the rest of the crew were suffering similarly, she followed Joker's gaze upwards. A massive shadow in the shape of a seemingly derelict Reaper was floating towards the Normandy.

"JOKER, LOOK OUT!" she screamed hysterically from where she lay on the floor among the rest of the crew. Just like Vega's earlier pointing, this too was unnecessary.

"I SEE IT! HOLD ON!" Joker yelled back, swerving the ship out of harm's way. He took the Normandy higher than the highest battle into what seemed like the calm before a shitstorm.

All Samantha could hear was the slow, heavy breaths of her fellow comrades as they all got to their feet, staring up out of the Normandy. Joker swerved the ship around gracefully, ready to do another loop of the stationary battle field. Reapers were floating backwards and forwards, limp, lacklustre and, in every sense of the word...dead.

"Is it over...?"

Tali's question could barely be heard, even though there wasn't a single sound in the vicinity. Samantha glanced around in a daze, catching James' uncertain eyes, then Garrus', Chakwas', Javik's and finally Liara's. In the Asari's, Traynor finally found the overwhelming concern she had been searching for in the other's. For the first time, she was glad the Liara and Shepard had once been in love. Liara was the only person right about now who had any inkling as to how she felt. As if a synchronised action, they both bolted to Joker's chair and placed a hand on either of his shoulders, urging him to turn back for Commander Shepard.

"We have to save her!" Samantha shouted.

"She could still be alive, Joker!" Liara echoed. "Turn back! Stay in the fight long enough to make sure!"

"I know, I know!" he replied, "I'm going back in! Everyone hold tight."

"This is Hackett! Evacuate the area! I REPEAT, EVACUATE THE AREA! Joker, that means you too!"

"NO WAY, ADMIRAL!" Joker replied angrily.

Just as he began to turn the ship around, an insanely blinding beam of light filled the star-filled, debris-littered depths of space, heading towards them. Distracted as they were, no one noticed the slumped over form of EDI in her chair, resting against the co-pilot's helm.

"We have to get out of here..." Vega whispered, staring at the beam that was closing in. "JOKER, GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

"But—"

"MOVE IT! NOW!" Garrus yelled,

"BUT SHEPARD!?" Samantha cried, rounding on them all.

"SHEPARD'S GONE—"

"—CAN'T SURVIVE THAT—"

"—DEAD—"

"AH HELL!" Joker yelled, reluctant to leave the system without the Commander but seeing he had no other option. It was either that or they all died. He shook off Samantha's grip on this arm and turned the Normandy towards the nearest Mass Effect field.

"NO!" Traynor persisted, "YOU HAVE TO GO BACK! WE CAN'T LEAVE HER!"

James wrapped his arms around her, dragging her away as Joker shouted in pain, his brittle shoulder bone having cracked under her desperate grip.

"Tray, stop! STOP!" Vega soothed, falling backwards onto his behind as she lashed out, landing on top of him. "Stop please," he begged weakly, trying to calm her. "It's over. She's gone...She's gone..."

"N-no," Samantha moaned, breaking into tears in front of them all as the Normandy's mass effect core rumbled at full power, trying to keep them out of the Crucible's beam. "She can't be...she just...can't be..."

* * *

**Present Day**

-"Specialist Traynor, how does it feel knowing that Commander Shepard's body might never be found?"-

-"Ms Traynor, Ms Traynor, do you have any new leads on the Commanders current whereabouts?"-

-"Lieutenant, can you answer a few questions on your relationship with Commander Shepard?"-

"-Samantha—"

"-Comm Specialist!—"

"—Traynor!-"

Samantha fought her way through the huge crowd of reporters parked outside her home with her head bowed, trying not to be blinded by the numerous flashes of photography as the vultures bore in around her, looking for tomorrows headline. She could already see it now: 'Devastated Fiancée of Commander Shepard Struggles to Accept Hero's Death'. As she battled against the onslaught of the suffocating Paparazzi closing in, she began to feel claustrophobic. The very air she breathed felt like a poisonous gas and it was all she could do to keep conscious, buffeted this way and that with camera's pointing in her face and overeager reporters poking at her with microphones and Omni-tools set to record. Seeing a glimpse of the white paint on her front door through the cold, uncaring, unfamiliar faces ahead, she reached out and grabbed the handle, ignoring the constant questions being thrown at her from all angles. She slipped inside the house with great difficulty and snapped the door shut, leaning her back against it and closing her eyes.

_Thank God! I can't deal with this anymore._

Feeling weak in the knees and hearing the continuous scuffles of the reporters on the other side of the door as they set up camp for the night, Samantha broke down into silent sobs in the darkness of the hallway and slid onto the floor, taking deep, heaving breaths as she tried not to completely fall apart.

_Oh Shepard..._

She missed the Commander more than she ever thought she could. Almost a month had passed with no word. No body to bury. No hint of her having survived. No trace of her in the ruins of London, lying among the rubble with the rest of the poor souls who had lost their lives in the last fight the Reaper War had to offer. Samantha's heart hadn't stopped aching since the day Shepard had left the Normandy upon getting the final call to battle from Admiral Hackett. That last night spent together had been magical, special beyond words and something which Samantha knew she would cherish forever.

_I miss her so much..._

Suddenly Samantha's Omni-tool began to ring. She sniffled and wiped her eyes, then looked down to see who was calling at such a late hour. It was Vega. Exhaling, Samantha reluctantly clicked the answer button and closed her eyes again, resting her head back against the door.

"Tray, you there?" Came Lieutenant Vega's smoothe, gruff cadence.

"Hi," she replied weakly.

"How you doing?"

"N-not so good," Samantha admitted, her voice beginning to crack, "Bloody reporters...I can't get a moment's peace."

"Assholes," James cursed, "Bastards have no mercy. I almost smacked one in the face on my way from Alliance HQ. Where are you?"

"At home," Samantha sobbed, "Collapsed against my front door in the dark."

"Alright, I'm coming over."

"No...James, please, I don't want you to go to any trouble—"

"Trouble?" The Lieutenant chuckled. "Since when is it trouble to visit a friend in need?"

Samantha smiled despite her sorrow. "I...I suppose you're right."

"I'll be there soon. Hang in there. Vega out."

Traynor's Omni-tool light went out and the house was plunged into darkness once more. Taking a deep breath, Samantha heaved herself to her feet and walked past the full length window on the right hand side of the front door, blocking out the reporters yelling once more as they spotted her momentarily before she entered the kitchen. She pulled open the fridge and leaned down, bathing in its light as she searched from something to drink. _Preferably something strong. _Seeing an old opaque bottle of port deep in the back, Sam grabbed it then spun back to the black marble counter behind her and popping out the already open cork. It must have been there nearly a year, since the last time she had set foot in her parent's house on Earth. This place was nothing like before though, barely standing after the war. Samantha scanned the dilapidated remains of the once elegant dwelling then reached for a wine glass nearby and tipped the bottle on its head. Only a dribble trickled out.

"Balls!" she complained, smacking the counter in frustration. She turned on the lamp in front of her then, revealing the numerous datapads that were spread out across the marble surface, each containing valuable information on Commander Shepard's possible whereabouts.

_Where are you, darling?_

A noise in the hallway made her jump. Samantha grabbed the empty bottle in her hand, ready to throw it at whichever foolish reporter had just broken into her house to get the latest scoop. She looked up to see a large silhouette of a man enter the kitchen.

"Wow, hold up, Tray! It's me!" James said quickly, putting up a hand to shield himself.

Seeing him come into view Samantha dropped the bottle and exhaled with relief.

"Christ, you almost gave me a heart attack!" she gasped, as the bottle smashed at her feet.

"Sorry... The front door was open so I let myself in," James apologised, knowing how jumpy she had been recently. Being without Shepard made Samantha feel a lot more exposed, as though she couldn't remember how to survive without her.

"It's alright," she breathed, clutching the sides of the worktop like a lifeline, her head bowed. "I just... wasn't expecting you here so soon, and those bloody reporters have been bothering me all day. I left hours ago and they were still here when I got home."

"Yeah, I'm having the same problem. Joker dropped me off so I got here quicker than usual. That guy invents his own speed limits."

"Is he still facing sanction from the Alliance for disobeying orders to keep us in the fight?"

"Nah, they're being pretty fair about it all," James answered, making his way into the kitchen. "They knew he was just doing it to try and save Shepard. It doesn't hurt that Hackett's on our side, mind."

"I suppose he _did_ help me get this house back," Samantha admitted reluctantly.

"Yeah, and that's a start," James replied, staring around. Even in its depleted, war-ravaged state it was easy to tell that the house had once been grand. "Your folks spend a lot of time here?"

"Not much," Samantha sighed, "They preferred the freedom of colony life more. I bought this for them when I landed a job with the Alliance, but they were never able to settle here. It was a bit too grand for them I think. I may have gone a little overboard..." She sniggered, remembering how excited she'd been upon getting her first credit chit in Alliance colours. "They moved back to Horizon...Something for which I'm thankful for now. They have a better chance of surviving there than here."

"Too right," Vega agreed, staring out the window at the ruins of the neighbourhood. "None of these poor people saw this coming. The streets are still littered with body parts. I dread to think what happened to their hosts."

"Harvested probably," Traynor said, sickened. "Shepard's last transmission with Anderson aboard the Citadel left little to the imagination."

The Lieutenant placed a pack of goods he had brought on the counter among the pile of datapads. He picked one up and scanned its contents. "Still no word, huh?"

The Alliance was taking over any building fit enough to stand as Headquarters, but Hackett had ordered Sam's home in London to be returned to her. She knew it was because he felt guilty for Shepard's disappearance and unknown fate. Truth be told, Samantha couldn't help but blame him a little too. In her eyes, the Alliance had already written Shepard off as KIA, hence the reason she, James and the rest of the Normandy crew had set up their own manhunt here, away from military kinds and those who had lost all hope of ever finding the Hero of the Citadel alive.

"Nothing," Samantha replied sadly, straightening up then. She took the datapad from his hands, a debriefing from the last soldier to see Commander Shepard alive, and read it for what seemed like the millionth time. Feeling as though her efforts were fruitless, Sam tossed it to the side then and leaned her elbows on the counter, running her hands through her hair, frustrated. "Where is she, James?" she asked, suddenly aware that she was crying.

"Hey," James soothed, walking around the kitchen counter to her side and taking her in his arms. Samantha rested her head against his chest, and closed her eyes. He stroked her hair gently. "We'll find her, Tray. I promise."

For some reason, Traynor believed him. She wiped the tears away and pulled herself together. This wasn't the time to break down.

"Sorry...I'm just...I'm all over the place at the minute," she apologised.

"I know," James replied sadly, "That's why I brought some wine." He reached over and retracted two bottles from the bag he had brought and placed them on the table. "Chilean red. You can't go wrong with it."

Samantha smiled. _He read my mind._ "Thanks...Do I even want to know where you got that? Can you pour me a glass? My hands are shaking."

"Sure thing."

As the Lieutenant got to work, Traynor began to scan the data on Shepard she had collected once more, doing so more out of habit than anything else.

"I still can't believe she actually found a way to destroy those monsters," Sam said, tracing the holographic images of the Reapers with her fingers. "I mean I can, that's the strange thing... I never doubted her for a second."

"No one did," James agreed, handing her a glass of wine, "Apart from the Commander herself. But she did it. And Anderson too...They were the only two crazy and able enough to board the Citadel. They were heroes."

"She was scared, you know," Samantha revealed, her brown eyes filling with more tears as she stared at the Citadel in another datapad. "Before the end, I mean...But once she touched down on Earth, you just knew she was willing to do whatever it took to get the job done."

"Damn right," Vega replied, squeezing Traynor's shoulder supportively. "The Commander didn't give up easily. And we're not going to give up either." He smiled down at Samantha and took up a stool beside her. "Come on, let's get to work. Shepard's out there somewhere, and we're going to bring her back."

Feeling heartened by his words, Samantha pulled herself together and sat down beside him, each of them pulling new data towards them that would hopefully lead them to their long lost Commander. A month was a long time to be gone, but even now when all hope was lost, Samantha couldn't help but cling to the notion that her love was out there somewhere still, battered and bruised, too tired to carry on. Shepard needed them, and she needed them soon. Any longer and chances of a rescue would become more and more bleak.

* * *

It was dark and dank, not a thing in sight...Except her. Commander Shepard stood on the edge of a cliff, her arms open wide, beckoning Samantha to follow.

_She's alive?_

"Shepard!" Samantha called aloud, running towards her. She couldn't believe this was real. Her heart filled with joy. It must have been a mistake. Yet there she was, in the flesh, standing before her and wearing that infectious, impish smile that meant she was up to no good. Samantha laughed and continued running. Everything seemed slower somehow. Suddenly it became difficult to move her feet. Samantha glanced down at them, willing them to go faster. The Commander needed her. She was right there. This was what she had been praying for! She looked up then and realised that Shepard was getting further and further away. _Come on! _Samantha willed, dragging her feel along the uneven ground. Finally, after what seemed like an age, she stumbled into Shepard's waiting embrace. Elated beyond belief, Samantha reached out to wrap her arms around her.

"What the—? "

Commander Shepard disappeared into thin air and Sam found herself diving head first off the edge of the cliff. She screamed, but no sound came out. Her arms flailed around, hoping to catch onto a nonexistent lifeline...until finally she hit the ground and the world went dark.

"Oh!"

Samantha woke with a start and tried unsuccessfully to grab onto something as she fell over the edge of her bed. She hit the ground with a thud and dragged the blankets of with her, lying sprawled out across the hardwood floor, breathing heavily.

_Ow, my bum..._

She had been screaming. She knew it. Her throat felt rather scratchy and she felt as though she'd run the length of London and back again. Since Shepard's disappearance she had been having the same recurring nightmare, imagining the woman she loved in her head and finding her, only to realise that she was once again out of reach. Sighing, and wiping the wetness from her eyes, Samantha picked herself up off the bedroom floor and grabbed her covers, tossing them over the empty double bed. She massaged her lower back with a grimace, feeling a bruise forming under her skin and was just about to climb back in when her Omni-tool began to flash signalling an incoming call.

"Hello?" She answered sleepily, not checking the caller ID, face-planting the bed and closing her eyes once more.

"Samantha?" It was Liara.

"Oh...hi," Sam replied, opening her eyes, shocked to hear the Asari's voice. Things had been a little awkward between them recently. They were both grieving for the woman they loved. The only difference was that Samantha was the one engaged to the Commander, not Liara, something which made the irrational part of Samantha's mind a little possessive. She knew Liara was just trying to help though. She couldn't tell her how to feel, and knew the most important thing was to find Shepard alive before they started fighting over her.

"Samantha they...We found Shepard," Liara said in a hushed whisper.

Traynor bolted upright in the bed. "What? Oh my God! Is she alright? Is she alive?" she asked desperately, feeling her heart threaten to burst out of her chest.

"Sorry, I mean we've found her whereabouts," Liara corrected, "James spotted something in the live coverage of London and brought it to Tali. She traced Shepard's Omni-tool and found a signal. It's weak. We don't know if she's...Well, we don't have much time. The Alliance have dispatched marines to search for her in the rubble. Joker's coming by to pick you up and take you there. Are you ready?"

"Yes! I mean no, but—Yes, yes, come and pick me up!" Samantha exclaimed, scrambling out of bed and donning the closest piece of clothing, barely aware of what she was putting on.

"Good, ETA 5 minutes. See you then. Liara, out."

The orange light of the Omni-tool dimmed and plunged the room into darkness once more. Sam turned on the light and realised she was trying to put her shirt on upside down and inside out. She quickly adjusted it, buttoning it up over her smooth, tanned torso and then reached for her trousers, climbing into them three times before noticing they were on backwards.

_I can't believe it! Shepard could be alive! She could be—She could be..._

The alternate entered Samantha's head then. _She could be dead..._She sank onto the bed and froze then, all excitement having evaporated. All this time she thought that upon finding Shepard's body she would be relieved. Now, Sam was too terrified to move. What if finding Shepard's remains meant that she had to let her go for good? What if she really hadn't survived the blast from the Crucible? At least at the minute she still had hope not knowing! Seeing her love's lifeless body lying there among Reaper remains, bloodied and broken, would surly kill her just as quick.

Suddenly Samantha felt ill. She covered her mouth and rushed to the bathroom, jamming her hand on the button to open the sliding doors and falling to her knees. She leaned over the loo and a horrible retching sound filled the silence of the night as she brought up the wine and what little else she had consumed the previous day. Her head began to spin and a fresh wave of nausea overcame her.

There were footsteps on the stairs then as someone came thundering up them, calling her name.

"Traynor! Traynor you here!"

"G-Garrus?"

The Turian rushed to the sound of her voice and found her on all fours still.

"You look like hell," he said, bending down to pick her up. "Come on, we gotta go. Cortez has the shuttle running outside and he's being overrun with reporters."

Samantha allowed him to help her to her feet and tried to regain her composure.

"Garrus?" she said uncertainly, before they set off. The Turian looked back at her, seeing the look on her face.

"I'm not going to say it'll be fine, Traynor," he said honestly, more softer than she had ever heard him speak before. "I know what you're thinking. But we can't stand here worrying all day while Shepard could still be alive...She needs us...She needs _you_...Alright?"

Realising he was right, Sam nodded and allowed him to lead the way, pulling her out of the house by the hand to make sure she was still behind him. This last month Samantha had envisioned every which way Shepard's body would look if it was found, every emotion she would be feeling in every situation. But this wasn't something you could prepare yourself for. Either way, a few hours from now Samantha knew she would either be overcome with joy, or crippled with grief, there to view and confirm the corpse was indeed that of the woman she loved.


	28. Chapter 28

Flashes from cameras and Omni-tool lights disoriented Samantha as she found herself scrambling for footing on the uneven ground of the devastated city of London. There was wreckage everywhere, indistinguishable body parts littering the grey concrete of the once magnificent capital of England, leaving a deep trail of scarlet in their wake. Decomposing corpses lay on the roadside among the remains of Reaper forces, most unidentifiable. It was revolting. If there was a hell, this was surely it. Samantha found it hard to believe she was still on Earth. The air was so thin here, dry and dusty, with none of the usual dampness humans were accustomed to. Samantha felt herself become dizzy from the lack of oxygen and was slowly but surely losing her bearings. The only thing she was truly aware of was the cold, slimy, blood-soaked hand of Commander Shepard which she clutched to tightly as Vega, Garrus and numerous other Alliance personnel carried her on a stretcher towards the medical team waiting outside the Normandy on the edge of no-man's-land.

Shepard had been buried, underneath a pile of rubble which the others wouldn't let Traynor see. By the time the Normandy had reached the Commander's whereabouts, there were already Alliance marines carrying out the rescue. Seeing them at work, Samantha couldn't help but feel it was wrong...all wrong. It should have been the Normandy crew rescuing their Commander, as she had done for them on many occasions, not unknown soldiers who she'd probably never even met. They wouldn't let Samantha near. She hadn't even gotten to check, to make sure it was really her! Why wouldn't anyone let her see!? It was her fiancé for Christ's sake!

Grasping the Commander's still hand, she already knew her answer however.

_It's her...I'm sure of it._

A new group of reporters was closing in again, its numbers growing as the rubble began to lessen around the Normandy. They were cowering over Samantha and the others like vultures, swooping in to pick away at their prey until there was nothing left. Traynor could feel her legs begin to wobble as they squeezed into every ounce of space she had, yelling questions after questions. The stretcher holding the seemingly lifeless Commander almost toppled over numerous times as the reporters jostled for room, trying to get the best snap of the Hero of the Citadel in her most vulnerable state. Samantha cried out as she fell to her knees then, bullied to the ground by the relentless horde. Heaving against the huge weight on her chest, she began flailing her arm, trying to clear the onslaught of people blocking her way, as they continuously called her name and demanded her attention with mics and Omni-tools, assaulting her from all angles. She felt Shepard's hand slip from hers then and soon found herself on all fours, disoriented in the swarm of paparazzi.

_Christ...I can't...can't breathe!_

She clutched her chest, willing air to return to her seemingly collapsed lungs. Staring up through the moving crowd, she caught a glimpse of Shepard's body being rushed towards the Normandy by the others. Before she could get a decent look, a huge pair of hands reached down and dragged her to her feet. Vega had come back for her.

"Come on, Tray. They're waiting for us!"

He shoved past the bothersome flies and heaved her up onto the Normandy before climbing in behind her. The drivel of reporters died away as the doors to the Shuttle Bay closed behind them. Now, only the frantic medical team could be heard.

"She's not breathing—"

"—Huge laceration to her upper right arm. It's hanging off!"

"—No heartbeat—"

"—Implants have dislodged—"

"—Shattered ribcage—"

"—Look at her face-"

"Get her up to the Med Bay and have Dr Chakwas provide specs on her synthetics! We need a detailed outline before we can touch anything."

Through the babbling medics Traynor could just about spot the Commander's left hand, dangling loosely from the end of the stretcher. Blood was siphoning off it onto the floor, flowing as sure as a stream with no intention of stopping.

"I want to go with her, James," Sam heard herself say, turning to the Lieutenant.

Vega's ashen face became concerned. "I...I don't think that's wise, Tray. She's..."

"She's what?" Traynor asked angrily. "Why won't anyone let me see her? I'm her fiancé for the love of God!"

James sighed and hesitated. "She's just...She's..."

"Don't say dead! Don't you _dare_ say dead!" Samantha begged, feeling her eyes well with tears.

Vega grimaced and closed his own eyes momentarily, as though trying to erase something from his memory. "Not dead...no...Unrecognisable, maybe... It doesn't look good, Sam."

"She's not going to die," Sam muttered, shaking her head, "She can't, James. She just can't!"

"Hey, calm down," he said, taking her by the arms as she started to get riled up.

"_Don't_ tell me to calm down!" Sam snarled, struggling against him. She didn't want to be comforted. She was sick and tired of everyone treating her like some fragile doll. All she wanted was Shepard. "Get off me! I SAID GET OFF ME, VEGA!"

James suddenly recoiled as Traynor broke from his grasp and pushed him away forcefully, causing him to collide with a table full of weapons. The guns fell to the floor, clattering loudly and attracting the attention of everyone aboard the Normandy. Samantha felt their eyes on her, judging her, pitying her. Unable to stand it any longer she sprinted towards the elevator. James tried to chase after her, only to find his way blocked by Cortez.

"Leave her," Samantha heard Cortez say, "Let her go...Nothing you say or do will comfort her right now."

The doors to the lift closed and Samantha took a deep breath, closing her eyes and replaying Vega's look of shock in her mind. _I should never have shoved him. What the hell was I thinking? _She massaged her forehead, which felt ready to explode, and shook herself together. There would be time for apologies later. Right now, Shepard needed her. They couldn't keep her away from her any longer. Deep down Sam knew Vega's words spoke the truth, but she couldn't give up hope, not after finding Shepard amidst the rubble against all odds. She'd already defied death once. Who was to say she couldn't do it again, with or without Cerberus' help?

_Cerberus' help..._

The cogs in Samantha's mind began to work then. Suddenly everything became clearer.

_That's exactly what we need!_

Pressing the buttons on the elevator again, she redirected the lift towards the CIC, thinking of her workstation and one of the only remaining Comm lines that was still operational. She knew exactly who Shepard needed to come back from the dead: The woman who had brought her back once already.

* * *

A few hours later, Samantha walked numbly through the Normandy's corridors, heading towards the Med Bay. The Normandy had landed in an Alliance docking bay and was waiting for clearance, preparing for decontamination and the arrival of Shepard's body. Things seemed to have calmed down for now. The Med Bay was devoid of the strange doctors and nurses as before, with only Chakwas left overseeing the still body of a woman on a bed in the far right corner. Hearing the door to the Med Bay slide open, she looked up.

"Samantha," Chakwas began sympathetically, placing her datapad on her desk and getting to her feet, "How are you, dear?"

Sam didn't take her eyes off Shepard. "I'm..."

She wanted to say fine, but the word never came out. There was a sick feeling resting in the pit of her stomach. She was suddenly afraid of what she might find. As she neared closer to Shepard's body, she stopped in horror. The right side of the Commander's face, the side furthest from her, was torn open, the skin peeled back from her chin all the way up to just under her right eye. Shining through the gash was a glowing orange synthetic implant, showing just how much cosmetic work Cerberus had actually done on her.

"Oh my God..." Sam gasped, clutching her chest. She couldn't breathe. Dr Chakwas wrapped an arm around her, seeing she was unsteady on her feet.

"It's alright, dear. Try not to worry. She's stable for now. We got a faint heartbeat and she's breathing again...You can come closer. Here, sit down."

Fighting back her tears, Sam allowed the doctor to guide her over to the side of Shepard's bed and place her down on the chair alongside it. The beeping of numerous machines Shepard was linked up to seemed to lull Traynor into a trance. With a shaking hand, Samantha reached over and brushed back the frayed ends of Shepard's red hair, feeling how cold the woman's forehead was.

"Is it really her, Karin?" she asked timidly, staring down at the Commander with wide eyes. Vega was right. She was almost unrecognisable. The hair on the right side of her head had been singed in patches, leaving it uneven. Her pretty face was whiter than usual (if that were possible), scattered with cuts and scars and caked with streaks of dirty blood. Yet underneath all of the horror something familiar of the woman remained. There was still beauty to be found amidst the nightmare. She seemed to be breathing just as Chakwas had said. _That's a good sign, _Samantha thought, her fretting lessening a little white linen bed cover that was pulled up over the Commander's shoulders seemed to rise and fall gently, as each ragged breath blew from her mouth, past her crusted, dry, damaged lips. Samantha dreaded to imagine the injuries the blanket was covering. Bloodstains were already seeping through in some places.

After a few moments, Chakwas nodded and gave her a kind smile. "It's her," she said reassuringly, rubbing her back comfortingly. "Don't worry, dear, she's been in worse states than this, believe me."

"Too right she has!"

Sam and Chakwas jumped and spun around as the Med Bay door slid open once more. Miranda strode inside, looking as impossibly beautiful as ever, as though she'd never even been in a war, let alone been in one recently. Sam smiled upon seeing her.

"You came!" she gushed, "I-I-I didn't think you'd get my message!"

Miranda grinned. "Even after you broke through the firewalls on my Omni-tool and hacked my inbox to plant it there?" Samantha flushed red with embarrassment. To her surprise, Miranda chuckled however. "If Cerberus was still going I'm sure The Illusive Man would have tried to recruit you by now," she joked, "Hacking skills like those, you should be working for someone other than the Alliance...Someone with less red tape."

Traynor managed a little smile at the compliment. "Sorry," she said hastily, "I just...You're the only person I could think of to really help her right now. I mean, you already brought her back from the dead once, right?"

"Indeed," Miranda nodded, "However that was with endless resources and a whole host of Cerberus medical staff at my back. She...she looks terrible...If that's what her armor looks like, then I dread to think of the damage to her body." The three of them stared at the remains of Shepard's N7 armor that lay discarded on a table in the corner. There was hardly any of it left. "I heard she's already had surgery."

"She has," Chakwas replied, "There's a huge laceration to her right side and her ribcage was shattered due to the large piece of concrete that had pinned her down. She's severely dehydrated and malnourished so we've put her on a drip until she wakes up...If she wakes up. She's not out of the woods yet by any means."

Traynor's heart sunk. "So you're...You're saying you can't do anything for her?" she asked desperately, looking at both of them helplessly.

"Not at all," Miranda reassured her, drawing her eyes away from Commander's Shepard's body. "I'm going to help in any way I can, but I'm just asking you not to expect too much, Traynor. There's only so much _any_ of us can do right now after the war. The resources we need are scarce and hard to find at the minute."

"I...understand," Sam replied quietly, her head bowed. She turned back to Shepard and reached down, taking her hand. "Just...do what you can for her."

"I'll send word to some of my contacts and see what I can find," Miranda promised, "Aria T'Loak, Captain Bailey and a few others are still alive on the Citadel so maybe they have some agents on Earth who could assist us. Jack is still around too and a few other familiar faces. I'll try and get in touch with them but...I'll need your help, Traynor...If you're willing."

Even through her state of grieving, Samantha noticed how difficult it was for Miranda to ask for her assistance. The woman was too damn proud for her own good.

_Just like Shepard. Now I understand why the two of them get along so well, despite their shady Cerberus history._

"Of course!" Sam replied, reluctantly letting Shepard's hand go. "Anything you need! We can use my workstation in the CIC. The Comm line is strongest there, and I've got EDI overseeing things...It's just a shame she doesn't have the body of hers any longer though. We might have gotten this done a whole lot quicker."

"I bet Joker's devastated," Miranda joked. "What about Liara?"

Samantha hesitated. Her relationship with Liara had been strained as of late. "I...I don't know. I'm sure she'll be willing to help if you ask."

Miranda skipped over the awkwardness. "Come on. Let's get to work. There's no point crying at Shepard's bedside when we can be of better use to her somewhere else." Her words were harsh but Sam realised she had a point. "Shepard wouldn't want us seeing her like this anyway."

Samantha stared back at her love, lying there on a slab like a minced up piece of meat. Miranda was right. Shepard wouldn't have wanted her to sit by idly and leave her in the hands of others less skilled.

"She's in good hands," Chakwas said then, as though reading Samantha's mind.

"The sooner we get started the better," Miranda continued, "They're going to stretcher Shepard out to an Alliance hospital soon but they're not sure how to move her. She's already had extensive surgery...so the silver lining is we have some time to try and get the supplies there before her. That way I'll be able to take over and direct the procedures in her best interests. Do you know any specialised doctors you can contact? Someone you trust?"

Samantha hesitated. Yes...Yes, she did know a doctor. Weather she could trust her though was another thing. If the past was anything to go by, the sure answer was no.

"Yes," Traynor said a little unsure, "I'll...try to get in contact with them."

"Good," Miranda said with a nod, "Let them know if you have any joy. Doctor Chakwas, I'll send you a list of what I'll need to begin and you can inform the Alliance medics that we'll be taking over."

"Of course," the doctor replied. "Shall I tell them to prepare a few skin grafts for her right side?"

"Good idea. At least I'll be able to cover those implants properly again and close up that wound on her cheek. She'll have her pretty face back in no time."

"Thank you, Miranda," Samantha said, giving her a nod. "Seriously...I mean it...You've given me some hope."

"Don't mention it. Now let's get to work."

* * *

Hours later, Samantha jolted awake with a start in a dark hospital room. Confused, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and lifted her head, hearing the constant beeping of heart monitors and other machines. She realised then that she'd fallen asleep with her head on Shepard's shoulder. A faint outline of the woman's still form was visible in the semi-darkness of the room. Samantha straightened up and stretched, massaging her neck, feeling discomfort there due to the angle she had been lying.

_God, I wonder what time it is. _She checked the time on her Omni-tool. It was 4am. _I must have slept the rest of the day away. _

She got to her feet and turned on the lamp on the bedside table, then leaned over and examined Shepard's condition. The wound on her face had been sewn up and was now covered with gauze to protect it from infection. Miranda had done a great job. Shepard wasn't better by any means, but at least there was more hope for her to pull through. She was now heavily sedated to prevent her from waking up prematurely. Samantha leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead, thankful that Miranda had at least allowed her to clean Shepard up, ridding her of the blood and gunge she was cover in from head to toe. As Sam stood by her bedside, stroking what remained of the Commander's red hair, a familiar voice spoke behind her.

"Samantha...It's been a while._"_

Traynor turned to find Dr Elena Torres Sanz walking down the ward towards her. She began to check the Commander's notes that were on a datapad strapped to the end of her bed.

"How is she?" Samantha asked.

"Recovering...Slowly," Elena replied, stunned by the collection of Shepard's medical history. "_Es increíble_ that she is still alive..._Un milagro_..."

_A miracle is right, _Samantha thought inwardly. In the faint light, she couldn't help but notice Elena's misshapen nose and a small scar across its bridge. _Shepard must have elbowed her pretty hard that time on the Citadel. _Feeling rather smug, amused at the memory, Samantha tried not to smile. That day in Purgatory seemed like another lifetime ago now.

"That's good news," she breathed, turning back to Shepard and gently brushing her fingers along her cheek affectionately.

"Well, I'm very good at my job," Elena replied, matter-of-factly.

"I know," Sam replied reluctantly, "That's...why I called you."

Elena chuckled and dazzled her with a beautiful smile that Samantha was reluctant to admit stirred up some feelings of attraction that she used to feel for her in the past.

"What, there were no other doctors in the hospital?" the Spanish woman teased.

"None who were as skilled as you," Sam said, trying not to make it sound like a compliment. By the glowing look on Elena's face she had failed miserably though.

"I must say, Samantha, I was surprised to receive your call," Elena continued, brushing a lock of her dark brown hair behind her ear and fluttering her eyelashes at her. "After the way we left things last time...I've missed you."

"I called you here for Shepard," Samantha said evasively, turning away from her, "Nothing more, Elena."

"And you're very lucky that I came," the doctor stated, "Commander Shepard may be a hero and saviour of the Galaxy, but I'm not one to forget when someone elbows me in the face...I almost didn't come."

"I'm very grateful that you did, Elena, really...But it still doesn't change anything between us. I'm with Shepard now."

Dr Elena set down the datapad and moved closer to then, taking Samantha's hand in hers. "Sam..._Mi amor..._"

"Stop calling me that," Samantha snapped, shaking her head. "I'm not yours anymore. I'm Shepard's."

"Are you really telling me that you don't feel anything for me anymore?" Elena pressed, staring deep into Samantha's eyes as though looking for a familiar spark.

"Does that actually surprise you?" Sam asked in disbelief. Elena swore in Spanish.

"I made a mistake, Samantha! _Madre de Dios, _are you ever going to forgive me?"

"NO!" Sam snapped, pulling her hand from Elena's, her anger flaring now. "You _broke_ us, Elena!"

"Ay! Don't be so _damn_ dramatic!" Elena said, rolling her eyes almost as much as her 'r's. "I made a mistake, _preciosa._"

"Yes, but that mistake just happened to be getting caught," Sam retorted smartly. "You certainly didn't make a mistake when you slept with Ed."

"He broke my heart in the end..."

"And you broke mine!" Samantha shouted, not giving sympathy where it wasn't due. "I'm not going to deny that I feel nothing for you, Elena. We have history after all...But nothing is ever going to tear me away from Shepard. She's my fiancé for Christ's sake!"

Elena blanched. "Fiancé?" she repeated, looking as though she'd been elbowed in the face again. Her features hardened then. "It's a mistake...What kind of a future do you think you are going to have with this woman, Samantha?"

"Excuse me!?" Traynor asked, taken aback by the audacity of the question.

"Look at her!" Elena thundered on, seemingly oblivious to the line she was overstepping right about now. "She can never give you the life I could. She may not even pull through this! And then what are you going to do, Samantha? Huh!?"

Sam's eyes started to fill with tears then. She was too stressed and exhausted to deal with all of this right now. "Get out," she said weakly, her jaw tightening.

"What?" Elena snapped.

"I SAID GET OUT!" Samantha yelled hysterically, feeling her tears seep over and spill down her cheeks. She was shaking with anger. She grabbed fistfuls of her hair and sank down into the chair behind her, unable to control her sobs. Elena placed a comforting hand on her shoulder which she shook off.

"You know where I am, Samantha," she said gently then, after several seconds of stunned silence. "If you need anything...And I really mean anything. I'm not going to let you go so easily this time."

"Just go, Elena...Please...I just need you to go..."

She heard the woman sigh and listened as her footsteps died away, walking down the ward and leaving her alone with Shepard. As soon as she was sure Elena was gone, Samantha looked up and turned her attention back to Shepard again. _Come on, darling...Please pull through...I don't know what I'd do if I lost you._

"Shepard," she cried gently, staring down into her beautiful bruised face and feeling her heart break. "Come back..."

Commander Shepard remained in her unconscious state, unmoving and as unresponsive as before...


	29. Chapter 29

Samantha carried the numerous flowers and other gifts from Commander Shepard's admirers up to the ward she was on, ready to set them alongside all the rest. Her wing of the hospital was completely packed with numerous well-wishers and Alliance personnel, all eager to pay their respects to their Commander. The Normandy crew were providing extra security outside her room to make sure her dignity was protected in her weakened state. The Hero of the Galaxy was sure to attract attention, and since flowers were so few and far between after the Reaper battle, it was a spectacular sight to see such beautiful ones lined up amidst the chaos of the war-ravaged hospital. Smiling to herself as she smelled the flowers, Samantha knew the Commander would be disgusted by the sight of them. She'd think them too girly for someone as tough as herself, and be wary of a pending onslaught of teasing from her crew.

Shielding herself from the reporters trying to photograph her for the millionth time as she entered the Commander's room, Samantha quickly closed the door behind her and rested her forehead against it, taking a deep breath. _Christ, I'm exhausted...How many photos of me grieving do they want? _She closed her eyes for a moment and waited for her head to stop spinning. Suddenly someone cleared their throat behind her and she jumped in fright, dropping the flowers and other gifts to the floor.

"Hey...Bad time?"

Samantha turned around slowly and found herself face to face with the infamous Amanda Shepard, who was standing by her daughter's bed. The Commander's mother looked crazier than usual, her rocker-like appearance marred by a few more scars of the recent war and several bloodied cuts along her face which had recently been stitched. Her clothes were ripped in even more places than before but she seemed to relish this style, unperturbed by the magnitude of flesh showing. Pirates would be pirates after all.

"Mrs...I mean, M-miss Shepard!" Samantha squeaked, unable to believe her eyes and frozen to the spot in shock. Mother Shepard laughed.

"Ach, please, stop with the formalities," she chuckled, "I know my kid's been shit-talking me behind my back, and I gave up the name Shepard long ago. Name's Amanda...for the most part. Least I was born as such...I guess it'll do."

"Sorry," Samantha said shyly, staring down at the mess she'd made. She bent down and quickly scooped up the flowers, about the only thing salvageable from the wreckage. Amanda watched her, unwilling to lend a helping hand.

"Tulips?" she scoffed, eyeing up the flowers as Samantha placed them on the table alongside all the others. "I didn't take my kid for the tulip type."

"How would you know?" Samantha said before she could stop herself. "From what I've heard you weren't around long enough to find out."

Amanda pursed her lips, chagrined at such a bold accusation. Even Traynor was surprised by her own balls in that moment. She didn't know this woman from Eve, but after everything Shepard had told her, after what happened after the last time they'd met, Samantha felt some of her own anger rise to the surface. That woman's email almost cost her and Shepard their relationship...At least, that's what Traynor had believed at the time.

"Well shit!" Amanda replied, surprised, "You got me there, cutie pie."

"Don't call me that," Samantha retorted quietly, angered a little at the attempted patronisation. She made her way to Shepard's bedside and stared down into her pretty face, touching the large piece of gauze on her cheek that was covering the numerous stitches she'd had. The wound felt warm, as though it was festering. All this technology and the Reapers had all but sent the Earth back into the dark ages.

"Doc's coming in to clean it soon," Amanda said from the other side of the bed, as though reading her mind. "Take a seat, kid. You look exhausted."

"I'm fine," Samantha lied. "Shepard needs me."

"Hate to break it to ya, girl, but my kid's three sheets to the wind right now. She's on a cocktail of drugs that even _I _would think twice about touching."

"Charming..."

Amanda chuckled again. "Look, all I'm saying is—"

"What are you even doing here, Amanda?" Traynor interrupted coldly. _She's got some bloody nerve after her last encounter with her daughter. _"Didn't Hayley say she never wanted to see you again...or something to that effect?"

Amanda dropped the pretence and niceties then. "What, am I not allowed to worry about my own daughter?" she asked angrily, "I mean, who the fuck are _you_ anyway? Coming in here and throwing your weight about like some jumped up—"

"I am doing no such thing!" Samantha retorted, offended. "I'm simply trying to protect her! Don't you think she's been hurt enough already?"

"And I haven't? Shit, you don't know the half of it, little miss prim, so why don't you get off your damn high horse."

Samantha sighed and sat down on the chair behind her. She really didn't feel up to having a Mexican standoff with Shepard's mother. Amanda seemed to deflate then, seeing just how exhausted Samantha really was.

"You got a name, kid?" she asked more gently then. "I don't think I got it last time we met."

"Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor," Sam replied softly, "I served on the Normandy... Alliance R&amp;D."

Amanda sat down on the chair on her side of the bed and they both stared at each other over Shepard's comatose body.

"I checked the visitor list on the way in," Amanda said finally, after observing Samantha closely for a minute or so. She seemed to be building up to this topic. "You seem to have visited my daughter more than anyone else."

"And?" Sam replied.

"I was just wondering why? Who is she to you?"

Samantha swallowed, not knowing if Shepard wanted her mother to know of their engagement or not. She decided there was no point hiding it however. She'd find out sooner or later, and sooner was probably better in this case.

"I'm her fiancé."

Amanda looked surprised. "What!? You actually managed to get a ring on Hayley's finger?" she laughed. "Well I'll be DAMNED!"

"Actually, she proposed to me," Samantha said coolly, angered at how amused the woman sounded. It was irritating her immensely. How could she be so judgemental about a daughter she barely even knew?

"You're fucking kidding me!" Amanda yelled, eyes wide. "My kid has a train wreck of broken relationships behind her, Samantha. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

"Concerned for my wellbeing?" Sam asked mockingly.

Amanda snorted. "Look Sam, I ain't exactly in the best position to talk here. Hayls might be a piece of work...but I'm worse...So trust me when I say that she _will_ hurt you in the end...If she doesn't die in the mean time that is."

At this Samantha jumped to her feet. "How dare you! Just get out!" she said heatedly.

Amanda got to her feet as well then. "Oh save it, girl. I'm going to get a drink," she said boredly, walking casually to the door, unthreatened. "I'll be back though."

"Like hell you will," Sam replied, shaking with anger. "What's the point when you've already given up on her?"

Amanda stopped and squared up to her. "You can't keep me away, Sammy," she said. "As little as my kid thinks of me, I'm still the only blood she has left. The least I owe her after everything I've done is to be there on her deathbed...So just try and get in my way. I'll tell ya though, It hasn't worked out well for anyone in the past who's tried."

Sam's words stuck in her throat. She flinched as the door slammed behind Amanda on her way out. There was a trail of cigarette stench and alcohol in her wake, clogging up the already stuffy room. Shaking, Traynor collapsed onto the armchair again, wiping a cool layer of sweat from her forehead. _Well, that went well. _She knew the only way Amanda was going to get her out of this hospital ward was by dragging her out, though she doubted that was beyond a woman like that. With sad eyes she turned and stared at Shepard, desperate for her to wake up. The Commander would never stand for this. She'd berate her mother for such treatment of her fiancé and demand her to leave at once. And Amanda would listen. There was no denying Shepard was probably the only person in this Galaxy that Amanda feared. There was too much history there for her not to be wary.

Saddened, Samantha got to her feet and walked to Shepard's side. She reached down and took her hand, before kissing her on the forehead and resting her own against it. _Wake up, darling...The war's over...This was what we'd been dreaming of all this time. A chance for a fresh start away from battle._ It hurt to think that the Commander might never see the future that she fought so hard for. Suddenly the door opened and Dr Torres walked in. Samantha barely looked up, having no desire to see her again. She'd been popping in every day for the last few weeks, and never failed to try and flirt with her whenever she did so.

"_Dios mio, _Sam. You are looking rather tired," Elena greeted her softly. "It's almost midnight. Why don't you let me give you something to help you sleep?"

"No...thanks," Sam replied, not looking up. "I'm fine."

Elena walked over and placed a warm hand on her shoulder, beginning to caress it. "Sam..._carino..._pining over Shepard is not doing you any good...Let me help you relax."

"Elena, I swear to God...If you try and hit on me one more time in here I'm going to break your nose again myself," Sam answered back tiredly, massaging her temples. She seemed to be getting rather short with people recently. Maybe the stress was beginning to catch up with her. Dr Torres simply giggled.

"Sam...That's not what I'm doing, I promise," she assured her. "This is the doctor in me talking, not the girlfriend in me. You _need_ to sleep."

"_Ex-_girlfriend," Samantha corrected, "And I'll sleep when I'm...when I'm..." She had almost said 'dead', a rather poor choice of words. "Damn it!"

She stood up so fast that Elena jumped backwards away from her. She watched Sam slam her fist down upon the bedside table in a fit of frustration. The flowers she had laid up earlier fell to the floor along with the vase and smashed across the floor.

"Samantha!"

"I can't do this, Elena!" Traynor cried, bursting into tears all of a sudden. She turned to face her with sad eyes, feeling the tears overflow them."I can't...I can't do this anymore! Why...why won't she wake up?"

"Come here," Elena tried soothingly, desperate for a chance to be there for her. She reached out and tried to take the out of control woman in her arms but Samantha shook her off forcefully, pushing her back with more strength than she thought she had.

"Get away from me!"

"Samantha! You must calm down!" Elena admonished worriedly, trying once again to reel her in.

"I said back off!" Samantha shouted, shaking her off again. By now her yells could be heard by the Alliance soldiers outside. The door to the infirmary swung open just as Sam started to lose it entirely. She was just so tired, exhausted from waiting, frustrated at the lack of help she could offer and, most of all, starting to resign to the fact that Shepard may never come around from her coma-like state.

"_Carino, _stop! You're worked up! It's o—"

"IT IS _NOT_ OK!" Traynor cried, "Whatever this is, it's not ok...She's dying isn't she?" She struggled as Elena wrapped both arms around her then, restraining her from flailing around as much as before. "Let me go...LET ME GO!"

"Restrain her!" one of the Alliance soldiers shouted over her screams. A few of the men began to close in on her then as Samantha continued to lose it and lash out at them all.

"NO!" she screamed hysterically, "LET ME GO! _PLEASE! NO!_"

"HEY!"

The entire scene froze and everyone apart from Samantha turned to the doorway.

"Let her go..."

Amanda had re-entered the room, holding a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. She sat them down on the table by the door and walked inside, looking furious and menacing. It was easy to see where Commander Shepard got her intimidating presence from. The Alliance marines released Samantha slowly and she sank back onto her chair, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I want you all out of this room immediately. Leave her be."

Shepard's mother said the words with such a commanding presence that not one person challenged her...apart from Elena. As the others made their way towards the door looking like told-off school children, the doctor attempted to plead her case.

"I really think I should stay, _Senora. _Samantha needs me."

Amanda walked up to her and got right in her face. "Get outta here!" she growled in her Southern drawl. "I know your game, princess. What kinda woman hits on another woman's fiancé while she's lying on her deathbed? Get the fuck outta here before I put you on your back!"

Elena flinched as Momma Shepard pretended to go for her. Scared out of her wits, she glared at the middle aged woman, turning up her nose, before taking one last look of regret at Samantha and storming out the door. Amanda slammed it shut behind her.

"The fuck is that girl's problem?" she asked then, turning back to Traynor, who had broken down on the chair and was hunched forwards, sniffling. Amanda made her way towards her and knelt in front of her, placing a hand on her leg. "Come on, Sammy. What happened all that optimism you had when I left? Can your mind be so easily changed? Shhiiitt...I was only gone for a moment."

"I...I t-thought you didn't w-want me here anym-more," Samantha sobbed confused, saying the words as harshly as she could.

Amanda sniggered. "Hell, I didn't say that!" she chuckled, "I just said you better not get in my way. There's a big difference."

"W-why are you...b-being so n-nice to me now?" Traynor asked. She was so puzzled by the womans complete change in demeanour.

"Well, I'm a real son of a bitch, kid...But that don't mean I don't know when someone's had too much. I guess I was too hard on you before. Have a little freak-out, did ya?"

Sam half laughed. She could feel herself calm down a little already. "I guess..." she whispered, embarrassed. "Though Elena certainly played her part too...It wasn't all you."

"Ex of yours?"

Sam raised her eyebrows in surprise. "How did you know?"

"I didn't...You just told me," Amanda replied with a grin. "That big fucker outside...Vega-Something... told me she'd been bothering you. Can't have my kid's fiancé being sucked out from under her by a lesser woman than she, can I?"

Samantha found herself smiling. "Thank you," she breathed gratefully. "Elena's been wearing me down for the past few weeks...I didn't think I had the strength to hold her off any longer."

"You let me worry 'bout that," Amanda said, patting her leg. "One more word outta her and I'll break her fucking nose."

"Your daughter already did," Sam said with a smile. Amanda threw back her head in laughter and glanced over her shoulder at Shepard.

"Is that so?" she replied, impressed. "I guess I taught my kid one thing at least, indirectly or not. She always knew how to take care of someone who pissed her off!"

"I..." Sam tried to find the words to explain herself, knowing Amanda had included herself among those people. "I'm sorry about earlier.,.before you left. You're right, I really have no idea about the relationship between you and Hayley... I was wrong to be so bold. It's not any of my business, and I've only known you a short while."

"Ah, relax kid! I didn't think anything of it," Amanda replied, waving her off and getting to her feet then. She walked over to the table and began to pour them a drink of whiskey. "I know what Hayley thinks of me, and I don't blame her in the slightest...at least, when I'm not being so stubborn I don't. I was a shitty mother, and an even worse wife, I'll tell ya. But you don't have to be wary or afraid of me, Sammy. I'm a real shit-stain of a human being, it's true...Done despicable things...but the relationship's I screw up are family ones. I can be charming when need be, despite what my kiddo will tell ya."

"So truce then?" Sam offered, accepting the glass of whiskey and raising it to her.

"Hell, don't say that," Amanda grinned, clinking her glass off hers. "Hayls would never forgive you if you told her you were starting to like me."

"Well I wouldn't go that far," Sam teased cheekily. "But...as far as our acquaintance goes...you're alright, Amanda. I'll...try not to let Shepard's opinion of you sway my own. But forgive me if I keep you at arms length. I know too much about you for it _not_ to affect my judgement."

"Couldn't have said that better myself," Amanda said, giving her a nod. "Now...get that whiskey down your neck and do yourself a favour. Sleep here beside her tonight. Might do you some good."

"But the doctors said no one's allowed on her bed," Samantha exclaimed, shocked. "They were worried about—"

"You let me deal with those punks!" Amanda said menacingly then. "You look like shit, Sammy, and I have a feeling I know why you can't sleep. Try curling up beside Hayley and closing your eyes for a few. Might help is all I'm saying..."

Seeing she had a point, and wanting nothing better than to be close to Shepard, Samantha knocked back the dregs of whiskey in the bottom of her glass and placed it on the table. Her legs were still a bit shaky from her earlier outburst and she was shuddering a little from the adrenaline still rushing through her limbs. Amanda led her over the bed and sat her down. She watched her kick off her boots and nuzzle into Shepard's shoulder carefully, hoping not to hurt her.

"Close your eyes, kid...And I'll leave you to it. Some of the guys are playing poker in the hallway...and I'm no good with this sappy shit. I'll see ya..."

Samantha did as she was told. As soon as her eyelids slid closed she exhaled, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. She heard the door to the infirmary close a few moments later as Amanda left, having exhausted the last of her niceties. Suddenly a wave of exhaustion overcame her. Smelling Shepard's familiar scent close by, Sam felt herself relax a little. _Shepard..._ She listened to the continuous beeping of the Commander's heart monitor, and sooner or later, she was lulled into the first proper sleep she'd had in months.


	30. Chapter 30

"So you're saying she needs to have an operation?" Samantha gasped. "More surgery?"

"I'm afraid so," Doctor Torres informed them. Samantha sank onto the edge of Shepard's bed and placed a hand on her leg, wondering just how much more prodding the Commander's body could take. "There's a complication though," Elena continued, seemingly regretting being the one to have to give them the bad news.

"What kinda complication?" Amanda demanded. It was clear she had a dislike for doctors and all things medical, not just this doctor in particular, although Elena certainly had a way of getting under her skin. Elena approached Shepard's bed then and began to roll down the covers a little. Samantha stood up to permit her and the three of them, along with Doctor Chakwas, who was also in attendance, stared down at the Commander's shoulder.

"_Commandante Shepard _was shot just here between her collar bone. Because of the angle of the original shot, the bullet somehow travelled upward and lodged itself in her neck. The initial impact of shattering her clavicle seems to have slowed down _la velocidad, _meaning she was luckily not killed as a result. However, this leaves us in a predicament...We have to decide whether or not to remove this piece of shrapnel. Doing so might cause a haemorrhage, but not doing so could do equally as much damage. You have to make a decision in Shepard's best interests, and this decision is, through hospital regulations... made by her next of kin."

"Then leave the bullet in," Amanda said without even a second to think, sounding glad to wipe her hands of this as quickly as possible. "Best not poke around in there."

"That...may not be the best decision," Elena informed her. "It's hard to say where there is more danger either way. They are both risky procedures...but people _have _lived with shrapnel lodged in their bodies in the past and it hasn't bothered them in the slightest. This might be a case of the lesser of two evils."

Samantha looked up in shock. "What!? What are you talking about? You have to operate!" she said, flabbergasted. "I don't want to see her cut open any more than you do, Amanda, but you can't leave her with a God damn bullet lodged in her neck! Who's to say how it will affect her in the future, or even if she wakes up and begins her rehabilitation!? We can't leave it in there forever!"

"This is my decision, kid!" Amanda retorted, "I'm her mother."

"When it suits you!" Sam challenged, ignoring the hand Doctor Chakwas had placed on her shoulder, seeing she was getting riled up again.

"I'm still her blood," Amanda replied simply.

"But I'm her fiancé!" Traynor protested, burning with injustice.

"Fiancé, _sí,_" Elena agreed, "But not wife just yet...Meaning Amanda—"

"No!" Samantha exclaimed, her voice rising now. "This is not right! You have to operate! Take the bullet out!"

"She could haemorrhage!" Amanda growled

"That can happen either way!" Sam yelled, "And there is less chance of that happening if they remove it!"

"That is true," Chakwas chipped in for support. "Doctor Torres, you know removing it is the right thing to do here. If you leave it in it will be a ticking time-bomb. For a normal person this might not be so risky. They could rest. However you know Commander Shepard will not be lying around watching vids and eating herself into a stupor for the rest of her life. She's still in the Alliance and having a bullet lodged in her neck could severely inhibit her military career."

"I understand," Elena replied, uncomfortable at being caught in the middle here. "And I know how close you and she are, Samantha...But these are the rules. Amanda get's the final say on what happens to her daughter, and I have to abide by her wishes."

"_Fuck_ you!" Samantha shouted venomously, losing her cool, "Fuck both of you! You can't _do_ this!"

"Actually we can," Amanda replied, "And if you can't deal with it, Samantha, then you can leave. I've made my decision. I get the final say...The bullet stays."

"I'm going to kill you!" Samantha snarled, lunging for Amanda recklessly. She slapped her across the face. The pirate barely moved as she grabbed her by the scruff. Instead she reached up and squeezed Sam's wrists with ease and then twisted her right arm around until she fell to her knees.

"You know what, Sammy? I think you've outstayed you visit. Time to leave," Amanda said calmly, staring down at her. She dragged Traynor to her feet and opened the infirmary door, shoving her out into the ward rather unceremoniously. The Alliance marines outside all turned around in surprise.

"You can't do this!" Samantha screamed.

"This woman is not allowed back into this room," Amanda informed the crowd loudly. "If she enters I'm holding you all fully responsible! The Commander needs rest...She needs to be with her family."

"I _am_ her family!" Sam shouted, "How can you do this, you bitch! You have no right!"

"Actually," Amanda said with a grin. "I do."

She slammed the door in Traynor's face as Sam made to go for her again. Samantha began to bang on the locked door forcefully, yelling for her to open it.

_What the hell is she playing at? Why is she doing this? The Commander needs help! She could die!?_

"Lieutenant, please step away from the door," an alliance soldier said, as he and a few others crowded around then. "This is a hospital, Ma'am. You can't behave like this."

"Get off me!" Sam snarled, shrugging him off. The Alliance personnel began to try and restrain her with force then. "I said get off!" she shouted.

"Ey! Get your fucking hands off her!" Vega yelled, as he and Garrus pushed themselves through the groups of marines. "I'll have all of you suspended! Get! Go on! Scram!"

The soldier's saluted him, looking scared to disobey his orders and departed. Vega threw his large, beefy arm around Samantha's shoulder. "What the hell, Tray! What are you doing, _chica? _Don't you think the reporters have enough shit to write about you at the minute!"

He shielded her face as he walked her through the crowd of reporters that had witnessed her whole outburst and run in with Amanda.

"I don't give a damn, Vega! I don't care anymore..."

"Why are you hammering on Shep's door like a mad woman?" James growled, "I'm starting to worry you're losing it, Tray. This isn't like you."

She tried to shake out from under his grip but his arm was too heavy and she remained stuck in his kind of head lock as Vega walked her down the crumbling stairs and dragged her outside before releasing her. He lit up a cigarette and shoved it in her mouth.

"I don't smoke," she said confused, taking it out and staring down at it.

"You do today," he said simply. "Sit!"

Samantha did as she was told, shivering a little as she sat on the cold stone wall outside the hospital entrance. She took a draw of the lit cigarette, confused as to how this would make her feel better, then realising with surprise that it did. Her head went a little light with the nicotine rush and she took another puff straight after, choking a little on the smoke. James sat down beside her and took a long draw of his own, blowing a large plume of smoke up into the air. Samantha watched it rise to meet her own, and found herself calming down a little.

"Amanda threw me out," she told him then. "She won't let me see Shepard anymore and she's making all her final decisions. The woman will have her dead within a week at this rate."

"She's a fucking piece of work, I'll give her that," James said, shaking her head. "I thought you two were getting along now though?"

"Not exactly," Sam said, exhaling her smoky breath. "She's worming her way in, James. I don't know what to do and I don't have a leg to stand on here it seems!"

"Hospital politics are strange," he agreed, "But you'd think in this case they'd make an exception."

"It's Elena," Samantha snarled, a muscle in her jaw twitching, "She was never one to play much by the rules but for some reason she is now. The gall of that woman is beyond belief. I don't know what I ever saw in her."

"She's jealous," Vega said, "It seems to be if she can't have you then no one can. Pretty fucking cowardly though, hiding behind Shep's mother."

"That bitch shouldn't even be here!" Sam complained, "Who do you think Shepard would want making her life threatening decisions? Me, or that abandoning piece of crap?"

"You, hands down," James said quickly, seeing her getting riled up again. "But there's nothing we can do. Let's just hope Chakwas and Miranda can keep us informed. They're powerless themselves here. This hospital is out of their jurisdiction so they're simply doing what they're told as much as us."

"It just...This was the only thing I could have done to help, James...And now I'm not even getting to do that," Sam said sadly, tossing her cigarette away in frustration. She stared at the ground miserably, feeling so downtrodden and distraught. James wrapped his arm around her shoulders again, though more comforting them before and not as restrictive.

"I know, _chica_," he said sympathetically, "Let's just hope those suckers up there know what they're doing...When Shepard comes to, she'll put all of this right. Don't you worry."

"Thanks, James," Sam said, managing to throw him a little smile. He replied in kind then placed a kiss on the top of her head like a big brother would a sister. The two of them sat, watching the sun set, casting a beautiful reddish glow across the Reaper-scorched sky.

* * *

The hospital food was a meagre lot but for Samantha it taste like heaven at the minute. She raised a spoonful of vegetable broth to her lips and the bit off the end of a rather hard piece of bread, using the moistness of the soup to her swallow it. She had been holding Shepard's old dog tags in her other hand for the past hour or so, the long chain wrapped around her fingers. With her thumb, she traced over the engraving which the Commander had gotten done:

_Lt. Samantha Shepard_

Angered at how she was being treated now, Sam closed her fist around the dog tags tightly and took a few deep breaths, feeling her fury building. _If I'm good enough for Shepard to give me her last name, then why am I not good enough to make a damn decision that could affect her life? _The complete injustice of this situation overwhelmed her then. It was a while before she realised she was no longer alone.

"Hello, Samantha," Liara said, sitting down facing her with some Asari food combination. "How are you holding up?"

Sam looked up in surprise. "I..." she couldn't find any words adequate enough. "...don't know, Liara."

"I heard they decided to leave Shepard with the bullet in her neck," Liara began then, as she tucked in to her food. "For what it's worth, I believe you were right in wanting them to operate. Shepard wasn't happy when she woke up and found out there was a piece of shrapnel protruding from it."

"Yes, I know I...Wait, what!?" Samantha exclaimed then, shaking her head as though she had heard wrong. She hadn't fully registered her words the first time around. "Shepard...SHEPARD'S AWAKE!?"

Liara looked confused. "Of course!" she said, taken aback, "Didn't anyone tell you!?"

"NO!" Samantha yelled elated, springing to her feet. "I'm going up to see her!"

"There's no point!" Liara said quickly, reaching across the table and grabbing her arm. "They've heavily sedated her. She will be out for another few hours yet."

"What? Why did they sedate her?" Sam asked, frowning as she reluctantly sat back down again. Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest and her stomach suddenly felt empty despite the amount of food she had consumed out of boredom and frustration. She couldn't believe it.

"She was...in a lot of pain," Liara said sadly. "Doctor Chakwas told me. And then when she saw Amanda and found out about the bullet, well...she started to go into cardiac arrest."

Samantha clutched at her chest then. "A heart attack!?" she asked in a hushed whisper that sounded nothing like her voice. Dr T'Soni nodded solemnly.

"They put her to sleep again and had Miranda come in to check on the synthetics in her heart to see if there was anything they could do. Her pulse has gone back to normal now...Well, as normal as a synthetically infused heart can be. We were lucky we caught her when we did. Otherwise..."

Traynor didn't need Liara to finish her sentence. _Otherwise all this might have been for nothing. _With her own heart aching at the thought, Sam still couldn't wrap her head around the extent of the Commander's injuries. She wanted to be there when she woke up again.

"Can I see her?" she asked timidly. "Please?" As difficult as her and Liara's relationship had been as of late, she was gushing with joy at the Asari filling her in on this news and any animosity or jealously between them had all but been forgotten.

Liara smiled kindly. "We already have a plan to get you past Amanda and her lackys, who are standing guard outside. I'm going to distract them using my..._charms_ and get them to send her a call from their Omni-tools, pulling her away, then you can slip into the infirmary where Shepard is sleeping."

"You would do that?" Samantha asked, pleasantly surprise.

"She needs you, Samantha," Liara said wisely. "What she does not need is an unwelcome, unpredictable mother whom she has hated for most of her life. That woman has let her down before and she _will _do it again given the chance. It will not do good for her stress levels or her health...But you will. You know how to calm her in even ways that I couldn't when were we in love. I know I have found it hard seeing you two together but...You're made for each other, Samantha. I apologise...And I want to see Shepard well again as much as you do, so if that means I have to let her go then...that's what I'll do."

Shocked by the Asari's revelations, Samantha exhaled, overwhelmed by this entire day. She had been through a ringer of emotions and back again and she was ending recent days nowhere near where she started them. Not knowing what to say, and seeing the sadness and compassion in Liara's eyes, she simply thanked her. They both returned to their food and continued to talk about nothing in particular, both just happy to at last be on the same page as each other. A few hours later, Liara got to her feet and beckoned Samantha to follow her up the stairs and towards the Commander's ward. She would be awake by now. Traynor felt butterflies flutter nauseously in her stomach and stumbled on her shaking legs as excitement, dread and adrenaline more than anything else, pulsed through her veins right now. Her heart felt fit to burst out of her chest and her fingertips were tingling. She couldn't believe this was real.

Lost in a sea of bodies, she hid herself and watched from afar as the pirates standing outside the Commander's room were led off by Liara. Ten minutes later, a furious looking Amanda left and James, Cortez, Jack and Garrus took up their positions. They beckoned Samantha forwards and she gratefully obliged, worming her way in and out of the numerous reporters who had all formed outside Shepard's room, hoping to get the first snap of her awake again. James smiled at Traynor as she passed him and patter her supportively on the shoulder. She took a deep breath and pushed open the door for what seemed like the millionth time, only this time knowing she was going to find what she had been hoping for.

As the door swung shut behind her with a click, blocking out the noisy hallway outside, Samantha heard a gasp behind her. She turned with a smile on her face and found Commander Shepard's beautiful green eyes staring back at her. The two of them seemed to have frozen in time. Shepard's cracked, bloodied lips parted, stunned by the sight she had obviously been waiting to see since awakening from her coma. A tiny tear leaked out of the corner of her eye and down her cheek, disappearing beneath the gauze on her face. Samantha felt herself well up then and, frozen no longer, she dashed across the room and burst into joyous laughter, caressing the Commander's face delicately with her hands and losing herself in the depths of the pair of eyes that she didn't think she would see ever again.

"Oh my God..." she shuddered, overflowing with happiness. Tears spilt down her own face then as she leaned down a placed kiss after kiss on Shepard's forehead. She leaned back then and took in Shepard's expression. The woman was trying with all her might to smile despite her torn, disfigured face. "I can't believe it," Sam cried, shaking her head, running her hands through Shepard's short scorched hair. "You're awake..."

Shepard's throat moved as though she was trying to speak and a soft, gurgling sound came out. She closed her eyes and contorted her face in frustration and pain, as more tears slid down her face. Her heart monitor began to quicken its pace then, as she struggled to cope.

"Sshhh, darling," Sam soothed gently, seeing how much agony she was in. "It's alright...You're safe...We're safe...You did it..."

Shepard's moist green eyes found Samantha's brown ones again then, and in them Traynor found the words that she had been dying desperately to say.

"It's good to see you too, sweetheart," she whispered, carefully kissing the Commander's dry lips. Suddenly Shepard raised her hand shakily but swiftly, and placed it on the nape of Samantha's neck. She rested her forehead against hers and closing her eyes, screwing up her face in both pain and relief. Distraught and overcome with emotion at the magnitude of what she had done, she began to sob openly, heaving and clutching at Samantha weakly for support with her one good arm, the other lying limply by her side.

"Ssshh shhh shhhh," Traynor gushed, her heart shattering seeing her this way. "Oh God..." She had never seen such an overflow of emotions from one person before, and especially not from the rock that was Commander Shepard. It was heartbreaking and shocking to see and she felt slightly intrusive as she watched as the weight of the Galaxy was finally lifted off the Commander's shoulders. The true meaning of it all seemed to be too much for Shepard to take. She was finally free. On that fact alone she had broken down, her protective walls having finally crumbled...No longer needed...Her job was done.


	31. Chapter 31

"So, Commander...you current injuries are, as follows:" Elena began importantly, staring down at her datapad at the long list. "One broken—"

"I'll take over from here, Doctor."

Samantha and Shepard glanced towards the door to the infirmary in surprise to see Miranda striding inside significantly, closely followed by Doctor Chakwas and Liara. The Australian beauty snatched the datapad from Elena's hand rather unceremoniously and blocked her view of Shepard's bed, while the others took up a position on either side of her.

"Excuse me?" Elena objected, trying to push herself back into view, "Just what do you think you are doing, Miss?"

"You've been relieved from duty, Dr Torres," Miranda said bluntly without looking up at her. "Commander Shepard thanks you for your assistance in matters of her health but she has decided... or rather, I have decided for her, that her care would be better off in the hands of myself, Doctor Chakwas and Doctor T'Soni from here on out."

"And just _who_ gave you the authority to make such a claim?" Elena blurted, simply outraged. "I am the leading physician and surgeon in this hospital, _Señorita ¡ _I sincerely doubt that simple medics such as yourselves are qualified to oversee such an important patient, and especially one that requires such serious medical care!"

"Well," Miranda began, still scanning Shepard's notes, "Regarding your previous decision to leave a bullet in her neck rather than remove it, has led the other doctors to severely reconsider your position here as Chief of Medical Staff."

"What!? This is an outrage!" Elena exclaimed, waving her hands in fury.

"As a result of your actions, and those of Commander Shepard's mother," Liara continued calmly, "This bullet can no longer be removed without causing severe danger to the patient. You had your chance to do so, and you chose wrongly despite overwhelming evidence in favour of its removal."

"Amanda—"

"The decision should never have been passed to Commander Shepard's mother in the first place, when the evidence was as clear cut as it was, Doctor!" Chakwas informed her, sounding absolutely furious. "Shepard will be stuck with this bullet in her neck for the rest of her days because you failed to act. It has now imbedded itself in certain areas which would be too dangerous to tamper with. Because of your biased treatment as a result of your personal feelings towards Specialist Traynor, you will be suspended pending further investigation."

"Yes," Miranda finished off, finally looking up at her and sighing. "Congratulations Doctor Torres Sanz. From this moment, you are hereby suspended pending investigations into your actions as Commander Shepard's personal physician. Your medical licence will be revoked temporarily and you will present yourself for a hearing in the next three days with the Board of National Healthcare, who will review your position as a doctor. You will also attend a hearing with Alliance brass, who will rethink your position as a trusted and professional medic within their ranks. There is no reason for you to be here any longer. Good day to you."

As Elena protested and struggled, Miranda grabbed her by the scruff of her white doctor's jacket and removed her from the infirmary, slamming the door in her face.

"Wait!" Sam said, leaving Shepard's side and getting to her feet. She felt the Commander grab her hand weakly as she went to go after.

"S...mantha..."

Sam stared down at her sadly, hearing the strain and effort it took for her to talk. She was still very, very weak and had barely uttered a sound since reawakening.

"I'll just be a second, darling," she replied, squeezing her fingers gently and reassuringly, understanding that Shepard didn't want her to leave and have to listen to the extent of her injuries alone. Sam also knew she didn't want her running off after Elena after everything she had done, but she couldn't leave things like this between them. To the other's surprise, she let Shepard's hand go and rushed out the door after Doctor Torres.

"Traynor, leave her," Miranda called after her disapprovingly. "Shepard needs—"

The door closed and drowned out the rest of her words. Samantha ran down the ward, looking for her ex-girlfriend, still not entirely sure why she was running after her.

"Elena!" she called, seeing the woman storm down the stairs. She followed her down into the ever-growing presence of paparazzi, who had been restricted to the atrium now that Shepard had awakened, and yelled her name again. Elena turned around and Sam noticed with shock that she had tears streaming down her pretty face.

"Come to gloat have you?" she challenged, sniffling, "_Hijo de puta..._My whole career...down the toilet...Is this what you wanted?"

"Of course not," Traynor said honestly, placing a comforting hand on her arm. "I am sorry it turned out this way."

Elena snorted in derision. "Don't lie to me!" she snarled, her brown eyes glazed over with tears as she stared into Samantha's. "I'm sure you think it's justified after everything I've done to you."

"Are you finally admitting you've done wrong then?" Samantha asked, surprised.

"I..ah...Fine! I never should have slept with Ed," Elena said sadly, shaking her head.

"This isn't about Ed," Samantha argued, wondering why she was bringing that up again. "This is about Shepard! And me!"

"But it _is_ about Ed!" Elena cried, "I never should have cheated on you all those years ago, Samantha. But...I was stupid... stubborn...I never realised what I'd had until I'd lost you, and I've tried desperately to get you back ever since. But you were so hard to find after the Reapers invaded Earth. And then when I caught up with you on the Normandy I thought it was a sign. That I'd been given a chance to make things right between us...to do it right this time...But…_Ay, __coño_..."

"Elena..." Samantha whispered regretfully, "I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. Truth be told, I have no idea why I decided to meet up with you on the Citadel...Closure, maybe? An explanation? I don't know...but it was silly of me. Good Lord, I was already head over heels in love with Shepard back then, although I was too afraid to admit it to myself at the time. And you were late anyway...AGAIN! If that was your plan to win me back you must have known deep down that it was never going to work! Do you know, the whole time we were going out, I was sick and tired of waiting for you in restaurants because you were caught up somewhere, with everyone staring at me like I'd been stood up for the millionth time. It was humiliating! You humiliated me constantly in our relationship, Elena! It wasn't just the cheating on me that did it...Although I'll admit, that was the final icing on the cake. It was you...You treated me like shit."

Another tear fell down Elena's face. "I know...And I know I've been a pain in your side these past few weeks, Samantha..._Lo siento, cariño ..._but this is what you do when you are in love, no? You don't give up. You keep trying and trying no matter how many times you screw it all up. I didn't give up on you and...and... you didn't give up on Shepard...I know a defeat when I see one, Sam. The _Comandante_ has won."

"She hasn't _won, _Elena! Damn it, there was _never_ any competition to begin with!" Samantha implored, wondering why she always seemed to think there was. "I'm sorry if you think I've been leading you on this whole time, or pitting you against the Commander... but I haven't! I absolutely haven't!"

"Then _por qué? W_hy did you call me, of all people, when Commander Shepard's body was found? There were a million other doctors you could have chosen, no? Why me?"

"Because you are good at what you _do!_" Sam replied a little too loudly. A few of the reporters turned around then and she could tell they were beginning to attract attention. "Good lord, Elena," she continued, lowering her voice again, massaging her temples. "Why is it so hard for you to understand? I called you because I wanted a doctor who I could trust...And I see the contradiction in that, believe me, after everything you've done...But I just thought you'd be able to keep me in the loop better on Shepard's condition. You know what doctors are like! They talk in circles around you and over your head as though you're not there. I just...didn't want to be kept in the dark over Shepard's condition, and I thought you would treat me like an equal rather than just a patient...I guess I was wrong."

"I..." Elena looked a little speechless, and her cheeks grew red with embarrassment. "I see..." she said finally. "Then I've made a fool out of myself it seems. I let personal feelings get in the way of my professional opinions and...I apologise."

"Thank you," Traynor replied weakly, "Then you'll understand if I say that I never want to see you again, Elena. You put the woman I love, the saviour of our Galaxy at risk...and I can never forgive you for it."

Elena sniffed. "Please don't say that...Don't cast me out of your life entirely, Samantha!" she begged, tears tripping her face. "I just got a l-little carried away!"

"Carried away?" Samantha snarled, beginning to get rather furious with her now and losing all respect for a woman who she had once regarded so highly. "You left a piece of shrapnel in my fiancé's neck then passed it off as her mother's decision, knowing full well Amanda couldn't give two shits about her daughter's wellbeing. You took that control out of my hands, Elena, when I so desperately wanted to be there for Shepard. What, were you hoping that she would die in the process and then you would swoop in and be my rock through my grieving? That I would fall in love with you again, never knowing that _you _were the one responsible for my fiancé's death!?"

"Samantha..." Elena pled, reaching out to touch her.

"Was...Oh my God, w_as_ that what you had planned!?" Traynor asked then, stunned as the woman's expression all but confirmed her words. She pulled away from her, eyes wide, the realisation finally dawning on her at last. An awkward, tense silence passed between them.

"Yes, well..." Elena said defensively then, looking shifty. "No one will ever believe you."

Samantha instantly felt sick to the stomach. Her blood was at boiling point.

"You..._bitch!"_

Livid, she balled her hand up into a fist and, without thinking, swung her arm around and smacked Elena clean on the nose, hearing the recently repaired bone shatter and echo in the atrium of the hospital. The next few seconds that followed were a blur. One minute Traynor was swearing loudly, holding her broken hand and wondering if Elena was in as much pain as she was, then the next she was buffeted away from the crowd of incoming reporters by James and Cortes, who were laughing their heads off, having witnessed the scene without her realising. They dragged her up the stairs, away from photographic range and walked her back towards Shepard's room.

"Ow! Holy crap!" Samantha complained, seeing her knuckles had marks of Elena's teeth on them. "Ah, I think I've broken something!"

"Hell yeah you did! Elena's nose!" James howled, throwing an arm around her shoulder.

"Nice right hook!" Cortes chuckled.

"Yeah! _I _TAUGHT HER THAT!" Vega announced proudly to the rest of the hospital's onlookers. "New woman here, ladies and gents! _Mira! _I've created a fucking badass!"

The surrounding Marines and other hospital guests laughed at his theatrics as Samantha blushed with embarrassment and grimaced in pain.

_Jesus Christ, no one told me punching someone in the nose hurt this much!_

"Shepard's going to piss herself when we tell her this," Cortes laughed, "I can't believe you knocked Torres out! I don't know what's gotten into you lately, Sam, but I'm digging it!"

"Did I?" Sam shouted gleefully, "Did I knock her out? Christ, I thought I just broke her nose again and, well, I can't really claim responsibility for that one since Shepard did it months ago."

"What?" James exclaimed, "You're kidding me?"

Sam laughed. "Nope!"

She told them about Shepard in Purgatory after they had shared their first kiss on the dancefloor. James and Steve couldn't control their laughter. It was only after a nurse came out of a nearby ward and 'sshh'd' them did they then quieten down. They bid Samantha goodbye, having already seen Shepard earlier today and wanting to give them some privacy. Samantha knocked the infirmary door and re-entered, still feeling adrenaline pumping through her. Miranda and Liara were gone now and Shepard was being tended to by Doctor Chakwas.

"Sorry," Sam said quietly, seeing Shepard looked upset and regretting not being here for her. _She probably thinks I wanted to make up with Elena._ "How'd it go? How is she?"

Shepard waved her arms in a 'don't talk about me like I'm not here' gesture then resumed staring out the window. Samantha sighed, embarrassed. "Sorry," she apologised again. She was so used to talking about Shepard to others and not being able to speak directly to her since she had been out cold and MIA for the last few months.

"I—What happened to your hand?" Chakwas asked suddenly, dropping Shepard's numerous needles and other medical supplies onto the bed and taking a look at it.

"Oh, I...I punched Elena," she said rather timidly, hoping that she wasn't about to get a telling off. She heard Commander Shepard cough with laughter then and to her surprise, received a chuckle from Chakwas as well.

"Oh," she said, "Well, good on you. It's good to see you sticking up for yourself, Samantha. Let me just..."

She began to examine the bruising and shape of Samantha's hand then bandaged it up for her, convincing her that it wasn't broken but there was a slight hairline fracture in her finger.

"Just keep it strapped together for the next week or two and it should heal on its own. Let me know if you have any pain and I can give you more Medi-gel."

"Thank you, Karin," Traynor replied with a smile.

"You're very welcome, dear...Now," she pulled Samantha over the side a bit, out of earshot of Shepard. "About our girl...Try and get her talking, will you?" she whispered, glancing back at the Commander who was daydreaming out of the hospital window once more. "She's not doing too well at the minute."

"Her injuries?" Samantha asked worriedly.

"No...I... think she's just a bit depressed," Chakwas said sadly. "I'm worried she's keeping everything pent up. She has a talent for it, believe me. No one could be this indifferent after everything that's happened though, not even her."

"Yes, I know...She... hasn't spoken to me at all really since waking up," Sam replied, wondering why Shepard was being so cold towards her.

"Give it time," Karin said wisely, "She's been through hell and back. Listen... the Commander is in a quite a lot of pain, Samantha, so I've had to start giving her intramuscular injections in her arms and thighs. The longer we leave her in this bed though, the more muscle wastage she'll have so I'd like to get her up and moving sooner rather than later. Her broken bones were healing while she was asleep so don't worry about them. They're just a little tender at the minute. A few more weeks, or months for the shattered ribs, and she'll be back in working order. Miranda's compensated for the ribcage with a synthetic one but she says the phantom pain of Shepard's missing skeleton and various other body parts she has replaced will still be raging, torturing her a little. Just try and keep her calm. Get her talking so as we can find out what's on her mind and try to judge her mental health."

"Yes, Ma'am," Samantha said at once, a little overwhelmed by all the information being thrown at her. "I'll... try and take the strain off her."

"If anyone can do it you can, dear," Chakwas said kindly. She patted her arm supportively then collected her things. "I'll give you two some privacy then. You haven't had a moment's peace since Shepard's reawakening I'm sure."

"Thank you," Samantha said gratefully. The only time she'd had alone with Shepard last for around five minutes when she'd just woken up. She desperately wanted to be alone with her. They had a lot to talk about. "Good night, Ma'am."

"Good night, Specialist."

Hearing the door closed behind her, Samantha turned back to Shepard, who was staring at her intently from the bed, where she was linked up to so many machines it was hard to count them all. Sam smiled at her and settled herself down on the end of the bed beside her, leaning back on the corner of her pillow. She stared down into her green eyes seeing the pain in them, and stroked her hair comfortingly. Shepard grinned up at her as best she could then raised her hand. With her finger she made a 'come hither' motion, a cheeky twinkle in her eye. Samantha chuckled and, knowing what she meant, leaned down and give her a long, sweet kiss, hoping, just for a second to help distract her from the amount of agony she was in. Shepard's mouth tasted metallic and bloody, but Sam felt her head go light all the same, just like the first time. Although she was trying to be gentle, she could feel the Commander herself pull her closer, getting a little too excited in her eagerness.

"Shepard..." Samantha breathed, smiling and closing her eyes as Shepard began to kiss along her jaw line, then along her neck. The sensation was turning her on and she had to remind herself that Shepard was too fragile for anything like that right now. It was torturous to fight though. "You're too weak for this, sweetheart...You need rest..."

Upon hearing the word 'weak', Shepard froze. She turned away from Samantha entirely then and began staring out the window as Sam straightened up. A muscle in the Commander's face was twitching, and Samantha knew at once that she'd said something wrong. She placed a hand over hers.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that, darling," she said softly, trying to correct her mistake. "I just meant...I don't want to hurt you."

She raised the Commander's hand to her lips and placed a little kiss there to apologise.

"Just...miss you..." Shepard whispered.

Sam exhaled, wondering what she meant. "I'm still here, Shepard. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

Shepard shook her head as though that wasn't what she meant.

"...Sick...tired...of...this..." she croaked agonisingly, still not looking at her. "Hate...hospitals..."

Samantha realised then for the first time that the Commander's teeth were wired in metal braces to hold them together. _That explains the metallic taste in her mouth._ It was this, plus the obvious dryness in her throat that was preventing her from being able to talk properly.

_Not to mention the damn piece of shrapnel still lodged in her neck! Cheers Elena!_

"When did they give you braces?" Traynor asked interestedly, realising then why their kiss had been a little stilted despite the Commander's obvious eagerness.

"When...left," Shepard grunted. "Feel...like...child...Looks silly!"

"You look gorgeous, darling," Samantha corrected, tucking a loose strand of the Commander's red hair behind her ear. Incidentally, it was once of the only pieces that was still long, the rest having been scorched away. Shepard snorted in disagreement. Samantha sighed. "You can't even look at me, can you?"

Shepard turned to her then, contradicting her words. "Want to..." she replied simply, "Just...don't feel like...myself."

Samantha leaned down and kissed her forehead. "That's normal, darling. You've been through a lot...Christ, I almost lost you. I can't believe you're really here!"

"I know...Just...Don't...need..._any_ of this!"

She slammed her head backwards into the pillow in aggravation then, frustrated at being bed ridden. Samantha exhaled. She had never heard Shepard so fed up before, even during the war, and there was still a little accusation in her voice for having left her here earlier to talk to Elena. Sam reached down and placed a hand on Shepard's cheek, tilting her face up to look into her eyes.

"Sweetheart, listen to me," she began, seeing the pent up rage Shepard was overwhelmed with. Shepard tried to look away from her, embarrassed as her green eyes began to fill with tears again but Samantha didn't let her go. "_Listen_," she implored, brushing away a drop that had escaped down Shepard's face with her thumb. "This is just for a short while until you get better. You need to stay-"

"Drink," Shepard interrupted.

Samantha made to reach for her plastic cup of water.

"No," Shepard breathed, glancing at the bottle of whiskey that Amanda had left after she and Samantha had seemingly made up. "Whiskey..."

"What? You can't, you're on strong medication!" Samantha scolded, trying to stop her from going for it.

"So...fuck! Arghh!"

"Shepard!" Samantha whimpered, a little scared at how out of control the Commander sounded now, seeing her try and reach for the alcohol, knocking over numerous platters of hospital equipment in her clumsiness. She didn't know why she hadn't foreseen this coming. Shepard was never one to sit in bed and take orders from others. It was killing her as sure as the Reapers had been, stuck in here, a slave to her broken body and dependant on the care of others, even though they were her friends. "Sit back in your bed, darling. You can't have any. It wouldn't be safe!"

"Argh! Get!...Me!..._Out of...Here!_" Shepard growled through gritted teeth, using every last ounce of strength she had, clutching at the front of Samantha's Alliance uniform in desperation and struggling in her bed against the various tubes and monitors she was hooked up to. She began to hyperventilate then. "Can't...Sam...I...can't..."

"Ssshh," Samantha calmed gently, taking Shepard's hand and removing it from the front of her jacket before she throttled her anymore. The Commander's heart monitor had started to go a little haywire again as her PTSD worsened. Her mind was still on a combat high, while her body had been dishevelled by it. She didn't seem to understand there was nothing left to be done. That she didn't have to rush for her last drink before the Reapers killed them all. "You're safe here, darling. Try to calm down. Miranda and Doctor Chakwas are looking after you as best they can and—"

"No..." Shepard gasped, sounding nothing like her normal self. "I need...to go home..._Please!_"

Samantha watched her closed her eyes in a grimace of agony, seeing tears slide down her cheeks. The pain killers seemed to have worn off now, burnt up in the Commander's strange Lazarus Project body, much too quick to be normal. Traynor felt her bottom lip tremble then as helplessness overcame her. _She wants to go home...?_

"You don't...have a home here," Samantha sobbed, feeling so sorry for her in that moment. Shepard looked confused then and her eyes grew heavy. She at last sank back onto her pillows and a huge, heart-wrenching sob escaped her lips.

"I know...Just...d-don't want to be here, S...mantha..." she cried weakly.

She was in so much distress, a tortured soul of a heroic soldier. It was the saddest, most shattering thing Samantha had seen in her life. She stared down at her, a lump in her throat, realising the Commander Shepard she knew was nowhere to be found at this moment in time. The Reaper war had simply torn her apart. If she was unstable before it, then it was nothing compared to how she looked now. Feeling as though she had to do something then, unable to see her like this much longer, Samantha removed herself from Shepard's reach and brought up her Omni-tool. She had an idea. If Shepard didn't want to stay here, then she wouldn't make her. If she didn't have a bloody home, then she would fucking give her one! She searched frantically for Miranda's contact details then and began to ring, her body tingling with nerves as she wondered how on Earth she was going to swing this one, but knowing in that moment, that no matter what, she was going to do everything in her power to give Shepard what she wanted and help her get back to normal. The woman she loved had already been forced to rebuild her life too many times over. There was no way Samantha was going to let it happen a second time.

_I guess I'll be getting that big house with the white picket fence after all!_


	32. Chapter 32

**One Month Later**

"How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

"I like mine with a kiss."

Samantha chuckled and turned over her shoulder to see Commander Shepard's cheeky grin.

"Funny," she replied, amused, recalling the ancient classic song by a famous singer named Dean Martin that Shepard was stealing lyrics from. "Seriously though? Boiled of fried?"

"I'm satisfied, as long as I get my kiss," Shepard continued.

"Can you stop?" Samantha laughed, hearing the Commander's silent giggling. She brought a tray of breakfast over to Shepard's bed and placed it on her lap. "I'm trying to think of what to cook for you tomorrow. I'm sure you're getting tired of constantly eating toast."

"Toast is fine," Shepard assured her, picking up a piece pointedly and nibbling the corner. She was still having a little trouble swallowing food. "And..."

"And what?" Samantha asked curiously, sitting down on the corner of their bed. Shepard grinned sheepishly.

"Well," she began awkwardly, "Vega's _abuelita's _egg recipe is amazing... Remember he made them for us on the Citadel during shore leave?"

Samantha secretly beamed, grateful that Shepard had recalled something else from her past, although knowing that the Commander was discreetly commenting on her lack of cooking skills. Shepard seemed to be having a hard time remembering some things as a result of her injuries. Dr Chakwas had said it was normal, and that she would regain everything in time, but Samantha still worried all the same. For the past month she been constantly doing and saying things to try and jog Shepard's memory, but it was always good when she started remembering things on her own.

"Are you saying I'm a bad cook?" she teased, pretending to be offended.

"No, no, of course not!" Shepard said quickly, placing a hand on her leg and suppressing a laugh. "I just...Maybe, James can...cook something for me tomorrow? You've been working so hard lately and you...eh... deserve a rest."

"Oh how thoughtful of you," Samantha giggled, impressed by the Commander's tactical amendment of her statement. "I'm sure there's a backhanded compliment in there somewhere."

Shepard sniggered. "I'm sorry...Fuck, I hope I'm not sounding ungrateful," she chuckled, "But I meant it when I said you should take a break, Samantha." She reached up and traced the dark rings under Traynor's soft brown eyes. "You look tired, love. I'm worried that looking after me is becoming too much for you."

Sam smiled and kissed her hand. "I'm fine," she lied, "I just want you to get better, darling."

"I know," Shepard smiled, "And I am. Moving me out to this house was a great idea. And this new hair cut!" She traced her short red hair with her fingers, admiring her new pixie cut in the mirror beside her bed. "I should have gotten this done years ago!"

Traynor giggled. "You do look quite sexy with short hair, I must admit."

Shepard grinned. "Why thank you! It's been known to happen," she teased.

"You seem in a better mood today," Samantha offered, glad to hear how much like her old self she sounded.

"I would have been yesterday if the Alliance stopped pestering me," Shepard said grumpily, "They want to throw a massive ceremony for me on the Citadel in front of the entire Galaxy, show me off as the ultimate war hero or something. I'm to make a big heroic speech and everything! But...I can't face it all yet, Sam...It's just too much to take in. I'm...I'm not ready."

"I know, darling," Samantha replied. "But...how _are _you doing?"

"Fine."

"Are your nightmares still happening?"

"Yep."

"Did you sleep last night?"

"Nope."

"Do you...want to talk about anything?"

"No."

Samantha sighed. "Can you please answer me with more than one syllable?" she asked, irritated a little.

"O...k?" Shepard grinned, as Samantha gave her a stern look. "That was two."

Traynor rolled her eyes, and tried not to laugh.

_She's still a bloody pain in the ass._

Shepard had been avoiding talking about anything to do with the war and of what came before it, as though she was too afraid to open that can of worms and have to deal with it all again. Traynor had heard her talk and scream in sleep countless times this past month though, but she hadn't told her, and Shepard hadn't mentioned it either. Her Post Traumatic Stress was off the charts, though she had refused all counselling and therapy.

_Stubborn as always, _Samantha thought to herself.

"You have no idea how happy I was to leave that hospital, Samantha!" Shepard exclaimed, grasping for a change of topic. "You've outdone yourself here. What did I ever do to deserve such a hot nursemaid?"

Sam slapped her leg playfully. "Watch it you! And this is only temporary," she reminded her, staring around her bedroom in the house she had bought for her parents. After the amount of grieving she had done in this bed when Shepard was missing, she still at times found it hard to believe that the Commander was here with her. It was a surreal feeling. "I promise you we'll leave London soon. I'm sure it's the last place you want to see when you're up and walking around again."

A grave shadow crossed Shepard's face then and she closed her eyes, tortured once again by flashbacks of the battle with the Reapers and the turmoil she had seen first-hand on the ground here in England's capital. Noticing, Samantha got to her feet and opened the drapes, allowing the sunlight outside to beam through the open window.

_I don't know why she insists on having them closed all the time but it can't be doing her any bloody good, hiding away in the dark._

"I'll ask Vega to cook for you tomorrow," she said then, bringing the Commander out of her woes smoothly by continuing their last conversation. At this, Shepard perked up.

"Really?" she asked excitedly. "So does that mean you're taking the day off?"

Samantha sighed and turned back to her, seeing the Commander's concern for her wellbeing. "Fine," she relented, sitting down on the corner of the bed beside her. "We'll do something fun tomorrow...Just the two of us."

Shepard's crooked smile warmed her heart and she leaned down, placing a little kiss on her lips.

"You're amazing," Shepard whispered, stroking her cheek gently, "You know that?"

"So I've been told," Sam joked, "You're not so bad yourself."

As she leaned down to kiss her again, the door knocked downstairs. Samantha tried to pull away but Shepard placed a hand on the nape of her neck, entwining her fingers in her brown hair, preventing her. She slipped her tongue into Samantha's mouth and continued the long, gentle cajoling movement, making Traynor go light in the head and feel a tingling sensation of excitement.

"Mmm," she moaned, smiling now.

The door knocked again, louder this time.

"Ignore it," Shepard muttered between their kiss.

"I...ugh...I can't," Samantha apologised, finally breaking from their intimate moment. "It could be Alliance brass. They've been trying to get an interview with you for the last month."

Shepard exhaled disappointedly as Sam took her hand from the back of her neck, kissed it and placed it on her lap.

"I'm not ready for a debriefing, Samantha," she muttered, "At least," her eyes twinkled mischievously, "Not _that_ kind of a debriefing." She threw her a cheeky wink.

Traynor chuckled. _God, she sure picks a good time to flirt. I'm going to have to salute the bloody Alliance with wet knickers!_

The door rapped again, saving Samantha of trying to think of a response. She laughed longingly then got to her feet, exiting the bedroom and skipping down the stairs to greet their guests.

"Hi, I'm sorry, the Commander's not—Amanda!?"

Shepard's mother pushed her way inside before Samantha could shut the door in her face.

"Nice try, kid!" she greeted her, "Did you really think you could sneak her out the back of the hospital and I wouldn't even notice? I have eyes everywhere."

"She doesn't want to see you," Samantha replied angrily, "Now get out of my house."

Amanda dashed up the stairs with Traynor in hot pursuit.

"Get your hands off me!" she snarled, as Samantha tried to grab her before she reached her and Shepard's bedroom.

"Keep your voice down!"

"Look...I know you think ill of me after the way I've acted, Sammy," Amanda began, looking as though it was taking a great deal of effort for her to keep her temper. Samantha still had a hold of her arm, however she seemed to be against buffeting her way inside now. The diplomatic route seemed to have occurred to her. "But damn it! I just wanna see my kid! She's a fucking living legend!"

"Is that all you care about?" Sam asked in a hushed whisper, making sure Shepard couldn't hear their exchange. "Your daughter almost died! And all you seem to be concerned with is working your way in so you have a powerful ally or something! I won't allow you to use her again."

"I'll admit there...are a lot of political advantages to having her on my side," Amanda replied, "But it's not just that...She's my kid..."

The woman looked defeated then and her face fell. Samantha released her arm then, seeing she wasn't going to put up any more of a fight.

"You have a funny way of showing your concern, Amanda," Traynor said gently.

"Is there a right way?" Amanda retorted. "I've been a real bitch to you, Samantha. I know that...But please let me see her! If you want, I'll get down on my knees and beg you."

_Ooo, tempting! That would be a sight for sore eyes._

"I'm sorry," Sam replied, "I can't let you see her."

"It's alright, Samantha."

Amanda looked up and she and Traynor's eyes widened in surprise. Commander Shepard was standing by the door frame, leaning on it for support.

"Shepard, what are you—?"

"You should be in bed," Amanda finished. "Jesus kiddo, you look like you've been through hell."

"I have," Shepard replied grimly. "I must be a sucker for punishment however...Come in."

Samantha rushed past Amanda and came to Shepard's side before she could try walking back to the bed on her own. The Commander was breathing rather heavily and clutching her ribs as she slumped onto Sam's shoulder, reluctantly allowing her to help her walk.

"Are you sure about this?" Sam whispered to her, gesturing to Amanda behind them. Shepard managed to throw her a smile. "After everything she's done to you?"

"She's a parasite, love" she replied simply, "I'm never going to be rid of her...I think, after all these years, I'm finally ready to hear what she has to say though."

Stunned, Samantha said no more as she helped Shepard back under the bed covers and bunched up the pillows behind her for support. The Commander grabbed her hand as she went to walk out of the room.

"Stay," she said, caressing Sam's palm, "I've got nothing to hide from you. You're already a part of this fucked up family of mine."

"I heard," Amanda interrupted then, seeing Samantha sit back down beside Shepard like she asked. "I believe congratulations are in order on the engagement, kiddo."

"I hope you're not expecting an invite," Shepard relied coldly, knowing that Samantha had told her already. "And I believe you owe my fiancé an apology. You treated her like fucking shit."

"One of many," Amanda replied. When Shepard's eyes narrowed angrily she sighed. "I'm sorry, Sammy. Sorry for how I have behaved recently. I should never have made that decision to keep that fucking bullet, and I should have never thrown you out of Hayley's ward. Fuck me! Is that it, is that what you wanted to hear, kid?"

"Well, it'll do I suppose," Shepard replied, weighing up the question in her head. "But I don't understand you, Amanda. Why are you still sniffing around me? I told you I'm not helping you anymore."

"Well...Maybe I'd like to try being in your life for a change. You've always been my daughter."

"Wrong," Shepard replied quickly, "I ceased to be you daughter the day you walked out on me."

"Still with the abandonment issues," Amanda sighed, shaking her head, seemingly frustrated. She hadn't been like this before, the last time they had met. Something seemed different about her, like she was actually being genuine for the first time in her life.

"No," Shepard said lightly, half smirking, "Just stating a fact. You don't get to play the mother again, Amanda, when you screw up that badly. And I don't need nor want you around."

"Well...Maybe I can change your mind," she replied. She reached into her backpack and threw a datapad onto the bed. Samantha snatched it up and scanned its contents. Her jaw dropped.

"This is the house in the Seychelles that Joker took me on the Normandy to view!" she gasped. "I was going to buy it to surprise Shepard with when she got better!"

"I know," Amanda said with a smile, "But you could only afford the down payment...and barely."

"You were spying on me!?" Samantha asked, enraged.

_So much for anonymity!_

"I have my contacts," Amanda said smugly.

"I still don't get it," Shepard interrupted, before Samantha could explode again. "Why are you showing us this? So, you know where Samantha was planning on us living together. What's this got to do with anything?"

"Well, kiddo," Amanda said with a smug smile, "You're old momma just went and bought the whole damn island...including your house."

"What!?" Samantha yelled. She was devastated, not only at the surprise having been ruined but at the gall of Amanda to buy it out from under her to stop the move going through. "How could you do this?" she asked, almost in tears at this serious act of betrayal and sabotage. "You bitch! You bloody bitch! I've been planning this for ages!"

"What the fuck, Amanda!" Shepard growled, sitting upright in her bed, fury radiating off her.

"Hey! Calm down now, ya'll! Did I say I'd bought it for my damn self?" Amanda replied.

Samantha blanched. "I—What?"

At this, Amanda chuckled, seeing the confusing on the face of her daughter and her fiancé. "I contacted the Alliance on your behalf and got them to donate a huge sum of credits. They were dubious at the start, because of my criminal record, but when I showed them evidence of Sammy here viewing the place and putting down a deposit, they seemed to realise I was telling the truth. The military still owes you fuck loads of compensation for the Reaper war, kid. I only used a small sum of it and...well I put the other half of the credits down myself and bought the whole damn island. Emptied half my accounts under various aliases all over what's left of the Galaxy. Liara helped me do it, though I think she was just trying to keep an eye on me and making sure I didn't take off with your creds. She's smart. I was tempted...But I decided it'd be nice to spend my creds on something worthwhile for a change."

"You...So let me get this straight .You bought the Seychelles for us!?" Shepard asked in disbelief.

"Fuck no! Not all of it," Amanda snorted, "Just the island with your new house on it...and your house. Consider it twenty years or so of missed birthday presents, Hayls."

Samantha didn't think her eyebrows would ever lower again. She couldn't believe her ears at what she was hearing. Her expression was mirrored by Shepard, who couldn't seem to find the ability to speak.

"So...you own it?" the Commander asked warily. "And...we'll live in it?"

"No, I don't own it," Amanda laughed, "Don't worry, kid. There's no angle here, and definitely no scheme. It's entirely under your name, I was just the middle man... I suppose once you two are married though you can stick it in Sammy's here as well. The name Shepard holds some sway in this Galaxy now, much more than it ever did before and that's saying a lot. I just flashed the creds and threw my old surname about and people were bending over backwards to give me what I wanted."

"So..." Samantha said, trying to get her jumbled thoughts in order. "You'll have nothing to do with it? It's Shepard's...just like that?"

"Yep!" Amanda replied, "That was the main reason why I came here today. I felt like I had a lot of making up to do. That, and to make peace with you two. I've put you through hell, kids...both of you...And I'm...sorry."

Amanda and Shepard looked very uncomfortable then, both of them shifty and fidgeting, doing anything other than looking at each other. As much as Samantha hated to admit it, they were quite similar in a lot of ways. Neither of them were comfortable with, as Amanda had put it that day in the hospital, 'sappy shit'.

"Is..ah...is that it then?" Shepard finally replied, clearing her throat. "I don't...owe you anything? You're not...going to come back, ten years down the line and play the 'remember when I bought you an island' card?"

"Now why do you do that, kid? I'm trying to do something nice for a—"

"I'm not doing anything—"

"Always judging me—"

"Can you blame—?"

"No, but still—"

"Still a fucking—"

"Watch your mouth—"

Samantha smiled to herself and closed her eyes, shaking her head as the two Shepards argued over the top of one another. She got to her feet and decided to leave them to it, knowing at this point it was just hot air. They were always going to have an explosive relationship. But at least this time it was only a routine mother-daughter argument. The dynamic between Shepard and Amanda seemed to have changed all of a sudden, with both of them feeling no animosity towards the other, but without knowing any other way to communicate than argue. Chuckling, Samantha closed the door behind her and made her way downstairs, glad that after everything, Shepard could finally reconcile with her mother and begin a new chapter having closed old wounds.

* * *

"Isn't Amanda staying for dinner?" Samantha asked.

She was standing on the balcony just off their bedroom in a short silk nightdress, enjoying the cool breeze of the evening as it trickled along her skin. Amanda could still be spotted in the distance as she made her way back to her pirate cruiser and took off.

"I think it's a bit too soon for that," Shepard replied from the bedroom. "We still hate each other, love...just...not as much now."

"You really think she's not going to come back looking a favour after buying us that island?" Samantha questioned, sounding dubious.

_If her track record is anything to go by, are we being too gullible here?_

"I think she's being genuine," Shepard sighed, "She's taken on her old surname again so she doesn't have much need of me now. When I secured my fame in the Galaxy, I all but guaranteed hers as well. I doubt I'll see her again, at least, not in the way I used to before. I have nothing left for her to ask for."

"If you say so," Sam replied, staring out into the distance at the wreckage of the neighbourhood. "I'll be keeping an eye out for her though." She heard Shepard chuckle in her ear then and turned around in surprise to find the Commander standing behind her. Shepard rested her hands on Sam's waist and smiled, staring deep into her eyes. "You should be in bed!" Samantha gasped, a little flustered.

"There's something different about you," Shepard said softly, ignoring her concerns. She caressed her cheek with a gentle finger, still transfixed by her eyes.

"Wha...what do you mean?" Sam stammered, mesmerized by how the emerald in the Commander's eyes seemed to swallow up the orange synthetic glow then.

"You seem...different somehow," Shepard repeated in a whisper, "More...self-assured...Tough..."

Traynor giggled softly. "Well...you were gone a long time," she reminded her, "I...I guess I just grew a thicker shell in your absence."

"Was it... hard?" Shepard asked awkwardly, though already knowing the answer. "Without me...?"

Samantha nodded and broke from their gaze, staring down at the dog tags around Shepard's neck. "Extremely," she whispered honestly over the lump in her throat, reaching up and tracing the cool metal with her finger. "I think I was just...stuck in a state of melancholy..."

Shepard exhaled shakily.

_Should I be telling her this when her mental state is so fragile? _Samantha wondered.

"I'm sorry," Shepard breathed, "I never meant to put you through that."

"It wasn't your fault," Samantha replied quickly, looking back up at her only to find Shepard's eyes were closed. She rested her forehead against Sam's then and took a deep, ragged breath. "You have nothing to apologise for."

"I hurt you, Sam," she exhaled regretfully, "I knew this would happen. That was why I was so afraid of getting close to you."

"You're here now, sweetheart. You survived," Traynor said gently, touching her heavily scarred cheek. "We're finally together. Just the two of us. As much as you were scared of letting yourself think about the future, this is _real, _darling_! _Trust me._"_

Shepard opened her eyes again then and they locked with Samantha's once more. "I love you," she whispered emotionally. "I really do."

Samantha smiled. "I know," she replied, "I love you too...The Galaxy is never going to take you away from me again."

The Commander leaned in and began a long passionate kiss that caught Samantha off guard momentarily. She could feel the eagerness and overwhelming force of Shepard's body language, as she pressed her up against the balcony railing, sliding her arms around her waist and pulling her close. It was a moment like this, Samantha had been waiting for ever since she found out Shepard was alive, and in truth, it was even better than she could have imagined.


	33. Chapter 33

Samantha cut across the wide span of no-man's-land in the centre of London, stepping over the fetid puddles that had settled on the broken, cracked concrete of this once magnificent city. The cinereous skeletons of surrounding buildings gave the former war zone the eerie look of an ancient graveyard, quiet and unnerving. Traynor gazed at the scorched sky overhead, shuddering against the cold, damp night. She remembered the image of Harbinger looming in the distance in front of the Normandy, as Commander Shepard got her crew aboard and gave them her final order: Leave without me. That day would remain embedded in Samantha's mind forever as the most terrifying and heart-shattering moment of her life. She thought she'd lost Shepard for good. A sharp gush of wind almost cut Traynor in two then. She pulled her black trench coat up closer around her neck and buried her face in the high collar, shielding herself from the cold. Standing alone in the middle of the ravaged street with her hands in her pockets, she stared up into the abyss in a silent vigil, her soft brown eyes taking it all in...remembering...mourning.

_I wonder if the sun will ever shine upon here again._

The planet Earth was dead, buried under the crumbling buildings with land so tainted by the Reapers that most of it was beyond repair. It would be a long while before nature took its course once again and began to grow. There would be widespread famine in the barren corners of the world for many, many years, starvation, strife...maybe even more war. Samantha found it sickening to think that even after this Galaxy-shattering disaster, people still won't have learned their lesson and realised that nothing good ever came as a result of war. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and there was no denying people were desperate right now. It wouldn't be long before civil wars erupted a few years down the line, when all joy at the conclusion of this battle had been forgotten.

_I just hope Shepard and I are far away, some place where they can't find us. _

Even in the night, up among the stars, one could see the discoloration in the sky, scars of the Reaper War that would remain for decades to come. In a way, they were kind of beautiful, and in no way a reflection of the horrors they represented. They seemed to remind Samantha of fireworks, though permanent and everlasting in their beauty. It was hard to believe that she had been up there in the thick of it all, playing her part aboard the Normandy with people that she would eventually consider close friends and family.

_Who'd have ever thought that I'd be doing a military tour on the greatest ship of our time?_

Even now, that notion was still laughable. Samantha smiled to herself. She couldn't believe she'd made it home in one piece.

A growingly familiar shuffling sound broke of her from quiet reflection then.

"Do you need a hand?"

Commander Shepard limped across the debris-littered ground, hunched over holding her ribcage and breathing rather heavily now. Even this short trip from the ship seemed to have taken it out of her.

"I'm fine," she replied through gritted teeth, as she fought against the obvious pain she was it. She grunted, struggling over the last big piece of a collapsed building, and then sunk onto it with a sigh of relief.

"Shepard, your ass will be soaking wet!" Samantha protested, cringing as she heard the Commander's curvy behind slap into the pool of water that had settled between the rock's crevices.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Shepard joked, "I mean, you tend to have that effect on me regularly."

Traynor chuckled and felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. She ducked coyly and placed herself down on a dryer part of the rock beside Shepard, sliding an arm around her waist and burying her nose in the woman's short red hair.

"Do you really have to talk like this in front of Alliance brass?" Samantha muttered with a giggle. The two of them looked around then at the surrounding marines and Alliance officers who had all decided to make this trip with their hero for the first time since her rescue. It was a popular idea, and it took three ships to get them all here to savour this special moment with her. They'd had to do it at night to try and avoid the press, but Traynor wouldn't be surprised if there were a few vultures camping out in the battle zone, hoping for exactly this moment. She could already see the headlines.

"Agh, they're not listening to us," Shepard assured her, placing a hand on her thigh and beginning to massage it comfortingly. "They're more interested in taking photographs of the wreckage and sharing their own tales. Believe me, Samantha, this will be the only moment's peace I get before they begin to pepper me with questions over what happened. Can't I enjoy it with some harmless flirting?"

Sam looked worried then. She scanned the Commander's scarred face, and then tugged at her short hair affectionately. "Are you sure you're ready for this, darling? I mean really? It still seems too soon."

"Of course," Shepard replied with a grin, suspiciously upbeat about the whole thing. "I brought a little something extra to the party!"

She slipped out a silver hip flask full of God only knew what and took a swig.

"Good Lord, Shepard, give me that!" Samantha sniggered, snatching it off her much to her dismay. "You can't take...what is this—Wow! That's bloody potent! Where did you get this?"

"Vega made it for me," she replied brightly, "It's poitín!"

"Poitín?" Samantha repeated, bemused, "Does Vega have Irish roots that I don't know about?"

Shepard chuckled. "Don't we all? How many Americans have you heard make that claim?"

Sam sniggered and rolled her eyes. Shepard tried to grab the flask from her and she slapped her away.

"Give me!"

"No! You can't get drunk before being interviewed!"

Shepard hiccupped then and looked a little shifty. Samantha's mouth fell open then as the realisation hit her at last.

"You're _already_ drunk?!" she hissed quietly, fighting the urge to both laugh and crap her pants at the same time. This wasn't good. She glanced over at what was left of the Alliance hierarchy and back at Shepard, noticing for the first time that her beautiful amber/green eyes were a little hazier than usual (and that was saying a lot considering how much medication she was on). Samantha jumped to her feet. "Good Lord, Shepard! Is _that _why you were stumbling all the way here?"

The Commander broke into an uncontrollable fit of giggles then. "No! Of _course_ not!" she laughed, "My body's all bruised and broken, Samantha. If I wasn't drunk I probably wouldn't have made it here at all."

"But I offered you a—"

"A Zimmer-frame?" Shepard sniggered, knowing what she was referring to.

Samantha scowled. "It wasn't a Zimmer-frame, darling."

"Whatever," the Commander chuckled again. "It looked suspiciously like one. And I'll be dead before I use one of those."

"Shepard!"

"What? I'm not allowed to make dead jokes?" The Commander chuckled. "I, who have defied death on so many occasions?"

Traynor patted her on the head because of her antics.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in pain, Commander?" she demanded, "I could have gotten you some support. You didn't have to get absolutely bloody wankered before you got here."

"Because it's...fucking embarrassing, Sam!" Shepard replied simply, shrugging. "I'm a soldier, not an invalid. Can't I at least keep a smidgen of my self-respect?"

Traynor sighed.

"Oh sure! And getting drunk is the way to do that?" she replied sarcastically.

The Commander laughed. "Hey, it's what I do!" she joked.

Samantha rolled her eyes.

_Does she really think I don't realise all this laughter is a front? She genuinely is embarrassed about needing help to walk._

"Shepard," she said gently, sitting back down beside her and taking one of her hands. "You have to realise that sometimes you need help, sweetheart. You can't get through this by drinking yourself silly!"

"I can sure as hell try," Shepard giggled, trying to take the flask from her again. "Oh come on!" she complained, as Sam kept it well out of her reach_. Good Lord I can't let her get any drunker. The whole Alliance will hear about this._ "Am I really drinking more than before?" the Commander protested. "I used to drink loads during the war. It didn't seem to bother you then...although I suppose I did most of my drinking alone...That's...kinda sad actually."

"That was different," Sam retorted, "I knew you were under a lot of pressure then, darling, but the war effort stopped you from drinking yourself into a complete stupor...no matter how much I knew you wanted to. And now...Well, now there's nothing stopping you...except me. And I'll be damned if I'm going to allow you to do this to yourself after everything we've been through to get here."

Shepard looked a little taken aback. "Samantha..."

"Don't try to butter me up, Ma'am!"

"I'm not, I just—Give me-!"

"No!" she scolded, slapping the Commander's hand away again. "I love you too much to watch you _do_ this to yourself!"

The Commander fell silent. Samantha saw her jaw tighten in aggravation as she stared out at their surroundings, determinedly looking at anywhere but her. In the moonlight, Traynor noticed a sparkle of tears in the corners of her eyes then. She'd pushed her too far. Slowly, Sam got to her feet and walked away tactfully, resuming her stroll around the wreckage, tucking the flask of poitín into the pockets of her coat and having to laugh a little at the Commander's balls to show up drunk, even if she disagreed with her drinking. Kicking aside a burnt piece of armour, Sam shoved her hands in her pockets once more and stared at the ground as she walked, trying with all her strength not to glance back at Shepard, wanting to give her some time to compose herself before the Alliance debriefing took place.

_Maybe I was too hard on her, _she thought, shaking her head. _She's been through so much that a drink probably takes her mind of things...But poitín!?_

Samantha knew Vega only meant well, but even for a system like Shepard's, the Irish home brew would be too much along with the numerous painkillers she was on. That, plus her current state of mind, would be a complete disaster, and Shepard knew it herself. It was like she was determined to do everything but address her PTSD. It wasn't healthy. By the time Samantha had reached the other side of no-man's-land, she felt it was safe to look back and keep an eye on Shepard. She was surprised to find her surrounded by Alliance brass, and realised that they must have already begun their debriefing. Knowing this wasn't something the Commander would want to go through alone, Samantha took a deep breath and walked back towards her. Without interrupting, as Shepard recounted the moments of battle on Earth, she eased through the Alliance personnel and came up behind her, discreetly slipping her hand into hers, immediately feeling the woman's fingers close tightly around it. Shepard threw her a quick wink and continued to recount her version of the Reaper war in the centre of London, and all what happened aboard the Citadel after she reached the beam.

Samantha froze, listening intently. She had never heard Shepard speak of this before now. Most of it was hard to hear, and even a few of the listening Marines looked unsettled by the gruesome images Shepard was creating with her words. Though she was trying to sound like her usual tough old self, keeping her professionalism, Traynor could hear the numerous cracks in Shepard's demeanour, especially when the topic of Admiral Anderson and their encounter with The Illusive Man came about. When she reached the end of her speech, she had sunk onto the rock again for support, slumped over and appearing absolutely exhausted. Samantha sat with her, feeling her shudder.

"Thanks, Commander," Admiral Hackett said, saluting her with the others and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. She stared up at him and nodded, struggling to hold herself intact. "I know this was hard for you, but we all had to do it. It gets easier, believe me. You're a Goddamn hero, Shepard! The entire Galaxy owes you their lives and then some. I'll keep you up to date about the celebration ceremony on the Citadel. There'll be promotions handed out to the entire Normandy crew and a few other soldiers."

"I don't want a promotion, Sir," Shepard said, "Give them to the others as you wish. They all deserve it...But I am, and always will be, a Commander."

Hackett looked surprised. "You're a hero, Shepard," he reminded her again, "The Alliance only wishes to honour your efforts. Whether you want it or not, the people will demand some recognition for what you've done for us."

"I don't want recognition, Admiral...I just want to forget about it."

Samantha fought the urge to roll her eyes. _Even after everything Shepard's given, they still manage to squeeze a little more out of her._

Hackett looked reluctant. "I understand, Commander, but you know how it goes. Hero of the Citadel? Council Spectre? It's all bullshit...But it's protocol. You're still a part of the Alliance and we're proud and honoured to have you. You deserve respect in this Galaxy and a title is the way to do that. If I have to order you there, I will. So get your speech prepared. I'll push it back a bit as much as I can to give you some time to get your head together. I'm afraid that's the best I can do."

Shepard sighed.

"Thanks, Admiral," she said, giving him a curt nod, knowing he was on her side but realising his hands were tied. "I appreciate it, Sir."

"Get yourself home, Shepard. Get some rest," Hackett ordered, "You did good today. A lot of soldiers wouldn't have had the stones to come back here after everything that happened...But then again, you're not, nor have you ever been a normal soldier. Anderson would be proud. You've done exceptional work, Commander...As have you Lieutenant Traynor. Congratulations on the promotion. I expect to see you at this ceremony as well, whenever it may be."

"Thank you, Sir," Samantha gushed, having not realised promotions meant her as well. _I thought it was just for the soldiers!_ "Of course! I wouldn't miss it, Admiral."

"Good! Then make sure this one comes along as well," he nodded to the Commander, "In full military dress Shepard...and sober preferably."

He and Shepard shared a laugh, one of the first ever, and Admiral Hackett patted her on the shoulder. He then stood to attention, and Samantha helped Shepard to her feet to do the same. The three of them saluted each other, and the other Marines joined in. They began to file out then, some shaking Shepard's hand on the way, others thanking her and wishing her a speedy recovery. Only when they were they last ones left, did Shepard take a seat again, grimacing in pain as she eased herself back down onto the wet rock. Samantha placed herself next to her. She rested her head on Shepard's shoulder and sighed. Shepard took her hand.

"I'm glad you're with me, Samantha," she said softly, stroking her gently.

Traynor smiled. "You didn't really think I'd let you go through this on your own, did you?" she joked. She felt Shepard's shaking laughter.

"I thought you might at least wine and dine me," Shepard teased. "What's a girl gotta do for some pampering around here, save the Galaxy or something?"

Sam giggled. "Oh, my apologies, Ma'am. Where would you like to go?"

The two women glanced out at their dilapidated surroundings then. It was almost impossible to make out any individual building, the entire infrastructures having collapsed or been blown apart.

"Shit, we're spoilt for choice here," Shepard said, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"And you say I never treat you," Samantha joked, "Come on." She got to her feet. "It's bloody freezing out here, and I'm sure you've seen enough of London to last you a lifetime."

"I'll say," Shepard agreed, allowing Traynor to help her up. "Any chance of getting another sip of that poitín?"

Sam sighed, looking at the face the Commander was pulling then. _She's too cute. _She rolled her eyes and reached into her pocket, reluctantly handing her back the flask.

"Go ahead," she chuckled, "You may as well finish it. But I'm making you a nice dinner when we get home to sober you up...And remind me to punch Vega when we get back on the ship."

The Commander laughed as she took another much-needed drink. "Will do," she replied, "You're getting into a habit of punching people these days though."

"Well, I learned from the best, darling," Sam chuckled, stroking her cheek affectionately and throwing her a wink.

"True," Shepard chuckled, "I don't exactly set the best example...But whatever happened to the smart, sweet Alliance R&amp;D nerd that I fell in love with?"

"She's still here," Sam reassured her, as they began walking back to the Normandy. "She's just been through a lot recently. It's not easy being you girlfriend you know."

"Fiancé" Shepard reminded her with a grin, "And I suppose you're right. War affects us all in different ways. I guess I just can't wait to see you standing at your terminal working again. It gave me a little morale boost every time I passed you in the CIC."

Samantha giggled. "Seriously?" she asked, embarrassed, "Ah-ha! So you _did _used to sneak quick glances at me out of the corner of your eye!"

Shepard laughed and looked coy. "Guilty!" she admitted, holding her hand up. Samantha opened her mouth in mock offence. "Oh come on!" Shepard laughed, "Like you didn't do the same!"

They both fell into fits of laughter then as they climbed back onto the Normandy, much to the rest of the crew's bemusement.

"What's so funny, Commander?"

"Your face, Joker."

"Ouch! And I was just about to ask if you wanted me to put the disabled ramp down for you."

"Fuck you," Shepard laughed, "How's the brittle bone syndrome?"

"You tell me," Joker sniggered, seeing her hobble aboard, using Samantha for support. "Word on the street is you're almost as brittle as me these days."

"Yes, but I have died oh I don't know, like a bazillion times," she replied.

"A bazillion?" Joker repeated, giving her a weird look. "That the poitín talking?"

"The poitín or the drugs," Shepard said airily, "Take your pick."

"Oh God, let's find her a seat before she start's dancing," Samantha chuckled, holding Shepard's waist and ushering her forwards into the ship.

"Hey!" she complained, pretending to be wounded by the jibe. "I am an excellent dancer, Specialist!"

Traynor and Joker exchanged a glance and broke into silent giggles behind her as they made their way into the CIC. As soon as the airlock opened they were greeted by a sea of noise. Traynor felt the Commander jump in surprise, genuinely afraid until she realised the people who were whistling, cheering and clapping for her were her own crew. Samantha and Joker stepped back, leaving an embarrassed, smiling Shepard in the middle and began to clap along with the rest. Everyone was there, everyone who was left that is. Even Jack had made it, along with what little remained of her kids. She was standing as far away as possible from Miranda, just like usual, though both of them were joined in their appreciation for their Commander, along with everyone else.

"Alright! Alright!" Shepard laughed, holding up her hands and waving them off as they continued to applaud her. Liara approached her with a cake adorned with burning candles and, after rolling her eyes at the fuss they were all making, Shepard quickly blew them out. She turned to Samantha then, her scarred face a little more flushed than usual, and grinned. "You knew about this?" she accused.

Traynor chuckled. "Sorry, darling. I wasn't allowed to tell you. It was supposed to be a surprise!"

Before she could say anything else, Shepard was swept away under Vega's meaty arm and ushered down the corridor past her beloved crew. The rest of them took up the rear and followed her down to the command post at the Galaxy map where she was ushered up and pestered for a speech. Garrus handed her up a glass of expensive champagne and Tali quickly passed around a tray of glasses for the rest of the crew. Once everyone was standing drink in hand, the Normandy fell quiet and everyone stared at Shepard, waiting for one of her famous speeches...But it didn't come.

After opening her mouth a few times, Shepard seemed to overcome with emotion to speak. Samantha's heart broke a little, seeing the naked emotion on the Commander's face as she stared out at what was left of her soldiers. Shepard's knuckles were white as she grabbed the edge of the galaxy map for support, her eyes beginning to tear.

"I...I don't really know where to start..." She said hoarsely, looking out at each and every face that had become so familiar in the last year of the war. "I...I'm not sure anything I say will fully describe how I'm feeling right now, being here with all of you, drinking this crappy champagne that I _know _Vega didn't pay for." The crew chuckled at her infamous ill timed joke, none more so than James, who shrugged in a 'hey, what are you gonna do' kind of way. The laughter quietened down then as Shepard tried to speak once more. "...I...Truth be told, I...didn't think for one second that I'd survived this war, and...and in a way I kind of meant not to..."

The crew stared up at her with reverence, feeling her every word sink in, fuelling their own emotions. Samantha felt tears form in her own eyes then, remembering back to that last night before the final assault on Earth, when Shepard couldn't sleep, scraped too thin by a thankless Galaxy, burdened with worry about, not her own life, but the lives of her crew...of what remained of her family and friends.

"...If it meant I had to give my life to save yours, then that was a sacrifice I was willing to pay," Shepard continued, "I'm just so glad that this many of you made it out alive. That means I finally did something right...although believe me I kind of got used to being wrong every direction I turned. It started to grow on me." The crew chuckled again, recalling the amount of bullshit politics the Commander had had to wade through to get some results. "I guess what I'm trying to say," Shepard concluded, looking eager to stop talking. She cleared her throat and straightened up. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are all a bunch of bastards for throwing me a surprise party and embarrassing me like this, so I'm going to sum up this little speech before Garrus starts to cry and scares the shit out of us all. To the Normandy!"

The entire CIC erupted in laughter and cheers as everyone raised their glasses and toasted to the ship and to Shepard. Chuckling, the Commander accepted Samantha's helping hand and stepped down off her podium, falling forwards into her arms.

"Wow, I've got you," Sam giggled, holding her upright. Shepard grinned and placed a hand on her cheek, caressing it gently.

"I know you do," she said, staring deep into her eyes, amber and green searching soft brown ones. "You always have."

Without another word, she wrapped her arms around Samantha's shoulders and pulled her close, drawing her lips near and planting a softly sweet kiss on her.


	34. Chapter 34

Specialist Traynor scanned the rowdy crowd of the Normandy's party animals, looking for Commander Shepard. The ship looked utterly transformed, each member of the crew either dancing wildly, talking animatedly, or standing around in deep conversation recalling first hand accounts of the Reaper War in hushed voices. Samantha had lost track of Shepard amidst the various antics and was a little concerned as to where the drunken mess had shuffled off to now. _Does she ever sit still? I mean, really! _Chuckling to herself and shaking her head in disbelief, she enquired about Shepard's whereabouts from a few people as she made her way through the CIC. Apparently no one had seen her in about an hour however. _How did she manage to escape from her own surprise party? _Traynor wondered. She had just came back down from the Commander's quarters after finding it empty and was about to give up and ring her omni-tool again when a sudden draft blowing down from the airlock grabbed her attention. Curious, Samantha walked the length of the Normandy's bridge, dodging Vega who was trying to tip tequila down her throat, and walked towards the ship's exit. As she neared, the coldness increased, and voices could be heard.

"...just saying, Miranda, I think it will be too grand for her. She's not the fancy dress type, you know?" Shepard was saying.

"Oh come on, Commander! Every girl likes to get dressed up once in a while and be a lady for five seconds." There was a slight pause then: "Well, every girl beside you!" Miranda finished.

They both laughed.

"Maybe we should just keep it low key," Samantha heard Shepard say as she got closer.

"Low key?" Miranda scoffed, "Shepard, do you even realise you just saved the bloody Galaxy!" She paused, letting this statement sink in before continuing. "Honestly! You're acting as though it was no big deal! You're famous, Commander, even more than your were before. You'd better get used to it! The potential guest list is already incredible! Alliance guest list alone is over three hundred people! This thing is going to be the event of the century! Over half of Earth wants to come, and don't even get me started on space!"

"I know, I know!" Shepard complained, sounding a little irritated. "But can't I get my own way for once? Why does everything I do have to be a massive spectacle? This is supposed to be about us, not everyone else."

"I hear you, Commander," Miranda sympathised, "But don't you think a wedd—? "

"What's going on?" Samantha interrupted, finally reaching the airlock and entering. She glanced at the ground where Shepard was sitting with her feet dangling over the edge of the ship with Miranda standing on the other side of the airlock, staring out at the war-ravaged view of midnight London. Both women were smoking cigars and holding a glass of whiskey on the rocks, and both jumped, hearing Samantha's voice, then began to look rather shifty.

"Nothing!" they both replied simultaneously.

Samantha raised her eyebrows and smiled sceptically. "Er...Ok then. If you say so," she chuckled.

"I'll leave you two alone," Miranda said tactfully, patting Traynor on the shoulder as she passed on her way back onto the bridge. "Just think about what I've said, Shepard. You know I'm right. Nothing you ever do is 'low key'. And I'd be saying this even if I hadn't already rebuilt your body twice and brought you back from the dead."

The Commander grumbled in response and Miranda laughed, shaking her head then and closing the inner door of the airlock behind her, plunging the night into silence as the noise from the party was drowned out. Samantha made her way over to where the Commander sat and placed herself down beside her.

"What was all that about?" she asked her curiously. "What's not going to be low key?"

Shepard took a draw of her cigar and threw Traynor a knowing smile. "Nothing," she replied simply, though avoiding Samantha's eyes. "Miranda and I were just talking..."

"I was wondering where you'd gotten off to. I tried calling you."

"My Omni-tool interface been busted since I woke up. Didn't I tell you?" Shepard asked, confused.

"No," Sam replied, "Here, let me take a look."

Shepard brought up her Omni-tool and Samantha could instantly see the damage. The orange interface was shattered, and sparking slightly, sending little blasts of light out the airlock and onto the pavement. She began tinkering with it, her techy side kicking in.

"So this ceremony on the Citadel's going to be eventful, don't you think?" Shepard asked, watching her work.

"I know you're not looking forward to it," Samantha replied, wondering if this was what she and Miranda were discussing before. "Have any inkling as to what you're going to talk about in your speech?"

Shepard snorted with laughter, a plume of smoke flying out of each of her nostrils. "Are you kidding? Did you hear the speech I tried to give here earlier?" she chuckled, "I'm terrible at this, Samantha. It's different when I'm up there issuing orders, or...or rallying my crew for battle. But apart from that I just...I hate public speaking. I'm no good at it! Argh-You shocked me!"

"Sorry," Traynor giggled, as Shepard's Omni-tool arm recoiled.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Shepard asked, a little doubtful now as she observed her.

"Oh please!" Samantha laughed, recconecting a few wires in the implant that had come loose. "If I understand Quantum Entanglement, then fixing an Omni-tool is going to be a piece of cake."

"Maybe try not sending shocks up my arm next time," Shepard mumbled.

"Sorry, some of the wires are frayed. Anyway, is it my imagination, or does the infamous Commander Shepard have a bit of stage fright?" Sam teased, nudging her playfully.

"No!" Shepard said defensively, clamming up at once. "I just...I don't like...Argh, hell! All right, I do! I hate it! Happy? I mean listen to me. I'm as blunt as a pirate, and even fucking cruder to boot! I have no manners! I grew up on the street and spent the other half of my life in the military. How am I supposed to inspire the masses with words of wisdom?"

She seemed angry with herself for admitting it and stared down at her hands, looking irritated, mumbling under her breath something about "...continuous trouble with the Council."

"Happy?" Samantha repeated, stopping what she was doing and placing a hand on the Commander's leg. "Why on Earth would I be happy? So you have a weakness, Shepard. Everyone does! You can't be the best at everything all the time, Sweetheart."

"But it's so pathetic!" Shepard protested loudly in her drunkenness, not allowing herself to meet Samantha's eyes. "I've never given a post-war speech before, only a pre-war one. What the hell am I going to say to everyone, Samantha? I feel sick even thinking about it."

"The sickness you're feeling right now is due to tequila, Sweetheart...And you know what you tell them? You tell them what you went through, Shepard," Sam said, stroking the Commander's thigh comfortingly, "You tell them the struggles this war placed on you. You thank those who helped you and condemn those who didn't! You let each and every member of this Galaxy know that you were prepared to die for them! No one's expecting an Oscar-winning speech, darling! This is your time to hit back at those who hindered you in this fight and thank those who remained by your side through thick and thin! It doesn't matter if you clam up or...or stutter out of nervousness. YOU won this war for us! YOU put every part of your body and mind on the line and YOU deserve the utmost respect from each and every one of us!"

Shepard looked up at her, open-mouthed, in awe at the forcefulness of her voice and the raw emotion that Samantha seemed to be succumbing to in that moment. Traynor realised she had tears in her eyes then, burning passionately as the intense reality of what Shepard had done from them all hit her like a tonne of bricks. She exhaled, her own head dropping, embarrassed at the effusiveness of her own words. She quickly busied herself once more with Shepard's Omni-tool, suddenly she was angry herself, angry at the world...angry at the Galaxy. They put Shepard through so much crap and Shepard carried out their requests with little fuss, throwing herself in front of Reapers for crying out loud! And now they had her panicking over a blasted speech?

Samantha felt Shepard's fingers curl under her chin then, as the Commander tilted her head up, enabling her to look deep into the wetness of her eyes.

"You're right," she whispered, seeing the rawness of Samantha's emotions, "I gave up everything for this war effort, even you. The people have to know that. They need to know what it took, and how difficult it was, and how it should never happen to anyone ever again."

"One person should never have been counted on so heavily to win this war," Samantha whispered, smiling sympathetically and caressing Shepard's cold, scarred cheek with her hand. "It's ruined you..."

"I know," Shepard breathed sadly, looking away from her, finally willing to admit it at last. "But as long as I've got you I know I'll be alright." She turned back to her then. "As long as I've got you...then it was all worth it, Samantha."

Sam smiled tearfully and then both leaned in, losing themselves in a touching, tender kiss that seemed to last for hours. Samantha finished up then.

"Done!" she said proudly, "You need a new interface screen and you blade is shattered, but apart from that everything should be working fine."

"Thanks, Nerd," Shepard teased, throwing her a wink. "I bet you were a know it all in college."

"And it's a good thing to, seeing as my soon-to-be-wife is prone to technical difficulties. I payed attention in uni!"

"While I was out terrorising the community," Shepard joked.

They both laughed.

For the next few minutes, Sam rested her head on Shepard's shoulder as the Commander picked up her cigar and finished it, with one arm draped around her fiancée. They both stared out into the night, content in each other's presence, untroubled by the cool breeze blowing in their direction, ruffling their hair.

All of a sudden the rustling of a packet distracted Samantha from her silent meditation. She turned to find the Commander secretly trying to open a tiny yellow bag of something.

"Are those...?"

"Jelly tots!" Shepard exclaimed happily, breaking the intimate moment they were having with a wide childish grin. The deep silent contemplation of the night was suddenly replaced with juvenile delight. She held up the bag and shook it slightly. "Liara got 'em for me! She always remembered me talking about them."

Traynor fought the urge to laugh.

_How can such a fearful woman still be this Goddamn cute? Oh right...she's drunk. _

"Didn't you find those on a Cerberus soldier along with some cigarettes?" she recalled, remembering back to a conversation in bed with Shepard in her cabin just after they had rescued Javik from Eden Prime. It seemed like another lifetime ago now.

"Yeah," Shepard chuckled, "But I polished those off ages ago. Liara picked these up on the black market for me when she was looking for spare parts for the Normandy."

"There's a black market? Already?" Traynor asked, though wondering why this seemed to surprise her. Liara was the Shadow Broker. Surely, even after the war, some of her contacts on Earth remained. "Remind me to ask her to get me a bloody toothbrush, will you? Mine was lost...There's 6000 credits I'll never bloody see again."

Shepard laughed. "I'll let her know. Though I think sweets are a bit easier to come by than flashy toothbrushes."

"I didn't hear you complain when it saved the Normandy, smartass."

"Touché," the Commander replied throwing her a wink.

"Can I try a jelly tot? I haven't had those in years! Since I was like six!" Samantha giggled, beginning to feel her own inner child rise to the surface.

Shepard looked reluctant then, holding the packet closer to her chest. "But...But these are the only ones I have..."

"I only want one!" Traynor exclaimed, having never seen Shepard's impish side before. "I'm not asking you for an arm and a leg!"

The Commander sighed. "Oh...Oh, all right," she relented, holding them out. "But I'm telling you, if you weren't this pretty..."

Traynor chuckled and slipped a finger and thumb inside the bag eagerly, lifting out a tiny circular sugary jelly. She popped it into her mouth and at once her taste-buds began to salivate. "Good Lord I forgot how good they are!" she boomed, closing her eyes and savouring the tiny sweet. "You know, it's simple things like this you miss when you're in space all the time. Mmmm..."

She heard Shepard 'Hmm' enthusiastically in agreement and opened her eyes. Before she could ask for another one, the Commander had tipped the tiny yellow bag back into her mouth and ate the lot.

"Hey! Greedy!" Traynor protested, her mouth ajar. She dug her in the arm for what seemed like the millionth time today.

Shepard threw her a look of guilt, her cheeks packed like a hamsters, full of jelly tots.

"Wut?" she mumbled as best she could, trying not to spit any out. "I...wuv...dem!"

Samantha burst out laughing at the sight of her and soon Shepard began to laugh as well, as she munched down her sweetie mouthful with great difficulty. Amused, and feeling more light-hearted in that moment than she had since coming back to Earth, Traynor lay her head down on Shepard's shoulder and snuggled up close to her.

"God, I love you," she smiled, feeling contented in her arms.

Shepard kissed her on the head and both of them resumed their staring out of the airlock, at a world that they'd helped save together.

Hours later, when night had fallen and the party had long since been put to bed, Samantha woke to find herself alone in her parent's old home that she and Shepard were currently residing in. She turned over, her eyes still half closed, and reached out across the empty space in bed beside her where Shepard should have been. _Where did she go? _she wondered, sitting upright then and scanning the dimly lit room. It was almost dawn. The sun would be rising soon. Suddenly the noise of running water in the bathroom came to her attention.

"Shepard?"

There was no answer.

Worried now, Samantha slid her legs out from underneath the bed covers. She placed her bare feet on the cold wooden floor and walked out onto the landing before taking a left, heading for the bathroom. As she neared, she realised that the running water was coming from the shower. _She can't be showering at this time, can she? _She pushed open the door, expecting to find the Commander there, but there was no one.

"Shepard?" she called again, confused now.

_Why would she leave the shower running? Where on Earth did she go?_

Just as she was about to give up, the door to the shower creaked open a tiny amount, revealing a set of toes. Samantha opened the door the full way and found Shepard sitting on the floor beside the plug hole, holding her legs close to her body, knees tucked under her chin. She was still in her clothes. Seeing the look of horror etched across her face, Samantha didn't question her, or act as though this was entirely abnormal. She already knew the reason for this strange behaviour. Instead, she took pity, kneeling down beside her, in the streaming water, placing a hand on the woman's soaking wet hair.

"This shower's been broken for weeks," she said softly, as though this were an entirely normal day and one expected to find their fiancée sitting huddled in the corner, showering with their clothes on. "I should have known you'd find a way to fix it."

The Commander didn't answer, or give any indication she had heard her speak. Her eyes were wide and frightful, staring dead at a spot on the floor a short distance away. She had no awareness whatsoever.

"You'll catch a cold in here, sweetheart," Samantha said then, stroking the short red strands of Shepard's hair. ""What if we—"

"So much blood..."

The Commander's words stunned Samantha.

"What?" she asked, frowning with concern.

"Blood...It's everywhere..."

Shepard's interruption was hoarse and abrupt, as though she was talking more to herself than Samantha. Traynor froze, her hand hovering on the warm water tap overhead which she had been about to turn on to warm them up.

"There is no blood, darling," she reassured her, rubbing her back comfortingly. "It's gone."

"It's everywhere..." Shepard repeated, eyes bulging. She began to clutch her arms tightly then, trying to rid herself of her filth. "Get it _off_ me..."

"Shepard..."

Samantha didn't know what to do. She had never seen her like this. She wasn't even completely sure that the Commander was awake. She wasn't responding to her directly, just talking aloud to no one in particular as she used to in her sleep during the war.

_I think...Good Lord, I think she's sleep walking._

"Darling...? Can you hear me?"

When Shepard didn't respond, Samantha realised her theory must be correct. She turned the other nozzle on the wall above the Commander's head and instantly the freezing water cut off. Shepard didn't give any signs that she was there, but remained staring at a spot on the floor, still hugging herself together, eyes unblinking. She was whiter than usual, wearing a look of intense pain, the grip on her knees clenched and unrelenting. Traynor began to gently pry her fingers from the drenched military regs she was wearing and took her hand in hers. This seemed to get the Commander's attention finally. Shepard stared up at her, as though only realising she was there, and Samantha smiled kindly.

"Come on," she whispered, beginning to shimmy round beside Shepard and help her to her feet. "It's alright...You're ok...Let's get you back to bed."

The Commander hovered on the spot, as though unsure as to which direction their bedroom was. She didn't seem to remember how to speak at all now. Samantha, careful not to slip, manoeuvred her carefully out of the shower and guided her down the dark hallway. She grabbed a towel from the wall rack on her way and walked Shepard back to their room, remembering to be gentle with her due to her injuries.

Once inside, Samantha threw the towel onto the bed and began to help Shepard out of her wet clothes. The Commander raised her arms as high as she could in her weakened state, allowing her to pull the military shirt up over her head. Samantha then slid her out of her wet trousers and tossed them in a pile on the floor along with the shirt and her underwear. The naked Commander suddenly started to shiver. Samantha grabbed the towel from the bed and threw it over Shepard's shoulders like a cape, bringing the corner's together just under her chin.

"You m-must t-think I'm crazy," Shepard stammered, seemingly having come back to her senses a little then.

"Actually," Samantha replied with a smile, "On the contrary, I think you're wonderful."

She placed a light, chaste kiss on the Commander's lips then wrapped an arm around her waist, walking her over to the bed.

"Sit down and I'll get you a drink," she said.

The Commander sat still, staring at the floor, still groggy and under her mind's influence as Samantha rummaged in the bedside cabinet, knowing Shepard had stored some secret whiskey here to help her through the day. _Gottcha! _Grasping the tiny bottle, Traynor opened it with shaking hands and tipped a little into the used glass atop the table. She brought it to the Commander and placed it in both her hands, then sat down beside her.

"Thanks," Shepard whispered, putting the glass to her lips and taking a small, steady sip. She swallowed loudly, resuming her staring at the floor.

"What were you dreaming about?" Samantha asked in a hushed voice, her arm resting around Shepard's lower back where they sat. Her PTSD had taken on a new form it seemed.

"Kaidan," Shepard answered. It was the first time she had obliged and honestly told Samantha what was troubling her. "Thane, Samara...Anderson...Everyone...I can't... get their blood off my hands."

Samantha sighed sympathetically. "You have to let them go, darling," she said wisely, "They're gone...Torturing yourself won't bring them back."

"You don't think I know that!" Shepard snapped angrily, her voice raising suddenly, making Traynor jump. The Commander grabbed her forehead with her free hand, shaking her head. "Fuck..." she breathed, softly once more. "Sorry...I didn't mean to...I-I just-"

She threw her glass of whiskey at the wall, smashing it and sending brown liquid across the white paint. Samantha watched her hold her head in her hands then. She was a little afraid of her in that moment.

"I know," she reassured her, massaging her back through the fluffy white towel with one hand, feeling how tense she was. "I knew this would happen after going back there today. Only Admiral Hackett seemed to realise it too. The Alliance brass never was very understanding. They were asking you questions about the war that I know were more to do with curiosity than protocol. I ought to make a formal complaint."

"It's fine," Shepard said dismissively, her eyes glowing a ferocious amber. "People are always going to have questions, Samantha. It's not their fault that I have all the answers locked away in my head."

"Still! They shouldn't probe! You're not a bloody performing monkey, Shepard!" Traynor retorted, beginning to get angry herself now. She exhaled, trying, just like Shepard, to rein in her emotions. "I think it's my turn to apologise now...God...What am I doing? I'm sure the last thing you need right now is to be yelled at."

She retracted her arm from around the Commander and brought both hands to her face, rubbing it in one sweeping motion, feeling the stress siphon off her.

"Hey," Shepard soothed, placing a comforting hand on her thigh and throwing her a little smile. "I don't mind. You're pretty cute when you yell."

Traynor laughed quietly then. "Careful," she warned playfully, "I have plenty more left in the tank, sweetheart. And not all of it's pretty."

Shepard chuckled, looking a little more like herself then. She grazed Traynor's cheek affectionately with the palm of her hand. "Get some sleep, Samantha. Don't let me keep you up."

Traynor smiled. "I would, but as it happens, I rather like you company, Ma'am," She stood then and clambered over the bed to her side, sliding under the covers. Reaching out from behind Shepard, she took the towel off her, dried her hair as best she could, and helped her back into a relaxed position. She held her close, resting her chin on top of the Commander's damp hair, beginning to stroke it gently with her fingers.

"I know what you're doing...But it's no use. I'm never going to be able to sleep," Shepard whispered, as both of them stared out the balcony doors at the moonlight.

Traynor kissed the top of her head. "Then stop trying to," she replied simply, "Stop trying to sleep so bad. Just take a few deep breaths and close your eyes...and I promise you, whatever happens, I'll be here when you open them."


	35. Chapter 35

It had been an age since Samantha had found herself on the Citadel in a time of peace, so long in fact that she had almost forgotten what it felt like. On the few shore leaves she had accumulated in her time served aboard the Normandy, she had barely even looked at the Citadel, too caught up in the war and her potential extinction to really _see _its beauty and grandeur. Although one couldn't ignore the carnage that the giant centre of the galaxy still bore after Reaper War, the people seemed to have a new life about them now. All notions of status and race seemed to have evaporated (though for how long no one knew). Turians were greeting Krogans in the Presidium like old pals, sharing battle stories over drinks and comparing scars. Asari were no longer looking upon Humans with condescension, realising that their short life span and 'bully' attitude had helped win this war, as they let politics go to their head and watched Thessia burn. Their choice to hide Prothean Artefacts had earned them the wrath of the galaxy, and unseated them as trusted galactic advisors. In just a short amount of years, Humanity it appeared had forced its way into the centre of galactic affairs and, due to a certain human in particular, the other races were not completely against the idea of giving them a turn.

Traynor slid her hand into Commander Shepard's and gave her a gentle, reassuring tug, seeing that the woman had momentarily frozen in the elevator. They were wearing their best Alliance regalia, spruced up better than Samantha had ever seen any of the Normandy Crew before. Even Jack had managed to rustle up some clothes for the occasion, and Zaeed looked utterly transformed in his brand new black and white suit.

"Hate salarian silk," the scarred merc grumbled uncomfortably, readjusting his collar for what seemed like the millionth time. "Don't see why I have to dress up like a bastarding flower. No one's fucking looking at _me_."

"Hey fuckface, stop whining! If I have to, then so do you," Jack snapped, staring down at her brand new wine red Krogan-scaled jacket. There was no way they were going to get her into a uniform or a nice dress. "I must say, Grunt, you hooked me up big time with this flashy new coat."

"Thank god," Joker mocked, "Was getting a little tired of looking at you naked."

"What, not robotic enough for you, Joker?" Jack responded in kind. "Too organic?"

"Not sure organic is the right word," Joker snorted, staring at the hint of the woman's tattoos which couldn't be covered up completely. "EDI's still sexier than you and she only has a voice now...I do miss that body of hers though..."

"Ew, spare us, Joker," Cortez complained, as the others laughed.

"Skinned one of my enemies to make that coat. Just for you, Jack," Grunt sniggered, punching his fists together. "He disrespected me. Told him I would scale him alive...guess he didn't believe me...Idiot."

"You think you'd be done fighting after that war, Grunt," Dr Chakwas replied chagrined.

"It was quite a fight," Wrex growled approvingly. "Should have seen it, Doctor. Grunt's not just a tank-bred any longer. He's more than proved himself now."

"I'm just saying..."

Samantha zoned out then as the others bantered around her. She realised Commander Shepard hadn't said a thing since they left the Normandy, and glanced up at her, watching her run her free hand through her short red hair, looking rather distracted.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Ma'am?" she whispered worriedly, seeing that Shepard's scarred features had become whiter and were now shining with a thin layer of sweat.

"I'm fine," Shepard replied stubbornly, her voice a little hoarse. "I faced worse than this and survived...Although politicians do have a way of making me want to slit my wrists."

"Don't worry, Commander, I got your back," Vega said, overhearing their conversation, glancing back at her, flexing his tall, chiselled figure menacingly. "When you have someone this good-looking in your crew, the cameras are gonna be pointed at no one else but me, baby!"

"You wish," Cortez teased. "If only you were a good-looking in real life as you are in your head."

Shepard managed to throw him a little smile in thanks. "It's not _my_ back I'm worried about," she joked.

"Of course not," Wrex grumbled, "You have two bloodthirsty Krogan on your side."

"Great, the last thing the universe needs is to see you two brutes on vid," Tali teased.

"Says the woman going out with a Turian," Garrus joked at his own expense. The entire elevator started to laugh, even Admiral Hackett managing a chuckle. Garrus' face (what was left of it) beamed at Tali, who responded in kind.

"Bosh-tet," she laughed.

"True, but you're all guilty by association remember," Shepard grinned, "Say goodbye to being incognito. We're all in the shit now!"

"Argh, a little notoriety never hurt anyone," Zaeed said gruffly. "Can't stand these fucking politicians. Bunch o' boring bastards if you ask me."

"Thankfully no one did then," Liara joked, grinning at the mercenary. "You would have us all arrested for slander and conspiracy before the meeting even begins, Zaeed."

"Ha!" Zaeed laughed, "We'll all probably end up in chains anyway if Shepard has 'er way with them, T'Soni. Always does seem to find 'erself in trouble. Part of the reason I'm still 'ere. Someone's gotta keep her fucking safe."

"Love you too, Zaeed," Shepard teased.

The others chuckled.

"Are you worried about what they're going to say?" Traynor whispered in private, as the others continued to chat, teasing Zaeed for his choice of clothing now.

"Worried about what they're going to _do_ actually. They're going to try and elevate my position, Samantha," Shepard replied, staring at the back of Admiral Hackett, as though trying to figure out what he was planning. "I just know it."

"Of course they are, darling. You saved the galaxy," Sam reminded her. "Just accept whatever they offer. They're never going to stop until they find some way of commemorating what you've done."

"I don't want commemoration...I just want to go back to the Normandy and have a whiskey in my cabin," Shepard said tiredly. "I found a new home for Pelota and got her a new wheel."

"I didn't realise your hamster survived!" Sam exclaimed happily."That's wonderful. We'll head there later," she promised, "But there's a big party after the meeting and everyone lucky enough to attend will want to see their hero in the flesh. They've got medals and things to give out, as well as numerous promotions...Plus, there'll be the finest whiskey and most exotic foods to be sampled at the event! Tell me you're not looking forward to that."

"Well," Shepard chuckled, "If they've got the whiskey I've requested, I'm sure I'll have a good time, especially with you on my arm, walking down the red carpet. I owe Chakwas a brandy or two as well. God knows, I should have pounded a few before this Council meeting. Not gonna lie, Samantha, I'm a little uneasy... I never get along with politicians."

"Politicians don't get on with politicians, sweetheart," Samantha chuckled, stroking the Commander's arm. "You're in good company here."

The Normandy Crew surrounding Shepard and Sam grumbled then as the elevator doors binged open, bracing themselves for what was to come. Admiral Hackett led the way onto the Presidium balcony which was littered with politicians of every shape and form. Shepard squeezed Samantha's fingers and took a deep breath, signalling her hatred and impatience for government. _Not that I blame her, _Traynor thought to herself, _they all stood around bickering while she risked her life to save a galaxy on the verge of annihilation. _ Standing up as straight as she could despite her tender ribcage and numerous other injuries (which had not yet completely healed), Shepard took the first step out of the elevator and was instantly mobbed by admirers. Ambassadors, Councillors and every scope of what was left of the galaxy's political affairs surged in around them, applauding, cheering and giving their all to show their support and admiration. Samantha kept close to her, wary of getting lost in the crowd, while the Normandy crew walked beside them like a sort of guard, working their way through the horde to get Shepard to her seat at the head of the Alliance table inside the chambers.

"You're in the centre darling," Samantha whispered, ushering her towards the middle of the long table. Shepard began to pull Traynor along with her, and found her resisting. "I can't," Sam hissed, "I'm not on the Council. There aren't enough—"

She had started to say there aren't enough seats but the Commander had continued to drag her along. Traynor now found herself plunked smack in the middle next to Commander Shepard and other high-ranking Alliance officials, some of whom were glaring at her as though wondering what on Earth she was doing there.

"Shepard, I'm not supposed to be here," Sam muttered in her ear, embarrassed. Vega and Garrus were ushering her over to where they stood on the fringes and she gave them a confused expression. As she made to get up, Shepard placed a hand on her thigh.

"Stay," she told her.

"Shepard I'm not—"

"I don't care if you're not on the Council, I need you here."

"But—" Samantha glanced around the room at the politicians all taking their seats at their respectful places and began to panic. The meeting was about to get under way. She turned back to Shepard then, seeing her expression, then swivelled back around in her chair again. "Alright," she replied, placing her hand over Shepard's. "I'll stay...What are you up to?"

"Thank you," Shepard whispered, smiling. "And I'm not up to anything."

"Funny...I don't believe you," Sam smirked, "You have that look about you. Have you got your speech ready?"

"Sure, it's in my dresser drawer."

"Shepard!"

_I've been helping her day and night to write the damn thing for the past few weeks. The least she could have done was bring it with her!_

"Relax, Samantha, I know what I'm going to say," Shepard chuckled, "I decided I'm just going to improvise."

"Oh good Lord, please don't," Traynor replied, shaking her head and holding her forehead, closing her eyes.

"Hey!" Shepard replied, slightly offended.

"I'm just saying," Sam replied with dread, "It took you long enough to write the bloody thing."

"Yeah, and I realised I didn't want to say any of it," the Commander replied grimly, "It was hard enough to write about, Samantha. There's no way I'm gonna be able to say it in front of all these people...In front of the entire galaxy who are watching this meeting on vid."

"Shepard..." Samantha caressed her arm, feeling sorry for her as the same pained expression the Commander wore when she thought about the war appeared on her face. "This whole ceremony was for you, darling. This was your chance to say what you had been unable to before, to let the Council and the rest of the galaxy know what you went through!"

"Yeah well...I decided I just wanted to keep it private," Shepard replied sadly. "I lost too much, Sam. I'm not going to play along to their tune any longer."

"You _are_ up to something," Traynor said, realising her instincts had been correct. "Shepard what are you planning? Is there a reason I'm sitting where I'm not supposed to be?"

The Commander turned to her and winked, managing a crooked grin that said she was up to no good. "Trust me, Specialist. It's just for dramatic effect."

"Dramatic effect? You really _do_ love breaking the rules, darling," Sam joked. Shepard chuckled mischievously, and Traynor suddenly felt sick with nerves. "I really shouldn't be sitting here."

"Just keep your head down, don't answer any questions and you'll be fine," the Commander replied, patting her hand, "If I can't have my sexy fiancée beside me for moral support then the damn galaxy wasn't worth saving."

Sam giggled. "Say it loud enough, Sweetheart, I don't think the paparazzi all the way in the back heard you."

The Commander chuckled. "I'll make sure and fill them in later then," she replied, her voice heavy with sarcasm. "You know how they just _love _me."

"I don't think you want to fuel that fire," Sam warned, eyeing up the reporters with dislike. Their beady eyes were fixed on her and the Commander, some whispering to each other, already no doubt concocting a story as to why Samantha seemed to be in a prominent position on the Alliance Council. The term 'sleeping your way to the top' came to mind. Samantha cringed. Clearly some rumours about their relationship had already made it into the gossip section of the news. "Even saving the galaxy hasn't stopped them from writing little fluff pieces on you. Most would love any excuse to smear your newfound public image."

"What do you mean 'newfound'?" Shepard sniggered, "I've been in the press for years!"

"Yes, but it was rarely for anything good!" Traynor countered, giggling, "Good Lord, even Allers had a hard time writing about your heroics without you coming off as a raving lunatic in the process."

This seemed to amuse Shepard. "But I am a raving lunatic. And you know what, that's what it took to win this war and if people don't appreciate it then they can go fuc-"

"I know, darling," Samantha soothed, seeing she was getting riled up already, "Try not to lose your cool. That's what they want, so they can make you out to look like a loose cannon." Shepard squeezed her hand a little too tightly then, agitated at the riff raff she would have to put up with even after saving the galaxy. "The Council's about to go into session. We should stand up."

A noise overhead signalled the beginning of the meeting and all the delegates got to their feet. The entire balcony of politicians fell silent, a sea of reporters with their Omni-tool's poised and ready to record. The live television cameras were rolling. The entire galaxy was watching.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Admiral Hackett began, his gruff voice magnified by loudspeaker. "We are gathered here today, before the celebrations and commemorations, to make a decision on the future of galactic affairs. As you are all aware by now, Humanity has always protected the interests of not just ourselves, but of each and every race equally, and we reserve our right to remain on the Council with a newly elected member to represent us."

"Commander Shepard," he gestured to Shepard on his left, and the numerous eyes of every race in the room fell upon her, some with reverence, some in idolization, and some with jealousy. A few people started to cheer and applaud. Samantha squeezed her hand in support, feeling her own face burn under the scorch of the galaxy's gaze, "fought tirelessly to win the war against the Reapers, even when all hope seemed to be lost. She and her crew, "he gestured to the best dressed Normandy Crew standing straight-backed and proud behind the Alliance Councillor's table, "were involved in not only the years of preparation, but the final assault upon the Reapers on Earth. Without them, none of us would be here and it is with great pleasure that I announce Commander Shepard as the new...Shepard?"

Sam's heart stopped as she felt Shepard release her hand and watched her get to her feet.

"What are you doing?" she hissed frantically, stunned, tugging the end of her navy blue Alliance uniform gently to get her back in her seat. _Oh I knew she was up to something! _The Council started to break out in mutters and whispers now, and some people gasped, wondering what was going on.

"Thank you, Admiral," Shepard interrupted politely, as though knowing what he was about to say. "But I'm afraid I'm going to have to refuse..."

Many of the Council gasped and loud muttering broke out among them then.

"Commander," Admiral Hackett replied disappointedly, but as though he had expected this, "There was a unanimous decision to have you come aboard as member of the Council, to take Councillor Udina's place as a representative of Humanity. You would do well to-"

"I understand," Shepard interrupted, "But with all do respect, Sir, I'd rather not." The Commander stared out at the politicians then. "I'm aware that many of you wish to see me in office, but I assure you I'm not the woman for the job. Meaning no offence to any of you, the sight of this balcony and many other Council chambers bring back nothing but memories of frustration for me. From the battle with Saren, to the end of galactic politics as we knew them during the war with the Reapers, the Council offered me little to no support. I am here today to wish the next Human Councillor good luck, whoever he or she may be...but I am afraid I am not here to join you."

"But Commander!" a Salarian politician yelled from her table, "This meeting has been arranged to appoint new Councillors! It is being televised around the galaxy as we speak! It was agreed that you would represent Humanity and choose your political partners on the Council among the other races! Who will lead your people now? Who will lead ours?"

"If you are abdicating you should elect your successor!" a Turian called out. "You owe us that at least."

There was a murmur of agreement in the chamber.

"I owe you nothing!" Shepard bore down upon them angrily, slamming her hand down hard upon her table and stunning the entire chamber into scared silence. "I am not a politician," she insisted menacingly, meeting every one of their eyes defiantly. "I am a soldier of the Alliance...Commander of the Normandy...A Council Spectre and Hero of the Galaxy. I don't need, nor want another title. There is no place for a woman like me in politics."

The Council erupted in outrage then, some politicians getting to their feet and complaining.

"You saved us from the Reapers and now you're going to abandon us?" they yelled.

"She's not abandoning us!" a Human politician shouted in outrage. "Commander Shepard has done more for this galaxy than anyone. She has every right to refuse this position if she so wishes."

"She's shirking her duties!" a Salarian responded. "You can't save a galaxy then leave it in turmoil, especially after curing the Genophage! Who's going to clean up _that _mess?"

Samantha heard Grunt and Wrex growl and crack their knuckles behind her, along with the few other Krogan in the chambers. This meeting was getting out of hand already.

"I am not 'shirking my duties'!" the Commander shouted, causing the chamber to fall silent once more. She grabbed Samantha's hand then and pulled her to her feet. Traynor's face burned with embarrassment, feeling the eyes of everyone on her. "I've given everything to fight this cause, sacrificed a future with this woman, the woman I love, hitting political brick walls, having my friends turn against me, killing my own comrades and losing others to the war effort...I've never turned away from my duty no matter what was at stake," Shepard said angrily. "I have nothing more to give you. You can ask this of me if you wish, Admiral Hackett," she added, turning to him. "And being the woman that I am I would accept this position out of duty to the Alliance...But I will do so miserably and with a heavy heart. I fought for peace and accomplished my mission. What's left of the galaxy is enjoying fine wines and fancy dinners on the Citadel because soldiers like you and I fought to keep them safe. And now that we have peace they demand more? No...,"

Shepard took a deep breath then, shaking her head. A muscle twitched in her jaw with anger at the gall of these politicians. Things would never change unless she put her foot down once and for all. She turned to the Council members then. "I've given you all your lives...I think I deserve mine in return."

A wave of shame overcame the Council then and the angry muttering was mixed with support, each of them looking at other, a little embarrassed now. Admiral Hackett half-grinned and nodded his head in agreement, admiring the woman's balls. He seemed to have been awaiting her interruption. Clearly the idea to offer her a place on the Council wasn't his.

"Commander Shepard is right," Samantha continued in a shaky voice then, realising Shepard was no longer able to continue. Her face fell like a million degrees as the eyes of everyone in the room focused on her then. _Keep calm, girl. You can do this. Shepard needs you._ "She is a soldier. She doesn't belong in politics, just like her Captain and Admiral, David Anderson, didn't before her. She is, and always will be, Alliance."

"Oo-rahh!" the Alliance and Normandy soldiers behind her shouted in agreement, falling into a salute. Admiral Hackett looked back and them all, then at Shepard, then raised his hand to his forehead in salute along with them, staring at her with the utmost respect.

"Commander Shepard," he began, "You make some valid points. You have my full support...In light of this meeting, I hereby rescind the offer of a place on the Citadel Council." The Human Councillors cheered in appreciation then, and gradually most others in the room did the same in support of the decision. "I also offer you an extended period of leave from the Alliance to spend some time with your new fiancée, Specialist Samantha Traynor, until you are both fit and able to return. You will receive full Spectre, Council, Alliance and standard military benefits without taxation as well as a handsome reward from galactic funds for your sacrifices and bravery during the Reaper war. The door is always open for your return. Commander...you will always have a place among our ranks, but we can ask no more of you...You're a Goddamn hero, and I salute you."

The entirety of the Council chamber erupted in joy then, cheering and applauding, each member getting to its feet and praising the Hero of the Galaxy. Shepard grinned then and grasped Samantha's hand and raised it into the air with her own, finally enjoying a little of the celebrations. She then turned to Samantha and, to Traynor's surprise, planted a kiss on her lips in front of the entire galaxy, getting more and more cheers and a few wolf-whistles. Samantha giggled and caressed Shepard's cheek affectionately, staring up into her emerald-amber eyes and seeing sheer relief in them.

"What do you say, Specialist? Shall we get out of here?" Shepard said in her ear, so she could hear her over the noise.

"Definitely," Samantha responded, kissing her once again. She reached down and took Commander Shepard's hand. "Come on, darling. We have a wedding to plan."

Shepard grinned and she and Sam left the table, walking along it towards the exit, hand in hand. The people's cheers and admiration followed them all the way into the elevator, along with the press who were trying desperately to get the best first official photo of the couple. As they stepped into the lift and pressed the button, the doors closed in front of them, blocking out the noise and plunging them into silence. Samantha smiled and leaned in, kissing the Commander once more. She couldn't believe the sudden turn of events. As they stood in each other's embrace, Shepard reached down and held the dogtags that were hanging around Samantha's neck, tracing the lettering with her thumb.

"Well," the Commander began, "It's official now. The whole galaxy knows we're engaged...Nervous?"

Traynor chuckled.

"Not one single bit, darling."


	36. Chapter 36

_**A/N: Hey guys! I'm very sorry it has taken me soooo long to write this final chapter. Let me just say I have thoroughly enjoyed reading all your reviews and would like to thank you all for reading the story. I do hope you like this last installment and I will miss my Traynor/Shep pairing. I have loved writing it.**_

* * *

"...biggest Galactic event of the millennium..."

"...Commander Shepard's wedding day..."

"...going to be a huge event from start to finish..."

"...every major news company in the universe is attending..."

"...Vancouver is buzzing with every species known to mankind, trying to get the first glimpse of the bride..."

Samantha took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to block out the excited journalists chattering over the radio, nearby vid comms and every other communications device on offer in Commander Shepard's cabin. Every female member of the Normandy crew was in attendance, all dressed to the nines in their ceremonial military regalia, sipping champagne. Miranda and Doctor Chakwas were busy helping Traynor get ready for the big day, preparing her for the most anticipated wedding of the era, which would start in just four short hours. Samantha could feel butterflies churning in her stomach like a pack of Collector Swarms, making her anxious and terrified of when this girly make-up show would finally be over and she would have to walk down the aisle and marry the most famous person in the entire Galaxy, in front of the its entire population.

"...today marks the occasion when the Citadel's newest couple will grace the..."

"...Specialist Samantha Traynor, whom many had never heard of prior to her appointment on the Normandy..."

"...who's service record is miniscule compared to the Hero of the Galaxy..."

"...just who is Samantha Traynor, and how did such a plain and ordinary girl manage to bag the most beautiful, influential woman in the Galaxy? Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani has the full story..."

Samantha's legs felt like jelly, and she fought the urge to throw up as the journalist's words broke her down. "Do me a favour, Jack, and turn them off? I think I'm going to vomit."

"Sure thing, Nerd."

The tattooed babe leaned across the desktop that she was hovering beside, no longer full of datapads but of makeup, empty champagne bottles, make-up and perfume. She switched the Comms Systems off, and picked up her whiskey, continuing to drink. Samantha opened her eyes then and exhaled, feeling a little better already. It was bad enough knowing she was being talked about by every news station in the universe, but she wasn't sure she was ready to hear what exactly they had to say.

"That Al-Jilani woman has it in for you two," Miranda said, chagrined, as she helped hem up a piece of Traynor's wedding dress. Samantha had been so stressed the last few weeks that she'd lost weight and now the damn thing didn't fit her. Shepard had had a fit of laughter when she told her, and joked that the wedding was off if she flashed the entire Galaxy while walking down the aisle. Even a nip slip and the vultures would be feasting.

"I think Shepard's given her one too many punches to the head," Jack sniggered, folding her arms and resuming her impatient stance. Weddings and dresses clearly weren't her thing, but Shepard knew she'd prove a good distraction for Samantha, who had been freaking out the last few days after being hounded by reporters when they flew back to Vancouver from the Seychelles for the wedding, after visiting the new house for the first time. They'd only got to spend an hour there before being whisked away. Now all Samantha's closest military friends were standing around chatting excitedly, most pretending to be useful but really just drinking and catching up as they waited for the main event.

"You are probably right," Liara sighed, as the others laughed.

"I guess I shouldn't expect too much from her then," Sam groaned, "She'll probably paint me as a slug and Shepard as a stooge in her newest fluff piece of news."

"Sorry to tell you, dear, but it's already been done...quite literally," Doctor Chakwas informed her reluctantly. They all turned to her questioningly. She was never usually one to quote the tabloids. "I saw a cartoon of it in this week's news update," Chakwas continued, answering their stares. "They exaggerated your features rather unkindly and...forgive me...planted you in slug form in a toilet bowl with the words : 'Good thing Commander Shepard's used to taking the Galaxy's shit.'"

Liara, Miranda, Tali, Kasumi, Gabriella Daniels, Oriana and Jack all burst into fits of laughter then, as Samantha groaned painfully, feeling herself blush with embarrassment. Doctor Chakwas giggled apologetically.

"Good Lord, haven't they got anything better to do?" Sam complained, feeling more nervous now than ever.

"Shall I scan the frequencies to find more uplifting comments about your relationship Specialist Traynor?" EDI offered over the Normandy's Comm System. "My drive core may overload, but I am sure I could find one."

Through more laughter, Samantha rolled her eyes, and glanced up at the ceiling. "Thank you EDI. I see though your body's gone you haven't lost your wicked sense of humour."

"Your observation is correct," EDI replied, "I will arrange to have more drinks brought to Shepard's cabin instead. Although I have never sampled it myself, I have heard that alcohol can have quite a calming effect on the nerves of Organics. Or so the Commander informed me."

"That would be better," Traynor giggled. "Speaking of Shepard, has anyone—?"

Suddenly the cabin door whizzed open and Vega came running in, face ashen with worry.

"Tray!?" His eyes lit up as Miranda and Chakwas pulled back and she spun around. "_Dios mio, _you look stunning!"

"Thank you, I—So do you. What's happened?" Sam asked, noticing how out of breath he was in his fine new suit, and looking as though he had been running.

_I'm sure he wasn't that eager to see my gown._

"It's Shepard. She...well, I think you'd better come take a look yourself," Vega replied, sounding worried.

"But...the dress," Samantha said, staring down at herself. "I can't see her in it...I mean, I have to get ready."

"Take it off," Miranda ordered her, "I need to fix the stitching anyway otherwise you're going to flash the congregation."

"I'll do it," Tali said, placing her champagne (with a straw) down and getting to her feet. "Before I have too much to drink and I'm of no use to anyone."

"I..." Traynor bit her lip, "Ok. Give me a minute, James."

The XO waited outside Shepard's cabin until Traynor changed into something more comfortable (a pair of the Commander's military regs from her wardrobe). They both climbed into the elevator then, and took it down to the Shuttle Bay.

"What's going on?" Traynor asked, concerned.

"Ok, don't be mad, Tray," Vega began, "But we took Shepard out last night on a Stag party...or...well, you know what I mean. A hen party... but with dudes. Anyway...The guys and I took her to Sha'ira the Consorts establishment and—"

"You what!?" Traynor exclaimed, eyes wide. "A brothel!?"

"It's not a brothel, Tray. It's just a...kinda...gentleman's club," Vega chuckled.

The elevator doors sprung open and the two of them alighted.

"Ok, let's say for argument's sake I believe that," Samantha replied, following him to the nearest Alliance Shuttle that he had evidently just vacated moments before. Cortez was still at the helm, engines still running. They jumped inside and it took off, out of the Normandy's bay. "What's this all about? Get to the point, Vega. Good Lord, as if I haven't enough to worry over today. I'm a bag of nerves!"

"Sorry," James apologised. "Ok, so Sha'ira's. We took her there, had some fun. But Sha'ira said something to her that got to her, I could tell. Then Shepard got drunk."

"Big surprise."

"Yeah. She's a bit too dependent on alcohol at the minute. We've all gotten a bit used to it during the war to be honest."

"Here, here," Samantha agreed grimly. "Just tell me what happened, James. Biggest day of my life and everything. I'm stressed out enough as it is. There's crap practically running down my leg this very second, if I'm honest."

Cortez and Vega chuckled.

"Sorry, I know this is your wedding day and all but...I'm worried about her, Samantha," Vega said, looking deeply troubled again. "She seemed perfectly fine last night, laughing and joking, then she woke up this morning and we went to get breakfast. She got quieter and quieter as the day went on, too quiet for Shepard, know what I mean? I told her I'd take her to Admiral Anderson's office to get ready for the big day, but I went to the bathroom before leaving. When I came back she was... she was gone."

"Gone?" Traynor repeated, eyes wide. Her heart stopped.

_Doesn't she want to get married anymore!? Good Lord! Am I about to get stood up in front of the entire Galaxy?_

"Don't worry," James said quickly, seeing Samantha was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, wondering if the wedding was going to take place now that one of the brides had gone missing. "It took a while but I found her. She wouldn't speak to me though. It was weird. I found her on one of the collapsed sides of the building, just standing there, staring into a vent."

"A vent?"

"Yeah," James sighed, "Weird, right? I couldn't get through to her. It was like she couldn't even hear me. Tray, do you think...do you think she needs to speak to someone...you know...about the war?"

Samantha sighed. She had been wondering this herself recently. It was clear that Commander Shepard was suffering greatly from PTSD, but she would never admit it to herself, or anyone else for that matter. Traynor had seen another side to her the last while, an irritable one. Rather than stop drinking now that the war was over, she seemed to have increased her dosage.

"I do," Traynor agreed sadly. "I really do, James. Truth be told, she's been a bit all over the place. With you one second, and then gone the next."

"It's worked well for me," Vega said, revealing in that moment that he himself had been seeing a psychologist.

"Oh, James! Why didn't you tell anyone?" Samantha gushed, stunned, throwing her arms around him. He hugged her back gratefully, his massive frame stooping low so she could get her arms around him all the way. "I guess I should have known. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's fine," he chuckled, "It's helped me out a lot, talking about it though...I guess I didn't say anything because...Well, let's just say I can see why Shepard might be putting off going. In a way, dealing with the aftermath of the war is harder that actually fighting in it. We saw a lot of fucking stuff up there. It sticks with you, man."

Traynor pulled back then, staring up at him with tears in her eyes. She gave him a kind smile and touched his cheek affectionately. "I'm glad it's helping you," she said softly, "I really am. I'm sure it took a lot of guts to go there and talk about things with a complete stranger. Once you open that wound only then can it being to heal."

"It did," James admitted, "It's still healing. I think Shepard needs it too though, Tray. I know you've been trying to get through to her, but maybe now while she's really vulnerable, it's your best shot. She'll speak to you, I know it. Listen to what she has to say. There's definitely a reason for her staring at that vent."

Sam nodded and Vega began to walk again, leading her around the side of the Alliance building. There was Commander Shepard in the distance, standing beside a collapsed section of the dilapidated carcass. James stopped, patted Samantha on the shoulder in encouragement then and left them to it.

"Shepard?" Traynor said softly, walking towards her.

The Commander jumped at the sound of her voice, having not expected to see her today until they were standing at the altar.

"Samantha! What are you—Fuck! It's bad luck to see me before the wedding!" she exclaimed.

"I think we've had all the bad luck we're going to have, darling, don't you?" Traynor giggled.

"I...I suppose," the Commander faltered. She turned away again and began to gaze at the vent of a nearby, collapsed outpost. Traynor sidled up beside her and took her hand.

"Are you ok?" she asked, following her eyes to the seemingly mundane piece of architecture.

The Commander exhaled, looking strained. Her expression became full of regret, and it was a moment or two before she answered.

"What's on your mind?" Samantha asked, wondering if the Commander would tell her this time. To her surprised, Shepard did.

"There...There was a boy," she revealed sadly, "I can't remember if I've told you about him before but...It happened when I was trying to escape Earth. Anderson and I, we came this way to try and find the Normandy, the day the Reapers landed on Earth. I remember hearing something so I doubled back. I thought perhaps another Husk, at first. I...I looked into this vent and...I saw a little boy, no older than 8, hiding...trembling with fear. I offered to help him but..."

The Commander's voice trailed off.

"Is this the boy you've been dreaming about?" Sam asked curiously. Shepard looked surprised that she'd know that. "You talk in your sleep, sweetheart. I'm just putting two and two together."

"Oh...Yes," Shepard admitted, "I've been having nightmares about him since leaving Earth, but...fuck..."

"But what?" Sam prompted, seeing the helpless look in Shepard's eyes. She took a deep breath and shook her head in regret, glancing up at the sky as though seeing it all play out again in front of her. Vancouver held nothing but old memories for her, ones that she would rather forget.

"He didn't listen to me, Samantha. The next time I saw him, he was climbing aboard one of the escape shuttles taking people to safety...It never made it," Shepard continued with great difficulty, "_He_...never made it."

She closed her eyes tightly and winced, reliving it all again, the grief crashing down upon her in relentless waves. Traynor felt helpless. She squeezed the Commander's scarred hand, letting her know she was there for her.

"I'm sorry. That must have been hard for you to see."

The Commander shook her head again then, this time not in disbelief, but in denial. "That's just the thing though," she said, gritting her teeth. "I-I don't know if I really did see it, Samantha. I don't know if any of it was even real."

"Of course it was!" Sam encouraged, "It's survivors guilt you have, Shepard, that's all. It's completely normal to feel this way!"

"How do I know it wasn't just the Reapers playing tricks on my mind?" Shepard asked helplessly. Evidently this is what she had really been struggling with since the end of the war. She wasn't sure what reality even was any more.

_Those Reapers really did a number on you, didn't they, darling?_

Traynor placed a comforting hand on her lower back then, caressing it gently, hoping that it would calm her and bring her back. "Look at me," Samantha said. "Look at me!"

She touched Shepard's face and guided it in her direction. Shepard's eyes were bloodshot from the alcohol she had consumed the night before, and empty...dead, like there was nothing behind them apart from the orange glow of her synthetic implants. She had fallen into some state of shock. The trauma she was suffering from was tormenting her, wearing her down relentlessly.

"It's our wedding day," Samantha reminded her gently, "We're getting married today, remember? Isn't this what you wanted?"

"It is," Shepard nodded, "But I'm afraid, Samantha...I...I'm afraid that the person you loved is gone and that all I am now is an empty shell. How could I do that to you?"

Traynor's brown eyes filled with tears then. "You're not an empty shell," she implored, "I can see who you are behind the pain, Shepard, and I promise you, it will get easier. It won't be long before you start to see it yourself, and I will be with you every step of the way."

This seemed to give Shepard a new lease of life. Her unfocused eyes had a bit more about them and she nodded determinedly. Traynor leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her lips, hoping it would suffice. She just couldn't put into words how much she loved her in that moment, but knew there would be time for that later.

"You're right. I..I'm being silly. Let's go get married," Shepard said, meeting Samantha's eyes. She touched the dogtags she had placed around her neck in proposal, in what seemed like another lifetime ago. "The whole universe is waiting for us."

"Well then," Traynor grinned, clutching Shepard's hand close to her heart, and a fierce passion burning in her eyes. "Let's not keep them waiting."

**Epilogue**

Samantha Traynor lay sprawled on her back atop the lush green grass, staring up at the scarred sky, inhaling the fresh morning air and enjoying the slight breeze as it tickled across her face. It was beautiful here. Peaceful. Best of all peaceful. She couldn't remember the last time she had just...remained still. Done nothing. For once her mind was no longer preoccupied. It was free...and that was...strange. Free. Even now, she couldn't fully come to terms with the concept. Civilian life had taken some getting used to after everything that had happened. Even during the day, in the blinding sun on an island in the Seychelles, the effects of the Reaper War were tauntingly visible, haunting those who couldn't escape them. For there _was_ no escape from them, no matter how much they wanted, and none wanted it more Commander Shepard.

Feeling Shepard's fingers squeeze hers then, Traynor turned to her right and glanced at her through her sunglasses.

"Are you alright, darling?" she asked softly, squeezing her fingers back in response, letting her know she was still by her side. Shepard answered her with a long exhale, her chest rising and falling in once swift motion.

"This is hard," Shepard whispered hoarsely, still staring up at the concoction of firework-like scars that were shimmering through the vast blue above them. A tear trickled down the side of the Commander's face from under her own sunglasses. "I never thought..."

Her voice trailed off. She didn't need to finish the sentence, for Samantha knew what she was thinking.

_She never thought she'd see any of this again. _

"It's real, Hayley," Samantha consoled her, stroking the back of her hand gently, "It's all real...We made it."

She heard Shepard inhale sharper then, and saw more tears slide out from beneath her spectacles, streaming down the side of her face in streaks. Commander Shepard had completely and utterly broken down. She had nothing left to shield herself with anymore. Her guard was finally gone. Traynor sat up and reached over, taking the woman's glasses off, seeing her emerald green eyes swimming in floods of years worth of pent up emotion. Shepard bit her bottom lip as she cried tears of joy and pain, trying and failing to keep herself together. She wasn't able to bring herself to look at Samantha, instead staring up at the sky as though she had never seen anything so beautiful in all her life.

Without saying a word, Traynor leaned down and pressed her lips against hers, closing her eyes and feeling the Commander calm in her arms. When she opened her eyelids, she found Shepard finally staring back at her, the real Shepard, not the heavily shielded one she had come to know. Shepard touched her cheek, stroking it gently as though not believing Samantha's words even though the proof lay in front of her.

"Real..." she repeated, searching Samantha's soft brown eyes for the truth. Traynor smiled down at her, blinking slowly in response. Finally the Commander grinned, like she never had before, as though the realisation had come to her at last that they were saved.

"You did it," Sam whispered, full of nothing but the utmost admiration for her.

"We did it," the Commander corrected. "Together...We're both Shepards now, don't forget."

Samantha giggled. "That's still going to take some getting used to," she admitted, a little embarrassed. "I don't feel like I'm worthy of such a great name. Everyone in the Galaxy knows who we are...knows what we've done."

"May they never forget it," Shepard said, a familiar shadow crossing her face then, "For I won't."

"I know, darling," Sam said, fiddling with the Commander's short red hair. "I know you won't...But I'm going to help you try nonetheless."

Shepard grew distant then, clamming up. She had been like this ever since the wedding and Samantha knew it was her PTSD, attacking her, killing every fleeting feeling of happiness that surged up through the blackness and filling her with doubt and regret. Thankfully Shepard had begun to get some counselling at Samantha's bequest. Doctor Chakwas agreed to do it, as she was the only medically-trained person Shepard completely trusted. It had helped a little, but it was a long process, and she still suffered on days like today when it all became too much for her. Samantha released her then, and lay back down on the grass, allowing the Commander to sit up straight, withdrawing from her as she did every time she could feel the Reapers creeping back up on her.

"I'll never be free of them completely, will I?" Shepard's hoarse voice asked, as she leaned on her knees, pulling bits of the grass up out of the soil.

Sam stared her back, seeing the Commander creek her neck uncomfortably, as stress stole yet another precious moment away from them.

"No," she admitted, wishing she could have given her a better answer. Sam began to well up a little herself then, as she lay her head back down on the grass, resuming her gaze up into space. "They'll always be a part of you..."

"Then what's the point in any of this, Samantha?" Shepard sighed, shaking her head. "I won everyone's life back but my own."

"And that's why we're going to make a new one."

The Commander turned back to her then, wondering what she meant. "I don't want...I mean...I don't think I could bring a child into this world, Samantha, if that's what you mean, especially not a child bearing the name of Shepard."

Sam scoured the sun through her shades. "It isn't," she promised, having already had this conversation before when they were on their short honeymoon and knowing Hayley would have loved to give her one. Only problem was Shepard didn't have the emotional availability to raise a child now, thanks to all that she had been through. "I meant for ourselves," Samantha continued, "We're going to make a new life for ourselves."

"I'm an old soldier, Sam," Shepard replied, "A relic. I'm broken...I don't think there's anything that can fix that."

"You're wrong," Sam said, getting to her feet then and smiling. "I know something that will."

She was staring at a visitor in the distance, one that she had been expecting all day. Confused, the Commander followed, jogging across the garden after her to the white picket fence that surrounded them. Her vision wasn't as long-sighted as it had been before the war, retinas scarred by Reaper beams. Samantha watched her approach, and saw as the realisation of what Shepard was seeing then registered in her eyes. The Commander fell to her knees, holding out her arms as a majestic German Shepherd puppy bounded across the garden towards her, its ears flopping comically at having been let off the leash by Doctor Chakwas. Shepard was knocked over by the force, and the dog began to lick her face over and over, making her laugh like Samantha had never heard her laugh before. She rolled around on the grass, rubbing the little dog's belly and allowing it to nip her hand playfully, growling at her.

"She's amazing!" Shepard gushed, looking suddenly more carefree again. "What's her name?"

"You tell me," Doctor Chakwas said, having finally caught up with them. "She's yours."

"Mine?"

Shepard laughed and got to her feet then, with the puppy still jumping and bounding all over, already in love with her.

"Ours," Samantha corrected, wearing a huge grin. "I arranged for Karin to find one while we were on our honeymoon."

"It took a little longer than expected," Chakwas informed them, "but finally we got there. Good timing too seeing as you have just moved into your new place."

Shepard looked from one to the other then met Samantha's eyes. Suddenly she jumped to her feet and scooped Samantha off hers, spinning her around before kissing her full on the lips, trying to put her thanks into words. Sam's heart fluttered as she stood in her embrace, and she felt the knee-high dog jump up and down around them, seemingly happy with its new owners. Doctor Chakwas chuckled.

"I'll leave you three to it," she said contentedly. "I just came by to drop her off. Joker's waiting for me in the Normandy. We'll give you some time alone to get settled."

"Thanks, Karin. We'll see you soon," Sam said.

"Wait!" Shepard called, as she went to walk away. Chakwas turned back. Without another word, Shepard flung her arms around the old woman and hugged her dearly. Doctor Chakwas looked stunned at first, but that soon turned to happiness, and she closed her eyes, smiling at the affectionate gesture.

"Thank you," Shepard said. "For everything. You've been there from day one. I couldn't have done it alone."

"I know you have another mother, Commander," Chakwas said tearfully, "But I've always considered you something of a daughter myself."

"I know," Shepard replied truthfully, "And thank you."

"You've made me so proud," the doctor gushed.

"I'm glad. You and Admiral Anderson have done more for me than anyone in my entire life. I wouldn't be here without you, Karin," Shepard said, her voice cracking with emotion.

Samantha couldn't believe Shepard was finally opening up. It was wonderful to see the true woman under all that armor finally rise to the surface and show herself. She watched as the Doctor bade her goodbyes while looking rather tearful, and then Samantha found herself wrapped in her wife's arms again, the two of them alone in the garden with their new dog for company.

"So what do you think?" Samantha asked, as she stood in the Commander's embrace, their faces resting together intimately.

"I can't believe you did this," Shepard smiled, "It's been a long time since I've had something that resembles a real family, Samantha. I'm...overwhelmed."

"Let's name our new baby, shall we?" Sam joked. They both stared down at the hyperactive puppy who was barking at them, demanding their attention. "What do you think? Is she a Lady? A Cody? Or how about a Wrex?"

They both laughed.

"Definitely not a Wrex...Let's see...How about...Legion?" Shepard suggested, kneeling down and taking the dogs face in her hands.

The German Shepherd barked in response.

"Legion it is," Samantha chuckled, taking that as a yes. "Legion Shepard."

"This unit does have a soul," Shepard muttered quietly, almost to herself.

Legion barked again and when the Commander straightened up, bounded away, running across the garden towards the white house in the distance. The dog picked up a stick that had fallen from the tree, and brought it back to Shepard, who immediately took it and began to play. Samantha leaned against the white picket fence, and watch from afar, smiling to herself, unable to believe that everything she had hoped for since leaving Earth had come true. The little nerd who had found herself aboard the Normandy by nothing more than chance had succeeded against all odds and won her heart's desire. Commander Shepard was hers, for the rest of their lives. They had survived the war. They were now a family. And nothing, not even the blasted Reapers, could take that away from them.


End file.
